Incorrect Snicket Quotes @incorrectsnicketquotes - Tumblr Blog

S. Theodora Markson : You shouldn’t insult people who are bigger than you.

Lemony Snicket : Then I wouldn’t get to insult anyone.

#Lemony Snicket #atwq #all the wrong questions #s theodora markson #Theodora Markson #S. Theodora Markson #submission

Lemony Snicket : Aha! It appears Hangfire has locked the door behind us. Thankfully, as part of my training, my knowledge of lockpicking will get us out of here in no t/

Cleo Knight : [cuts a hole into the door with an axe]

Cleo Knight : Come on, let's go!

Cleo Knight : ...Lemony, are you seriously picking the lock of a goddamn broken d/

Lemony Snicket : I AM NOT GIVING YOU THE SATISFACTION.

#atwq #all the wrong questions #Lemony Snicket #cleo knight #hangfire #Armstrong feint

Klaus Baudelaire : Hello, Fiona. How are you today?

Captain Widdershins : [watching] Oh, they fuckin'. Look at dem sparks!

Phil : [watching] What? No. They're just saying "hi" to each other...

Fiona Widdershins : I'm doing well. How about you, Klaus?

Phil: [gasp] God, they fuckin'!

Captain Widdershins : OH, THEY FAAAAWKINN!!!

#captain widdershins #phil #fiona widdershins #widdershins #klaus baudelaire #Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #tgg #The Grim Grotto

Money cannot buy happiness. But it can buy alcohol, and that's a start.

Count Olaf, “The Bad Beginning”

#count olaf #Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #tbb #The Bad Beginning

Olivia Caliban : I see in my crystal ball that you're going to feel happy tomorrow.

Fernald : Oh, good.

Olivia Caliban : Must be broken. Hang on a sec.

#olivia caliban #Fernald #Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #tcc #the carnivorous carnival

Moxie Mallahan : I love that “take out” can mean food, dating, or murder.

Ellington Feint : If you’re a praying mantis it can be all three at once.

#atwq #all the wrong questions #Lemony Snicket #moxie mallahan #ellington feint

R., Duchess of Winnipeg : You need a hobby.

Lemony Snicket : I have a hobby.

R., Duchess of Winnipeg : Staring at Beatrice's face is not a hobby.

Lemony Snicket : You're right; it's a profession and I excel at it.

#Lemony Snicket #duchess of winnipeg #a series of unfortunate events #ASoUE #TBL #The Beatrice Letters #LSUA

Sharon Haines : Raising children gave so much meaning to my life.

S. Theodora Markson : I see what you mean. The second I saw Kellar with you, I thought "ooooh, so THIS is what she's good at!"

#atwq #all the wrong questions #Lemony Snicket #sharon haines #kellar haines #s theodora markson #S. Theodora Markson #Theodora Markson

So I quit academia. It hasn't always been easy, but on those nights when I'm scrubbing some ninety-years old bitch's strawberry vomit out of my upholstery, I try to remind myself that at least no one's ever going again to force me to read the f***ing "Phenomenology of Spirit".

Lemony Snicket, foreword of the un-Authorized Autobiography

#Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #LSUA #atwq #all the wrong questions

Lemony Snicket : I feel like you’re out of my league.

Beatrice Baudelaire : You’re right, but I hate myself too much to have standards.

#Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #beatrice baudelaire #tbl #The Beatrice Letters

Klaus Baudelaire : I don't know why everybody worries how good they look... Nobody cares about fashion.

Esme Squalor : Er, I do? Olaf? The Poes? Geraldine Julienne?

Klaus Baudelaire : Ah, sorry, I mispronounced that... "NOBODIES care about fashion".

#Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #esme squalor #klaus baudelaire #geraldine julienne #count olaf #eleonora poe #Arthur Poe

Charles : You're too hard on Sir. He's not mean-spirited, je just has... a tendancy to put his foot in his mouth.

Violet Baudelaire : Oh yeah? Well watch me kick his butt... I'm sure MY foot will end up in the same place.

#Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #violet baudelaire #charles #sir

Mimi Mitchum : God, Harvey is SUCH an asshole, you have no idea. But I'm a bitch to deal with too, so... it's okay? I guess? ...Anyway, how are things with you and Cleo Knight?

Jake Hix : Uh, not so good. Awful, really.

Mimi Mitchum : What? Really?

Jake Hix : ...No, things are great. I just felt bad for bringing it up.

#mimi mitchum #harvey mitchum #Jake Hix #cleo knight #atwq #all the wrong questions #Lemony Snicket

Ellington Feint : Does... EVERYONE in Stain'd-by-the-Sea have weird emotional issues?

Hangfire : Eh, the Bombinating Beast's probably fine.

#atwq #all the wrong questions #Lemony Snicket #hangfire #Armstrong feint #ellington feint #bombinating beast

Madame Lulu's fashion sense confuses me. I don't know whether to put ten dollar bills in her underwear... or just coins in a cup.

Esme Gigi Geniveve Squalor, “The Carnivorous Carnival”

#Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #esme squalor #olivia caliban

Beatrice Baudelaire : What is it with you hipster kids enjoying things "ironically"? Can't you enjoy ANYTHING without being concerned about its cultural trappings?

Esmé Squalor : Are you kidding? The dust is barely settled on irony's coffin. I'm still far too self-conscious as a fashion icon to actually enjoy something for what it is.

Beatrice Baudelaire : I don't know, Esmé. Judging by the size of your butt, you clearly don't have any trouble appreciating donuts for what they are.

#esme squalor #beatrice baudelaire #The Beatrice Letters #tbl #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #Lemony Snicket

Kit Snicket : I've decided to let Olaf back into my life for the time being... on a provisional basis.

Lemony Snicket : On a provisional basis?

Kit Snicket : That's girl-code for "the boy has to do whatever the girl likes until further notice, before which she withholds sex as emotional blackmail".

Jacques Snicket : Hm. That sounds more like "marriage" to me.

#jacques snicket #beatrice baudelaire #Lemony Snicket #kit snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #LSUA

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