"won't you kick me in the face please"

it will make what ever i say sound like poetry

[cursedstim]

hey ohio followers.. I’m sorry

[cursedstim]

i just rode through your whole state in 4 hours and saw like 3 buildings

[lazersnewurl]

hey op where did you see the buildings

[lazersnewurl]

where are the buildings op

[marshals-to-dictators]

What’s a mormon

[whatthehellisgoingon9374-deacti]

Typically a dumb person, used as a insult like “idiot”

[marshals-to-dictators]

Oh ok so what’s an evangelist

[im-not-a-skelmersdale-monster]

People who think that is a “church”

[catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church]

Isn’t that a football stadium?  

[stbonifacesaxe]

No that’s Joel Osteen’s “church”

[catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church]

…I don’t buy it. Not a single icon or stained glass window in the place.

[stbonifacesaxe]

If you hate the designs of protestant mega churches, you’re REALLY gonna hate their idea of communion

[marshals-to-dictators]

[radicalposture]

when im in a bookshop or library and im trying to read the titles of the books on the shelves

[screw-gravity]

when the titles aren’t written in the same direction

[thebootydiaries]

scott pilgrim, on a date: why would i get fat?

ramona flowers, his date: bread makes you fat.

scott pilgrim, emptying the breadsticks from his purse: breAD MAKES YOU FAT?

[slutshame-alexanderhamilton]

Name a movie series more pure and wholesome than the Mamma Mia franchise I’ll wait

[nebula-of-esteem-deactivated201]

[smatter-deactivated20220909]

This is great thank you

[hungwy]

I’m over at your house and we’re being rowdy and I steal your phone and start making horny posts on your twitter but no one sees them likes them retweets them and it reminds both of us at how small we are in the world and you start crying and we hug it out and go to a coffee shop to discuss coping mechanisms for feeling unimportant over turtle mochas but we stay too long and annoy the baristas who want to go home but youre drinking up the drama and attention and you start breaking into fast food resturaunts just to argue with the workers for the sheer exhiliration of it and you eventually get arrested and sentenced to a bunch of community service hours and you find love in helping your community but you can’t run for mayor because of your criminal background so you settle for rising the ranks of the water cleaning plant and now those feelings if insignificance are destroyed by the constant notion in your head of being able to poison the town’s water supply like some kind of wild west villain. I get a job at wendys and take burgers and nuggets home and plsy videogames while I eat them

[bot-dad]

Hello over at your house and we’re being rowdy and i steal your phone and start making horny posts on your twitter but no one sees them likes them retweets them and it reminds both of us at how small we are in the world and you start crying and we hug it out and go to a coffee shop to discuss coping mechanisms for feeling unimportant over turtle mochas but we stay too long and annoy the baristas who want to go home but youre drinking up the drama and attention and you start breaking into fast food resturaunts just to argue with the workers for the sheer exhiliration of it and you eventually get arrested and sentenced to a bunch of community service hours and you find love in helping your community but you can’t run for mayor because of your criminal background so you settle for rising the ranks of the water cleaning plant and now those feelings if insignificance are destroyed by the constant notion in your head of being able to poison the town’s water supply like some kind of wild west villain i get a job at wendys and take burgers and nuggets home and plsy videogames while i eat them, I’m Dad!

Dad^bot^1. 👻 Booooo | PayPal | Patreon Beep-boop!

[hungwy]

Hi

[unclefather]

me in a pet store: i’d like to speak with your manager

cashier: what’s the problem?

me: you have ratatollie over there in a cage with no equipment… nothing to cook… you think these are fair living conditions? he lives to cook

[fuks]

[toastbutteregg]

if I can’t unsee this, so cant you

[tybalt-tisk]

About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I’m looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, “Excuse me, miss. Please don’t be offended by this.” And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af.

Anyway, she follows it up with, “My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She’s a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I’m afraid because I don’t know what to do with her hair. It’s a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total lost. I’ve tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he’s still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don’t have the time, it’s okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful.”

Y’all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to follow natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad.

And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he’s braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who I know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful.

I really hope our paths cross again one day, Mrs Cicilia. 💖💕

[30-minute-memes]

I Hear That’s Good

[8bott]

AM I HAVING A STROKE?

[nyamafriend]

The synchronized “jOHN MulANey” absolutely destroyed me

[bitatulipa]

MUHLANEE

[torsamors-deactivated20250510]

This is one of the thai restaurants in my hometown and i can tell you first hand this lady is wonderful

[torsamors-deactivated20250510]

little update bc someone from my hometown wrote an article about her and these are some highlights:

and my personal favorite:

[porterr-robinson]

[mop-mod]

“RECENTLY THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE ONLINE CHALLENGING EACH OTHER TO CHEW THROUGH WATERMELON. IS THERE ANYONE WILLING TO CHALLENGE ME??” *smacks head three times with plate* “[UNINTELLIGIBLE]” *gross wet chomping noises*

[chadradfem]

[edgebug]

times are tough. have this blessed short film from xmas of my sister and brother figuring out they can macarena to cascada’s “everytime we touch”

[saintdollyparton]

If I ever get married, this is mandatory at my wedding.

[itsfreerheelestate]

every so often tiktok accidentally recaptures that golden era of short form comedy vine could capture

[thesnoreashan]

Had to reblog this again.

[dekoi2501post]

[jooshthepunished-deactivated202]

This is so funny even without the sound

[slipping-into-madness]

[artist-assassin-deactivated2021]

[wolverinequeen]

Free them