#hangfire

[heartrender6]

villian of asoue: creepy guy who terrorizes children for their fortunes, classic kids book stuff

villian of atwq: literally an ecofascist

[inner-egg-pong]

history keeps repeating itself in the worst of ways... hangfire and olaf.... dashiell and dewey... cleo and fiona......... stew and carmelita...

[butchcaseyjones]

ellington feint cannot be analyzed or interpreted without first acknowledging the fact that she's fourteen, feral, traumatized, extremely weird for no reason, silly, and kind (before the world tore that away from her)

[somewhat-bored]

ATWQ Incorrect Quotes but it's from the Ghost Stories Dub

Lemony: A police station! Thank god, I never thought I’d be happy to see one of those things. Hey, put the donuts down! Drop the Krispy Kreme, Serpico! We need your help!

S. Theodora Markson: I’m sure I’ll live a long miserable life of heartbreak and alcoholism.

Ellington: Go get me my coffee, be my bitch.

Kellar: Principals always look like lesbians. *sees a picture of Sharon* MOM?! 

Hangfire: Well, we probably shouldn’t discuss it over the phone. Hey I’ve got an idea; Why don’t you come to the scary isolated payphone on the bad side of town? Alone?

Lemony: Obeying horror movie rules, I’m going to go out alone. You stay here while I go out looking for help. Moxie: Okay... God bless him. Leaving me here alone and defenseless in a cemetery. What a guy!

Jake: What in the fizzityuck is that?!

S. Theodora Markson: God you are four of the ugliest fucking kids I’ve ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on.

Kellar: Hey, can you guys hear anything? Moxie: You know what I hear? I hear the sound of you shutting the fuck up. Kellar: Let’s see… seven? Moxie: What the fuck are you talking about?!

[library-child]

I was just hit by the idea that Armstrong used this naturalistic reasoning to justify the way he had abandoned and blackmailed Ellington. He probably told himself it was okay because wild animals, despite being loving and caring parents, often drive their young away, abandon them, or put them to work, once they're old enough. I do believe he still loved her at this point. He had just convinced himself to believe it was natural, Ellington was old enough to take care of herself, etc.

[thetheaterkidwriter]

Rare aesthetic:

[unfortunatetheorist]

Where is Nero during the events of ATWQ? (NCT)

A Very Furtive Detail that super uber-fans (like yours truly) of the Netflix series would have picked up on is that Vice Principal Nero actually has a surname - Feint.

Where, you ask, is this in the show? Pause at exactly the right moment in Part 2 of The Austere Academy - where Nero compliments Sunny on her secretarial work ("She edited my résumé...") - and you'll find that the surname on his résumé is, in fact, Feint.

We know, as Snicketeers, that Feint is also the surname of Ellington, the character Lemony depicts as the 'femme fatale' of ATWQ...

...but how does this tie in? What links are we missing?

Let's try to plug the gaps; using what we know, we can try and piece [a version of] the story together.

What do we know already?

1. Lemony knows Ellington Feint, and her father, Armstrong.

2. Both Ellington and Armstrong Feint liked music.

3. Lemony also knows Nero's surname to be Feint, likely from the Baudelaires' entry in 'An Incomplete History'.

4. Nero is very proud of his family history ("a generous grant from our founder, Sir Barrymore Feint").

5. Nero is hyper-focused on his "career as a violinist", and regards very very little else as important.

Given the above to be true, my theory is as follows:

During the events of ATWQ, Ellington had a brother that she never spoke of around Lemony - Nero. Why? Likely because he was still a small child (≈ 5) when Lemony was in Stain'd-by-the-Sea and Ellington was going on missions with him and such. She didn't want any harm to come to him, so she figured out that she had to keep his existence secret. This meant Ellington had to (secretly) risk her brother's life to help Lemony with his various tasks in SBTS and this is where it all went to pieces:

Lemony murdered their father, Armstrong Feint, aka Hangfire.

I think it then played out like this:

1. Ellington realised that she'd have to tell her little brother that their father was dead. She knew that Nero would blame her and grow to hate her for this, so she lashed out at Lemony.

2. Ellington was then jailed for her crimes, leaving Nero alone at home, an orphan. Because Stain'd-by-the-Sea is such a deserted town, no-one came for Nero. He was home alone until Ellington returned from "serving her jail sentence" (escaping with Kit's skeleton key).

3. Whilst waiting for Ellington to come back, Nero was isolated and effectively drove himself mad, with his hatred for his sister combined with his grief over the loss of his father.

4. Over the period of Ellington's "jail sentence" (i.e. the time taken to hatch a plan to escape with the skeleton key), Nero stumbled upon the family history of music, before trying to console/distract himself with the power of music, trying to play the violin, trying to live up to his well-respected ancestors - but no-one has ever been around to correct his... many, many, many, many mistakes.

This explains why he hates any and all orphans, shoving them all in a tin shack, and why he can't play the violin to save his life.

Argument: ATWQ is a book series; how can you include it as part of a Netflix Canon Theory? Counterargument: ATWQ is featured in the series (TCC: "These files contain a report of the tragic events which occurred during my apprenticeship at Stain'd-by-the-Sea, which had to wait until now to be told, due to respect for surviving parties and copyright law").

Dark, even for the Snicketverse,

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

EDIT: Thanks to @ven10's post, https://www.tumblr.com/ven10/707742256069754880/neros-last-name-is-feint-could-he-be-a?source=share, I have been reminded that Nero never graduated middle school - maybe this is the reason...

[deancodedcastielenby]

I got to work with the wonderful @eachainn on their story Hang Fire!

Be sure to check it out here: