I have recently started to go to a clinic for neurodivergent kids, and am in the early phases of getting a diagnosis on what the actual fuck is wrong with me(as one does), specifically for my anger issues, mood swings, problems with keeping relationships with other people, self discipline et cetera.
And my parents wouldn't take me to one since I learned to somehow work myself, as in;
knowing that if I don't show gratitude or happiness at gifts and social events, I'd be called ungrateful, so I put up the act, even if I can;'t fully process it all, often causing me to doubt if I even feel any real happiness at all
if I need to move, or my hands really itch, I either put them in my pockets, or behind my back, or just do this thing with tensing and relaxing the muscles in my legs(sometimes works, sometimes not, so I hardly end up not picking at my nails or skin)
if I feel overwhelmed by a situation, I either say I'm really tired 'cause I didn't get enough sleep, or just did a lot of things that day(if the person is right, which is a very specific category), or I tell myself to suck it up, and daydream while pretending to listen
whenever I have to do something like cleaning or cooking, on days when I don't feel like doing shit, I put on some music, and let my hands and feet carry me
if I feel like my siblings are about to make me snap(which is about three times a day), I get out of the situation ASAP before I kick them or start shouting slurs at them(which happens 9 out of 10 times, and either way, I'm seen as the ungrateful little shit that wouldn't take care of their brothers, and should be restrained)
And 'cause I've learned to somehow work my life, I was deemed the 'responsible, good child', and the only one amongst my siblings that does not qualify for the Autism or ADHD sticker.
