queer and loud

29, aroace and genderqueer, they/he/she.

[silly-filly]

i just realized theres a huge similarity between how aro and ace characters are treated in fandom to how enbies are treated, primarily within the context of shipping.

despite their respective orientations and genders generally being acknowledged, they're often treated as what is most convenient or acceptable. that is, treated the same as alloromantic and allosexual or binary gendered characters.

aro characters are being shipped as though they are alloromantic. ace characters are portrayed in sexual relationships as if they are allosexual. how often do you see people portraying these characters' orientations beyond the surface level?

nonbinary characters are referred to with gendered terms based on whoever they're being shipped with. with a woman? they're called "yuri", "sapphic", etc. with a man? it's "yaoi", "mlm", etc. how often do you see people using nonbinary-focused terminology for these pairings? why is the binary-gendered partner a priority in most cases?

when the problem is brought up, the "rebuttals" are the same: "aros/aces can still date/have sex!", "some nonbinary people identify with [lesbian, wlw, sapphic, yuri]/[gay, mlm, achellian, yaoi]!". neither of of these address the issue that this is what fandoms with these characters default to.

this is not to say you can't headcanon characters to have these traits. as someone who is all three, all i want is for people to acknowledge the full spectrum of being aro, ace, or nonbinary, not whichever is most convenient.

[mihai-florescu]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Except, critically, at bedtime.

[findersfeeders]

Ravings and urges get miscoded over time. Let’s say you’re thirsty, and you live in a strawberry field. Strawberries contain some water and a bunch of sugar so, over time, you may start to crave strawberries when you are thirsty because you get a reward and some relief in shorter time from the need starting than the trek to the stream. This can happen for every need: sleep, food, whatever.

Trevor Noah has a great tip, that when he craves ice cream at night he breaks it down into parts: I want something cold, I want something sweet. He drinks a glass of cold water then waits to see if he still has the ice cream craving. Usually he doesn’t.

So listening to your body isn’t “follow every urge” but “decompose the urge to discover the underlying need.”

If you always feel like getting cozy in bed you may be: cold, dehydrated, and/or malnourished (maybe a need for high calories that are bioaccessible…not processed).

If you do not feel tired at bedtime you may: need to eat dinner earlier because your body is still digesting, need to exercise or go outside more during the day, get the fuck off your screen for an hour so your brain can enter sleep mode.

Hope this helps someone.

P.S. notice i said nothing about neurodivergence. Not that it’s not a likelihood but the over-pathologization of behaviors prevents us from taking simple actions to improve our wellbeing. Also, these tips are pretty accessible and applicable to most brain variations.

[brightlotusmoon]

[leebrontide]

Neuroscience is the closest you're gonna get to a user's manual. This is all good advice.

[sparklejamesysparkle]

“𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲: ‘𝐎𝐡, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐡. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 𝐢𝐭. 𝐈𝐭’𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐨 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.’ 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲: ‘𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜!’ 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐝𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝.” Elizabeth Taylor chats with Whoopi Goldberg on the debut episode of The Whoopi Goldberg Show, originally broadcast in syndication on September 14th, 1992. An early trailblazer in the fight against HIV/AIDS and a staunch and outspoken LGBTQ+ ally, Elizabeth committed her time and energy to the cause when her friend and co-star Rock Hudson was diagnosed with AIDS prior to his passing in 1985. Elizabeth went on to become a co-founder (alongside Dr. Mathilde Krim) of the first AIDS research center amfAR, and later founded her separate Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation in 1991 with the specific focus of providing nutritious meals (as well as medical and financial assistance) to people living with HIV and AIDS. She also lobbied the U.S. congress to contribute more money for AIDS research and education, devoting the last twenty-six years of her life to the cause. After Elizabeth passed away in 2011 at the age of 79, a large portion of the $156,800,000 raised at the Christie’s auction of her legendary jewelry collection was bequeathed to her charity in order to continue providing the services and assistance she believed were important in perpetuity. Still actively raising funds today, Elizabeth’s grandson Quinn Tivey is now an officer and co-trustee of her foundation. Reflecting on his grandmother’s humanitarianism and advocacy, he recently stated: “The fight against HIV/AIDS was such a vital part of her legacy, and although the fight is far from over, I’m honored to see the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation continue her work, educating legislators, raising awareness for the public, disproving myths and decreasing fear and stigma. Grandma stood up for what she believed in, living boldly and courageously. She would never buckle under pressure, and she certainly would not support the status quo if the status quo didn’t feel right.”

[madlori]

nobody better say a goddamned word against Elizabeth Taylor in front of me, is all I can say. She fought this fight before it was popular, before it was acceptable, even before people knew it WAS a fight. She didn’t care if it made people think less of her. She fought it.

