warnings: mentions of abusive relationship, depression, self harm & ed.
long post ahead. i decided to share a long rant about how my life was before i found out about the law & after i did. how i managed to cope with traumatic events & recurring suicidal thoughts. if any of these topics trigger you, then please skip the first part of this post! my success story will be on the third fragment of the post.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈: before the law of assumption
when i was fourteen years old i had my first ever boyfriend. he was, initially, what people would call “prince charming”. the first few months of dating him were perfect: he always made sure to look after me, bring me flowers, cuddle me when i asked him to and much more. he was also very cordial and well mannered; almost every person who knew him spoke highly of him. but little did i know, that i was actually living in a farce.
three months into our relationship and his demeanour started to switch gradually. at first, it was the smallest of things that made me question if he was still the same guy as before. he would no longer give me any of his attention, call me, comfort me or even buy me gifts (something that he often did). then, he started to mock me in front of his peers, get mad at any given time and verbally harass me. but nonetheless, i kept staying with him.
not long after, verbal abuse turned into physical abuse. he would lure me into his house after calling me, crying like a baby to convince me to come over. he would purposefully get angry at me for not tying my shoes “the way he told me to” or for not drinking water from the tap. after screaming at me and verbally abuse me for god knows how long, he would pick me up and slam me against the door and start chocking me. or he would slap me and beat me repeatedly on my stomach, arms and legs. he would do this for a good whole hour every time.
tw: sexual abuse after that, he would gaslight me and blame me for his behaviour. he would start crying and tell me “sorry” as i was lying on the floor with bruises all over my body. it wouldn’t take long before he would take me to his room to sexually assault me. i won’t go into detail about what he did, but you get the idea.
before taking the bus to get to my home, i would cover myself up as well as i could to hide my bruises and welts, not before trying my best to mask them with the makeup i had brought in my purse. this is why no one ever suspected anything bad going on. my parents are NOT to blame for this. i was the one hiding this from them, partially because i was ashamed of myself for being weak and frail and mostly because my boyfriend would threaten to kill me if i ever said a word to anyone.
this went on for months. after being abused, i would go home and lock myself in my room; i could do nothing if not cry and tear my hair apart from my scalp. unfortunately, this was the time i started self harming. i would do it in places where no one could see my scars and target my inner thighs. i was so ashamed of myself, but i just couldn’t stop hurting. all i wanted to do was die. what abuse did to me was: cause severe anxiety attacks to occur often, insomnia, fatigue, faint and so on. i even reached a point in life where i would stop eating completely or vomit the little food i ate during the day. in simple words, i became depressed.
at some point, i couldn’t hide this anymore: i was forcing myself to go to school because i wanted to make everyone believe i was fine, but my teachers & classmates started to worry about how i looked. at home, i could easily snuck into my room, stuff myself with clothes and lie to my parents about eating, but even they started to get suspicious. long story short, after passing out one day in school, i was taken to the hospital where i was diagnosed with and ed and depression. not being able to hide my body from anyone, the doctors saw all the leftover scars and fresh bruises from my abuse. this is when my parents’ worst fears came all up to surface. they immediately contacted the police to tell them about my boyfriend (he was eighteen at the time) and when he realized that he was in deep shit, he confessed to what he did, but blamed it on his “mental health”.
he was diagnosed with bpd and was left on probation, which wasn’t enough of a punishment for him. but thankfully, i found out that he was jailed not too long ago.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈: when my identity got exposed on tumblr (after finding out about the law)
after two years, i had managed to recover. not mentally, but physically. this was around the time i had opened my law of assumption blog. when i found the law (a year before opening my blog), i did a lot of research on it and wanted to test if it was actually real. that’s when i found out about neville goddard and started reading pdfs of his books online. while reading them, i found out about the “I AM” state, now commonly known as the “VOID” state.
i think some of you guys remember my void success story (the one i shared on tumblr a year ago), where i had manifested things such as my appearance, moving out of my country etc. when i posted it, it was actually a year old, meaning that i had went into the void * almost a year before opening my tumblr.
when i opened my tumblr blog (halokisses) in february of 2022, i started sharing my success stories and advice on the loass and i gained quite the platform rather quickly. in less than three months i had amassed over three thousand followers, which is a lot. but this was also the time when a lot of negative and deranged people interacted (in anon mode) with my account. I would receive asks of people blaming me because they “couldn’t” manifest or enter the void. or people threatening me in general. it was becoming super frustrating.
