ten feet twenty the flower man
he's on HRT and is trans
taking testosterone because he can
like the every daily
(thrilling sequel to this post)

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

@theartofmadeline
Game of Thrones Daily

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shark vs the universe
cherry valley forever
tumblr dot com
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Discoholic 🪩
Jules of Nature

Kiana Khansmith
art blog(derogatory)
Xuebing Du
KIROKAZE

blake kathryn
YOU ARE THE REASON
d e v o n

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
RMH
seen from Canada

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@hypnosriver
ten feet twenty the flower man
he's on HRT and is trans
taking testosterone because he can
like the every daily
(thrilling sequel to this post)
comic by @hausofdecline
do you think anyone has a ytp kink . can only get off to sentence mixed porn
do yoy think anyoyna hasasas a ytpink. can only get off to BOOBS. can only get off to DICK. can only get off to sentence mixed pentence
fuUUuf. i'm mumming
pet play but its with insects
oh yeah baby youre my sexy little deer fly
Whatever. Cum my scarab.
I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.
Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."
I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job
Reblog daily for health and prosperity.
always some new bullshit in the ocean
Why is it always orcas or dolphins
Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once
worry not ☝️ they're doing coke
This was going to be fully drawn, but then it took me a whole day to do just the one panel, and that was already pushing my rule about joke posts, I.E. if it takes actual effort, you’re doing it wrong. So you get a mostly sprite based comic instead.
Never come up with dialogue when you’re tired. But also, only ever come up with puns while you’re tired, that way they actually sound funny.
I will be dead and buried in the ground the day I don’t ramble nonsensically in a post, so here is the backstory for this idea: That Kris and Susie would absolutely shoplift from Sans’ store, especially after chapter 4. Then I went with thinking up how it would be funny in the world of Deltarune. Sans wouldn’t care, he’d just want something to laugh about later, hence the pictures, I’ve seen the watermelon-pregnancy gag somewhere before so I stole it shamelessly. It’s a very small town where everyone knows each other so no one would buy an overnight pregnancy like that. Next thing I know I’m searching up cheesy pregnancy pictures. I considered adding another gag where Sans says he caught on because everyone knows humans reproduce via mitosis, but how many static shots of Sans’ store can one put up with for a few more text boxes? And then I threw in the last panel right when I thought I was already finished, an hour after I should already be asleep. On a related note, this is where I learned “Baba” can be used as a term for a non-binary parent, though there were a lot of different titles to choose from.
I actually had a third drawn picture(technically the first) that had Susie on her knees and kissing Kris’s “belly” but realized I had screwed up the proportions and made Susie way too small, or perhaps made Kris too tall. Didn’t feel like redrawing it so scrapped that one. Which is a shame, I thought the line art I had was one of the better ones at the point I stopped, and I felt it added more variety to the poses since the ones I finished came out looking pretty similar. I also limited myself to just using the color palettes from the games sprites for the drawings, which led to a bit of funky shading, because outside of their faces, Susie and Kris’ sprites don’t have any shading to them to pull color from. It did make coloring them in easy, though! Kris is becoming one of my new favorite characters to draw, they have basically no facial features!
(Don’t take me having Kris play the pregnant role as me saying anything regarding Kris’s sex[I believe the canon answer to Kris being asked “what’s in your pants” is “God, I wish it were Susie…”], them being in the role is just another part of the gag seeing as Susie is right there and could have played the role herself.)
Oh, also, just the drawing, no Toriel text box.
People who think sheep are killed for their wool are so hilarious to me. Does your barber slit your throat whenever you get a haircut?? Are you a returning customer to Sweeney Todd? Lmao it grows back, fools.
This is completely ignoring the fact that the sheep's soul is stored in its wool. So sure, the body remains, but the spirit, the essence of the sheep, that's gone forever, and then as the wool regrows a new soul moves in.
Same for me, I get a new soul with every haircut. That's why my personality changes so much.
Tumblr citizenship means being completely unsure if the person posting about sheep souls is being 100% serious or is just taking the piss.
THEY TAKE THEIR PISS TOO?!?!?
Yup, stockpiling it in giant buckets to pour on the poor
So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE
via @kagaminilen
[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]
Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic
Oh my goodness you're my hero this is so beautiful
Holy fuck my job got fan art
sometimes i really love inaturalist
Oh this is great
more highlights:
[Steller's Jay, Cyanocitta stelleri, USA]
[Knight Anole, Anolis equestris, USA]
[yet-to-be-identified fly, Phaoniinae, England]
[Northern Flicker, Colaptes auratus, USA]
you, too, can contribute to the project! :3
I love how it doesn't matter what expedition it is.
They all turn into excited kids when they meet penguins.
The Penguin: GIANTS! no way! I’m gonna wave at them THEY WAVED BACK! Holy Shit they’re dancing with me! My Wife is never gonna believe this OMG I got to dance with a Giant today so cool.
The Humans: Penguin! No way! I’m gonna wave at it IT WAVED BACK! Holy Shit it’s flapping with me! I got to play with a Penguin today; so cool.
where's the joy and whimsy guy? Have they found this one yet?
@joy-and-whimsy-official
Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!
Who am I to deny a penguin some joy and whimsy 🐧
Friend of mine sent me these screenshots and I wanted to share my interpretation of how it works