Untitled

[pretty-maths]

When maths teachers turn festive.

[the-movemnt-deactivated20170912]

Watch: The trailer for ‘Hidden Figures’ is here — and it looks incredible.

follow @the-movemnt

[mexicanpapii666-deactivated2016]

I am so fucking about this.

[micdotcom]

North Korean and South Korean gymnasts took a selfie together in Rio

[hypnoticmonkey]

I'm doing the wrong job

Online form: What is your occupation? Please type in the first three letters.

Me: T... E... A...

Online form: Tea taster?

[wholesomemes-archive]

[englishmajorhumor]

[draumboosky]

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

[draumboosky]

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

[draumboosky]

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

[draumboosky]

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

[draumboosky]

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

[draumboosky]

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

[draumboosky]

She fucking CUMS

[draumboosky]

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

[fvckintiredofit]

Lmaooooo

[ogsplendapapi]

This entire post was a journey tbh

[gamechangershow]

Finish the 6 MORE STEPS on

How To Get Nothing Done: An Illustrated Guide [Click to finish me off]

[forlackofabettercomic-deactivat]

Hey, here’s a thing I did for Collegehumor! Super excited to be doing some work with these dudes. Go read the rest!

[characterlimit]

MAN I don’t know whether to be more pissed off at myself for being exactly this most days or relieved that it’s not just me

[hypnoticmonkey]

So this is basically my life. Even the Pokemon.

[lavidapoliglota]

“don’t you get your languages mixed up?”

yeah all the time in fact in my latest Japanese essay I got 0% because I wrote the entire thing in Spanish and my parents are getting increasingly frustrated because I keep talking to them in German rather than British Sign Language

[megamilotic]

my friend is fluent in english, french, italian, portugese, german, dutch, russian and is learning spanish and latvian, and the other day he went into starbucks in england, ordered a latte in german, corrected himself in dutch and the poor barista looked at him in terror

[theblackheiress]

I wrote the entire WRITTEN EXPRESSION part of my Spanish test in French, read over the whole exam like 3 times and didn’t notice

[whenightbecomesday-deactivated2]

my friend has like 7 or 8 siblings and they’re all fluent in about 6 or 7 languages, and they’ll all be spitting out sentences and remarks and requests in different languages and their parents get so confused. One of them handed in an AP test that started in german and ended in italian

[echo-five-whiskey]

Goals

[loremerchant]

Wish I could fuck up this gloriously.

[sorryfreudianslip-deactivated20]

In biology during jeopardy I started writing down the answers in Russian and calling them out in French that was Hell

[hypnoticmonkey]

Is it me or is there a strange mixture of sarcasm and naive sincerity here?

[meanplastic]

[meanplastic]

IM SCREAMING

[tr-apstar]

Men are so fuckin weak dude I swear. Women are out there grindin like nothing’s wrong while bleeding out of their vaginas 7 days a month, cramps so bad we can barely function, pushing a human out of our hoohas, taking pills that fuck with our horomones just so you can hit it raw and you have the damn nerve to judge the size of our hips that have birthed the civilizations of the world like they were made to be admired by you? No. Next time you get flicked in the balls I don’t wanna hear u talk about how it’s so much harder being a man. Damn. Shout out to women. Don’t let men tell you shit.

[hypnoticmonkey]

Getting hit in the balls kills like you wouldn't believe, but I still 100% agree with this post.

[kanjiklubs-deactivated20161205]

[bey]

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed

[bana05]

This is legit and people don’t realize it.

[noahwyles]

“hey what are you doing?” “nothing”  “oh great! so you are avaliab-” “no you don’t understand. I’m doing nothing.” 

[just-shower-thoughts]

The highest sign of friendship I can offer is to answer the phone every time they call

[micdotcom]

THIS TUMBLR POST IS FOR MEN ONLY. FEMALES ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE THESE PRODUCTS OR EAT MAN SOUP.

[beckieteaches]

Oliver is gonna get you.

[violaboss]

I’ve seen a lot of curious people wanting to dive into classical music but don’t know where to start, so I have written out a list of pieces to listen to depending on mood. I’ve only put out a few, but please add more if you want to. hope this helps y’all out. :)

stereotypical delightful classical music:

battalia a 10 in d major (biber)

brandenburg concerto no. 5

brandenburg concerto no. 3

symphony no. 45 - “farewell” (haydn)

if you need to chill:

rondo alla turca

fur elise

anitra’s dance

in the steppes of central asia (borodin) (added by viola-ology)

if you need to sleep:

moonlight sonata

swan lake

corral nocturne

if you need to wake up:

morning mood

summer (from the four seasons)

buckaroo holiday (if you’ve played this in orch you might end up screaming instead of waking up joyfully)

if you are feeling very proud:

pomp and circumstance

symphony no. 9 (beethoven; this is where ode to joy came from)

