Venting To The Void @ifidierightnow-blog - Tumblr Blog

I'm so jealous of people who drink and pass out. I just drink and get worse

Ok but hear me out, what if I died RIGHT NOW? Like literally right now, now, right in this instant, exactly and precisely NOW. Now. Riiiight NOW. Now? How about now? Then how about now? Now? Now? Right... NOW! Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now nownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownonwonnnnnOW NOW. NOW. NOW? NOW. N O W NOW NOW Please. Now now now now now now nowwwww NOW NOW PLEASE PLEASE NOW NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I BEG OF YOU N WO NOW NOW NO WNONIW N OW PL EASE NOW please right now

She doesn't like me that way and that's fine Nobody likes me that way and that's fine This is fine I'm fine

#5:31am

Here's a thought

IF I killed myself, would it REALLY be so bad? Like, what's the difference? Everyone makes it seem like it would be the wooorst thing if someone killed themselves, but really I'm genuinely asking what's the damn difference? Why should I keep living? Why does it matter at all. I'm so tired and that sounds so good right now

#8:46am

You better believe I'll use the last of my money to buy this shit I don't need because I am a useless piece of shit that even after years of evidence still believes buying things will somehow make the sadness go away

I feel like a weak stupid piece of shit when I receive help. I feel like a desperate dog when I receive affection. I feel like a selfish asshole when I need someone to listen to my problems. It feels so good receiving help. It's amazing when someone is affective towards me. I feel so relieved when someone listens to my problems. I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to live I want to live I want to live Get away from me Help me

#either way I'm dying #is this a cry for help?#1:50am

HEY HI I WANNA DIE

#venting

Having friends fucking sucks What? Now I feel guilty for wanting to kill myself? Bullshit

I had a friend over one day and we were chilling in the couch watching videos and laughing. My mother has a weird obsession with me wearing earrings, which I don't like and tried to convince me to use some new ones she bought, I declined and then proceeded to try and talk my friend into taking her side too (my friend knows I'm trans and would never purposely hurt me, but at the moment she didn't know what to do) it was very awkward and soon shit started to get serious. She grabbed my arm and corned me in the couch trying to force the earrings in my already closed pierced ears. The pain was terrible since the holes had already partially closed, she didn't care, I tried not to cry in front of my friend, who couldn't do anything but watch in horror as my ears bled a little, but there was so much pain. She finished, looked proudly at her work on my red ears and walked away smiling like nothing happened. It took me 20 minutes to stop shaking

#1:42am

I never went to many parties when I was younger (I still don’t) but when I did my mom used to groom me entirely, what clothes to wear, what shoes and what kind of hairstyle. I always told her her choices were REALLY dated and/or not appropriate for the kind of party I was invited to, she never listened to me so I always felt out of place and overdressed. One day I didn’t tell her about it and I just wore a shirt and jeans, when I came to the party I felt slightly better, until two girls came to me and told me that “They’re glad that I finally look normal” they snickered and left. I never went to another of their parties after that

#1:34am

I was getting in the classroom for my chemistry class and the lights were turned off (despite that there were people in) as I turned them on I jokingly asked why was it so dark in there, I heard the voice of one of my classmates saying "so we don't have to see you"

#1:23am

One time some kids thought it would be funny to light up a popular type of firework that imitates a gunshot sound during lunch time on school, they did and I had a panic attack. While the teacher was coaxing me out of it I heard someone whisper “like a scared horse” and laugh

#5:59am

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