Alas @impertinentfiend - Tumblr Blog

every time i want the 🤬 emoji i go into the search thing & start typing "fuck" & it takes me a solid second to remember they would not name it the Fuck Emoji

markovchaingang

the 100% accurate guide to tea leaf reading:

-cup empty: you will need to pee soon

-cup still full of tea: dude i made it for you why aren't you drinking it

ashmindpalace

average first sentence of a math wikipedia page:

A snorkle basis is a particular sort of set that has some properties and is generally "nice" (in a rigorous sense) and can do many things and is very practical.

fandaniel

moneyissues

speedlimit15

Holy shit wtf how are people just ignoring this?! This is a REAL PICTURE of an EXTRA TERRESTRIAL

markovchaingang

physicists: think they know enough to be an authority in other fields

chemists: don't think they know enough to be an authority in other fields

biologists: aren't even sure they know enough to be an authority in their own firld

mathematicians: don't understand why you seem to think they'd ever want to leave the beautiful and pure realm of numbers and have anything to do with any other field

charlesoberonn

How to tell if the scientist you're talking to is a chemist or an astrophysicist: Ask them if carbon is a metal

hbmmaster

usa: united states of america

usb: universal serial bus

usc: university of southern california

usd: united states dollar

use: now this one's just a normal verb

anistarrose

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

dragon-in-a-fez

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"