Holdy Caulfield

I love books, films, writing, sci-fi, vintage and music. Trekkie. Photographer. Art enthusiast.

[holdy-caulfield]

Some information about me (since I’m getting followers I decided to post it).

I am also active on my other blog, @sad-trekkie-life. That blog is dedicated to Star Trek.

I like (classic) sci-fi (main reason why I started watching Star Trek), both watching and reading.

This blog supposed to be my personal about books I am reading and classical paintings I like. Here I will be focusing more on dark / light academia vibe, photography, literature reviews (including ST books), music, & occasional Star Trek content.

I am also a hobby writer, and a fanfiction writer as well… I did not write fanfiction for a while now, and Star Trek made me to return to this little enjoyment. I am however writing in my native language, but I will try to translate it. In fanfiction I prefer portraying characters as close to the originals as possible.

As for my own original works, I write mostly character driven stories in genres of sci-fi and light fantasy/magical realism.

I am also currently studying at the university.

I’m diagnosed autistic, and diagnosed ADHD which is certainly not surprising at all.

Fandoms I’m in currently:

• Star Trek (obviously) — (very) active participant.

• Jeeves & Wooster (books, stories & BBC 90s show) — active participant.

• The Mentalist — active participant

• Doctor Who (1-12th Doctors, probably will return to 15th if I hear good things from fans. 13th Doctor’s seasons were just bad, added lore ruined the character, IMO. But 15th Doctor’s casting is 10/10) — passive participant (reading, watching, will see if I’ll post something).

• Sherlock (BBC) (4th season doesn’t exist in my head) — passive, occasional rewatcher, semi-regular fanfiction reader.

• House MD (also my comfort show) — occasionally active, mostly passive.

• The Beatles — active participant, but not as active as years ago.

• The Monkees — active participant

• Britpop — one of my special interests.

Not really in a fandom, but Columbo in my opinion is the best mystery show to exist.

Thanks to everyone who follows my little silly blog(s)!

[holdy-caulfield]

Winter days in Netherlands still look like autumn.

[holdy-caulfield]

Autumn days postcards.

[holdy-caulfield]

September postcards.

Went to grannies, cats are theirs. Doggo is mine.

[holdy-caulfield]

Thank you @betty-fran for tagging me in this music game. To be honest I don’t really listen to random playlists, and I rarely save individual songs. I am an album kind of person, I save albums, and I listen to mostly albums, and if I have a playlist, then it’s a specific theme, so it was… A task. But I did it.

Rules: Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first 5 songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for the one they like most...

I don’t think I have enough followers to vote, so I’ll also rumble about these songs. My music taste is very broad, as I am open to different genres.

What song from my library do you like the most?

My Heart is Broken by Evanescence (2011) (gothic metal)

Lay Down by DMA’s (2016) ([International] Britpop, indie rock)

Lorelei by Cocteau Twins (1984) (ethereal wave, shoegaze)

Daughter by Four Tet (2017) (trip hop, IDM)

Green, Green Grass of Home by Tom Jones (1967) (country, traditional pop)

Voting ended onOct 19, 2025

The first song My Heart is Broken is from the 2011 eponymous album by Evanescence, an American gothic metal band popular in the 2000s among both emo and gothic subcultures. My rocker dad (my biggest musical taste influence) loves this band and introduced me to them. This album is my favorite album by them to this day. I really like Amy Lee’s beautiful emotional operatic mezzo voice. At first, I thought the lyrics of this song were “edgy”, but the delivery is what made this song great to me. Amy could sing ABC and I’ll pay money for it you know. But after I learned that the song was inspired by sex trafficking victims lyrics made much more sense and I realized they are haunting & tragic.

Funny enough, but I loved this band before I started associating myself with goth subculture (I’m what I call a “casual goth” or “postpunker” in a way, that I am more oriented on music and philosophy and I don’t always dress goth as it’s not about fashion and I prefer dressing more subtly).

Lay Down from the debut album Hills End by Australian band DMA’s, who sound like a British band on purpose. They play in the genre called Britpop Revival (probably self-called) which is based on the 1990s British indie rock subculture/scene. Which was basically rock music and style emphasizing “Britishness” as a reaction to grunge subculture and music which came from the USA. You probably know Oasis, The Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve? It’s all Britpop. I call the genre/style DMA’S are playing “International Britpop”. There are/were a lot of bands that were deliberately playing in the genre/style of Britpop, including the whole active Britpop scene of Slavic countries, especially Ukraine and Russia (Druha Rika (Ukrainian), Mumiy Troll (Russian)). Other prime examples of this “subgenre” are The Cardigans (Swedish), 90s Eels (American), and 90s No Doubt (American).

