rating hole your horses (champion edition)
hole your horses is a physics-based horse dressage arcade game where you have to line your horse up with the hole in the wall. you manipulate your horse by clicking and dragging bits of its body around with the mouse, and you can also hold down the spacebar to activate your horsepower and slow down time for a bit. the gameplay loop consists of arcade-style repeat attempts to get your horse through as many walls as possible in order to unlock carrots, a currency that lets you unlock other horses.
this two-perspective thing with the view that you can rotate around and the 2D perspective in the top right is super cool & makes for a unique point of view! it is pretty challenging as well! there is a leaderboard, and each and every time i have gotten stuck I have checked to see that all but 3 incredibly talented trainers have also gotten stuck in the exact same place. because of this, when you unlock a new horse, there comes the risk that you will get stuck before being able to get enough carrots to unlock a different horse. this raises the stakes and keeps the experience thrilling. it is a game for the most stubborn and determined of us all.
there’s a lot in the way of strategy that varies from horse to horse. do you want to stay on the ground and make small adjustments, or do you want to get airborne and time your trajectory just right? when you do hit the wall, it lets you watch as your horse’s helpless body is punted off into the distance.
it is also very very funny. i just now noticed the congratuulations, but for the entire Home Menu opening and first game, i was cackling. after that, every new horse unlock is such a mastery in comedic timing that i will not spoil a single one here. each horse also has its own unique synopsis that scrolls in the bottom right, which just shows the level of detail put into this game. the music isn’t what you’d expect it to be and you will initially think it’s just cursed, but when you get used to it, you’ll find that it really is the perfect horse music for this game. don’t forget to pause and enjoy the music there, too! there is also a very funny bonus feature hidden in the title screen that had me wheezing. good luck finding it
overall, this is a wonderful example of what horse games can be besides just Riding a Horse Around or Being on a Farm. Hole Your Horses is a bold pioneer of new and creative types of horse game. it is very mouse-based so i don’t know if it works on a steam deck which is unfortunate because this is a great game to be trapped alone with in a dark box (or, perchance, a hole) for ten hours, probably, if the goal here is to get good at holeing your horses.
as of writing this i have 1 hour in the game, so i cannot be proclaimed an expert of holing your horses. however, based on how much more I’d rather play this than Starshine Legacy, I’m rating this 4 stars and ranking it just under red dead redemption 2 :) disclaimer the dev did give me a free steam key for this game which is great because i probably wouldn’t have gotten to it until 2028 at the rate I’ve been going & i needed this in my life
hole your horses is on steam!
