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The Lover and the Fool.

Royal Guard!Sevika x Princess!Reader

wc: idk I’ve just been vibing in notes

cw: steamy kissing, angst — argument (but nothing too bonkers)

nsfw !! men & minors DNI !!

You’d lost track of how many months it’s been since your first physical encounter with your royal guard. It happened so suddenly, fever stricken and reaching out for comfort your hand wavered for someone. Her hand took yours. It was warm, and strong. Her pulse steady while yours faded slowly. It was an illness that left you weak and delirious. Not to mention you were completely useless for royal duties. Your royal advisor made sure to remind you of that often. You weren’t sure if you were going to make it out. But you did eventually, you managed it, all thanks to Sevika.

Then came the late night talks in the garden. You weren’t easy to fall sleep. Even when you were young you’d toss and turn in your sheets no comfort to come. Now as an adult you’d either sit up at night and write in your many journals or you’d sneak out of your quarters. Sevika caught you once, the white of your gown rounding the corner. She was always tasked to protect you, and this moment was no acceptation. Protection above anything.

She caught up to you in a matter of moments, silent but thorough. Her ambery voice called for you. ‘Princess….’ with your name kindly attached. You paused halfway through the garden doors and turned to see her less than satisfactory face. She then lectured you on what could’ve happened if she wasn’t there. It humored you to see her get so flustered over it. It was your garden after all, you knew it like the back of your hand.

After a while she just started to accompany you. You circled the floral expanses for hours and she never seemed to tire. Or she never expressed it. You could tell sometimes. You would be talking about some annoying duty and she’d tuck her lips in to stifle the yawn that was dying to escape. Her eyes would water slightly from the strain. It was cute to you. She always humored your thoughts and ideas of things, never second guessing you.

Soon came the stolen glances during royal court meetings. Sevika cracking the smallest hint of a smile whenever your rolled your eyes at your advisor speaking to you about conquering land or meeting some man to suit. And while you knew of those who would literally kill to be where you were, you didn’t. This wasn’t your dream. It’s not what you want. You wanted…what did you want?

A warm smile greeted you at the steps of your carriage. You at one point had finally convinced Sevika to accompany you to your kingdoms fall festival. After some expertly crafted disguises (just a cloak and wig - your idea) you were able to roam around the people of your land. That’s the night you were able to let loose, dance, eat, and drink. And gods did you drink. Sevika constantly had to slip the goblet of sweet wine from your grasps and usher you back towards the castle. You don’t remember much besides the feeling of Sevikas hands on your waist and her voice guiding you down the safest path. Oh and that unshakable sense of security and longing.

It happened in the rain. The kiss that changed everything. As cliche as it sounds it turns out running from your castle when your advisor tells you of a future marriage was quite the romantic fuel. You tried to hide out. Not in the garden, that’s where they’d expect you. You’d gone this long without the need of marriage. You’d built a successful empire without the help of a man, how dare your court still suggest this on you. It angered you. It scared you most. You ran and ran through the forest behind your castle.

When she found you, you were leaned against the break wall of a barely standing water mill. She ran from the edge of the forest to you. Her words came out frantic and harsh. She was worried, panicked even. But then she saw your face, the way your chin quivered, your chest heaved, and the way your eyebrows upturned in sadness. Her words silenced and she immediately pulled you in an embrace.

It was sudden. The kiss. One moment you were apologizing for running off and scaring her. The next you were telling her why you were upset. Her hand caressed your face and wiped away hot tears. You told her about how much you liked her. She made you feel like you couldn’t think about anything but the two of you. Then you kissed her. It was chaste.

Sevika barely had time to register what had just happened before her body made the next move for her. She had leaned down and cupped your face with both hands now, to kiss you again. This time it was sweet and passionate. Your lips overlapped softly. You had never been kissed by a woman, nor had you went out of your way to kiss one. But this felt right, it felt safe, and it felt like home. Sevika smelled like the chai you always caught her making in the middle of the night when she wasn’t at her station. She also smelled like ambery musk, and your library she’d sit with you in when you did paperwork. Her hand slid from your cheek and down your body line.