1812 overture

symphony no. 5, finale (tchaikovsky) (added by viola-ology)

american (dvořák)

if you feel really excited:

hoedown (copland)

bacchanale

spring (from the four seasons) (be careful, if you listen to this too much you’ll start hating it)

la gazza ladra

death and the maiden (schubert)

if you are angry and you want to take a baseball bat and start hitting a bush:

dance of the knights (from the romeo and juliet suite by prokofiev)

winter, mvt. 1 (from the four seasons)

symphony no. 10 mvt. 2 (shostakovich)

symphony no. 5 (beethoven)

totentanz (liszt)

quartet no. 8, mvt. 2 (shostakovich) (added by viola-ology)

young person’s guide to the orchestra, fugue (britten) (added by iwillsavemyworld)

if you want to cry for a really long time:

fantasia based on russian themes (rimsky-korsakov)

adagio for strings (barber)

violin concerto in e minor (mendelssohn)

aase’s death

andante festivo

if you want to feel like you’re on an adventure:

an american in paris (gershwin)

if you want chills:

danse macabre

russian easter overture

if you want to study:

eine kleine nachtmusik

bolero (ravel)

serenade for strings (elgar)

scheherazade (rimsky-korsakov) (added by viola-ology)

pines of rome, mvt. 4 (resphigi) (added by viola-ology)

if you really want to dance:

capriccio espagnol (rimsky-korsakov)

blue danube

le cid (massenet) (added by viola-ology)

radetzky march

if you want to start bouncing in your chair:

hopak (mussorgsky)

les toreadors (from carmen suite no.1)

if you’re about to pass out and you need energy:

hungarian dance no. 1

hungarian dance no. 5

if you want to hear suspense within music:

firebird

in the hall of the mountain king

ride of the valkyries

night on bald mountain (mussorgsky) (added by viola-ology)

if you want a jazzy/classical feel:

rhapsody in blue

if you want to feel emotional with no explanation:

introduction and rondo capriccioso

unfinished symphony (schubert)

symphony no. 7, allegretto (beethoven) (added by viola-ology)

canon in d (pachelbel)

if you want to sit back and have a nice cup of tea:

st. paul’s suite

concerto for two violins (vivaldi)

l’arlésienne suite

pieces that don’t really have a valid explanation:

symphony no. 40 (mozart)

cello suite no. 1 (bach)

polovtsian dances

enigma variations (elgar) (added by viola-ology)

perpetuum mobile

pieces that just sound really cool:

scherzo tarantelle

dance of the goblins

caprice no. 24 (paganini)

new world symphony, allegro con fuoco (dvorak) (added by viola-ology​)

if you feel like listening to concertos all day (I do not recommend doing that):

concerto for two violins (bach)

concerto for two violins (vivaldi)

violin concerto in a minor (vivaldi)

violin concerto (tchaikovsky) (added by iwillsavemyworld)

cello concerto in c (haydn)

piano concerto, mvt. 1 (pierne) (added by iwillsavemyworld)

harp concerto in E-flat major, mvt. 1 (added by iwillsavemyworld)

and if you really just hate classical music in general:

4′33″ (cage)

a lot of these pieces apply in multiple categories, but I sorted them by which I think they match the most. have fun exploring classical music!

also, thank you to viola-ology and iwillsavemyworld for adding on! if you would like to add on your own suggestions, please reblog and add on or message me so I can give you credit for the suggestion!

[heavenly-garden]

Thank you! I’ve been listening to classical for years and have yet to hear some of what you suggested.

[petermorwood]

Great selection!

Another choice for the “If You Want to Cry Buckets” section is “Valse Triste” (Sibelius) - especially if accompanied by the heart-rending sequence of an abandoned animated cat from Bozzetto’s Fantasia parody “Allegro Non Troppo”. Unforgettable.

Here it is; have hankies handy. Trust me on this…

More cheerfully, here’s my all-time favourite classical track - not just pleasing music, but laden with personal resonances. :-)

Concerto in E minor (D.56), especially the first part, Allegro 1 (Tartini)

From the needle-drop sound as it begins, that YouTube recording is actually taken from vinyl, which makes it all the more evocative.

The album “Concerti Per Violino, Uto Ughi, Violin; I Solisti Veneti directed by Claudio Scimone”, released the previous year, was featured and reviewed on the in-flight classical channel when I was flying to the USA one August with an engagement ring in my pocket. (August 1986, that was…)

I hadn’t slept the night before, surprise! so I checked out with earphones on and heard many, many subconscious repeats.

By the time I went back in December to get married, @dduane had bought me the album; I still have it, as well as two copies - one got lost but was found again - of the CD.

Amazon have both editions.

Recommended, and then some. You can’t have my memories, but maybe it might become part of your own.