(ʘ◡ʘ)ノ✿

Hi I'm Annie. Slytherin & Pokemon ̶M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶

[thenatsdorf]

[cricketcat9]

What a good kitty! 

[afairlycertainvulpes]

This is A+ on environmental enrichment and I LOVE IT

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

Future goals

[catsbeaversandducks]

[onesinnerzerostandards]

MY PAPAYAS

[exobiologist-deactivated2021091]

a crime of passion

[everythingstarstuff]

Grasshopper café South Korea

[spongehole]

the……. grasshoppers …. I think they were……. no, it couldn’t be….

[ruinedchildhood]

[sisyphusshrugged]

[poondragoon]

Bad news: your kid is the neighborhood cryptid.

Good news: you can get that on a bumper sticker

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[de4dbl0g-deactivated20191110]

[spockvarietyhour]

don’t let the tiny wheel distract you from the fact that there’s a chain across the passenger side seat, which I’m gonna assume is the seatbelt.

[strawberryinstantoatmeal-deacti]

i remember being like 11 and asking my dad why he hunts and kills deer and he said “because i think theyre beautiful” and that’s just. that’s just what men are like

[werewolfofsector2814]

Yeah… &?

Is it any different that women seeing cute things & wanting to squish their face?

[genderidentitty]

Is killing different than endearing physical contact? Local man unsure

[weaselle]

I really like … many aspects of hunting. And I think animals are beautiful. may I present

What is the point of mounting something like this sad, gross, proof that you will end a beautiful life for no good reason…. 

when you could frame you up a trophy like the photo below !? 

This takes at least as much skill, and involves all the same wilderness stalking. It proves that you are both brave AND compassionate. There’s no downside to doing this instead. Imagine you go to somebody’s home, and they have a trophy room filled with beautifully composed close up photos of wolves and deer and boar and eagles and things all over the walls, with a couple camera guns mounted up there too - on one wall is a photo of a standing bear who obviously sees the person taking the photo and it’s been blown up so the bear is life size (that’s why you need that gun-barrel lens, so the quality holds up when you enlarge the pic) The person you are visiting is like, “yeah, I took all these.” THAT’s impressive. A room full of dead things just means they are weird and gross and pointlessly cruel and proud of it.

[kingscrown666]

^^^

[eggzbian-deactivated20191126]

orange juice is the superior beverage bc it makes ur tongue feel like u ate a bunch of ants which reminds me of my childhood when I would put ants in my mouth and eat em except this time it tastes good too

[tlirsgender]

Hey op I think you’re probably allergic to citrus?

[eggzbian-deactivated20191126]

is. this not what oj is supposed to make ur tongue feel like

[grimehands-deactivated20200111]

[darkersolstice]

Did you know that if your mouth itches when you eat kiwis, it is not from hairs left over on the fruit after you peel it? I didn’t until I was about 26 or so!

[solarpunkarchivist-deactivated2]

Confusingly, pineapple is supposed to feel like that, the damn thing is attempting to digest you right back.

[justketerthings]

Numb lips are not part of the intended experience of peanut butter, apparently

[demonsgold]

yALL

[plaguedaddy420]

Are we just gonna ignore the part where op says they ate ants?

[bi-villain]

[so-doggone-funny]

this is one of the greatest jokes this show has ever landed

[kalichnikov]

images that makes you go violence

[thivus]

someone took the raw concept of a redditor and distilled it into a vape to create this

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is not a pipe

[craigslist-stripper]

[deadbeforedeath]

He no like vegetals 🚫🥗

[deadbeforedeath]

Part two: Chikin

[the-worm-man]

THERE’S A PART TWO??????

[bob-belcher]

[mysharona1987]

[spacehomos]

Confess and get the fuck out

[door-maker-gal]

I hate how on Tumblr, a username like lisa486 is almost certainly a pornblot, while someone named solidsnakesasscheeks is almost certainly a real person

[solidsnakesasscheeks]

I could be a porn bot if I wanted to

[lesbianshepard]

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

[lesbianshepard]

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

[lesbianshepard]

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

[hungwy]

every time you sneeze you steal it from someone else. theres only ever 1 sneeze in the world

[pochowek]

if two people sneeze at the same time they’re borrowing the sneezes from each other very quickly

[dilact]

It’s like that electron thing

[hungwy]

Its exactly like that electron thing