[tastefullyoffensive]

[assassinationtipsforladies]

Fun fact: Dolly Parton is not blonde. All her blonde dos are wigs. When she goes out with her husband, because he doesn’t want to be in the public eye, she has her real hair and wears more typical middle aged southern lady outfits and people just…. Don’t recognise her. She just Clark Kents her way into maintaining a private life.

[lotad-sombrero]

[hippity-hoppity-brigade]

OSCAR DOES NOT GET ENOUGH INTERNET FAME AS THE BEST GAY REPRESENTATION IN THE WORKPLACE

[ecchifortheplot]

[croix-meridies]

I keep getting right wing scare ads on YouTube 🙄🙄🙄

[croix-meridies]

“It’s only a matter of time before socialist healthcare dismantles your private insurance”

[whitepeopletwitter]

[lorem64]

I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!

[ankaa-avarshina]

Two words: Raw eggs.

[lorem64]

?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

[ankaa-avarshina]

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

[phantoms-lair]

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.

MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.

Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.

Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.

[crayyola-deactivated20220827]

Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

[antique-scarecrow]

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???

[kingantlion-deactivated20231130]

Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?

[thesevenumbrellas]

Supporting bisexuals is ace culture

[missmagooglie]

Supporting aces is bisexual culture

[gif87a-com]

[zukosgay]

is germany okay

[soloontherocks]

oh scheiße

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

This isn’t quite how I imagined the second coming of Christ.

[ilovemosss]

oh scheiße 😂😂

[whitepeopletwitter]

[captcreate-deactivated20251226]

[8bitnatsuki-deactivated20200525]

So my grandmother passed recently, and I got her will

My birth father was always a piece of shit, always stealing from his mother and ditching his kids whenever he could, I got to his part of the will and

Grammy had the last laugh

[battlefalcon]

This is actually done for legal reasons. If Chad was excluded from the will entirely, he could make the case that he was supposed to be included but was forgotten, and get a big chunk of the estate. By explicitly giving him $1, it shows he wasn’t forgotten so he doesnt have a case.

[the-all-seer]

Making a note for the future

[unbotheredmuse]

[wedding-shemp]

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

golf sucks but mini golf is fucking awesome....truly one of life's great paradoxes

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

golf:

wastes crazy amounts of space and water

soul-crushingly boring

extremely frustrating to all but the highest level of players (most golfers will never even shoot par)

prohibitively expensive (golf clubs are very costly and one round of golf can cost $100+)

mini golf:

18 holes will fit into an area the size of a small park; most courses use astroturf, which doesn't even require water

a fun game of skill to challenge your friends to

easy to get into, but difficult to master

cheap (you and your friends can probably play for like, $20)

BONUS: cool obstacles and gimmicks (windmills, water features, secret holes, etc.)

[creekfiend]

Golf: completely fucking silent practically on pain of death

Mini golf: dunking on ppl while theyre taking a shot is pretty much required

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

I almost threw my phone.

[hospitalroom]

Oh my god

[draco50]

I thought it was going to be a jumpscare maze, but it was far worse.

[marsapartment]

I’m HOLLERING, CLARK!

“If you would be so kind as to h*cking Perish”

[jormundgandr]

That’s the face of a man that could turn his opponents hand into strawberry jam, but he’s not listening to that part even though it’s really convincing

[worldoffizz]

That face says “Is that all you have, my good bitch?”

[jinks050]

Same energy

[nentuaby]

My favorite thing about this sequence is that my dude could absolutely be doped to the gills on Red Kryptonite right here and the outcome of this exchange literally would not change one bit.

[shitpostgenerator]

destroy the moon

[gracehargreevesarchive-deactiva]

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]