Deep Space Nine. Sort of.

Incorrect Star Trek: Deep Space Nine quotes. Please include a source with submissions. Moderated by brinnanza

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Jadzia: You can’t predict when people are gonna be shitty.

Kira: They’re always shitty.

[nooneknowiblogthis]

Is this not what happened though?

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I'm happy to help out, but technically, you're kidnapping right now.

Jake Sisko to Mirror Jennifer

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Worf: I have an idea.

Sisko: Don't kill him.

Worf: ...I have another idea.

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What's my approach gonna be? Dishonesty.

Quark

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The only thing that feels better than lying to someone is lying to someone, then regaining their trust, and then lying to them again.

Elim Garak

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Ben: It acts on pure instinct. No conscience. Predatory and aggressive.

Kira: In other words, your typical male.

Julian: On behalf of my gender, hey!

Ben: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.

Kira: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.

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Kira: You know what I realized?

Jadzia: What?

Kira: I'm too nice to people.

Jadzia: No, that's --

Kira: Never works, being nice. I'm done with this.

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Jake: Hey bro can I get a sip of that water?

Nog: It’s not water.

Jake: Vodka! I like your style-

Nog: It’s vinegar.

Jake: ...what?

Nog: It’s vinegar, pussy.

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Kira: Would you call me selfish?

Jadzia : No. Not to your face

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Julian: Now there’s absolutely nothing for you to worry about.

Ezri: Tell me, has anyone ever believed you when you told them not to worry?

Julian: Well my philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice.

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What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, ‘Oh Julian is such a nice guy, Julian is so happy-go-lucky! Julian can’t be in a bad mood!’ Well, you know what? Julian CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Julian is be in a bad mood.

Julian Bashir

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Sisko: Hey, Julian, you know Garak called by my office today.

Julian: Garak?

Sisko: Mm-Hmm.

Julian: You mean my Garak?

Sisko: You don’t own him.

Julian: Yes, I do. He’s mine.

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Miles: You accidentally made her hate you instead of like you?

Julian: Yes. I must have mixed something up.

Miles: Hmm, sometimes that happens, a classic problem. Did you uh, try too hard around her?

Julian: Yes, I tried very hard, I tried very, very hard.

Miles: It didn’t work? Have you been acting weird around her?

Julian: Yes!

Miles: Unnatural? Did you try acting unnaturally?

Julian: Yes! I rehearsed.

Miles: Right. Did you blurt stuff out you didn’t mean?

Julian: Yes! I figured, I’m gonna make myself more memorable.

Miles: Mmhmm, right. So she’s never seen you relaxed?

Julian: No, she’s never seen me- No. And she still hates me!

Miles: Hmm, well have you told her how you feel about her?

Julian: Hahahahahaha. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

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Thanks to denial, I’m immortal.

Julian Bashir

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Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all

Worf

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Mars is like a lot of women I've loved in that I have spent a considerable amount of time looking at them through a telescope.

Julian Bashir, probably