i have to admit, as much as i was manifesting great things in my life, i didn’t have the time to cherish them and actually live them out. although, that was nothing anywhere near what i experienced a few months later.
when i was on a break from posting in july (2022) and was only active on my Instagram, my identity was stolen and violated. someone had decided to pretend to have both of my real names (that i had privately shared with a few of you guys on ig) and plagiarize my content. when i rightfully confronted this person, they backfired and made me look like the crazy, bad person harassing them. this got a lot of people to start attacking me, harassing me, send me death and rape threats and much more.
after that, i chose to leave tumblr (not deactivate my account yet). those months were very hard for me. i kept having nightmares of my identity being completely exposed by the hands of this person, because in my mind, i thought they could find more information about me that i never put out on the internet. grief was all i could feel. i once again started blaming myself for simply deciding to say my name online and beating myself up because of this. this lead me to gather all of my trauma and link it all together.
this may sound insane to many of you, but when someone suffers from ptsd, it’s not impossible for them to let such things affect them deeply, even if, in my case, i was dealing with this online and not in real life. to clarify, i don’t compare this specific event to my abuse. but it is important to recognise that it damaged me nonetheless. i was suffering with steady negative thoughts, nightmares and even suicidal thoughts at times.
thankfully tho, i was able to expose this person a few months later and detach from the situation for a little bit. i still had a lot of work to do to fully reach internal peace. but i felt like i could finally breathe after months of impending frustration and anxiety.
𝐈. 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 with everything that happened to me was honestly a difficult task and it took me months to finally reach internal peace. i want to specify that this post was made with the intention to get my past off my chest and bury it away forever. i don’t want to discourage people or make them think that it takes “this much” time to manifest your dream life. this is MY personal experience and how i personally dealt with it. i couldn’t be more proud of myself for it. i’m such a strong woman and i’m still so young. i couldn’t thank myself enough for being so tough and for standing firm.
what i learned from all this is that it’s essential to fight for yourself and inner peace. that’s what matters the most for me. finding the loass and being able to combine it all together definitely played a big role and it proves to me, once again, that as of right now (and forever), i won’t have to worry about anything. my past is dead and so are the people who hurt me. they better try and come back, but this time i won’t be so forgiving. i won’t let anyone ruin me like this anymore.
𝐈𝐈. 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 has got to be my favourite success story ever. from the start, i had the feeling that i would succeed and justice would be made n that’s exactly how it went. but the real success happened within me. i am now free from the shackles of my trauma. i don’t worry about anything anymore. i don’t blame myself for what happened to me. i moved on and let go. i have all the means to get back at the people who hurt me and will use them with no hesitation if needed. i don’t ruminate on negative thoughts and live my life peacefully. everything works out for me & nothing gets in my way.
౨ৎ⋆｡˚ ⋆ i’m once again honouring myself and admitting how happy i am to be me. to think that i was just a little girl when i dealt with my abuse and succeeded… it makes me infinitely proud of me. words can’t express how much i appreciate my mind and soul. i worship every inch of my body and i’m not ashamed to say so. and everyone should think about themselves this way. if you went through the things i did, i hug you dearly. you are so strong and you will succeed. i love you and if you need a helping hand, i’ll always be here. there are people out there who care about you and i’m the very first one. you’re an angel, you’re a pure soul and you deserve only good things in life.
i hope that everything wasn’t too harsh to read, i tried to be as less detailed as possible, but wait! the post is not concluded yet.
here to read about my success story ˚◞♡
〔 as briefly mentioned at the very end on this post of mine, i changed many many things about my life and therefore what i might’ve manifested in the past has changed. note: this is everything i manifested in the last month or two. i worked on myself and on my mental health first of course. some of the things listed down here are very recent and date back to a few weeks, if not days ago.〕
a new appearance from head to toe. believe it or not, this is actually the third time i change my appearance lmfao i knowww, but i always feel the constant need to change. this time tho, i’m pretty sure i’ll keep my appearance the way it currently is !!
moving out of where i used to live before. i won’t say where i went, but i LOVE it here! everyone is so nice & caring and i’ve been welcomed with open arms. all i can say is that i’ve moved continents and it was the best decision i could ever make. it took me a short amount of time to move out.
my best friend to come live with me. to clarify, she doesn’t live in my house, but she moved out with her parents so we could stay close. i also manifested that the both of us could speak the local language fluently and perfectly!
