This stillborn double-headed fawn was found by Kevin Serres.
Poor boys :(
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@igntrboy
This stillborn double-headed fawn was found by Kevin Serres.
Poor boys :(
āI hate to kill her but she sucks,ā is a fucking brutal line.
french recipes: if youāre not making this in paris then whatās the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.Ā
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay thatās it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isnāt quite right. I donāt know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE
Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.
Lebanese recipes: If you donāt have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you arenāt doing it right.
Indonesian recipes: have you added spices? Add some just in case. Eat with rice. Itās not a proper meal until thereās rice in it. You just had bread/burger/cake/pizza? Eat rice anyway or youāll die of starvation
Bonus Javanese recipes: Have you added sugar? What do you mean itās meant to be salty/sour/spicy/something else? ADD SUGAR.TO IT
Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because weāre going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.
Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, donāt do the last things. consider serving it with jam
Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.
Indian recipes: spend two weeks digging the required spices out of your cupboards. Chop onions until you cry. Fry onions with spices until evey pore in your body is open, let the fragrance seep into your skin, become one with the curry.
german recipes: this meal isnāt what you think it is. it has 164 different names in different regions. itās either made of potatoes, served with potatoes, or itās cake. thereās a 50% chance itās actually austrian, but donāt tell anyone.
belarusian recipes: ācook over a slow fire until doneā. how many degrees is a slow fire? when is ādoneā? what am i even cooking thereās no picture and the only ingredients are honey and cornflower
turkish recipes: āif you do this, thereās really -REALLY- good change that youāll die because everything is too spicy or too sweet but here we goā
romanian recipes: if you donāt already know the ingredients and directions by heart then what are we doing here
Brazilian recipes: make an extra sweet (preferably with chocolate) version of other cultureās food (sushis, hot dogs, pizzas, kibes, sfeehas, spaghetti made of chocolate; strawberry sashimis, banana burritosā¦)
American South recipes: put a stick of butter in it. Ā Oh, you already put butter in? Well, bless your heart honey, but go ahead and put another stick of butter in there.
Polish Recipes: potato? Potato.
Lithuanian Recipes : Youāll need mushrooms from THIS EXACT forest , and good luck knowing what spices you need because every version of this recipe is different ,youāll either cook it too long or too little and it wonāt taste the way you remember it from childhood ADD MORE MUSHROOMS FROM THE ROOTS OF THE TWELFTH TREE IN THIS FOREST
Croatian recipes: add vegeta. did you put some vegeta? i need you to put some vegeta there
Hungarian recipes: add more paprika and/or sour cream. More. More. MORE. And if you mention that you find it too greasy/spicy, youāre disrespecting our ancestors back to Attila the Hun.
Cajun recipes: go out to the bayou and kill three aquatic animals at random. make a roux. cook the aforementioned three animals in the roux with the entire contents of your spice cabinet
New Mexico: Green chillis. NO MORE GREEN CHILLIS.
West Indian recipes: What do you mean you need a recipe? You should have learned it from your mother. No mother, stupse, you donāt have an aunt or a cousin? You must know someone who can teach you. You donāt have anybody? Stupse⦠Starve.
MATER from CARS is gay and canāt drive!
requested by anon
Some retail complaints from twitter this morning. I donāt think anyone can fully comprehend how stupid humans are until they work a retail or hospitality job.
My (least) favorite is when you give them an answer they donāt want/expect so they ask over and over in hopes of getting a different answer.
