A Cryptid's Blog

How does one write fanfic, asking 'cause I seem to have forgotten.

[ulibeanzz]

[gffa]

#DAD POSE LINEAGE

[weaponizedwit]

[staff]

Thanks to CEO Jeff D'Onofrio for his 8 years at Tumblr. He was here for everything from the skeleton war to the Ever Given, but now he’ll be listening to the music playing from another room. ❤️

[adoraweisz]

oh tumblr…

[langernameohnebedeutung]

[princesshamlet-deactivated20210]

fuck disappearing under mysterious circumstances i want to start APPEARING under mysterious circumstances. walking through a deserted eerie forest? im there. exploring an abandoned 1930s mine that no human has set foot in for 55 years? there too. touching down on mars? guess whose annoying face you see poking out from behind a rover

[nepetea]

someone got this picture of bernie sanders watching this furry fight jack skellington at anime boston

[elvish-mysticcc]

This is the future that liberals want.

[mothurs]

friend: you look stressed me: haha yeah it’s the stress

[bahookies]

someone: where do you see yourself in 10 years?

me: 

[sleepsafe]

i like all those secret dogs underneath very stealthy

[lastvalyrian]

People are always talking about making John Green say “I love cocks” when it comes to having fun with tumblr’s ability to edit everyone’s posts but that one post where that person was saying fuckers and it got repeatedly edited to fudgers and meaners was 10000% funnier

[cosmic-aria]

This one?:

[goldturnedgray]

#none of this reaches the level of one time when staff made a post about a website update #and someone deleted the whole post and instead wrote #Were Deleting This Website Sayonara You Weeaboo Shits #i think about that literally every day its been ten years #every night i think to myself Sayonara you weeaboo shits (@cryptovocel) 

[katco-cereal]

[1-800-blurambles]

here u go 

[vermillion-tones]

choclay ornage is also pretty high up there

[pheygele]

this is one of my favorites for sure

[courtnashe]

Back when this site truly was lawless.

[lesbianshepard]

99% of all murders committed by women in ancient greek plays are completely justified

[lesbianshepard]

[ikariyuiofficial]

[ottermatopoeia]

Clytemnestra: crack? Is it crack you smoke?

[pens-swords-stuff]

[tacticaltaxonomist]

[pomeranian2]

[ruinedchildhood]

[suzythered]

ya’ll wanna talk about that complete mess of a pseudo archaeology article that the BBC uncritically published? The one that included such gems as “the ancient Egyptians who built the pyramids also built the megaliths in the UK and this is an Accepted Archaeological Theory™” and “those pots found in Egyptian tombs that contain cosmetics actually held lubricant for a complex machine…also the machine operators wore the pots on the top of their head while they operated it.”

[suzythered]

Here it is for those wondering.

There is…a lot to unpack about how bad this article is. 

The good folks over at BAJR have already started making formal complaints about it.

[lostinhistory]

I got as far as the illustration at the top of the page and started shrieking

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[thatlittleegyptologist]

Oh my god what the flying fuck is this?

Laird Scranton isn’t an Egyptologist, he’s literally an Ancient Aliens theorist. Then they ask an Engineer, who spouts some bullshit about the Djed pillar ‘possibly being an engineering device’ (it’s a back bone, it’s literally a fucking spine), then an archaeologist who’s like ‘erm no’ and then Campbell who gives it a charitable ‘well at least we can see how minds work’.

To go back to the ‘lubricant for machinery’ they’re kohl pots. KOHL POTS. They have kohl in them! We know because we tested it!

This is a classic ‘other people who know nothing about Ancient Egypt, gather round and decide all Egyptologists are bad at their jobs’ and I would like to make a complaint to the BBC for this shoddy reporting.

[normal-horoscopes]

I heard an ancient aliens conspiracy got summoned and good lord this is some Chariots of the Gods tier bullshit. A couple things:

Notice how the Pharaoh is lighter-skinned than the workers. That’s right out of the new-age techo-theosophist view that “all religious leaders throughout humanity are people who have been communicating with (White) psychic aliens who are guiding himanity.”

Also in the first illustration notice how one of the workers is giant. THAT’S a reference to a branch of new-age pseudohistory that claims humanity had an entire race of subservient giants called nephillem who built many of the ancient wonders of the world.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

I’d assumed it was racist, but I didn’t quite realise how racist, until you pointed these things out. Also we know how the Egyptians moved statues, they showed us here in the tomb of Djehutyhotep:

See that little guy pouring water next to the feet? He’s wetting the ground just enough so that the statue can be pulled along by the men in front.

[normal-horoscopes]

From what I’ve seen, English pseudoarcheologists are DESPERATE for the ancient English to be involved in the construction of the pyramids in some way. There are a thousand theories that attempt to route some element of their construction up to the British isles, from “actually they mined the limestone up here in England” to “actually they got the tin for their bronze tools up here in England” neither of which are true or even vaguely plausible.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

Gotta love my country. Not only is it responsible for like 80% of global colonial atrocities, we’re basically TERF island, and have the strongest white people need to claim the achievements of non white civs.

[teafrompari]

President Loki wallpapers

requested

like/reblog if you save ♥️

[toastbutteregg]

[bruhlsbees]

i’m fucking crying

[strongermonster]

i buried a sword my f*ther made in my back yard YEARS ago and i live on a large plot of land and i can’t for the fucking life of me remember where, is anyone out here psychic enough to point me in the right direction, i’m getting exhausted and can only dig so many fucking holes in a day. yes i’m being serious, i want the fucking sword back

[strongermonster]

can’t use a metal detector bc junk land + lockdowns so i’m just going to dig holes all weekend until my momther starts screaming

only 46 more plots to dig

[strongermonster]

i was rly unclear so, yellow is places where there’s structures or whatever so it’s not possible for it to be there. red x is where i’ve already been :(

not pictured; mother yelling at me thru the window to fill in and re-seed the holes i’m making

[strongermonster]

i was going to take a break bc it’s hot and i’ve been playing manual-labour-battleship for going on 3 hours now, but someone just told me “there’s better lies to make up for notes xoxo” so now i ha—i Have to find this sword to deliver it personally up their ass

[strongermonster]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LADS WE’RE IN 34 COULD THIS BE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA

[strongermonster]

MY FAMILY SWORD RETURNS TO ME

a girl reunited with her sword

[sock-bread]

[theconcealedweapon]

Think about why it’s illegal to hire a hit man.

All you’re really doing is speaking and giving someone money.

It’s legal to speak.

It’s legal to give someone money.

Even if they actually complete the job, you’re not the one who committed the murder.

So why is it illegal to hire a hit man?

Could it be because inciting violence is not protected under free speech?

And if that’s the case, why should free speech protect Nazis advocating genocide?

[suicunesrider]

Never reblogged something harder in my life