Her thumb traced over the outside of your bodice as her other fingers traced down your back. You vibrated under her touch, it was everything and more. Her mouth was warm and precise as she kissed you. You could tell she was holding back though. You couldn’t help but wonder how many other women she kissed like this. Could she tell she was your first? Was it pitiful for you to have such a strong feeling towards her? When she pressed you to her closer you let out a soft gasp. Your thighs squeezed together independently from your mind. Was this normal? Everything felt tingly and tight between your thighs. You hoped she couldn’t tell you were shifting like that under your dress. And when she finally pulled back you were sure you were looking at her like a drunken lover.

You promised you’d both never tell.

The many weeks after this kiss was now filled with similar occurrences. The two of you had been sneaking off to kiss and touch one another for months now. Seasons changed and so did your feelings for one another. Sevika knew it was wrong, it wholly was against her duties as a protector to be involved. She didn’t want to care about it anymore but it did, it weighed heavily on her heart. Sevika was a loyal person, to a fault at times. Now the conflict in her heart affected her duties. Especially now that you were on track to find someone permanent in your life and it could not be her.

Jealousy would take over. Sevikas jealousy burned slowly. She’d have to escort you to meeting with other royals and nobles. She’d stand across the room and watch you laugh and perform nicitjes with these pompous men. And while she knew you were just acting, that after the meeting these men you’d be in her arms. That you’d share about your days annoyances and grievances from the day. But it was maddening and it affected her work. She found herself overstepping her duties, interfering with directions given to you from your royal advisor, and distracting you just to have you to herself.

The sun was setting low now and you watched from the comfort of Sevikas arms. Her skin was so warm and a little sticky from the events prior. The image of her head between your thighs still replayed in your mind. You let out a soft groan as you stretched. Your eyes followed up Sevikas neck towards her grey eyes.

“Hey.” You said softly as you shifted positions to lay more on her torso. “What’re you thinking of?” You smiled and kissed her lips softly.

“Nothing…” she shook off whatever was on her mind to return your kiss. Her hand rubbed gently at the slope of your back.

A soft but worried smile graced your face before you spoke again. “Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” Her response was nothing but brief.

You sighed softly before hugging her neck. “You’re not very convincing.”

“Don’t worry about it, Princess.”

You would worry regardless. Your hand reached the side of her face and your stroked her cheek gently. The action was mostly to soothe yourself rather than your lovers. After a moment of silence and decided to speak up.

“I…I was wondering something.”

Sevika tilted her head to the side slightly. “Yes?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get away from here?” Your tone was wistful and romantic.

“Like on a getaway or something?” She inquired.

“Mm…” you shifted a little under the covers, your legs now crossed over hers. “More permanent.”

Sevika stiffened a little. An awkward laugh rattled from her chest. Your hand stilled on her cheek.

“What?”

“Permanent how? Surely you can’t mean what I think you mean.” Sevika sighed out in weariness.

“What do you think I mean?” Your voice carried softly by her ear. Your face was still warmly pressed to the crook of her neck.

Sevika cleared her throat. “You’re suggesting you and I run away from your royal duties for good? For me?”

You nodded. “For us. I love you, you know. Deeply. I want to be free of this so we can have our own life. A future. Maybe a home in your hometown by the cities? I was thinking we a pet or two? Maybe a few offspring. I’ll learn to bake that bread you like with the,”

“No.” Her words cut harshly. Whatever dream you were having of the two of them was sliced in half by that simple word.

“No?” You sat up a little. Your eyebrows twisted in confusion. “What do you mean no? No to the offspring?” You laughed nervously. “O-or the pets. I mean we can truly do whatever. Once we are away from here-“

Sevika cut you off again. “No to that dream. No to you loving me.” Her eyes were intense, a grey storm.

“What? How can I just not love you. And you told me you felt the same!” Your finger pointed towards the woman beneath you. “Or did you forget?”

Sevika moved your hand from her face and shifted you off of her. She shook her head. You watched as her body started to move to get out of the bed.

“Did you?!” Your voice raised louder. “You said we were in this together. That night by the lake!” Your breath caught in your chest.