school to start later than most schools here. i just want to enjoy summer a little bit more before the mind-breaking routine restarts (i’m obviously joking lmao, i love school. no i don’t). ++ i manifested to go to a prestige school! i also might’ve manifested it to look similar to harry potter’s castle and i love it! i genuinely can’t wait to start just for this.
travelling a lot more than i used to. my goal is to visit as many places around the world as possible and it’s something that i’ve been doing in the course of the past month. i’m taking so many pictures too with my new digital camera that *drum rolls* i manifested in literally a day! it was insane how fast it happened, but honestly i’m not surprised anymore because everything i desire manifests instantly.
to stay safe and protected at all times. over two years ago, when i went into the void, i had manifested my fighting skills and they’ve only gotten better overtime! imagine mikasa ackerman type of fighter, yeah that’s how i am so y’all better watch out.
healing & helping people deal with their trauma. this is so important to me and it’s honestly the favourite thing i manifested. it’s pretty self explanatory, but if you guys want to know more about this (and need help), please don’t be afraid to text me.
to pass all my tests, finals, etc. and i also manifested to shift into my “school dr” five minutes before each test (whether it’s oral or written) to get all the correct answers. i can’t wait to try this out, tho i still will be studying regardless, because i love doing so! (except for maths & chem lol)
for my parents & loved ones to forget what i went through as a young girl. basically, i revised them ever having trauma after me. it was the right decision to make and i’ll forever be thankful for it.
to revise and go to the weeknd’s concert!! i had a blast y’all this was one the best things i could ever think of. last year i couldn’t go to abel’s concert because i was on vacation, but i manifested going there anyways and now i have such a vivid memory of it + all the videos i took are in my camera roll.
to never spiral or dwell on my negative thoughts. letting go of traumatic events + always reminding myself of how strong and powerful i am and that nothing can get in my way. (aka always manifest instantly and successfully)
for all of my scars to be fully healed and for internal wounds to riparate + to never get ill or get terminal diseases (this works for my loved ones as well).
plus many more things that i can’t think of right now! ♡
before anyone asks, no i did not use the void or any other method. i don’t go into the void anymore, because there’s no need for it. it’s an instant state just like ANY OTHER.
you’re always in a state (your I AM=awareness). the void is just your awareness shifting into your I AM where you’re simply assuming that there’s emptiness around you, hence you’re not in your physical world.
here’s how i manifested my dream life:
i decided what I wanted. i had a deep self-to-self talk and understood EXACTLY my desires and wants. i asked my heart what it truly longed for. then i made my decision
i scripted a few things out, such as my full detailed appearance, where i would move out and how my school looked like. the rest of the stuff was not scripted. ♡ TIP: i find it easier to use pictures and put them all together in a collage to have a clear image of everything i’m changing.
i used my all-time favourite affirmation to seal the deal and ACCEPTED MY DESIRES AS REAL. the umbrella affirmation i used is: “it is done”. here’s some affirmations you can use:
i have everything i desire/want
*any word that you choose implies that you have what you want* ie: “pink”
ACCEPTANCE of myself and HAVING FAITH were the key steps of my journey. it was somewhat easy for me to tap into the STATE OF THE WISH FULFILLED since i had manifested many things before, however this does not imply that it should be hard for others to tap into it quickly and easily. you are always in a STATE, you just have to decide which one.
i sticked with MY STATE as much as i could: if i would get discouraged or suddenly get negative thoughts, i would let those thoughts hit and dip. i wouldn’t acknowledge them whatsoever.
NOTE: i would still interact with the 3d regularly. ie: if i had to write down where i lived, i put my old city as such and so on. but i kept on EXCLUSIVELY acknowledge my imagination (=4d) and dismiss the 3d. i KNEW i lived in x city in x country in x continent and moved on.
the 3d conformed. faster than the speed of light i might add. it might’ve felt odd, because i had never manifested such important things without the void (see, everything is possible and instant without the void), but everything worked out perfectly and went accordingly to plan ˘͈ᵕ˘͈
i would like to end this post by saying that it was 100% my choice to share about my past with you guys and in no way, shape or form i made this for others to feel pity or compassion for me. i don’t need it and don’t want it. i just felt ready and serene to share something really delicate about me to encourage people to always fight for themselves.
and this is also a rant to explain to people that if a blogger wants to share more about themselves and share sensitive topics like these, it’s because they want to. you shouldn’t be the one deciding for them or, worse, expose their personal life to the claws of the internet. this was a throughly made decision by ME ONLY.
i hope you guys found this post helpful and liked everything that i manifested! thank you for being here & for being patient and attentive.
