haii!! this is so cute ❤️
im wondering what everyone thinks of each other?
from 🍓 anon :)
warning this is a long one!
Kira thinks: ren is elegant but has anger issues, Albina is crazy but a good listener, Lucio has good hair but he’s too hard on himself
Ren thinks: Kira is chronically online and taught him brainrot terms, Sora relies on the Prescripts to help her with social interactions and she speaks too bluntly, Lucio’s too passive, and Albina wants to lobotomize ren
Lucio thinks: ren is cool but hates lucio, Kira is chill if he’s up for it, Sora’s Prescripts are impolite, and Albina is chill and quiet
Albina thinks: ren is a great candidate for lobotomy, lucio is boring cuz of Valencina, sora is boring bc of Prescripts, Kira’s too freaky
Sora thinks: everyone is limited by their Nursefathers but they all have nice things about them except for ren, who only makes good tea
For this presentation, everyone must confess their feelings for each other in Kira’s closet, one-by-one.
Kira goes first, to demonstrate. The apprentices watch as she locks herself in the thankfully spacious walk-in-closet.
”Alright, alright,” she rubs her hands together, starting her recording. “So, I gotta spill the tea, huh? I guess I’ll start with…”
She pauses. And then perks up. “I’ll start with Ren. Ren, Ren, Ren… not gonna lie, he may look and act all elegant and stuff, but he’s genuinely got anger issues.”
Kira raises a finger. “Like, he’s always so standoffish. More so than Lucio. Ren’s over here acting all bland and normal until you push his buttons, which is surprisingly easy to do— just insult his cut.”
She giggles. “And then you’ll really see him get mad. But honestly? When he’s not talking about every one of your flaws, he’s a good guy to go to for advice. And he is really elegant, I gotta admit. Him and his humble self…”
Kira taps her chin. “‘Kay… now I’ll talk about Albina, since she’s the one who makes Ren mad most of the time.”
Kira reclines in her chair. “Albina… honestly? She’s not right in the head, either. But she’s decent most of the time: she listens to what I have to say, at least. And she seems interested with it.
”But maybe that’s just with me, because Ren’s always freaked out when she gets too close. But eh, I like Albina. Except for when she tries to get me to make art with her. Or… or when she bullies me when I try to tell her some of my more… curious thoughts, y’know.”
Kira’s face flushes. “Anyway. Let’s talk about Lucio. Now I’m on good terms with that one, I think.
”I think Lucio’s mad repressed, though. While Ren is elegant and won’t hesitate to vent his anger, Lucio takes every little thing with that goofy neutral face. But I like him ‘cause he doesn’t make fun of me when I ask him for help.
”I also loooove his hair. It’s super luscious! And he cooks amazing food, too. I think the only downside is the fact that he’s wayyy too hard on himself, which…”
She rubs the back of her neck, a hint of unease flickering in her eyes. “Honestly, I can’t blame him. Dunno if I can talk about this, but…”
She sighs. “He’d be a lot better if he just, like, I dunno… killed his Master. Like, I’m not one to be rude, but honestly? His Master’s such a…”
Her eyebrows scrunch together. “I hate her. And I think everyone wishes he’d hate her, too.”
She straightens. “Anyway… last and least, we’ve got Sora.”
She clicks her tongue. “What am I supposed to say about her…? To be for real, she’s just okay. Like. Her Prescripts are mad annoying. I hate the beeps, I hate how they make her all chained up, too.
“Not gonna lie, the Index is mad stupid. Sora’s expected to kill people with those ugly ahh shackles on? And honestly, those dumb Prescripts still haven’t done anything to help her with her social skills.”
Kira pinches her nosebridge. “Gosh. Her social skills. I wish Rien would let her to go to speech therapy already.
”I feel so bad for her. She has the confidence of an insecure MC from a bad webcomic (and the strength too) but none of the charm. She’s lowkey mad clingy and that gets annoying real fast.
”Like, I get where she’s coming from, but it’s annoying to hear her voice her thoughts about every little thing. ‘Cause she’s so point blank about it and lowkey rude, too. At least with Ren, you know he’s mad. But when Sora opens her mouth she thinks she’s being nice. Girl, it’s no wonder why you always have to hang out with that freak Rien—“
”Kira, please hurry up.” It’s Ren.
“Ohh, shoot, gotta go,” Kira ends the recording, leaving the camera for Ren to use.
“Hello, everyone. It is I, Ren.”
Ren folds his hands, sitting in Kira’s hot pink armchair in the closet.
“Today I shall begin my discussion by going over Kira, first and foremost, seeing as she is our… hostess of sorts, for this mysterious account.
”Now… I must note that I am not particularly fond of Kira, nor am I much obliged to favor anyone else in this dysfunctional household. Please note that my humble self is the only humble and sane self within this temporal structure.
