The Last Hours

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Cordelia: What’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?

Anna: The audacity.

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Alastair, to the Merry Thieves: Well, like we agreed, it is officially after midnight, so I can now say whatever I want.

[they all groan, awaiting Alastair’s cutting insults]

Alastair: Today was actually pretty interesting, and I didn’t mind working with you dorks.

Christopher: You know, the word "dork" is actually a Celtic word meaning "lungfish".

Alastair: Lightwood, I am trying so hard.

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Tessa, trying to work the oven: Wh-Why hasn’t it heated up? I-Is it broken? Did we pay the gas bill?

Will: Yes, we paid the gas bill. I remember ‘cause the check number ended in 69 and we high-fived.

Lucie: Why?

Tessa: Never mind.

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Cordelia: Well, Alastair and I never actually fought when we were younger.

Alastair: Except sometimes you would get angry when I would throw a baseball bat at you.

Cordelia: You did throw a baseball bat at me but that was pure accident, right?

Alastair: No, that was a game we were playing.

Cordelia: It was Taste My Steel but I feel like it was pure accident.

James: What’s Taste My Steel?

Alastair: It was a game we invented.

Cordelia: Yeah, it was a real collaborative effort. Basically, Alastair had an aluminium baseball bat and he would throw it at me, but I would know it was coming.

Alastair: How would you know?

Cordelia: Because you would shout: "taste my steel!" And throw the bat at me.

Alastair: You dodged it every time, though.

Cordelia: Except the last time that we played it. You hit me right in the eyeball and I got the biggest, nastiest shiner anyone's ever gotten and then mum was like: "hey, don't play Taste My Steel anymore."

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Matthew: “those tight pants are killing ur sperm count”

Matthew: lmao okay bitch well ur killing my vibe

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Jem, to Will: All my life, I've lived for loving you; let me go now.

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Alastair, to Charles: No need to seize the last word, Charles. I'll assume it was something clever.

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Thomas, about Alastair: I think he has a good heart.

Anna: A good heart? I've noticed you staring at his “good heart.”

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Matthew: Hey, we could team up: Bi-curious and The Virgin.

Christopher: That's the world's saddest crime-fighting duo.

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Anna Lightwood: men will never get the satisfaction of a laugh from me if it’s funny i’ll giggle when i get home