Baby, look what you've done to me.

22. Mommy and wife. Sometimes nsfw. Don't be afraid to say hi!!!

[tonyspepper]

 insp.

[capswilson]

Someone PLEASE give RDJ an award

[black-bloc-antifa]

[catchymemes]

[devilsss-dyke-deactivated202202]

we start our training young here in the sunshine state

[boy-and-girl-crazy123456]

Holy shit

[christianstepmoms]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Cyntoia Brown is finally free!

[robertstiltskin]

GoFundMe created to help Cyntoia Brown build a new life after prison surpasses $15,000

A GoFundMe page created to help Cyntoia Brown build a new life after she is released from prison next week has surpassed $15,000.

There's also a fund page for her to help her get a good start on life after being in prison for so long!

https://www.gofundme.com/cyntoia-brown-post-clemency-life-jumpstart-fund

[tiktoks-we-like]

[tired-gay-bean]

Comedy fucking gold I’m sorry

[sandersstudies]

Somebody tell Hollywood I've found proof that a plot twist can be predictable and yet still amazing.

[glassescat]

OK SO I WAS AT THE FABRIC STORE AND I WALKED BY SOME MEMORIAL DAY THEMED FABRIC AND 

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

WHY ARE THE ABS SO DETAILED AND NOT THE FACE WHAT

OMFG LINCOLN LOOKS LIKE EDWARD CULLEN WITH A BEARD I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS SHIT

[westerninfluence]

I HAVE A DRESS MADE OUT OF THIS FABRIC AND I GOT TO BE IN A PARADE BECAUSE OF IT

[picklesandwine]

This is the Alexander Henry Pin-Up collection - and they are all fucking amazing!

[banananutcraycray]

OKAY I WORK IN A FABRIC STORE AND ONE TIME THIS LITTLE OLD LADY CAME UP TO ME AND SLAMMED THE INDEPENDENCE DAY ONE DOWN ON THE COUNTER AND SAID, “THIS. THIS IS WHAT OUR COUNTRY NEEDS.”

[tardisinthetimewarp]

I had an older man come into the fabric store that I used to work in and dropped 3 bolts of the firefighter one on my counter and said, “I need this. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with it, but I need it.” a man behind him then yelled, “Pyjamas!” and the first man said, “My husband recommends pyjamas.” 

[pixelreblags]

omfg

[kairillia]

I don’t know how, I don’t know where, but I will find this fabric.

[iguanamouth]

My boyfriend won’t stop talking to me about whether or not I would eat Pokémon steaks. We think maybe Mr. Mime steaks would have white meat and ooze a purple liquid. I feel like you’re the only one qualified to tell us more

listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked - if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning

luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps

once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with - its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals 

youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning

the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter

after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center - a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time

once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites

THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine

[minmoh-remade-deactivated201811]

its fine

[iguanamouth]

its fine

[tchaikovskaya]

none of yall know what propaganda actually is, do you?

[tchaikovskaya]

this is legitimately the absolute funniest thing anyone has ever added to one of my posts, thank you for your service

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

Staff: *bans female presenting nipples*

Me: goddamnit this is exactly how Japanese tentacle porn was created

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

Japanese. Tentacle. Porn.

Alright everyone sit your asses down and shut up I’m finna learn y’all a thing

Ok so in the early 1900s there’s this dude named Franz Ferdinand and then there’s some peeps that wanna kill him. They all get together one day to kill him while he’s in his car. The first one was a pussy and chickened out and the second one threw a grenade but forgot to factor in the delay so it blew up way passed his car so he took cyanide and jumped into a river but the cyanide was expired and therefore useless and the river was like six inches deep. The rest of them were like “fuck this” and went to get a sandwich. However, Ferdinand’s driver took a wrong turn and was like “oh well I’ll just turn around at this sandwich shop” and the guys were like “oh shit isn’t that the guy we’re trying to kill” and they shot him starting WW1.

The Germans got their asses handed to them in WW1 causing them to get all butthurt and put hitler into power. Around this time Japan was trying to take over eastern Asia (basically just a small portion of China but its the thought that counts) and Germany was like “hey do you guys wanna be friends and take over the world together?” And Japan was like “hell ya my dude” and WW2 started. Also Italy was there. Anyway Germany/Japan/Italy all got their asses kicked and much like post WW1 Germany, Japan got a much stricter government. Their new strict government outlawed porn but the people of Japan were horny and one guy was like “hey guys do you remember those American soldiers that were just here kicking our asses? Well they brought these things called comic books so maybe we could make porn in comic book style” thus the birth of hentai. But then the government tried to ban that because it still showed dicks and dicks weren’t allowed so they started drawing porn with any relitively dick shaped object, the most popular being tentacles. It became so popular that even after the porn ban was lifted people continued making tentacle porn because it was such a widespread fetish.

