Things That They Never Said But Probably Would

[boredfaneliza]

Azazel: I’m a lesbieb.

Azazel: Lesbiem.

Azazel: Less bien

Helltaker: It’s okay, take your time.

Azazel: Girls.

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Modeus: handcuffs? Wow, you’re kinky...

Policewoman: first off, I’m a cop. And secondly, you’re being placed under arrest.

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Helltaker: must you always attack me with words?

Zdrada: you want me to use rocks?

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Modeus: I’ll speak French between your legs.

Azazel: that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever been told-

Malina: now I’m picturing someone screaming “BONJOUR” at a penis.

Judgement: SACRE BLEU MADAMOISELLE VAGINA HON HON HON TITTY CROSSAINTS

lucifer: none of you should ever be having sex.

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Zdrada: what do you study?

Azazel: abnormal psychology.

Zdrada: so, like, weirdos and freaks.

Zdrada: you should meet my friend.

Zdrada: hey!

*pandemonica walks in*

*zdrada hands her a cup of coffee and she drinks it*

Zdrada: ‘Monica what‘re you thinking about right now?

Pandemonica: I was thinking how I would make the perfect CEO of hell.

Pandemonica: based upon my skill set, dance ability and bloodlust.

Azazel: that is fascinating.

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Azazel: describe yourself in three words.

Modeus: horny.

Azazel: y-you have two more words.

Modeus: two more...who loves blood!

Azazel: okay-

Modeus: and loves yogurt.

Azazel: okay alright okay-

Modeus: fuckin’ my coworkers.

Azazel: that’s too many words!

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Beelzebub: look, let’s just agree to say “I’m sorry” on the count of three.

Lucifer:

Beelzebub: one.

Beelzebub: two.

Beelzebub: three.

Beelzebub:

Lucifer:

Beelzebub: see? Now I’m just disappointed in the both of us.

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

It keeps happening

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Wrong blog 2: electric boogaloo

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

FUCK WRONG BLOG

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Lucifer: I can’t keep doing this. I’m not your mom!

Pandemonica: You do exhibit rather...motherly behaviour, Ms lucifer.

Judgement: so you’re like our mom. Team mom! Team mom! Team mom!

Lucifer: I’m not the team mom!

Everyone: team mom! Team mom! Team mom!

Lucifer: justice! Why are you chanting!?

Justice: it’s a catchy chant.

Cerberus: ...team mo-

Lucifer: one more chant and no pancakes for a week!

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Cerberus: the eagles won last night.

Helltaker: oh, did you watch the game?

Cerberus, covered in blood and scratches: what game?

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Lucifer: love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Helltaker: are you okay???

Lucifer: Cerberus stole my fucking garlic bread.

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Cerberus: we made a marshmallow Zdrada!

Cerberus: see? her arms are crossed because she’s mad at all the other marshmallow demons for annoying her.

Cerberus: you like it?

Zdrada, choked up: its fine...

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Lucifer: tag what you’re majoring in/intend on majoring in

Helltaker: respecting women

Justice: bat man

Malina: minecraft

Cerberus: youtube

Zdrada: fuckin weed

Modeus: W

Pandemonica: criminal justice and psychology

Azazel: I’m terrified that I’ll lock myself into an interest that I’ll no longer be passionate about in a few years like all other areas of study I’ve pursued over my life!

Judgement: minecraft

Beelzebub: minecraft as well

[incorrect-helltaker-quotes]

Azazel: oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Malina: please just say fuck.