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if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit

legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe

it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim

penny-anna

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

hobbit-hole

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

penny-anna

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

animate-mush

OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.

First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.

Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.

Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).

And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)

penny-anna

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

westrons-deactivated20200930

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

feynites

So here’s the thing - you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.

So here’s what you do:

You fight Legolas.

The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!

Anyway.

Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:

You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.

That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?

icescrabblerjerky

okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here.

whitepeopletwitter

m--ood-deactivated20181217

Glass of Supervicious Fluid

a fine vintage

Venom (2018)

honestly kind of nonplussed that the version of baby shark that’s gone viral does not include the dismemberment and reincarnation verses

bramblepatch

The version I learned in first grade had 17 verses:

Baby shark

Momma shark

Daddy shark

Grandma shark

Grandpa shark

I went swimming

Saw a shark

I swam faster

Shark attack

Lost an arm

Lost a leg

Lost my head

Baywatch came

CPR

It’s too late

Went to heaven

Came back a baby shark

possumbreath

OH THANK GOD IT’S NOT JUST ME??? I learned this song at summer camp and I’m like y'all are missing half the darn thing

paganinpurple

This is a revelation I plan to share with my students since we had never heard the song here in Scotland

humthistuneforever

My class of three-year-olds was arguing yesterday over whether “baby shark” was followed by “mommy shark” or “daddy shark,” so I derailed them by telling them that in my French class, it was actually followed by “teenager shark.”

bd-doughnut-boi

GAME IDEA REBLOG THIS AND TRY TYPING YOUR URL EYES CLOSED

VD&diydgbyt-buh

laughsandblessings-deactivated2

Healing rain/4

humthistuneforever

Humthistuneforever

#skilled

everything is going well! what a lovely day!

*accidentally doesn’t pull up close enough to a drivethru window and has to reach really far*

...I hate everything that has ever happened.

moghedien

Apollo: Sister, what are you the goddess of?

Artemis: *lounging by a spring on piles of deerskin surrounded by three dozen naked girls with a dead pan expression* Virginity.

frislander-deactivated20220305

“Heracles, they’re lesbians”.

boatiechat-blog

Note that the concept of “virginity” in Ancient times merely meant “unmarried”, and had nothing to do with sexual activity. Some priestesses were “virgins” because they chose (or were committed to) a life of worship, but it was merely a question of social status, not of personal choice or practice. Of course, one can suppose that this lifestyle would be rather attractive for lesbians. So when Artemis is said to be the Goddess of Virgins, it is meant to be understood as “Goddess of Unmarried Women”, or, quite possibly literally, of lesbians. (It’s only Christianity that reframed the concept of virginity to mean “never had sex”. Many ancient religions has “Virgin goddesses”, which symbolized feminine power, and in this case too it meant “untied to a man”, or “whole for herself”)

humthistuneforever

I would add, since Artemis is documented as being romantically involved with a man, she is at least bisexual.

maxipaddy

My mood right now

It’s my birthday!!!

I feel very old, but also good.

TWO people stopped me in the pasta sauce aisle to ask a suggestion, so apparently I look like an adult finally.

#twenty seven #whyew

im-a-tnuc-deactivated20181220

I don’t know why, but I think some Americans don’t realise how big the UK is….

American Customer: you’re English right? Do you know the bookshop between Wales and Bristol that has lots of books in?

Me in my head: yeah mate, I know that one. Classic. Love to pop down there on a cheeky break between work. What a wanker…

lizzystarlight

the continuous 48 states are is almost 39x the size of the isle of great britan

that’s your answer

mymindsecho

For reference:

That’s JUST Texas.

pukicho

When will the UK learn that they are puny little ants in which to be crushed???

toastpotent-deactivated20250619

where’s that post where the british person was like “oh yeah i only get to see my dad 2-3 times a year because he lives so far away :/” and a person asked “oh no how far away is he?” and the british person said “75 minutes”

regularlesbian

op it literally takes about 20 minutes to get to wales from bristol, op that’s a reasonable question do you understand geography

amandabe11man

leave europe alone you fucking colonizers

scrimblobimblobadimbo-deactivat

It takes my mom an hour to drive to work. Sometimes more. Europeans are cowards.

ghost-cassette

“Leave Europe alone you fucking colonizers” Should we tell them?

xphilosoraptorx

fuzzycricket

Millennials are going to kill the telemarketing and phone scam industries because I don’t know about y'all but I don’t even answer the phone for my own mother, if you need me you’re texting me

humthistuneforever

As an adult, I sometimes get calls from adult crap™️ like insurance, but I still screen my calls, and if a number doesn’t leave a voicemail, I sure as hell am not calling back.

jedimagnus

Why on earth hasn’t anyone invented a less terrifying way to open biscuits and cinnamon rolls???? 😩

kayliemalinza

because squishing that much biscuit into that little space teeters on the edge of hubris. the pop is to keep us humble. to remind us that death comes for all

sewbergamzee

just reading this can gave me anxiety.

humthistuneforever

Who uses a spoon?? I always hold the biscuits against myself so my tummy absorbs the pop.

kelseyfun

Reblog if you say "Y'all"

#i’m ohioan #but i have a lot of family in the southern states

pervocracy

Note to vacationing non-Americans: while it’s true that America doesn’t always have the best food culture, the food in our restaurants is really not representative of what most of us eat at home. The portions at Cheesecake Factory or IHOP are meant to be indulgent, not just “what Americans are used to.”

If you eat at a regular American household, during a regular meal where they’re not going out of their way to impress guests, you probably will not be served twelve pounds of chocolate-covered cream cheese. Please bear this in mind before writing yet another “omg I can’t believe American food” post.

briarpatchfinn

Also, most American restaurant portions are 100% intended as two meals’ worth of food. Some of my older Irish relatives still struggle with the idea that it’s not just not rude to eat half your meal and take the rest home, it’s expected. (Apparently this is somewhat of an American custom.)

humthistuneforever

At least in my home, this is absolutely the case. Half the fun of going to a restaurant is that you get two meals, haha. And at home, we do cook more than we can eat, but again... it’s so we’ll have leftovers. We’re intentionally cooking more than we need so that we will have leftovers in the fridge. We’re not actually eating a whole crock pot’s worth of food in one meal.