So there you have it:

The assassination of Franz Ferdinand lead to the creation of Japanese tentacle porn

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

so for some reason this post has disappeared off my dash so i spent forever searching to bring it back again you’re welcome 

[nottwilightbella]

read this part and immedietly knew everything was gonna go downhills from that on

[commodorecliche]

pull the trigger, Cards Against Humanity.

[nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear]

pull the trigger, Cards Against Humanity.

[artemis-hurt]

pull the trigger, Cards Against Humanity

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Pull the trigger, Cards Against Humanity

[bihalien]

Me as Joe dkhskhsjs

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Did you know that beetle wings used to be sewn onto dresses? Like, hundreds of them on each dress? It's equally creepy and beautiful.

oh my stars, anyone have pictures?

[foreverafaller-deactivated20190]

Something like this I believe!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

that’s one of the famous ones, a Lady Macbeth stage costume from 1888. apparently it wasn’t uncommon in victorian fashion:

we should bring embroidery like this back (but w/ imitation wings). we should all be walking around with beads & wings, clanging

[foreverafaller-deactivated20190]

Bring this back in 2019

[teachmemrstingle]

There’s a youtuber who does historical sewing and costumery who did this recently

https://youtu.be/iA8yVDohZ-4

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

OH MY BEETLEJUICE 

[hotlikesriracha]

To everyone in the comments- No, the beetles aren’t killed for their wings. These jewel beetles have short adult lives (2-3 weeks) and the wing casings are harvested after their death to ensure their conservation.

The Victorians did not invent beetlewing art. This species of beetle is indigenous to South and South East Asia where beetle wing art actually originated. Thailand, India, Myanmar, China, and Japan all practiced beetlewing art before the Victorians. Most notably, they have been used for centuries in clothing and art in the Thai royal court. Queen Sirikit has promoted beetlewing art in an effort to revive Thailand’s art and cultural history. Queen Sirikit has also forbidden the harvesting of the wing casings prior to the beetle’s death to protect them.

Unfortunately, it is hard to find old Thai art online but here are a couple of examples.

(Date and artist unknown. Thailand.)

(René Mancini, 1980.) Belongs to Queen Sirikit.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

please reblog this version of this post, this is amazing

[spark-of-jenius]

@sartorialadventure

[sartorialadventure]

I LOVE IT

[andhetakesandhetakesandhetakes]

today i spent a good 45 minutes looking at food service memes on instagram

[buxina]

[alienpapacy]

love is fucking dead. valentines day used to mean something

[systlin]

My husband, as he’s cooking dinner; “What’s with the leaves in the fridge? Are those…”

Me; “NO those aren’t for humans. They’re for the silkworms I’ve now got living in Cliff’s old tank upstairs.”

My husband; “…the wha…when’d you get silkworms?”

Me; “About four hours ago.”

My husband. “Neat. Hey, will those lay eggs?”

Me; “Hopefully.”

Him; “Jay (our friend) has been talking about trying to raise some as treats for Spike (Jay’s bearded dragon.) If you get eggs we should give him some to start off.”

Me; “Oh sweet, yeah, sure, assuming this works. If not I can give him the info of where to buy them. He knows what mulberry trees look like right? And I get any cocoons.”

Him; “Yeah they’ve got some behind the house.”

This is more or less how he reacts to most of my experiments. I knew there was a reason I liked him. 

[systlin]

Well, I mean. It was a $20 purchase, and neither of us really cares if the other drops money on stuff we want now and then so long as the bills are paid. And my fiber arts thing doesn’t really interest him, so if I get wool or whatever he just kinda glances at it if I unwrap it, nods appreciatively as I point out the pretty colors, and then that’s it. (Similarly, he ADORES Magic the Gathering and cooking. He buys cards and kitchen stuff and while it’s not my thing, I don’t care if he drops $30 on that one super great card or onion slicing gadget he’s wanted forever. He’s a grown man and can buy himself nice stuff if he wants. Bills are paid, that’s what matters.)

He brought home a whole live cat one unannounced one day because he found it as a scrawny half grown kitten under the dumpster behind work. The cat’s name is Logan and he’s six now and considers us his human waitstaff, the spoiled bastard.

He’s known me for years. He dated me and married me. He doesn’t blink if he comes home to find I’ve started brewing mead in the kitchen or decided to try flint knapping or got a loom.

So, like, while he drew the line at buying a live sheep, showing up to me saying “Oh I bought silkworms, they’re living in your old snake tank upstairs” is not even something that registers on his ‘weirdness’ scale, or mine. That’s just sorta a “oh cool, that’s nice, by the way I am making CRABCAKES tonight! That sound good?” sorta Tuesday.