Jackson Storm Apologist

[sixpenceee]

This stillborn double-headed fawn was found by Kevin Serres.

[clauwn]

Poor boys :(

[paxamericana]

[vokodon]

“I hate to kill her but she sucks,” is a fucking brutal line.

[altonzm-deactivated20170213]

french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you

italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house

[thirdtimecharmed]

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

[svynakee]

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

[orriculum]

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

[digitalfare]

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

[jamesandlilys]

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

[monsterhighalumni]

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

[megatrcn]

Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE

[merak-zoran]

Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.

[allmyemptyspace-deactivated2021]

Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.

[demonessryu]

Indonesian recipes: have you added spices? Add some just in case. Eat with rice. It’s not a proper meal until there’s rice in it. You just had bread/burger/cake/pizza? Eat rice anyway or you’ll die of starvation

Bonus Javanese recipes: Have you added sugar? What do you mean it’s meant to be salty/sour/spicy/something else? ADD SUGAR.TO IT

[silver-millennial]

Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.

[stammsternenstaub]

Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.

[loonydoc13]

Indian recipes: spend two weeks digging the required spices out of your cupboards. Chop onions until you cry. Fry onions with spices until evey pore in your body is open, let the fragrance seep into your skin, become one with the curry.

[athenastudying-deactivated20220]

german recipes: this meal isn’t what you think it is. it has 164 different names in different regions. it’s either made of potatoes, served with potatoes, or it’s cake. there’s a 50% chance it’s actually austrian, but don’t tell anyone.

[ay-federico-garcia]

belarusian recipes: “cook over a slow fire until done”. how many degrees is a slow fire? when is “done”? what am i even cooking there’s no picture and the only ingredients are honey and cornflower

[enjouyer]

turkish recipes: “if you do this, there’s really -REALLY- good change that you’ll die because everything is too spicy or too sweet but here we go”

[andromxche]

romanian recipes: if you don’t already know the ingredients and directions by heart then what are we doing here

[ginys]

Brazilian recipes: make an extra sweet (preferably with chocolate) version of other culture’s food (sushis, hot dogs, pizzas, kibes, sfeehas, spaghetti made of chocolate; strawberry sashimis, banana burritos…)

[notahotlibrarian]

American South recipes: put a stick of butter in it.  Oh, you already put butter in? Well, bless your heart honey, but go ahead and put another stick of butter in there.

[markwatneythespacepirate]

Polish Recipes: potato? Potato.

[darkstrangevirgilanxiboi]

Lithuanian Recipes : You’ll need mushrooms from THIS EXACT forest , and good luck knowing what spices you need because every version of this recipe is different ,you’ll either cook it too long or too little and it won’t taste the way you remember it from childhood ADD MORE MUSHROOMS FROM THE ROOTS OF THE TWELFTH TREE IN THIS FOREST

[viking-badger]

Croatian recipes: add vegeta. did you put some vegeta? i need you to put some vegeta there

[akasztofavirag-por]

Hungarian recipes: add more paprika and/or sour cream. More. More. MORE. And if you mention that you find it too greasy/spicy, you’re disrespecting our ancestors back to Attila the Hun.

[marzipanandminutiae]

Cajun recipes: go out to the bayou and kill three aquatic animals at random. make a roux. cook the aforementioned three animals in the roux with the entire contents of your spice cabinet

[lonelymountainson]

New Mexico: Green chillis. NO MORE GREEN CHILLIS.

[ashermajestywishes]

West Indian recipes: What do you mean you need a recipe? You should have learned it from your mother. No mother, stupse, you don’t have an aunt or a cousin? You must know someone who can teach you. You don’t have anybody? Stupse… Starve.

[stimman4000]

.

[yourfaveisgayandcantdrive]

MATER from CARS is gay and can’t drive!

requested by anon

[irrevocably-delicious2]

Some retail complaints from twitter this morning. I don’t think anyone can fully comprehend how stupid humans are until they work a retail or hospitality job.

[ladylaguna]

My (least) favorite is when you give them an answer they don’t want/expect so they ask over and over in hopes of getting a different answer.

“Do you carry [thing]?”

“Nope, sorry.”

“You don’t carry it?”

“No.”

“Not even in white?”

