Disordered mind

Doing my best whilst learning about tricks my mind plays on me. Diagnosed and getting treated for #ASD, #ADHD, #cPTSD, #DID and #BD (aka bipolar disorder); #NPD in remission after therapy.

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Bipolar be like: getting extra income once in intermission, spending half to stay in intermission.

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Bipolar with ADHD be like: asking Dr whether using your new meds combo worked well for others. Learning you are the first one testing the mix.

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Autism be like: wondering why “new flavour” written on the package tastes like betrayal.

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Being occasionally distracted, hyper or lazy is normal. Trying every method on earth for a moment of focus, feeling almost physical pain, but still being too hyper and distracted is not being lazy. It is working harder than ever to trick your brain and praying it will let you do what you need.

[human-not-mental]

What’s the difference between “normal human experiences” and mental/neurodevelopmental disorders? It is normal to feel occasional discomfort, get emotional or impulsive, but still make deliberate choices and act upon them. Disorder is the inability to do certain things day-to-day even if you would want to.

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Autism be like: wondering why a person inviting someone with a broken leg to a tap dance class is called inconsiderate, and so is an autist when rejecting an invitation to a loud and crowded place, or wearing earplugs in public.

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Changing stance on issues doesn’t make someone bipolar. Introversion and disengagement from drama doesn’t make someone autistic. Sharing unpopular ideas doesn’t make someone schizophrenic.

Being different doesn’t mean there is a mental or neurodevelopmental disorder involved. And if it looks like there is, helping someone get checked out and treated is not harmful. Attaching labels randomly and stigmatising is.

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DID be like: feeling like a winner when traumatised alters show up, but quickly go away because you told them it’s not convenient.

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Autism be like: triggering a meltdown by cleaning a shower cabin for the first time in months.

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Autism be like: ranting, stomping, throwing things because damn yogurt cover did not come off in one piece.

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ADHD be like: paying thousands in fines, living with expired documents, losing numerous opportunities because… you couldn’t fill in that form.

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ADHD is not “avoiding things because they are boring”, it is feeling almost physical pain that prevents you from doing things you need to do.

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ADHD be like: wondering how dumb neurotypicals think you are to keep struggling while taking meds, when “you really should try setting up a bunch of alarms to timely switch attention and get things done”.

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DID be like: replying to “How old are you?” with “Let me figure it out, which year is it now?”

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ADHD be like: wondering how to explain that hitting a hard deadline at 23.59 is too unrealistic, and why you can totally make it by deadline at midnight on any day prior.

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Autism be like: responding with a punch to a sudden unpleasant touch.

Wondering how apologies for your uncontrollable reaction are worthless, whereas “sorry, I didn’t mean to” makes you a bad person for getting triggered and not switching off your autistic brain instead.

[human-not-mental]

Autism be like: managing to get away from sensory overload instead of losing it completely in public. Getting scolded for being difficult and disrespectful.