[incorrectderry]

Beverly: Did you and Eddie have a fight?

Richie: *sleeping on the couch* Yeah, our rule is if it’s the person’s fault, they have to sleep on the couch so…

Beverly: What’d you do? Maybe I can fix it.

Richie: I called his husband a dumbass…

Beverly: ...

Beverly: But you're–

Richie: I KNOW!

[incorrectderry]

Richie: Will you do the thing?

Eddie: What thing?

Richie: The thing that makes me happy.

Eddie: *Smiles*

Richie, in happy tears: Thank you.

[incorrectderry]

Bill: So are you and Eddie a thing now or-

Richie: ...

Bill: Because if you do anything to hurt him-

Richie: ...

Bill: Yeah, I'll shut up.

[incorrectderry]

Richie: Hey Eds, are you a painting?

Eddie: No?

Richie: Because I'd like to nail you against the wall.

Ben: Oh thank God, I thought you were going to say that you wanted to hang him.

[incorrectderry]

Richie: Eddie made me feel things.

Beverly: What things?

Richie: Feelings.

Beverly: Eddie made you feel feelings?

Richie: Yeah.

Beverly: What a bitch.

[incorrectderry]

Stan: I always ask myself, WWRD.

Eddie: WWRD?

Stan: 'What Would Richie Do?' And then I do the exact opposite.

[incorrectderry]

Richie: I had a crush on a guy and didn't really know how to handle it so I filled his locker with heart shaped confetti.

Ben:

Beverly:

Mike:

Stan:

Bill:

Eddie: That was you?!

[incorrectderry]

Eddie: Richie and I do not have pet names for each other.

Bill: Uh huh

Bill: Hey what's another word for dad?

Eddie: Daddy?

Richie, from the other room: Yes, kitten?

Eddie:

Bill: Don't lie to my face ever again.

[incorrectderry]

Eddie: You know, Bill gets Stan flowers like everyday. I wish you’d do that.

Richie: Ummm okay?

[The next day]

Richie: [Gives Stan flowers]

Stan: What?

Richie: Yeah i don’t get it either.

[incorrectderry]

Richie: *singing* Two bros, chillin in the hot tub, five feet apart cos they’re not gay.

Eddie: You’re my boyfriend. And I'm sitting on your lap right now.

Richie:

Eddie: Literally everything you said then was inaccurate.

Richie: Shut the fuck up babe.

[incorrectderry]

[In a queue at Starbucks]

Eddie: *walks up to Bill and grabs his hand* This line is crazy.

Bill: Uh… Eddie…

Eddie: *looks at Bill* You’re not my boyfriend.

Richie: You’re holding the wrong hand, Eds.

Eddie: You sure?

Bill & Richie: *nodding*

Eddie: I feel compelled to finish this Starbucks experience with you.

Bill: I’m not paying for you.

Eddie: Nevermind, I’m going back to my boyfriend.

Richie: I’m not paying for you either.

Mike: *at the front of the line* Come hold my hand, man. I’ll buy you anything you want.

Eddie: *goes to hold Mike's hand* At least somebody cares about me.

[incorrectderry]

[The losers club playing Never have I ever]

Mike: Never have I ever had sex in the back of a car.

Eddie: [Sees everyone else drink] No way. Everyone’s done that?

Everyone: Yeah.

Beverly: Except for you.

Eddie: Stan, you’re telling me you had sex in the back of a car?

Stan: Actually, it was in Richie's car with Bill.

Eddie: It’s like I don’t even know you.

Beverly: Look, we’ve done like nine rounds of this, and you haven’t drunk once. Maybe we should play something else that actually gets you drunk. I love you, darling, but you haven’t had the craziest life.

Eddie: That’s not true. I’ve done stuff. Just say ones that are a little less wild.

Mike: Uh, never have I ever made a turn without signalling. [Everyone but Eddie drinks]

Eddie: Okay, a turn is a big deal. It’s not like you said… Never have I ever changed lanes without signalling.

Mike: Never have I ever changed lanes without signalling. [Everyone but Eddie drinks]

Eddie: You guys are insane!

Stan: Never have I ever accepted the terms and conditions without reading them. [Everyone but Eddie drinks]

Eddie: It’s too risky!

Beverly: Left a movie without watching the credits. [Everyone but Eddie drinks]

Eddie: Those people worked hard!

Mike: Used more than the recommended amount of conditioner. [Everyone but Eddie drinks]

Eddie: They make the conditioner. They know what they’re doing!

[Everyone sighs]

[incorrectderry]

Waiter: what would you like to order?

Richie: a chocolate milkshake with two straws

Eddie, blushing: aw

[Moments later]

Richie, putting both straws into his mouth: watch how fucking fast i can drink this!

Eddie:

[incorrectderry]

Eddie: Could you do me-

Richie: Oh my god yes!

Eddie: I was going to say a favor but alright

[incorrectderry]

[Reddie arguing]

Richie: I can't believe how jealous you get!

Eddie: Oh! OH, SO YOU THINK I'M UGLY?!

Richie: What?! Who sai- did I say you were ugly?!

[incorrectderry]

eddie: say you love me.

richie: magic word?

eddie: please.

richie: I love you.

eddie: kay.

[incorrectderry]

[Reddie talking on the phone]

Richie: Hey babe.

Eddie: We hate Bill now. Get on board or the sexting stops.

Richie: Bill's a son of a bitch!