[tainbocuailnge]

forget everything anyone has ever told you on the matter the truest marker of adulthood is starting to hear the siren call of high quality kitchenware

[tainbocuailnge]

to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day

[nudityandnerdery]

This seems like a good post to include this link on:

Your Cookware Got Worse On Purpose

One buyout firm quietly collected Pyrex, Corelle, Instant Pot, and Oneida. Farberware is a name on a 200-year lease. And the pans still wort

Talking about popular kitchenware companies undergoing enshittification, and gives you a list of brands towards the end that are more reliable.

[busket]

"im not saying feminism is for everyone but-" the fuck? well im saying that. feminism is for everyone. yes even cishet men will benefit from feminism and cishet men should be feminists because cishet men are indeed harmed by the patriarchy; nowhere near to the extent that women are, but having a culture that is fully equal and anti-misogynist benefits everyone. have we forgotten that lifting up the disenfranchised people in society helps all of us as a collective? "im not saying that universal and unalienable human rights are for everyone but-" YES THE FUCK THEY ARE LOL

[pastasalami]

If your feminism isn't for everyone it is not aimed at dismantling and getting rid of patriarchy as a whole. To get rid of patriarchy you need to get rid of it for everyone. To do that you need to look at how it affects everyone and it does affect everyone, not only cis women. Only once you've looked at how it affects everyone, will you know how it works as a whole and thus will be able to dismantle it and subsequently get rid of it - for everybody!

If you don't want to do all that, you are not looking to change the system, but are merely interested in advancing a specific group of people within the system whilst keeping the system intact and running.

[transmascfeminism]

Any movement that has “people forcibly classed as female since birth can achieve the highest status of power in a hierarchy of gender oppression” as a loadbering belief is an antifeminist movement.

Any movement that has “people forcibly classed as female since birth oppress people who weren’t on the basis of their having being classed as female” as a loadbering belief is an antifeminist movement.

Any movement that has “people with natal vulvas, uteri, and ovaries do not experience any unique types of violence, medical abuse, or marginalization” as a loadbering belief is an antifeminist movement.

Any movement that has "people forcibly classed as female since birth can utilize the event of their female classification to escape from gendered violence" as a loadbering belief is an antifeminist movement.

[oceansidegraveyard]

you know i dont think it counts as actual discourse when one side is going "all trans people are oppressed in sometimes unique sometimes overlapping ways and we all can have complicated relationships to gender and privilege and lack thereof" and the other side is making up a bunch of bullshit that was never said in the first place because theyre obsessed with finding the next marginalized group they can prop themselves up on to deal with the crushing reality we live in

"trans men are both men and targets of misogyny."

"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab."

"no, trans men are most often treated like broken women and are percieved and enforced by society as such."

"see? transandrobros love talking about how much trans women are male socialized with male privilege, so they can be innocent little babies with glass bones and paper skin"

"no, trans women at any stage of transition are also othered and treated as broken, no trans person has access to-"

"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab against the big scary trans women"

like this is not discourse. this is a carousel. it is a self-sustaining feedback loop for people who wish desperately to feed their own persecution complexes. no matter how many disclaimers or written out essays or olive branches offered. this crowd does not care about transgender liberation, only to use their own oppression as an excuse to take everyone else down with them.

[llulamoon]

A lot of posts on here read like "No I don't think you're a stupid little girl who can't think for herself and needs to sit down, look pretty, and let the smart people talk. I think you're a stupid little boy who can't think for himself and needs to sit down, stop acting like a disgusting man, and let the smart people talk. Why aren't I affirming your gender ?? You wanted this !!"

[notawesternspy]

"Trans men aren't as oppressed as trans women! Look at all these laws targeting trans women but not trans men!"

is as useless of a statement as,

"Lesbians aren't as oppressed as gay men! Look at all these laws targeting gay men but not lesbians!"

I'd be rightfully chastised for saying the latter, but apparently the former is just "transfeminism 101" to some people.

And to be clear, there are STILL places in the world where male homosexuality is punished but female homosexuality isn't. Would you say that queer women are privileged in these places? NO! You would recognise that the methods for oppressing queerness often differs based on the gender one is socially imposed upon birth.

The oppression of transmasculine people is often enacted in ways similar to that of cis women, especially cis queer women. These include tactics such as corrective rape/forced pregnancy and being dismissed as "confused" and "delusional," but also "predatory Evil Women who are going to Corrupt Your Daughters."

Unfortunately, this means a lot of trans men must be considered "not real men" in order to have their experiences validated. Transgender theory and mainstream transfeminism has failed in this regard. Since the idea of "a man being oppressed for being a man" is counterintuitive to decades of feminist thought, it is rejected outright.

