inksomniax

que(sad)illa, 22, she/her

[inksomniax]

On saying "I love you":

C saying it is okay because we know what that is. Don't know when it'll end, don't even know why it started.

KRA saying it is platonic but very deeply true.

S saying it is a slap in the face, and KD saying it is never happening + possibly an extremely bad idea and will cause WW7.

A hookup saying it would have me walking out the door. Nobody in my family says it.

I say it like religion to my close Twitter friends.

[inksomniax]

Making myself known over and over again to new people is what hurts me so much.

[inksomniax]

having best friends is like omg would you like a slice of apple, borrow my charger, wearing each other's tshirts, made you coffee, remember that time you tripped on the stairs seven years ago, do you need help burying that dead body, I will commit arson with you, let's play video games, did you see that new season, I may be gay for you, that's such a cute cat.

and having a mother is like here's 1/4th of a bag of chips I saved them for you.

[inksomniax]

For someone who says he loves me, you really don’t act like it. 

You don’t tell me you love my voice. Hell, you don’t even call me. Do you notice the softness of my voice when you make me laugh, and understand how the calmness you radiate makes me hum with pleasure? My throat catches and it’s because I want to yell your name from all the rooftops of the world. But you don’t call and I type the words here instead.

My friends notice how my eyes shine when I say your name. They’re not idiots, they’ve known me for years. But are you, because you have too. I look at you as if your smile is art, and I hope to be the artist. When I close my eyes, I see you as I want you, close and breathless. Do you see what I see? Do you see me?

I’ve memorized your scent. I remember it through all the other smells I like- the rain, cinnamon, maggi, my blanket. It’s wreathed among the memories of mornings in our room. Your cologne makes me giddy. It has me bouncing into your arms and playing with the collar on your white shirt. You are my oxygen. Your hands are around my throat and I’m choking.

And the way you taste, oh god. I’m haunted by your weight against my lips, with your tongue raking across my body. Kiss me, I pray, kiss me with the breath of strawberries, cigarettes, spicy, sweet, and our sex. Do you bite your lips in anticipation for me? Do your lips even curve into a delighted smile at my texts?

I guess the only thing you know about me are my hands. Hands that would worship you, at the risk of bleeding and burning. Soft hands with maroon nails and a silver ring. Touch of a feather, feel of heaven. Hands that will make you lunch, rub your hair, peel you oranges, dig into my chest at the pain, run angry red lines across my face, shake at the strain of holding myself together while you drive me insane. 

You don’t love me, you just act like it. It’s all on the surface, while I love so deeply that I’ve lost all my senses. My blood rushes to my heart just for it to ache. I’m sensitive to every single sign you give, but every time you say you love me, you really don’t act like it.

-fuck love. i'm so tired. 5:11 pm, 15 July 2024

[inksomniax]

the finishes reading one whole book every day phase hit really hard and I have no complaints!! :D

[inksomniax]

"You don't understand how much I need you in my damn life, even if it's as an enemy." I don't think he realized he'd started yelling over the uproar in his head.

"And I can't stand having you in my life, even if it's as a soulmate." My voice, while quiet, was the shotgun crack of a glacier shattering.

//What sounds do hearts make as they're being broken?

[inksomniax]

Sorry about the bony elbows,

Sorry we lived here,

Sorry about the scene

At the bottom of the stairwell

And how I ruined everything

By saying it out loud.

Especially that,

But I should have known. You see,

I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.

-Richard Siken

[inksomniax]

"Much more genius is needed to make love than command armies."

-Ninon de l'Enclos

[inksomniax]

"Lovers and madmen have such seething brains\ Such shaping fantasies that apprehend\ More than cool reason ever comprehends."

-William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

[inksomniax]

You are exactly like this character. You fit the description perfectly. The character's only feature is that he constantly changes to fit the mold required of him,

And the truth only shows through in your moments of vulnerability- when you're high at 3 am or when you've just woken up at 3 pm.

You're like evening falling over a meadow. The day has been beautiful and the senses are lulled by sleep, but the night brings promises and curiosity.

You may change, a side of you I've never considered you to have may come to enchant me.

It keeps me reading, it keeps me trapped, and I am yours, even though you are not mine.

But I do tell myself that no matter how much bliss I feel in the freshness you provide,

I know better than to stray in past the edges. 'It's a lie. You are labyrinthine."

"That's alright," I argue with myself.

I would gladly die in your arms, for they are your arms, strong and warm,

and I'd be foolishly lost in your eyes as you, my lover and my murderer, take everything I own.

You are the character they all root for, but is that really necessary, when everyone you face,

Is simply content in the time you indulged them in play, and then throwing the game?

//via @inksomniax on ig

[inksomniax]

*it starts to get rainy* *runs to make iced coffee* *steals an ungodly amount of chocolate chip cookies from the cupboard* *throws open all the windows* *grabs the book I'm reading* *brings a pillow and blanket to the seat near my window* *wishes I had a cat* *remembers to lock my door* *gets all snuggled up* *sips coffee and reads* *makes little notes* *loses cute bookmark* *occasionally looks up at the rain or thunder* *train of thought goes on vacation* *feels the wind against my legs* *finds cute bookmark* *keeps moving the hair out of my face* reads some more* *smiles* *falls asleep sometimes* *is happy*

[inksomniax]

I have decided to do things in life simply because they are aesthetic I don't give a fuck if it makes no sense to have 9 posts of the various vegetables in my fridge or make tents over my bed with fairy lights; as long as it looks nice idgaf.