Sevika covered her face in frustration. “Would you just-!” She nearly growled out that last part, she hated when you yelled, when you were upset. “I never said I loved you. I feel affection towards you. Strongly. But I cannot love you. It’s not possible.”

Your mouth fell open instantly. What did she mean by that? This whole time you were under the impression everything was mutually the same. The feelings, the attraction, the romantic ties. You felt a sharp pang in your chest. Heartache? Sevika got up from the bed and grabbed her undergarments hastily. You watched her pull her clothes on her body. Something you once did in love, now in heartbreak.

“Of course it is possible! Anything is possible with you in my life. Do you not understand that?” You climbed out of bed as well. You brought the sheets either you and quickly wrapped them around your body.

“Sevika! Is this about your status? Sev I don’t care about that. You know that.” Your voice hitch in your throat again, tiny and panicked.

“We cannot keep doing this anymore. This has to end. All of this. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.” Her jaw clenched and her eyes averted from yours. “ I am your guard, nothing more, nothing less. I’m failing my duties because of you.”

“Your duties? Is that all you can think of? What about us? All our time together. When we lay together. Everything! You are beacon of light in my life. I don’t want anything or anyone else but you.” Your voice was beginning to waver. You could feel the hot tears filling your ducts. “How dare you tell me all of this is but my silly dream! Like it’s my fault!”

Sevika looked at you with her jaw set. This was fucking unbearable. Her throat was tight with tears that would never reach her eyes. Her breath stayed somewhat steady. All she could do was stare back at you as you poured everything she already knew of you out on the floor. It was as though you dug your nails into your own flesh, baring your bones, your organs caged underneath, and your heart fighting for its life for her attention.

“It is! You’re driving me up a wall. You’re changing me and I cannot afford to lose my position here.” Sevikas voice raised in frustration, blistering hot.

You looked at her stunned, confused. The salt from your tears tasted sweet on your tongue compared to the ripping of your heart. You clutched at the rumbled up bed sheets and held them tighter to your chest as some form of self soothing. It wasn’t working.

“But I’m in love with you Sevika, you can’t…” You raised your voice.

“It must pass. You’ve got your true future planned out. And I cannot be apart of it more than a guard.”

“Please. Please don’t do this—!” Your shaking hand grabbed at Sevikas hand tightly. “Wh-what are you just going to ignore this even happened?!”

Sevikas eyes looked away from your face and she gently pulled her hand away. “Please get dressed, your highness. I’ll have someone meet you in the hall to escort you to your next location.”

You watched in horror as Sevika turned her back on you. She didn’t even speak your name, just formalities. How could she change everything so swiftly, like it was so easy, like it never mattered. Your heart was beating out of your chest, that blood rush creeping in your ears once again. You search for anything in the room. Your hand found one of your slippers before you hurled it across the bedroom. The slipper met the back of Sevikas shoulder with a thump. Nothing to phase her though.

When she finally made it out of the bedroom and closed the door, she pressed her back to it. Her chest was heaving and she stifled back tears. From the other side she could hear you yelling, crying. The sound of you collapsing onto the hard floor was enough. She quickly stepped from the door and darted down the corridor.

“It had to be done.” A man’s voice carried low as Sevika passed him. A spindly hand grabbed her shoulder and tugged her close. “Don’t let it happened again.” Royal advisor Silco said with ice in his words.

Sevika didn’t say anything, her shoulder jerked away from his touch and she continued down the hall.

a/n — yippeee!!! she’s done she finished something again !! so like this was supposed to be an imagine but I think I’m gonna turn it into a 3 part fic? I’m not sure it really depends on demand so PUHLEASE let me know if y’all want the other parts. Let me know how you enjoyed it. I’ve never really written angst so tell me how you liked it. Suggestions etc — also sorry idk the wc I was just vibing ! also I was feeling silly with the colored text just ignore me — also also LOL I wasn’t sure if it was lame to make Silco the royal advisor but I couldn’t think of anyone else…so

thanks for reading !! <3

dividers by @/uzamachiato

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