Hi mbti notes, I'm INFJ and I hope it's okay if I share my problem here.
My nagging fear of appearing as unskilled/incompetent stops me from being honest with people and taking decisive actions. That is why I always try to learn as many new things as I can, but my anxiety doesn't go away. Whenever I have a chance to make things better, I feel like I'm not ready yet, I can't handle it yet, I need more time to prepare, etc. etc. I delay this decision for better time, but this better time never comes. What makes this problem even more complicated is that people in my surrounding overestimate my smarts. It seems that I convinced everyone that I`m capable and can be trusted with important tasks but I'm still not sure whether it's true. I feel like the skills/knowledge I have are never enough, so what should I take into account and what should I work on to get rid of that fear and make positive changes?
You name the problem as "fear of appearing incompetent". Thus, you concluded that you had to learn more or be more skilled to solve the problem. Yet, no matter what you learn or how you prepare, your fear never goes away. Why?
1) Unhealthy Ni: You live in your own little bubble of unrealistic beliefs. You believe that it's possible to be so competent that you'll never ever feel incompetent again. Striving for impossible ideals ends up exacerbating your fear because you are constantly reminded of how you fall short of perfection, which triggers feelings of low self-worth.
2) Unhealthy Fe: You fear looking bad in front of others, so you try to figure out how to get affirmation. Somehow, you came to believe that a worthy person must be "competent" and/or "decisive", so you've tried to turn yourself into such a person. This means your motive for learning doesn't come from a pure or noble place; you don't genuinely love and value learning in itself. Getting validated for shallow attempts to appear competent only serves to reveal the falseness of the self-image you're trying to construct, which triggers feelings of low self-worth.
3) Unhealthy Ti: Instead of facing up to the truth of yourself, you hide the truth of who you are behind a mask. You manipulate people's perception of you as a means to get ahead of any potentially negative judgments and criticisms. In the end, however, you cannot escape criticism of yourself. You can't help but feel like an imposter because the fact is that you are one, which triggers feelings of low self-worth.
4) Unhealthy Se: In the end, you have trapped yourself in a lie, but you can't give up the lie, because the alternative is to face reality. The reality is that you are but a human being with limited mental resources, so you cannot be prepared for every possibility or make perfect decisions like an omniscient being. Instead of having faith, nurturing adaptability, and accepting yourself for who you are, you overreact, overthink, and micromanage yourself into a corner, often feeling stuck and incompetent, which triggers feelings of low self-worth.
Excessive/irrational fear is an emotional problem. One of the most important aspects of improving your emotional intelligence is to stop treating your feelings and emotions as the enemy. Feeling afraid threatens the ego, so you label fear as a "problem" and try to get rid of it. You end up in self-sabotage because you have missed the point. Fear exists for a reason.
You're asking the wrong question. You're asking how to get rid of fear when you should be asking where your fear comes from, to get to the bottom of it. The way through fear is to confront it head on. Why, exactly, are you so afraid to appear incompetent in front of people? Why don't you believe that you have the right to be who you are and make whatever decisions you want at whatever speed you want? Why do you self-harm trying to twist yourself into some unhealthy image of perfect "competence"?
Therapy might be a good idea. You seem to suffer deeper problems related to low self-worth, low self-esteem, self-loathing, or shame. You overcompensate by trying to fool everyone into thinking you are skilled instead of figuring out why you have low self-worth to begin with. When you come to understand your true worth, you won't be afraid of appearing incompetent in front of others because: 1) you would have realistic expectations of yourself, and 2) you would embrace mistakes and failures as necessary for learning and growth.
Have you read the study guides and researched past posts, because low self-worth is a common INFJ problem that has been discussed before? If not, you've got some studying to do. To address negative emotions properly, you have to listen to them and understand them. This requires empathy and compassion - two things you do not offer to yourself. When you don't have empathy and compassion for yourself, you'll never truly know yourself. It's very difficult to learn and grow when shame keeps the real you locked away in a dark cage.
I can't count the number of times where someone—either on a Reddit thread or face-to-face—has said, "I love writing. I write poetry and short stories all the time. How can I start freelance writing?" 🤦🏽♀️
I have to stop myself and take a step Back to realize that
(a) most people don’t realize that digital marketing and SEO are a thing
(b) most people don’t realize that professional writing is deceptively easy and
(c) The same people telling you that content writing is an easy side hustle are probably trying to shill their course.
The truth is that your learning curve could be anywhere from nonexistent to really steep. It all depends on your base level of reading comprehension, grammar, life experience, and how much you actually read.
As a professional writer in any capacity, your job is to communicate, but that skill alone is deceptively simple, too. You have to know your audience, anticipate their needs, and understand search intent. You'll also have to keep up with social media–which means you'll be using TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Clubhouse for a living when you’re not writing.
