High🍃 and Bi✨ @hiandbai-aid - Tumblr Blog

Oh shit sorry my cats fell asleep on ur dash. Yea u can kiss their heads

i BURST OUT laughing at this and when my dad in the next room asked "what's so funny" i said "nothing i can explain succinctly"

heardbook

Torment

larkstonguesinaspicpart1

Reddit sucks

nessa007

me every minute of every day:

ponymagnets

poppiesforthirteen

hey so your boyfriend died and came back normal. yeah sorry i know you were looking forward to seeing how death shaped him but he's no different from before. he might actually be a little more well adjusted now. i can kill him again if you like? no? okay. sorry again

catchymemes

ironwoman359

This is the greatest thing

professorsparklepants

Hovering dad epidemic

gorbling

you go to block a porn bot and it has a picture of you as its icon

spawn room

friendly reminder that Nikola Tesla proposed using the ionosphere to do this on a global scale over a century ago and the only reason we don’t have that setup today is because capitalists wouldn’t be able to make money off it

ingdamnit

also because on his first experiment with the concept he blew out a power plant generator and killed a few horses

southdownswitch

shit happens

play-now-my-lord

GORDON RAMSAY: Alright, mate. I'll forgive the cockup with the soup course, but I want that caprese salad, and if there's any more forbidden knowledge of the future in it I'm going to need words with the chef de cuisine ME: Absolutely, chef. We have your caprese salad coming out now *additional member of waitstaff brings out a dish on one hand, and lifts the cloche to reveal basil leaves, fresh mozzarella, and slices of San Marzano tomato artfully arranged to spell out "MARCH 15, 2048 - AUTO ACCIDENT"* GORDON RAMSAY: Hold on a moment. Is that when and how I die? ME: I don't know, chef. It seems at odds with the concept of free will that knowing such a thing would even be possible GORDON RAMSAY: Not even through the antipasti and I'm already being asked to subscribe to a non-deterministic universe. Fuck me

robert-hadley

A FOSSIL STINGRAY WITH SMALL FISH - GREEN RIVER, WYOMING

Source: sotheby’s.com

amygdalae

Keying/graffiti-ing someones car is old news now if someone cheats we go at their wardrobe with a seam ripper

yknow what? Fuck you *unstitches all your shirts and jeans*

melyzard

My mother did this to my father once. They got into an argument, my very pregnant and hormonal mother stormed off…except they lived in a tiny apartment so the only place to go was to shut herself into the closet for a good long sulk. And while she was sitting in there, fuming, she looked up and saw her sewing kit on the shelf, and all my father’s uniforms hanging right there.

So she picked one shirt and one pair of trousers, carefully, methodically ripped every third stitch out of every seam, and then hung them back up together so that he would be likely to pick them at the same time. This took her a couple hours, so by the time she was done, the anger had worn down. She came out, she and my father had a talk that ended in apologies, after which they were tired and went to bed. My mother swears up and down that she meant to warn my father about the sabotaged clothes in the morning, but he wore a different uniform set and they were both still feeling a little raw, so she didn’t want to bring up the fight again. She decided to tell him that night instead.

And then she forgot.

Anyway, about four days later, my father apparently came home roughly an hour after he left for work, his clothes slowly, gently shredding off his body, the most bewildered expression on his face. “Paula,” he said, his voice mildly shell-shocked. “Paula, my clothes are broken.”

My mother promptly burst out laughing so hard that she went into labor. And that’s the story of my birth, heralded by petty vengeance and utter confusion.