Some say, "you're not oppressed for being a man, you're oppressed for being trans" as if those are distinct categories in this context.

If a trans man were not trans, they would be a cisgender woman. People have gotten so far into theory they are forgetting the real people behind these labels.

[han-the-human]

"Well you have the privilege of being able to go back in the closet and pretend to be a cis woman. Trans women don't have that privilege"

I don't think going back into the closet is a privilege for any trans person and you as a trans person should know that.

Also if detransitioning and pretending to be cis is a privilege than wouldn't trans women actually be privileged over trans men in that regard? You know, since if a trans woman detransitions then she will gain the conditional male privilege of being perceived as a cis man?

But oh no, detransitioning is only a privilege for trans men because they aren't real trannies like trans women

Trans men's feelings of dysphoria are just them being silly little girls birthday boys and also saying that trans men should just detransition so you'll treat them as human is totally not a transphobic opinion to have

[lesboydefender]

Something I hate about transphobia specifically in the queer community towards transgender men and other transmasculine people is how, no matter what a transmasculine person's sexuality is, people are going to jump through hoops in order to say "oh so you're straight and cisgender" or something as close to it as humanly possible. And usually, they try to erase the transgender identity specifically.

It's very odd to me, because transgender people specifically are not allowed to be queer or acknowledged as queer by their own community. In comparison to cisgender queer people, transgender people have to prove their sexuality so much more in my opinion? ESPECIALLY if they aren't hetrosexual, because God forbid somebody has more than one queer identity.

You're a gay transgender man? Okay straight cisgender woman or gay cisgender man. You're a straight transgender man? Okay straight cisgender man or lesbian cisgender woman. You're a bisexual transgender man? Okay bisexual cisgender man or woman. You're a asexual transgender man? Okay asexual cisgender man or woman. And so on

Like are trans men allowed to be queer at ALL?? Transgender men cannot be gay men. Transgender men cannot be straight men. Transgender men cannot be bisexual men. Transgender men cannot be asexual men. Transgender men cannot be transgender. Transgender men cannot be queer at all. I guess transgender men cannot be literally anything.

ultimately the problem (i think) is that the rest of the queer community feels extremely comfortable dictating how trans men define ourselves.

many people are very insecure in their identities and feel threatened by trans people as a Concept because we force them to reevaluate language, but the thing about identity is it’s entirely self-determined and ultimately however someone else identifies is not a matter of public debate.

i’m a lesbian and that makes some people mad but it truly doesn’t matter because my identity cannot alter or dilute or diminish someone else’s.

tl;dr i believe that the obsession with policing how trans men describe ourselves is rooted in the fear that someone else’s identity can take authenticity away from one’s own

[transmascfeminism]

I resonate with anon’s point so deeply. I think this goes even further than the queer community and applies to how transmasculinity is seen by the world at large, or rather, how it isn’t seen.

There simply isn’t a cultural idea of what a ‘transmasc’ could be, not in and of itself, not even a negative one. There’s various other cultural ideas that people read transmasculinity through (anon names some of them) but none of them are culturally readable as ‘native’ to transmasculinity. They’re ‘external’ ideas, represented rhetorically as having been created to describe other people - not us, never us - that are imposed on us as a sort of ‘next best thing’ and that, to add insult to injury, we are sometimes even accused of wanting to co-op or ‘appropriate’ merely by existing.

And I do not believe for a second that this is by accident, that basically all other manners and flavors of queerness, gender non conformity, and whatnot have managed to ensconce themselves in culture - again, even if partially or mostly as negative stereotypes and cautionary tales - and somehow WE are the only people who left no semiotic trace on history.

The hole that is our (non-)existence was quite evidently engineered and preserved through meticulous and repeated efforts by (cishetero)patriarchy. I believe @phosphorusab put it best when they named it as damnatio memoriae.

[genderkoolaid]

i don't know why some feminists, who are genuinely trans-affirming and even actively try to challenge elements of cissexism in feminism, are so goddamn allergic to saying "cis men." its one word. three letters. just slap it in front of the word "man" when relevant. i know you know that cisness and transness are relevant. so why am i still having to read you say "men" over and over and over again when it is blatantly obvious you mean cis men!

[genderkoolaid]

like sorry to be a bitch about it (not really) but i do think it is that serious. i think you should be thinking about cisness and transness and intersexuality whenever discussing gender. it really all goes back to trans men's transmanhood being overlooked and erased as a site of oppression in favor of focusing on transness detached from manhood or femaleness detached from manhood and transness.