And when you’re not writing, scrolling through social media, you'll be reading. Like, read everything¯boxes of cereal, gossip magazines, blog posts about everything from cooking to CNC Machining. And also listen to podcasts about all the above.
After you’ve done all that, you should probably look for local festivals and cultural events to attend. And when you’re there, be sure to brush up on your people skills, smile, and talk to random people. The more life experience you have to draw from, the better. After all, you can’t pull your writing out of thin air.
Oh, and these in-person events should also be in a particular niche, too. No one wants an Brewing Espresso 101 review of the coffee festival you just attended. The best pieces of content, the ones that rank, are from either subject matter experts (SMEs) or connoisseurs.
1) If I interpreted your post about Te [Ti vs. Te] correctly, then is it correct for me to assume that I am a Te-user because I'm more comfortable using objective standards to measure the validity of something? I was told that critiquing was just about stating your opinion and what you think, but I couldn't quite accept it because opinions are subjective and they vary from person to person. Right now I'm trying to build/find some sort of objective standard as reference point for my criticisms.
[con’t: I’m doing this because it just doesn’t feel right; I don’t feel in any position to tell this person what they should and shouldn’t do - especially not when I have very little experience and my understanding of poetry (like its purpose, what it’s supposed to be and all that) is limited. Under what standard am I judging? It just feels unfair for the person I’ll criticizing if I judge based on a personal standard because then they’ll only be good in my standard, but what about in a bigger scale? I mean, this is the purpose of this whole critiquing activity – to prepare you for publishing. How in the world will my subjective opinion help you reach that goal? I mean, not all of these people submitting – not all of them are targeting audience like me (whatever I’m supposed to be); I mean, I admit, I have weird taste – how will my weird and sometimes socially frowned-upon taste taste prepare you for publishing? Don’t we have some sort of standard criteria for this or something?Or that’s what I thought anyway. So is that Te or can that also hold true for Ti? Will Ti also respond the same way? But from what I’ve read in that Te vs. Ti, if my interpretation is to be trusted, that doesn’t seem to be how Ti works. Or do I just not understand how the function works? Sounds to me like I’m having Te-Fi troubles but I’m not very sure. Right now I’m just… a bit confused.]
You seem to be getting lost in the details. Generally speaking, if you are inclined to believe that personal beliefs/opinions/preferences are woefully inadequate for understanding the reality of a situation, then your extraverted judging function (Te/Fe) is probably higher than your introverted judging function (Fi/Ti). From there, you should determine what kinds of external standards you prefer, collectively observable cause-effect principles or social norms/values (there can be some overlap depending on how you interpret those standards). Keep in mind that extraverted judging functions can also be influenced by introverted perceiving functions.
Honestly, if you're just starting out in learning about type and cognitive functions, this blog should be your first resource..
When I first delved into the functions, it was easy to get lost in the theoretical minutia, but concise explanations like this make it relatively easy to type yourself and others. 🙂
Would an INFJ 9w1 be very, very cold and ignore people’s suffering as ‘necessary thing’?
I’m writing a short novel since I’m in quarantine. I intended her to be IxTJ but she turns out to be INFJ 9w1. Like, she is masterful with Fe. She approaches people with warmth and tact, getting people to like her and pull them toward common goal. She still helps them out of compassion. But then she could flip and send them all to die in the frontlines no problem.
She manipulates one war leader to kill himself after having to witness his entire family mutilated because of his blunders (all planned by this INFJ specifically to have this war leader kill himself, so he could appear weak and not die a martyr). I want to think maybe she is 5w6 instead, given her withdrawn and unemotional tendency. But she looks too much like a 9? Ignoring what she doesn’t like and keep on rowing (ignoring people getting tortured by telling herself it’s for the greater good). Trying to keep the peace with people. Doesn’t like conflicts or raised voice. Always calm and soft spoken.
If so, why would INFJ 9s in fictions are either benevolent or average joe. Why we don’t see many INFJ 9 (or any 9s for that matter) as a villain or antihero? Are 9s like me such a sunshine and 'nice’ people? I don’t think so?
Easily. 9s can ignore other people’s pain as being disruptive to their inner peace. They are not necessarily compassionate. Their inner stability matters to them above all else and they will ignore anything that threatens to disrupt it.
In the service of some greater vision / agenda / delusion (Ni-dom), an INFJ will do unspeakable things. Being a feeler doesn’t make you compassionate, moral, or good. When a rigid ideology is the goal, sacrifices are seen as rational and “necessary.” Bin-Laden and Hitler were both INFJs and I don’t see compassion for human suffering or a concern for others’ welfare as high on either of their lists.