Lorelei from the album Treasure is also recent, and Cocteau Twins are one of my current favourite bands and I still think it’s one of the most beautiful songs ever written. They were a Scottish band playing mostly in postpunk, shoegaze/ethereal goth (wave), and dream pop genres. They are one of the most important figures in gothic subculture (although as always people like to argue whether they are goth or not. They are. Most of the gothic bands were/are playing shoegaze/dream pop, as it is a postpunk subgenre, and gothic rock is a postpunk sub-genre and I mean the term “ethereal goth” has literally “goth” in it).

Daughter by English musician Kieran Hebden (known as Four Tet) is interesting. Since you may have noticed I appreciate very different music here and I love electronica, of what I call “non dance music” (IDM despite its name not really a dance music). This piece is trip hop, in my opinion is melancholy, dream-like, and ambient, and also very reminiscent of Massive Attack while also reminding me of Radiohead and Thom Yorke’s solo, who are one of my favorite bands/musicians (although some stuff around Radiohead/Thom recently a bit ruined the vibe for me but it’s a separate and private conversation I am not willing to share here). I love trip hop, I love experimental electronic music, so Kieran Hebden is a big recommendation from me for those, who love electronic “non dance” music.

Finally another prominent side of me — my love of vintage, especially the 60s and 70s. Green, Green Grass of Home from the album of the same name by Tom Jones. Tom Jones is a Welsh singer who is one of the most recognizable voices of that era. I do like vintage country, and I don’t listen to contemporary country often (I do dig what Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Rohan are doing with a genre and I loved the experimental approach to country of Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter although some songs are meh). Green, Green Grass of Home is one of the country staples. While Johnny Cash’s version is my favourite (Johnny is my favourite country singer simply because of his voice) what I love about Tom Jones’ version is that it isn’t really screaming “country”, it’s more of a pop ballad and can be appreciated by those who hate country. It’s very 60s and it’s very sentimental.

I don't know who to tag, so everyone can participate. If you do not want to participate you can ignore it, but I love learning about different music tastes!

Tagging @very-bad-poetry-captain, @self-made-purgatories, @shybetazoid, @lichqueenlibrarian, @readytospock, @subcutaneous-transponder.

[holdy-caulfield]

This was literally the best evening of my life so I want to post it here as well.

I’ve been an Oasis fan since I was a teenager. I vividly remember the moment I discovered them. I was very into The Beatles. In some discussions of the songs that sounded like the Beatles someone mentioned Don’t Look Back In Anger by Oasis. I decided to check it out and was pleasantly surprised by how much it sounded like it belonged to Abby Road without being exactly a copy. I remember thinking Noel looking like Lennon with his glasses, having tortured artist aura (turned out to be true) while presenting himself in that video very confidently. The music video reminded me so much of home despite being foreign.

But I didn’t think too much of it in the moment, but in my head Oasis were some hardcore Beatles fans and this added to sense of familiarity evoked in me (I mean, they are hardcore Beatles fans).

One day I saw Wonderwall thumbnail and you won’t believe it but I clicked because Liam looked like George Harrison on it (people don’t talk about it enough btw). As a hardcore Beatles fan I also thought of GH because of Wonderwall album by George Harrison & people for some reason tend to ignore this reference. So since I already made my acquaintance with Don’t Look Back… “Oasis are fellow beatlemaniacs” was a strong association

I remember that first I thought that Liam’s voice and manner is slightly annoying, but unusual, unique with so much attitude and charisma, so I found myself going back to this song. And I still think that the music video is very good. I thought that that song has this very strong sense of fragility and melancholy but since it became a joke people don’t fully realize it.

So I decided to check out the whole album. I remember I was just walking in the small city alone in the summer listening to it and feeling that the atmosphere of my life has changed. I don’t think I experienced that with any other band, not even with Beatles or Blur. I recommend (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? to my sister and she also was hooked. Since then I went very much into whole britpop, and still am an avid enthusiast of this movement.

I started getting into other albums, I recognized their 2000s songs that were playing on the radio in my home country when I was a baby, I loved also albums that are disliked by fans (Dig Out Your Soul for example).

As every other fan obviously I was very much into the whole Gallagher drama/relationship (tbh they could be very much… weird sometimes) and what also attracted me to the whole britpop movement that despite like every other fan base people taking stuff too seriously sometimes nobody was worshipping people. It all was just balanced. “Those people are jerks/weirdos/etc but at least they are honest”. I’d say Gallaghers are epitome of “charming bastard” or “sympathetic bastard”. I mean, honesty and not being too serious is attractive. I won’t be getting much into their personalities but I am one of those people who think that without their character they wouldn’t be so special. Also they need therapy but oh well.