āDo you carry [thing]?ā
āNope, sorry.ā
āYou donāt carry it?ā
āNo.ā
āNot even in white?ā
āWe do not carry it in a box, we do not carry it with a fox. We do not carry it on a train. We do not carry itāā
it really is next to impossible to write realistic sibling dialogue, I just passed my brother on the stairs and instead of greeting each other like human beings I said āborn survivorā and he said āyoutube rewind. letās set it to rewind.ā like you aināt gonna find that shit in a novel
aw man writing siblings is so wild because sometimes you just canāt portray it
me and my little brother donāt even greet each other - if we pass each other on the stairs or in the corridor, we jump into ridiculous fight stances then feign karate chopping and slapping each other (stopping just before we make contact) whilst makingĀ āHIIIYAā and āPOWā noises for a solid 30 seconds, then silently walk off and continue what we were doing
and then sometimes heāll either just do the Had To Do It ToĀ āEm pose when I enter the room or dab as a greeting
exactly! I have three younger brothers and the original post was just about the oldest, the middle one and me usually do some kind of elaborate dab also, and a lot of the time when I see the youngest I just yell his name like a wrestling commentatorā¦siblings have a different language
my twin brother and I just point at each other like that spider-man meme if we see each other at school
every time we see each other my brother and i raise our elbows and start walking at each other/ standing completely still
its exactly like this
anyone else remember in highschool being forced to attend a fake drunk driving scene complete with ambulances pulling in and pronouncing your classmate dead and putting him in a body bag and taking him away while his girlfriend sobs and then the subsequent funeral with pamphlets and his girlfriend giving the eulogy or no
no?? what the fuck kind of school did you go to?
an american one
all the notes on this post are either āwhat the fuckā or āyeah my school did that too lmaoā
im going to have a stroke
Instead try⦠Person A: You know⦠the thing Person B: TheĀ āthingā? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda⦠THE FISHING ROD
As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:
Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he saysĀ āā¦.Ahā¦.. that must be a Russian one thenā¦.ā
Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the wordĀ āprĆ©servatifes.ā Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
Defined a slang term for meā¦ā¦. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He saidĀ āI donāt knowā and turned to me and askedĀ āIs there an English equivalent forĀ ŠŃŠ¼ŠøŠ·Š¼Š°ŃŠøŃŠµŃŠŗŠøŠ¹?ā and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turnedĀ āHow stressful!ā intoĀ āWhat stressing!ā
Bilingual characters are great but if youāre going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And itās usually 10x funnier thanĀ āOoops itās hard to switch back.ā
Pronouncing your own name with a foreign accent in mid conversation because you canāt switch the accent gears fast enough and then wincing at yourself as your ears scream bloody murder at you.
SICKO MODE š¹
Parents need to stop staying in loveless marriages just because they have kids. Stop sacrificing your happiness just so your kids can grow up in a 2 parent household. Itās toxic for the kids to grow up watching a dysfunctional marriage because it warps their perception of what love actually is. I know they think theyāre doing whatās best for everyone, but itās really not.
FRIENDS! FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS!!
I am a finalist in a design contest for the official NASCAR pace cars at the June and August 2019 Michigan races!!!! If my designs are selected, they will be on the REAL, ACTUAL PACE CAR and friends, words cannot describe how many times I would die to see that happen.
If you could take 10 seconds to please vote for me, I would really appreciate it!! SO, SO MUCH.
And please do share this around, if youāre so inclined. <3333333 Usually I get pretty anxious about self-promotion but Iām trying to channel my inner Lightning McQueen and just roll up like I own the place, hahahahaha.
Hereās the link to vote: Michigan International Speedway Pace Car Design Contest!!!!
Iāve titled the red designĀ āRoasted Corn,ā because it was inspired by my top favorite existing NASCAR scheme, Justin Allgaierās Xfinity Corn Car. But I wanted to try to blend classic Mustang stripes with classic flames in order to celebrate the return of the Mustang to Cup in 2019.
The white design is titledĀ ā#NotMyEnergyCompany,ā because uh. My home is actually serviced by Michiganās other energy company. XP Itās inspired in part by Kyle Larsonās throwback scheme at Darlington this year, and in part by Matt Kensethās DeWalt schemeās black hood/roof.
VOTE YALL
Thank youuuuuuuu for the signal boost!!!!!
nsfw oc pt. 2
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YEASSSSSSSS
oc nsfw under the cut
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I REBLOGGED THAT GRINCH POST AND ITāS CAUSED A GODDAMN SHOCKWAVE EVERYONE ON DISCORD IS SENDING IT BACK TO ME
SERVERS ARE GETTING REARRANGED
@igntrboy I DID THIS FOR YOU
YOU MADE YOUR CAKE YOU MUST EAT IT TOO
I was inspired by @meru90ās vine redraws and this one reminds me intensely of elementary school bakugou (plus its just one of my faves)
ref:Ā https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPp7zlZbJCU