idk
hi IDk what exactly what i want to write in this post but tonight i just feel like posting something I can look back on and think why tf did I do that????
ANyway I just read Jess’ 2019 summary and I want to kinda do something similar but maybe not go into so much detail cos that bitch is like a 4U English student.
2019 was a very long a$$ year for me. Mainly because it was the first in a very very long time that I had been unemployed. B dot com was my first real corporate job. I got a real taste of office life, and to be honest, I loved it. Being in the city amongst other adults, and working during office hours is something I absolutely loved because it felt like I had made it. The people I chose to surround myself with also made it 1000x better. ALSO omg I got to travel with expenses covered like yas free holidays am i rite ladies??? To top it all off, I had a steady flow of income. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for me to be able to spend freely. Unfortunately all of these good things still couldn’t make me stay.
Unemployment started off fine. I thought I had done the right thing by quitting a job that made me miserable. As the weeks passed and I was still stuck at home while everyone was on the 9-5 grind, I became more and more aware of the fact that I was a vegetable. A useless lil vegetable...like celery or something (yuk). To this day, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life and it’s scary. I was (and still am) struggling to find the motivation to focus on self-development and ultimately figure out where I want to be in the next few years. To add to that, working @ sp*csav*rs is making me feel too comfortable because money is once again flowing into my account.
The decision to accept the offer to work at Sp*csav*rs was a very difficult one. On top of the LOONNGG commute time, taking the job felt like I was taking a big step back into the world of retail (which I thought I had left behind in 2018). Customer service is a field I’ve been working in since I got my first job, and I am so done with all the different kinds of fuckwits you’d find in a retail environment. Taking the job made me super sad. Day after day I’d come home so exhausted that I wouldn’t even have the energy to start thinking of what I want to do with my career, so I’d be even MORE miserable and it was just a sad vicious cycle. Fast forward to today and.....yeah I’m still pretty fucking lost :( but I have grown to enjoy the company of my workmates and accept that maybe this is what I need for a while before I have my next big realisation.
My UH-MAY-ZING support network has helped me understand and accept that quitting B dot com was the best thing I could have done for myself, because it’s the first step in moving forward and figuring out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Taking this job doesn’t mean I’ll be dealing with I-am-the-customer-respect-me-pls customers for the rest of my life. I don’t think I give myself enough credit for all the things I have done for myself to reach this point, and this year I want to be more confident in my decisions.
i KNOW this post is v random pls forgive me this is literally my first ever wall-of-text blog post. If you’re reading I hope you have an amazing 2020 and who knows maybe i’ll write another one soon idk i’ll see how i feel :P
peace out ladies