Because we're all human, I think we really do forget this sometimes. In the MBTI community, we often represent NTJs as bossy, domineering, and driven to fulfill that bottom line at any cost.
On the other hand,, we fail to realize that anyone with Fe can have terrible motives—sometimes even more calloused views of people'—than any high Te user. The scary thing is that we can hide it better.
Personally, I think all of us INFJs need to keep a close watch on that part of our personalities. And that's why, I think, Personality Hacker calls Fe our greatest function to leverage for growth. It's simultaneously our greatest tool in getting ahead, but it's really deceptively difficult to master.
My psychologist identified me as leaning INFJ about 20 years ago but I didn’t give it much thought then. I’ve been a “woke” INFJ for ten years as a result of rediscovering the MBTI concept during a difficult time. I wish I hadn’t waited so long as the insights I’ve gained about my own personality and those close to me would have saved a lot of heartache and anguish
Here’s what I’ve learned about myself through the years that I’m reasonably sure apply to many other INFJs too:
You have unique insights. They are real. The unusual internal wiring that makes you an INFJ lets you connect the dots easier. And you see more dots. Some people don’t see any dots or recognize patterns and are more than happy to point out the “error” of your observations. So be it. You’re job is to figure out what “feels” right and should be pursued, what can be put on the back burner awaiting more information, and what can be dumped because after thinking about it you realize your conclusions were probably wrong. It happens.
You will be lonely. INFJs can be unconventional because we act on information most others don’t have. We usually have a broad range of knowledge and can come across as “know-it-alls.” We can sometimes alarm people with our passion. We can start feeling down because we don’t understand how people can be so cruel to one another. Or so stupid. Our faith in humanity can swing wildly from hour to hour. We can do the crowd thing for awhile and need to leave. We usually hate small talk on the phone and are often the worst party planners in the world.
We drive ourselves and others mad to “get things right” and to give a damn about something besides the most trivial things in life. We are usually disappointed—in others and ourselves. It’s not that people don’t like being around us, it’s that we usually think people don’t WANT to be around us. So we hunker down and keep to ourselves.
That’s what can make relationships difficult sometimes. You will need to tap into the best part of being an INFJ—helping people—to keep you from being lonely. I volunteer at a homeless center. I’m active in the US Coast Guard Auxiliary. I write answers on Quora!
You will be able to do a lot of stuff. Some of it well. Most people will be surprised. Most INFJs I know are curious, versatile people. For example, I’ve written two novels, one has been self-published. I play jazz piano and can also play the tuba. I’m conversational in Spanish and know some Swedish. I can hold up my end of a conversation ranging from cosmology to dog grooming. I can talk Southern Country Gospel with a homeless man and discuss the latest power adders for high performance race cars with the editor of a national racing magazine. I did both last week. I sail the Great Lakes in my own boat. I like to cook. I have restored or built six houses. I can plumb bathrooms from scratch, do basic electrical work and restore old wood moulding. I have a four-year certificate in theology. I can paint and draw.
At this point you probably think I’m quite the braggart. That’s not why I’m listing these abilities. The reason is that I can do NONE of these things proficiently. Except sailing–I’m a very good sailor! I suspect that most INFJs who have been around for several decades can make a similar list. Our curiosity and drive to know how something works can lead us to some amazing discoveries and bring us into contact with some fascinating people. Freeing yourself to explore and to try new things without having the burden of having to perform in public or to even be terribly proficient at any of them can lead us to a very interesting life!
You will second guess yourself. Constantly. You are your own worst critic. If you’ve ever had second thoughts about how you came across after submitting a report or talking to someone about something important, remember:
Your second guesses are usually wrong. Trust your intuition!
You may struggle in relationships. INFJs are not easy people to be around sometimes. We can be quirky, sometimes anti-social and have a tendency to tell folks how to build a clock when they ask for the time. We can fret constantly about the state of humanity, when our partner just wants to have a hamburger and talk about movies. The saving grace is that we love hard! When we’ve found someone we can be ourselves with, someone who accepts us, if not understands us, we’re there for the long-haul. The people in your life who get that will adore you!
Finally, strive to know yourself better. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t forget to have fun. Don’t worry so much about what other people may be thinking about you—chances are they aren’t thinking anything! And above all, be kind to yourself!
The INFJ's cognitive functions are a blessing and a curse. Manage them well, and you'll have no trouble getting ahead personally and professionally. Just don’t let your Fe run the show. Set boundaries, and stick to them.
INFJ: I definitely feel motivated to study my brain off to get to the point where I can do clinical neuropsychology, but whether I want to finish this other PhD? I just don’t know anymore!
