I'm Allan. I'm Ken's buddy. All his clothes fit me.
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@illouminating
I'm Allan. I'm Ken's buddy. All his clothes fit me.
MICHAEL CERA as ALLAN in Barbie (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig
it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
I saw this just after it was first posted and want to update: it hasn't been long, but WOW is this making a difference.
And it is one thousand times funnier.
every single fandom tried to claim themselves on 1989 tv and in the end it’s no features GOOD FUCKING BYE it’s you and me that’s my whole world
it’s so funny please
being in your 20s is not about love or education or careers. it is about constantly being exposed to mold & being greatly fatigued from it
I am Kenough.
YES I COULD TELL YOU HIS FAVORITE COLOR’S GREEN, HE LOVES TO ARGUE, OH AND IT KILLS ME, HIS SISTER’S BEAUTIFUL HE HAS HIS FATHER’S EYES AND IF YOU ASK ME IF I LOVE HIM IF YOU ASK ME IF I LOVE HIM, I’D LIE
today i overheard a girl say "no, f*ck that. i will be lovely to everyone. maybe some people will remember they have a heart."
Source
folklore | July 24, 2020. I've told these stories to the best of my ability with all the love, wonder, and whimsy they deserve. Now it's up to you to pass them down.
To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn't about horses I lost interest.
BARBIE (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig
ISLA FISHER AND HUGH DANCY
CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (2009) dir. P.J. Hogan
FOLKLORE – JULY 24, 2020
It started with imagery. Visuals that popped into my mind and piqued my curiosity. Pretty soon these images in my head grew faces or names and became characters. I found myself not only writing my own stories, but also writing about or from the perspective of people I've never met, people I've known, or those I wish I hadn't. A tale that becomes folklore is one that is passed down and whispered around. Sometimes even sung about. The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible. Speculation, over time, becomes fact. Myths, ghost stories, and fables. Fairytales and parables. Gossip and legend. Someone's secrets written in the sky for all to behold.
so often i see p&p being marketed on the merit of its canonization as a classic alone. so this was fun to see… like it’s just some random romance!! the description is so fun and silly. so basically it just actually reflects the real humor of austen’s writing.
Things I wish women were learning from true crime podcasts: how to spot early warning signs of abusive relationships, how to escape abusive relationships, how easily domestic violence can escalate to murder, how incredibly unlikely it is to be the victim of a crime done by a complete random stranger as opposed to friends and family
What women are learning from true crime podcasts: I am in CONSTANT danger and every day I survive without being murdered by a serial killer is a miracle. I should react to everyone I meet with distrust and paranoia and live my life as if I am in mortal peril and if anyone suggests that might not be healthy then they just don't understand what it is to Be A Woman In Today's Society
I was a weird kid and am now a weird adult but I wake up every day and thank god I wasn’t a weird kid in the age of tiktok and putting your face and government name next to dogshit takes