I always however felt that brothers will reunite eventually, there were way too many rumors and Liam was way outspoken about it and just since Liam’s Why Me? Why Not? vibe had shifted. A year before the announcement Damon Albarn said that he knows they will be performing again. So it did feel like it was just a matter of time. Still I never thought I’d ever see them live.

It’s obvious and predictable to say I was very happy and celebratory when the news dropped. I remember the feeling when the whole world was celebrating. And I don’t think that I ever saw and experienced so much international hype and excitement because of music in my life. My parents don’t get it but it’s a matter of “you had to be there”.

And because my sister is an unusually lucky person she won the ballot and we scored the tickets on a very normal price. When the next day chaos ensued we felt both sorry for desperate fans but also drank a lot of tea and coffee that day.

The whole year felt like an ongoing celebration. Then I also learned the opening acts of the gig. I know and enjoy both Cast and The Verve and think The Verve is one of the best bands from UK (not the only one however). It had to be a true britpop event.

So, we went to Scotland to see them in Edinburgh. Again, I’ll repeat myself but have you ever thought that there will be a national holiday because of the band? Whole city was feasting. People sang songs on the streets. People would approach me and say “see you at the stadium”. Amount of people wearing merch was both exiting and funny. People wore britpop clothes, and Adidas I think has one of the best selling years right now. Whole city wore a uniform.

Cast was amazing, Richard Ashcroft was magical. I almost cried during his performance. I don’t think I ever saw a better opening act. He’s just so effortlessly cool. He’s just so sincere. Singing along to his personal songs with a choir of thousands sent me to tears. I swear even birds would dance under the clouds when Bitter Sweet Symphony came.

Also shout out to the man in front of us who was having the best day of his life with coffee or tea in his hands. True fan and a true fun. I want to be friends with you even though you’re my dad’s age.

Then Oasis came. It was legendary. I screamed and sang to every song I knew all the lyrics of every sang song by heart with all these people. I didn’t sit once because I was so excited. And it was so beautiful to see them again, see them live, see them hugging after all these years. After all these years when I only watched docs and read books and watched their concerts online I was there, looking at them, real people, just real, imperfect humans who made millions of lives just a little bit better, who made the country and cities and this city celebrating, feeling sense of community despite being a foreigner, and there was me singing along with thousands of people in unison. I never experienced anything like it. And I don’t think I’ll ever experience it again. It was the most beautiful night. It made me really happy. It made me forget about my problems and made me feel just like I was in those pictures, docs and concert recordings. My life has changed once again just like that summer day years ago.

God, how much I love music.

How much I love britpop.

How much I love Oasis.

Mad fer it. It is really happening.

[holdy-caulfield]

Postcards from Scotland.

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Skies of Italy.

[holdy-caulfield]

Catch up game ✨

Thank you @betty-fran for tagging me in this!

Last song I listened to. Currently I experience a crisis or “listening block” in a way I can’t find a music band or artist to obsess with beside my 6 year obsession with Blur, which for melomaniac like me is quite tragic. I think it’s because of depression? Since music is the most precious art form to me, I’ll wait till the life joys will deign to once shimmer on my path again. BUT recently I’ve been finally getting into something, this week it is Matt Maltese, a British-Canadian indie singer-songwriter and composer, mostly creating in chamber pop genre. His music is soft, melancholic & piano driven, lyrics often combine poetry with “kitchen sink drama” lyrics. Last song I listened to was Hello Black Dog by Matt Maltese.

Favorite color. I will stay true to myself and say green. I also like black & brown. Mostly I’m wearing earthy colors.

Currently watching. I’m still watching Star Trek TOS because I’m trying to watch it as slow as possible. I don’t have any other shows I’m watching. Probably will watch Andor & Firefly soon. I also started watching Minority Report by Steven Spielberg, which is a sci-fi mystery inspired by a short story of one of my favourite sci-fi writers Phillip K Dick. I started watching it at 1 am so I hope I’ll finish watching it today. I’m also continuing watching French New Wave & Italian neorealism films, both were movements of film auteurs — independent filmmakers of second part of 20th century focusing on experimentation, self-expression& realism.

Last movie. Les Parapluies de Cherbourg by Jacques Demy. It’s a very famous “musical” (although I’d call it rather opera). The film doesn’t contain any traditional dialogue, instead characters only sing. I loved the subtlety of it, the realism and sympathy towards every character.

