Ned before prom: Alright, Peter, you’ve got this. Get out there and show MJ the time of her life. Just remember your training.
Peter: But I don’t have any training!
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@incorrect-spidermcu
Ned before prom: Alright, Peter, you’ve got this. Get out there and show MJ the time of her life. Just remember your training.
Peter: But I don’t have any training!
Peter: so what exactly are we doing here?
Shuri, tying a rope around a cat: well, we’re about to break several world records at once
Shuri: not entirely sure if that’s a good thing
Peter:
Peter:
Peter: let’s do it
Peter: when you’ve been a superhero as long as I have you develop thick skin
Shuri: red isn’t your color
Peter: red briNGS OUT MY EYES YOU PRICK
Peter realizing he made a mistake: my head hurts
Mj watching him: that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity
Peter: Do you care if I take the skin off of the Furby? I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.
Peter: Oh, and also I want to softhack his circuits.
Tony: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.
Peter: Harley asked me to be his date at his upcoming family reunion to avoid all the questions about if he has a date yet.
Mj: I’ve read enough fanfiction to know how this ends.
Shuri: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Mj: Sober.
Harley: A little tipsy.
Ned: Wasted.
Peter: Dead.
*Peter, Ned, and Mj watching Flash*
Ned: Should we tell him?
Mj: No, shh.
Flash: *keeps pushing on a door clearly marked “pull”*
Peter: He’s almost at ten minutes. I’m impressed.
Nick Fury, doing his best to deal with Stark’s spider child: So, there are aliens attacking New York and you hear a child crying. What do you do?
Peter:
Peter: Call the Avengers.
Fury: You are the avengers!
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Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
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(Source)
ALWAYS REBLOG WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS PLEASE; ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE. IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO SOMEBODY AND EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THIS IN THE SAME LIGHT, SOMEONE MIGHT. INFACT YOU REBLOGGING THIS COULD STOP SOMEONE TAKING THEIR LIFE TONIGHT.
Seriously thank you.
I will always reblog this.
This may not fit with my usual stuff but this is important. To everyone out there: you are loved.
Peter, texting Happy: so today i stopped a theif
Happy: Thief.
Peter: thats what i said theif
Happy: No, I before e except after c
Peter: ...
Peter: thceif
Happy: No.
Peter: *answering the phone* Stark Industries, this is Spider-Man speaking.
Villain: Spider-Man, we have your sibling and-
Peter: Hold on, which sibling? Mr. Stark has a lot of kids.
Villain: Oh, um, small, sassy, said something about a potato gun?
Peter: Oh, Harley. Yeah, you don’t have him, he has you.
Sony: *Pulls Spider-Man out of the MCU*
Peter: Aw, fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this.
Peter: god I hate being alive I just wanna die in a national park under mysterious circumstances
[20 minutes later]
Peter: Ok I’m done being dramatic. I started the homework and it’s not that bad.
“Still having nightmares about Mr. Stark and Thanos. It’s time I get some relief by joining the Area 51 raid. I’m bringing Stark tech for everyone.
-A post on Spider-Man’s official Instagram accompanied by a selfie of Spider-Man wearing an alien mask
Kidnapper: We have your kid.
Tony, creating a mental checklist: No, Morgan is in the kitchen with Pepper, Peter is doing his homework at the table, Harley just blew something up in the lab, Dum-E and U and Butterfingers are helping deal with the fire in the lab, Nebula is sharpening her knives and sitting on the kitchen counter, and Vision is playing Mario.
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for a glass of chocolate milk and the crust cut off his PBJ sandwich?
Tony: Oh my god they have Hawkeye!
*over the phone*
Ned: I’m here, where are you?
Peter: I see you.
Ned: Are you the person lying down in the middle of the road?
Peter: Yeah, floor it.