”As for Kira,” Ren sighs. “She is much too obsessed with social media. The slang I have obtained from her on the daily is concerning for my sanity— I must preserve adequate speech when dealing with my Master, and yet I occasionally find myself letting out the occasional ‘oh my gyatt’, ‘skibidi sahur’, or ‘six-seven’ in fits of rage.
”Therefore, Kira is a negative influence. However, despite her flaws, she is surprisingly literate. When she introduces me to a sophisticated piece of literature, I find that I am able to discuss it thoroughly with her— even if she then goes on to ‘yap’ about ‘doomed couples’, which are of no concern to me.”
Ren clears his throat. “Next, we have Sora, who is detrimental to my humble self-image.
”When I look at Sora, I see someone who believes that freedom is found, not in doing the ‘right thing’, but in blindly following what she trusts in. Pitiful, really.
”Not to mention that she is highly incomprehensible. I do not say this because of her stuttering issue —although I have encouraged her to adopt speech therapy and mental health therapy in the past— but rather because she struggles to form a unique opinion on anything.
”I have, on occasion, witnessed her waiting for the Prescript to tell her what to say moments after Kira volunteered to give my hair a ‘makeover’. Sora then proceeded to critique what felt like each single strand, which was rather despicable considering the condition her own hair is in— not to mention her questionable consent of using shackles instead of a normal weapon?
”Anyhow, I will now move on to Lucio, who lives among us.
“I do not like him very much, either. He is much too passive. I could adopt the mannerisms of his abusive Master, Valencina, and he would not dare flinch. And while I understand this coping mechanism, I find it quite unfortunate— after all, none of us Apprentices care much for befriending a Thumb Pawn over a fleshed out human being.
”I suppose I could segue into how I despise the Thumb, but I will not delve into that subject today. What is most important is that you understand how I feel as though Lucio has been ‘robbed’, and when I glance at him, I feel the ‘ick’ that comes with staring at a corpse of what could have been.
”Now… who is next? Ah. Albina, or, as Kira wants me to call her, ‘Freakybina’.
”I am menaced by this clank… by this woman. Although I admire her tenacity in her goals, as she does me, I feel wary when we are locked in a room together. This is because I become flooded with concern that she will attempt to attack me from behind and then lobotomize me.
”Now, you may ask… why? Why would I be afraid of her lobotomizing a normal man such as I—“
”Ren! Hurry it up— Lucio’s gotta go next before the Nursefathers come back!”
”Very well then!” Ren answers, thus ending the recording and exiting the closet.
”Hello,” Lucio’s eyes avoid staring at the camera directly. He appears to eye the purple carpet below him as she shifts awkwardly in the hot pink chair. “I suppose I will be sharing my opinions on my fellow Apprentices today.
“Kira… has assured me that this will not be viewed by any of the Nursefathers and has told me to be as forthcoming as possible, so I hope this proves satisfactory.
”I will begin with Ren, given that he went before me.
”I would like to enjoy Ren’s presence. I feel as though him and I appear the most similar on the surface in this house— we both are practiced in swordsmanship and propriety. But I feel as though he holds back when talking to me.
”I am no fool. I see that there is a kind of disgust in his eyes when he glances at me. It reminds me of my Master, and it does make me feel unwelcome whenever we chat personally. I cannot quite understand where this vitriol comes from…
”But that is that. Next, I will address Kira.
”I find her to be… um, how should I put this… I enjoy Kira’s presence to an extent. Some days I embrace her antics, such as when she asked me to teach her Italian, or when we baked Fixer cookies together. Other days, such as when my Master encourages me to focus on developing my skills, are days when I find myself despising her appearance.
“It is not that I dislike Kira, but rather that I must remind her of my priorities. I have not been taken into this house to attend to some socialite duties as Kira might think, but rather I am here to become a Textbook for Yoshihide, who has gone before me in the ways of the Palermitan Style.
”Now I will discuss Sora. I am not favorable towards her visits, admittedly. Her comments seem baseless most of the time, and while I admire her dedication towards her Prescripts… well, I shall just say that those Prescripts can have a tendency to be quite vulgar. They lack the propriety my Master has instilled in me, and it does reflect upon Sora herself.
”For example, she once told me I would be an excellent Index Proxy and invited me to abandon my Master. The idea in and of itself is ludicrous— the Index has no bonds of loyalty between its members. The Prescripts can change from innocent exchanges to the purging of families. I would never heed to such senseless violence.”
”Finally, it is time to discuss Albina. I do not have much to say about her, as our exchanges are mostly brief or quiet.
”I’m not quite fond of her art or her artistic decisions, since I would not agree to having my brain be split apart from me for the sake of a bony and inefficient sword, but that aspect of Albina is one everyone finds disagreeable.
”In regards to other aspects of her character… I enjoy the fact that she is more keen on listening than on speaking. She does not pressure me to talk, even when we are training or doing daily tasks together. I appreciate that.”
(“Oh, hey, Princess! Why’s everyone crowded around your closet?”)
(“Oh… um, Papa, did that meeting end already?”)
