Inappropriate History

Run by your friends Caroline, Yeshua, and Lexie.

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[fakehistory]

Martin Luther when he began the Protestant reformation in Europe. (1517)

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[shiftythrifting]

[inappropriatehistory]

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[lookatmeheyoverhere-deactivated]

macy’s photographer: we don’t do family portraits “in the style of Hieronymus Bosch”

me, herding my 53 pasty white children off my flesh mantis castle I brought from home: please just honor my $17.99

[memecucker]

what if people described other things the way they sensationalize “frivolous lawsuits” that actually made complete sense

“Archduke Franz Ferdinand was injured during a traffic incident and suddenly half of Europe is at war whoaa talk about overreacting”

[sh-ckface]

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[inappropriatehistory]

ancient philosophers as onion headlines

socrates: Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up

plato: Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

diogenes of sinope: Area Man Expected To Work With These Incompetents

aristotle: Here Are All Of My Opinions

pythagoras: Nation’s Math Teachers Introduce 27 New Trig Functions

epicurus: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy

cicero: It’s Terrifying To Think That In 1,000 Years, All Of Us Will Be Forgotten Except For Me

seneca the younger: New Robot Capable of Unhealthily Repressing Emotion

epictetus: Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

marcus aurelius: Annoying, Well-Adjusted Friend Even Fucking Meditating Now

[inappropriatehistory]

[factfiend]

Fun fact: According to Greek legend there was a famous prostitute who managed to avoid a death sentence by showing the judges her boobs and arguing that it would be a crime against the Gods to destroy something so beautiful. 

Before you ask, yes there are paintings of this. And yes, they’re amazing.

Read more.

[karlosmadera-deactivated2019022]

I love history.

[bipolarbulgogi]

Role models tho.

[blackwoolncrown]

[barcoque]

The gay one

[suzie-guru]

No, but this is one of my absolute favorite bits of history! 

The courtesan named was named Phryne and she was indeed a renowned beauty, and was indeed was put on trial for a capital crime. And yes, the sum of her defense consisted of her stripping in court (helped by her lover/defendant) and asking the jury (all males) if they were prepared to destroy this. 

But this is actually a very interesting case of Values Dissonance - the capital crime she was accused of was blasphemy. In Ancient Greek society, exceptional beauty was a sign of favor from the gods, and they took the idea that beauty indicated goodness with great seriousness. They even called their nobles Kaloi k'Agathoi, “the Beautiful and the Good.” 

So by showing off her great physical beauty, Phryne was being very clever indeed, her argument essentially being “How could I possibly commit blasphemy if the gods have given me this body?“ 

God, I adore history. 

[nationalshitpostingagency]

”If these tits are legit, you must acquit.”

[beeth0ven]

historians: well we dont want say this is a love letter because men often expressed affections differently back then, so this person wasn’t gay, they were just friends

the letter in question: hey babe i cant wait for you to raw me tonight. aw man i love you so much dear husband. love having amazing homosexual intercourse with you. i think of your face everytime my wife makes me fuck her, you are my soulmate, i am gay,