Therapist: I really think that for one to possess a PhD is a benefit in any case… For instance, I get a lot of requests to comment on different scientific manuscripts just because they want my name on the research… There’s this one study about observed benefits of using c*nnabinoids in the treatment of schizophrenia, and I got this profound insight for the discussion based purely on my psychotherapy experience, on how the effect might stem from how the illness destroys the sense of subject in the individual… *some further hyper-abstract elaboration*
INFJ: … Umm, I’m not sure I’m able to entirely grasp that?
Therapist: Well, neither did the co-authors…
Therapist: …
Therapist: Wait, why am I talking about myself again?
INFJ: It’s ok, really!
INFJ inwardly: *Sighs* They always end up doing this in the end, dont they…?
Some things I found out after I started getting into MBTI (ENTJ observations)
ESTJ mothers typically raise ENTJ daughters (I, and my cousin are the shining example of that)
ENTP may look introverted until engaged in an argument.
ENFP all look like Gemini or have a short hair.
INTJ are the most unpredictable types
ESTP are actually very ambitious.
ISFP tend to lose contact with reality on a daily basis.
INTP can sometimes be annoying and too self-absorbed.
INFP are actual dictators that were raised in the wrong setting. The potential is there, its just not chased.
ESTJ mothers tend to be Virgos that are very demanding and looking for the best way to nag you. Also carefully suppressed anger issues.
ENTJ feel a lot. Are overwhelmed A LOT until we eventually go numb and look like we don't experience any kind of emotional process in our brains when in reality, it's a storm, here inside.
ENTJ are social introverts and tend to be ambiverted.
ISFJ can gaslight like pros if they want to
INTJ own the hearts of all ENTJs no exception. (unless they are toxic people, that has nothing to do with types anymore)
ESFP: Are very impulsive–emotionally and physically–when unhealthy; have pretty refined intuition when healthy
ISTP: Understands an INFJ like no other type; calm, cool, and collected, and never underestimate their people skills because Ni-Fe is a killer combination
ENFJ: Can be rather harsh when unhealthy; most inspiring/compassionate leaders when they are healthy
ESTP: Don’t underestimate their people skills; great in a crisis and some of the best friends you could ever ask for
INFP: Very moody and rigid when unhealthy; one of the most genuine types when healthy
ISFJ: A warm hug on a freezing day; is very prone to "poor me" and bitterness when unhealthy
ISTJ: Great friends when healthy; very unreliable and flaky if unhealthy
ESFJ: Great counselers and friends; very self-aware; but also very judgemental when unhealthy
ENFP: Very creative and thinks out of the box; not always the most reliable; chaotic path in reaching a conclusion, but somehow, it works
ENTP: Surprisingly kind and compassionate; don’t underestimate their emotional depth; truly kind under all that intellectual bluster
yknow ever since people realized tumblr isnt dead and have decided to flock here from twitter and tiktok ive seen a huge influx of people in fandom spaces who dont reblog anything. at all.
like, i used to have an art blog with 340 followers. not a ton but not a small amount either given how this website works with creators. and in my experience back then even the ones who only left likes still reblogged other things or at least posted their own stuff. literally the only empty blogs were clearly bots.
but on this New art blog, i’ve had so many people with fandom-specific headers and icons with actual usernames as urls and some kind of title or description, but have. Nothing. no posts. all they do is like things. and it’s always public, too. their following list and their likes list.
and honestly all it makes me think is that these people are New and also don’t know how tumblr works. how likes don’t give exposure. not even in a “oh, i know it doesn’t give exposure, but i’m still going to reblog anyways” way, but in a genuine honest to god straight up doesn’t realize tumblr likes don’t work like twitter’s.
PLEASE please if you’re from tiktok or twitter or whatever please reblog people’s art both fandom and original if you like it!! and maybe actually pad out your blog’s content in some way so people won’t potentially see you as a bot and block you.
REBLOG ARTIST’S WORK. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY THEY GET ANY ATTENTION ON THIS WEBSITE OH MY GOD. PLEASE. I BEG of you
WAIT THEY’RE REAL PEOPLE?! I’ve blocked several accounts so far because it was just “blanks space” and I assumed it was a bot.
FOLKS if you’re new, please, please, this is not like Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. Reblogging is the way to go. This is how we network on here. This is how you make mutuals. This is how you share new stuff with others.
You are also:
Encouraged to add your thoughts to the post
Engage in conversation freely
Express yourself in the tags if you don’t want to write in the post
In fact, write a god damn essay in the tags - we old members will read it, I promise - the limit on tags per post is insane anyway
Reblog the same thing as many times as you like. Like every time you see it, and you want to reblog it because it brings you joy - go for it!
As early as primary school, we become familiar with the term "absenteeism." Used to describe the practice of staying away from school or wor
I think it's the perfect time to take a much, much closer look at our work ethic and whether or not we have a skewed perspective on what it means to do great work.