Currently reading. I’m still reading Citadel by A. J. Cronin which takes forever because it’s very long and I often get distracted by reading something else, although the novel is very compelling, surprisingly relatable with great characters, including great female character. I’m also reading Worm by John C. “Wildbow” McCrae which also has to take forever since it’s huge, it’s a famous “web” novel which combines sci-fi with superhero fiction, known for its originality and gripping plot. This week I read The Man Who Was Thursday by F.K.Chesterton, a philosophical novel which I’d call an allegory. I enjoyed it very much. It combined humor with philosophy/poetry, theology and a great plot idea itself although I did roll my eyes by the weird mentions of women. I think I will reread it since the ending makes the whole story a parabolic reflection on different kind of relationship of people with God, and since I didn’t know it, I read it more as a suspense literature with philosophical, quirky side and not a metaphor. I also plan to read some sci-fi, most probably Blindsight by Peter Watts. I tried to read it before but got very confused with very scientific ideas which I don’t really understand due to my confusing education history. As it is a hard science fiction but I also have heard it’s deeply philosophical which as you can tell I appreciate the most in literature.

Coffee or tea. I think I like both. I always liked coffee, and in my fatherland tea culture is sublime although where I live now tea isn’t the best. Slavic shops for the win.

Sweet/savory/spicy. 100% sweet, I can eat a lot of candies. Which isn’t best for my skin but fortunately lately I’ve been able to eat much less.

Relationship status. I’m single. My first and currently only relationship ended up in November and I am not able to date yet as I haven’t let go of it just yet. Blooming youth makes it harder what the older and wiser will not look back to.

Looking forward to. I have a lot of going on right now. My sister is getting married, and right after this I’ll be going with her and her husband to Oasis concert which is mad (fer it) and still I can’t believe I’ll see them live although I kind of knew they will be back since Damon Albarn mentioned that.

Current obsessions. Star Trek TOS quite obviously. Blur & britpop didn’t go anywhere too.

Last googled. “Public spectacles in Ancient Greece”, “Public spectacles in Ancient Rome”. I was writing my TOS fanfic and started comparing a place the characters are in with Colosseum and got sidetracked.

Last thing you ate and really enjoyed. I like food, although I don’t eat much recently. But this week an Italian pizza in a more-expensive-than-usual place was very good. Also Mexican tacos I made myself turned out amazing.

Currently working on. I have a bunch of projects. I have this university project which has little to do with the education I’m doing, as it’s a music video for my professor, which was very fun to film. Also I have to design some print work for my sister’s wedding, edit photos and prepare for her wedding photoshoot. I also have to update my portfolio and try to learn programming before the second year of my education starts.

With more of a personal projects - I write this Star Trek TOS novel with a co-author, the title can be translated as The Concord of Tuneless Sound (the title is taken/inspired by Shakespeare’s 8th sonnet, since Shakespeare works are often used in Star Trek TOS & I believe TNG) and I have a few original works in development, currently focusing on one of them, which is titled The Beauty of A Broken Time.

As I’d like to finish two things instead of starting a dozen and not finish anything. If a muse will suddenly grand me her blessed, indulgent visit I might write a short story, original or Star Trek TOS one.

The mentioned original story is a combination of surrealism and science fiction, and a first longer story of mine from the perspective of a female character. It’s character-driven with shorter chapters.

TOS novel has pretty long chapters which I didn’t expect to turn out like this. I’m trying to be as accurate as possible while combining philosophy, worldbuilding and hard science fiction elements while focusing on the dynamics of the darlings of my heart (ST TOS trio).

I don’t know who to tag, anyone can do it (tag me if you do) if you want, but I’ll tag @very-bad-poetry-captain, @self-made-purgatories, @shybetazoid, @lichqueenlibrarian, @readytospock, @subcutaneous-transponder. Thanks again for tagging me @betty-fran, I love these little forms!

[holdy-caulfield]

Forest town quiet days & evenings.

[holdy-caulfield]

Huis Doorn

[holdy-caulfield]

Spring days.

[tprung]

star trek is poetic cinema etc.

[holdy-caulfield]

Finally someone appreciates cinematography of Star Trek as much as I do.

[eirene]

The Wyndham Sisters; Lady Elcho, Mrs. Adeane, and Mrs. Tennant, 1899 John Singer Sargent

[poboh]

Portrait of a reading Young Woman, Bertha Wegmann. Danish (1847 - 1926)

[holdy-caulfield]

Jeeves being a mood: a moodboard.

[lovely-trek]

[holdy-caulfield]

This is why I am saying he’s my boyfriend in my Instagram bio.