[insectiile]

blisteringly hot take but some frankly absurd misogyny flies under the radar on this site as long as you replace foid with afab/tme. truly absurd shit. anyways "afab privilege" is not and has never been real. there is not a human being on this earth who has been made more privileged by being marked as "f" at their birth.

[scourgefell]

People will call themselves materialists and then say "so anyway, all trans women were born with an immutable female soul that everyone is secretly attuned to but never confesses out loud, and will therefore treat trans girls / women transmisogynisticly from the second they're born, which is actually worse than regular misogyny so you're actually privileged if you weren't born like this regardless of your actual life circumstances."

"Oh, and of course, because trans men and trans women are ontological opposites, that means the inverse is true for trans men, who were secretly always privileged because male privilege is granted by people's secretly male immutable souls."

"Anyway, if you question this line of thinking at all, you're literally the same as a murderer."

[lovelyl0tte]

if transmascvoicesproject is a troll then isnt it really fucking sad how many TME people are engaging with it as a legitimate space they appreciate. you cant wash your hands of this, too many or yall are actively supporting it. just back up trans women for once in your lives

[scourgefell]

I haven't seen a single other actual transmasc supporting the blog aside from other straight up trolls

Its also super cool (sarcasm) that if there's a single shitty blog, not even run by a transmasc, with a handful of "supporters", that means all transmascs are responsible and can't "wash their hands of it".

Is denouncing it not enough? Are the hundreds of posts in our tags criticizing it and condemning it not enough? Why are we responsible for the actions of a few people that we can't control? Why do we have to carry the blame of someone using the veneer of our voices for bigotry?

What about the dozens of blogs run by self-proclaimed TMA people that talked about wanting to murder and rape transmascs in graphic detail? What about the constant suicide baiting I recieve in my inbox? Do y'all get to "wash your hands" of that? Or should we hold you responsible for the actions of strangers?

Seriously. This is part of the genuine reason why some genuinely traumatized people may actually be sending submissions to that blog. They literally do feel like there is no where they can speak without being called a bigot, and they're literally right. We are being called bigots by association of a single tumblr blog who is NOT EVEN RUN BY A TRANSMASC PERSON.

[busket]

choosing to play oppression olympics isnt just mean and inconsiderate. like I feel when you call ppl out for it theyre like "does it hurt your feelings that I said your privileged?" like no you are actually doing some serious damage to your own cause

like the recent estrogen legislation. estrogen should never be made a controlled substance. everyone should have easy access to gender affirming care, including DIY. but when people try to spread awareness for this serious issue by acting like trans men arent as affected by institutional transphobia, it just becomes an argument about disinformation, because testosterone is ALREADY a controlled substance. I want estrogen to remain an uncontrolled substance because I want to save trans women from the bullshit than trans men have been having to deal with for over 30 years. and then you have a bunch of people arguing about this bullshit with each other while the law just plods on thru the government and everyone loses.

recently I saw a person talking about the recent, tragic murder of Juniper Blessing. but instead of honoring her memory, this person said that trans men dont experience the same danger. and of course that caused people to bring up the also very recent murder of Luca Redbeard. Both these violent hate crimes and murders happened THIS MONTH and it makes me sick that the trans community cant even honor their memories properly because theyre too up their own asses arguing about who has privilege and social power over the other, instead of seeing that we are all living the same fucking nightmare

[a-polite-melody]

“Transmascs always have the opportunity to re-closet themselves and be welcomed with open arms by AFAB-only types. Even if that’s an awful way to live, at least you won’t be dying on the street like transfems.”

Uh…

Why is it taken as fact that transmascs, as a whole, can easily detransition and be re-welcomed?

If you listen to transmascs talk about our transitions, when we hit a certain stage in that transition we’re going to have the same sorts of problems transfems have in passing as a cis woman. And no, that doesn’t necessarily translate into ease passing for a cis man, as I’m sure trans women are well aware of (by that I mean aware of the strategy of simply trying to look enough like a cis man, even with cis-man-hormone-levels can still be a situation where you can be clocked).

Like genuinely. Why are the effects of testosterone a permanent thing that these supposed transfeminists spiral about never being able to escape because its effects are so much more permanent than those of an estrogen-dominant puberty, but transmascs’ testosterone puberty is just supposedly easy to still pass as cis from? And why is it that these same people claim that testosterone is so powerful that transmascs pass so much more quickly and easily than transfems?

It’s all contradictory bullshit because they’re picking whatever narrative best suits them depending on the situation. They treat us like uncontrollable, violent, rape-hungry man-beasts when that’s most convenient to them, and otherwise they treat us like stupid, ignorant, whiny, hysterical *foids* (and yes I specifically use that word because I’ve seen it used). It’s the same as all transphobes.