“We do not carry it in a box, we do not carry it with a fox. We do not carry it on a train. We do not carry it–”

[electricxmayhem]

it really is next to impossible to write realistic sibling dialogue, I just passed my brother on the stairs and instead of greeting each other like human beings I said ‘born survivor’ and he said ‘youtube rewind. let’s set it to rewind.’ like you ain’t gonna find that shit in a novel

[dead-men-disco]

aw man writing siblings is so wild because sometimes you just can’t portray it

me and my little brother don’t even greet each other - if we pass each other on the stairs or in the corridor, we jump into ridiculous fight stances then feign karate chopping and slapping each other (stopping just before we make contact) whilst making “HIIIYA” and “POW” noises for a solid 30 seconds, then silently walk off and continue what we were doing

and then sometimes he’ll either just do the Had To Do It To ‘Em pose when I enter the room or dab as a greeting

[electricxmayhem]

exactly! I have three younger brothers and the original post was just about the oldest, the middle one and me usually do some kind of elaborate dab also, and a lot of the time when I see the youngest I just yell his name like a wrestling commentator…siblings have a different language

[itssoldier76]

my twin brother and I just point at each other like that spider-man meme if we see each other at school

[asianartiste]

every time we see each other my brother and i raise our elbows and start walking at each other/ standing completely still

its exactly like this

[turing-tested]

anyone else remember in highschool being forced to attend a fake drunk driving scene complete with ambulances pulling in and pronouncing your classmate dead and putting him in a body bag and taking him away while his girlfriend sobs and then the subsequent funeral with pamphlets and his girlfriend giving the eulogy or no

[qvackjack]

no?? what the fuck kind of school did you go to?

[turing-tested]

an american one

[turing-tested]

all the notes on this post are either “what the fuck” or “yeah my school did that too lmao”

[gunvolt]

im going to have a stroke

[prideling]

Instead try… Person A: You know… the thing Person B: The “thing”? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

[artykyn]

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.

Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”

Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.

Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.

Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.

Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.

Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

[esper-aroon]

Pronouncing your own name with a foreign accent in mid conversation because you can’t switch the accent gears fast enough and then wincing at yourself as your ears scream bloody murder at you.

[teathattast]

SICKO MODE 👹

[emeraldflames]

Parents need to stop staying in loveless marriages just because they have kids. Stop sacrificing your happiness just so your kids can grow up in a 2 parent household. It’s toxic for the kids to grow up watching a dysfunctional marriage because it warps their perception of what love actually is. I know they think they’re doing what’s best for everyone, but it’s really not.

[despicablewench]

[whipplefilter]

FRIENDS! FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS!!

I am a finalist in a design contest for the official NASCAR pace cars at the June and August 2019 Michigan races!!!! If my designs are selected, they will be on the REAL, ACTUAL PACE CAR and friends, words cannot describe how many times I would die to see that happen.

If you could take 10 seconds to please vote for me, I would really appreciate it!! SO, SO MUCH.

And please do share this around, if you’re so inclined. <3333333 Usually I get pretty anxious about self-promotion but I’m trying to channel my inner Lightning McQueen and just roll up like I own the place, hahahahaha.

Here’s the link to vote: Michigan International Speedway Pace Car Design Contest!!!!

I’ve titled the red design “Roasted Corn,” because it was inspired by my top favorite existing NASCAR scheme, Justin Allgaier’s Xfinity Corn Car. But I wanted to try to blend classic Mustang stripes with classic flames in order to celebrate the return of the Mustang to Cup in 2019.

The white design is titled “#NotMyEnergyCompany,” because uh. My home is actually serviced by Michigan’s other energy company. XP It’s inspired in part by Kyle Larson’s throwback scheme at Darlington this year, and in part by Matt Kenseth’s DeWalt scheme’s black hood/roof.

[hauntedlimo]

VOTE YALL

[whipplefilter]

Thank youuuuuuuu for the signal boost!!!!!

[kaleidoscopedude]

nsfw oc pt. 2

Keep reading

[igntrboy]

YEASSSSSSSS

[kaleidoscopedude]

oc nsfw under the cut

Keep reading

[twerkstallion]

I REBLOGGED THAT GRINCH POST AND IT’S CAUSED A GODDAMN SHOCKWAVE EVERYONE ON DISCORD IS SENDING IT BACK TO ME

SERVERS ARE GETTING REARRANGED

@igntrboy I DID THIS FOR YOU

[igntrboy]

YOU MADE YOUR CAKE YOU MUST EAT IT TOO

[deactivated16489-deactivated202]

I was inspired by @meru90‘s vine redraws and this one reminds me intensely of elementary school bakugou (plus its just one of my faves)

ref: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPp7zlZbJCU