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IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED âthe fresh prince of denmark yo hollaâ
oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:
cracks me up every time
Isle of Dogs: This movie is about a bunch of dogs sent from Japan to live on an island.
Me: Oh nice
Isle of Dogs: As well as the 12 year old boy who steals a government plane to fly to the island to find his dog.
Me: *sobbing* Fucking relatable
most people in skyrim: yeah about 500 years ago tiber septim founded the empire and then about 200 years ago the oblivion crisis happened and thats just about every important event
every nord: at the DAWN OF TIME my greeat great grandfather HANDS FUCK-BEARD, the greatest hero who EVER LIVED, built this farm with with nothing but his NUTS
Insist on rolling all your dice in secret, allegedly to help immersion. In fact you are hiding that you donât have any dice. Due to a mix up your die bag contains twenty very small mice, and the number you roll is how many look up and smile at you when you open the bag.
every time i get a nat 20 i start crying i love them
Stop saying this is cute, our DMâs mice are too happy and our elf keeps almost dying.
Me: *drops something while eating*
My pet, running at 876 mph towards the dropped food: time to C O N S U M E
starbucks barista: ive got a caffe mocha for⊠ârussian spyâ?
everybody: [remains seated and eyes each other suspiciously]
barista [throwing his CIA badge at the floor in defeat]: dammit i thought for sure that would work
Memes that are funny in 2018 and 1958
im going to the forest does anybody want anything?Â
pined cone
Today a student emailed over a draft of his essay on 1984 and had clearly used a thesaurus on every single word, and how I know this is because the the party slogan âBig Brother is watching youâ had become âEnormous Sibling is viewing youâ and I lauged so hard I cried
you: big brother
me, an intellectual: enormous sibling
âThis is a song that offers you a Hobsonâs choice. Itâs called You or Your Memory.â
â John Darnielle introducing You or Your Memory, Northsix on 2005-05-07
My mom told me to stop vapeing in the house and my dad just texted me this
Update:
Math is just one long series of âlearn this so you can learn thatâ and by the end of it, all youâve really learned is that thereâs software that does these calculations for you
that was always my problem with math classes and I didnât really appreciate math until I took logic courses and worked with if/then scenarios and finally algebra made sense
also stats should be required for every humanities student fight me
OK no but I have OPINIONS on this and I am going to share them with y'all because this is one of my biggest complaints about math education in this country.
Because yeah, you know what? Everyone should be allowed to use Wolfram Alpha on their exams. Everyone should be allowed to type â12 lightyears in kilometersâ into Google during a test. Â
Because yes, this software exists, and this fake âwell you wonât have a calculator with you everywhere you go!â garbage is getting old, tbh.  This idea that you need to be able to do stuff the old-fashioned way or it âdoesnât countâ is⊠to what purpose, exactly?
But you know whatâs even more important than that????
A large number - an enormous numberâ of people cannot figure out what to plug into Excel in order to get the right answer.  And that is the most damning failure of our mathematics educational system.
Talk to me all you want about how students have to do the calculations by hand or they wonât understand the impact.  Sure, yes, youâre very clever â Iâve read Asimovâs The Feeling Of Power too, you know â but your argument is BULLSHIT unless you can demonstrate that students actually do understand the impact and import of the calculations as a result of them doing hundreds of calculations by hand.
Can you demonstrate that? Â Because I can bloody well demonstrate the opposite.
I donât care if you can do the calculations. No one does calculations by hand anymore, because humans suck at calculations. So let the robots do it. The robots do it well, and quickly. I care if you can tell the robot what to calculate. And most people canât.
I actually made this deal with one of my algebra students: I will tell you how to set up the problem, and then you can do it by hand. OR you can set up the problem, and then you can ask Siri to do it. Â I donât care; itâs up to you. Â But the student always chose to use Siri (because Siri is cool, and because he thought it was easier and he was âgetting awayâ with something), and that is fan-fucking-tastic because you know what? Knowing how to turn a word problem into something that Siri can solve is so much more useful than knowing how to multiply fractions.
Because word problems are what we face. Â Turning a project proposal into a set of numbers that Excel can calculate for you is an ACTUAL thing that you will ACTUALLY have to do in your ACTUAL life. Â And itâs all very well to know that subtracting a negative means you turn it into a positive and add it. But if my coworker doesnât understand why subtracting the loss from the project budget results in a number higher than the project budget, then you have failed. *
How much money do you need to have by May in order to get to Comic Con and cover food and shelter and entrance fees while youâre there? How much money do you need to save per month in order to get that total? Â How many commissions will you need in order to earn that much per month? Yes, software can help with the calculations, but you need to know what to ask the software to do. And if my coworker can never remember whether to add or subtract trading fees from the dollar amount traded, then you have failed.*
Algebra is fucking everywhere â every if-then scenario when you donât have all the information youâd like to â but no one will ever walk up to you and ask you to find x. Â You have to figure out what x is, and how to set up the equation around it, and then the software can help you. Â
So fuck calculations. Fuck subtracting fractions and memorizing the unit circle and the definition of derivative. What if we tried actually teaching some fucking mathematics?
(Also stats. Yes. So much stats. For everyone. Stop teaching calculus â hell, stop teaching trig â and teach statistics instead. So much better for everyone involved.  But weâd have to start teaching statistics in a not-stupid way, which is an entirely different rant.) *All examples here taken from real life, and no, they are not all the same coworker. They are all different coworkers, because that is how widespread this problem is. Also, did I mention the part where Fuck The Mathematics Educational System That Exists In This Country Right Now?
my cat is licking himself loudly and wetly, somewhere in this pitch-black room, and it sounds like thereâs an old man eating a bowl of chili in the dark with me
Me spending any money that's physical cash and not in my bank account total : this doesn't count as spending, it's not real. It doesn't exist