(“What? Oh, nah. I just left early. ‘Cause I lied.”)
(“I’m gonna go watch some TV in the next room, alright? See ya around, kiddo.”)
Lucio promptly ends the recording.
”Hello. This is Albina, from the House of Spiders,” Albina is poised like a queen on the pink chair, Fascia leaning against the back of it. “You already know what I have set out to do. So, let’s begin— I will start with the Apprentices who I find the most intriguing, and go down from there.”
”I would like to begin with Ren. He is one of the most critical Apprentices, who masks his severe temper issues under a façade of normalcy. I find him to be strong-willed. Dedicated to his craft not because someone ordered him to be, but because it is what he himself earnestly strives for.
”That…” a smile forms on her cold face. She dares Fascia from behind the chair and rests ‘her’ on her lap. “Is most necessary for a perfect ingredient.
”You see —I’ll speak about the others briefly here— Lucio views himself as a mere Textbook. A worm, and no man. That is… boring to me, as he is simply a pawn under his disgusting drunkard Master.
“Sora is the same as well. She has no will aside from that of the Prescripts, masquerading as an innocent soul when all she will ever be is a husk, should she keep up her fanatic behavior. Utterly boring for an ingredient, regardless of her EGO.
”And while little Kira doesn’t hold the same fervor towards being an instrument, a mere extension for something else, her brain must have experienced severe rot from the things she encounters online. The things she’s told me make even Fascia quiver in disgust— I am no lewd ‘freak’ as she may have you believe.
“However, I shall now go back to discussing Ren. As we can see, unlike these other spineless Apprentices, he finds it a high honor to be his own ‘humble self’.
“I find pride in being my own self, as well,” Albina strokes Fascia. “So I can resonate most with him. It’s a shame, however, that he doesn’t seem to reciprocate.
”In fact, the same witless Apprentices I discussed earlier seem more fond of me than I of them. Lucio seems rather at ease when we clean the house together. Kira enjoys telling me about the hottest online trash she ‘accidentally clicked on’ every morning. And Sora’s Prescripts apparently enjoy my presence as well, since they do not insult my hair or invite me to join the Index.
”Now, I should be all set. Thank you for viewing.”
The recording ends. Sora is ushered inside the closet.
“O-Oh, I sure hope this is on,” Sora blinks, much too close to the camera before backing up and sitting in the chair.
Sora glances briefly at her Prescript.
She clears her throat. Throughout her whole speech, she stutters frequently. The transcript does not always reflect this.
”O-Okay. So I’m gonna start off with what I like about everybody first.
”I like Kira’s positive attitude; she always makes my day. I like Albina’s introspection; she sees everything like a potential art piece. I like Lucio’s fighting style; I find it very pretty, and if I had better mobility, I think I would enjoy learning the Palermitan Style. And I like Ren’s tea.
”Now, I’m going to discuss my gripes with my friends.
”I think Mr. Matthias is an absolutely horrible father who doesn’t know anything about taking in kids, and yet he has the audacity to act like he can assume the role of father to Kira, who I know is an orphan and struggles with defining her identity outside of family.
“I think Mr. Callisto’s propaganda for Corporist rubs off on Albina in the worst ways. Everyone wishes that instead of trying to find who is the best to lobotomize, Albina would relocate her passions toward making art that actually inspires people. Also, nobody likes how Albina adores Callisto’s fashion sense. Callisto’s sense of fashion is objectively ugly…”
Sora briefly checks her Prescript. “And he is bald.”
”I also despise Ms.Valencina,” she continues, readjusting her glasses. “She’s trapped in the past instead of doing her part in the present, unlike Mr. Rien.
“I genuinely would not care about her if she didn’t live in this house, but she lives here like a slob and expects Lucio to pick up after her.
“At the Prescript’s order, I would not hesitate to use my EGO to crush Ms. Valencina’s skull in and then dispose of her body by feeding it to cockroaches.
”Her manipulation of a gentle soul such as Lucio is disgraceful, and even the Prescripts are disgusted at her hypocrisy. Therefore, at the Prescript’s order, I will also pay for Lucio’s therapy once I am done killing his moth— I mean, his Master.”
She checks her beeper once again.
”Oh! I almost forgot about Ren.
”I don’t like how mean he is to me. His ‘humble self’ appears to never have taken a single look into his own soul, decayed by the negative influences around him.
“Men like him enjoy pretending that their own strength is enough to preserve them. In reality, all it does is render him a single speck of dust in the Prescript’s tapestry, doomed to be forgotten with time.”
Sora then smiles. A very wide smile.
”O-Okay, I’m gonna end this r-recording now!” she then approaches the camera.
Kira curses under her breath as she rewatches all the tapes.
Technically, she’s breaching her own rules since the only people allowed to review the recordings are people outside the cursed House, but… it’s not like anyone would stop her.
She had just wanted to see what the other Apprentices thought of her— and also of each other, but whatever.
”All these people are crazy,” she mutters.
