eatin a fishies

[isdalinarhot]

ive talked about my pet theory that stormlight will not cure your hangovers if you are in active addiction and/or subconsciously view yourself of "deserving" the hangover for being a Stupid Dumb Drunk Idiot (shallan can heal hers because she has a relatively healthy relationship with alcohol, dalinar could presumably heal his because he had a one-time slip-up and did not fall wholesale back into the pit) now get ready for: if you have a relationship with a drug thats like "i feel genuinely more uncomfortable with life and with living and existing and shit when i am sober than when i am blasted off the substance of my choice; drunk/high me is the Real Me to be honest" you wont be able to use stormlight to burn it off because the spiritual healing is like what no this is your Ideal State

[ivy-michaels]

Come to the library. We will laminate your penis for free.

[transparent-plastic-robotgirl]

I have to go to the library so that they can laminate my penis for free

[griffonatrix]

my penis is *above* the laminator

my penis is *on top of* the laminator

my penis is *inside of* the laminator

[transparent-plastic-robotgirl]

this bitch loves prepositions

[griffonatrix]

gotta preposition otherwise your penis will get laminated all cock-eyed. measure twice, cut once and all that

[ivy-michaels]

Meaure once cut also once no prablem

[griffonatrix]

Measure once and don't fuck ut up.

[turing-tested]

IVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIEND FOR LIKE A YEAR NOW AND IT TURNS OUT WE KNEW EACH OTHER AND WERE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER PRETRANSITION

[turing-tested]

we we’re talking about how we had a mutual friend and how that was so wild and then they mentioned another friend i knew and i was like “yeah i played soccer with them both in the park” and my friend was like “wait does your deadname start with a C” and it turns out she was also there and we just had no idea who each other was this entire time till now

[asymbina]

This is fucking wild

[lesbianredpanda]

[professorsparklepants]

This is half a plot for a modern Shakespearean comedy of errors.

[mananabuffins]

Romcom where two people meet cute and bond over how awful their exes were and plan elaborate revenge schemes but it turns out they both transitioned and are helping to plan revenge plots against themselves

[kartprowler]

[scribefindegil]

everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving

[diamantefangs]

[xeansicemane]

This is kinda ominous ngl

[vexwerewolf]

Gotta compliment him on his reflexes. No hesitation. Just described exactly what he was seeing, regardless of what it was.

[wherefore-whinnies]

[VD: A weatherman is giving a report and pointing to a map, saying "feel like temperatures really take a tumble too, because after the storm-" before he is interrupted by the screen going black and then displaying a picture of some baby spinach. He says, "um," then immediately points to the screen and confidently announces, "this is baby spinach." /End VD]

[isdalinarhot]

Ialai should’ve killed so many more people than she did

[isdalinarhot]

Putting aside the general nastiness that Every Single Alethi Lighteyes Is Complicit In, the only things Ialai really canonically does on page that are quote unquote “evil” are 1. Dig up some gossip and doctor papers from Navani to embarrass Dalinar 2. Be married to Sadeas. And then she’s understandably upset when her husband dies (they have known each other at least thirty years if not more) (everyone seems to hate her besides him) and Brandon wants you to look at her and go wooooooah what a bitch huh?

[isdalinarhot]

Don’t You Get So Angry

[eightyonekilograms]

I'm playing correspondence chess with my brother and don't feel like making a move tonight but wanted to make sure I did it tomorrow, so I wrote "move against brother" in my TODO list before realizing that sounds kind of insane.

[phaeton-flier]

#AncientPrinceProblems

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

*trying to remember the word "masturbatory"* that argument is a sort of conceptual fleshlight

[iidolomantis]

checked under the sink a bit ago and saw i’ve got an angel infestation. annoying bastards. it explains all the weird dreams and salt pillars and how my neighbor’s dog kept barking in latin the other day, i guess. i’ll have to pick up some more glue traps tomorrow. i’m just hoping my cat doesn’t manage to catch any of them before the traps do; last time, i found a bunch of halos and chewed-up wings, and it was a whole thing with the vet. eight hundred bucks and a vision of the heat death of the universe later, and they tell me not to worry, it happens all the time, and to bring her back if she still has more than two eyes after a week. what a fucking scam.

[aeserathedreamer]

angelgirl instant loss with this one simple trick

[tpwrtrmnky]

sometimes it occurs to me that while "get bottom surgery and then use a strapon" is an obvious course of action for many trans lesbians, a lot of cis people would be extremely confused by the suggestion that someone would do this.

[dogpuppy]

[galileosballs]

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were

[bumblebeebats]

"Potassium cyanide. Arsenic trioxide. Polonium 210. Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin," I say, smugly and with full confidence, before downing the glass of wine my political rival insisted on pouring for me. Seconds later, she watches with a smirk as I collapse writhing to the ground, in the knowledge that I never could hit that "R" in "pinot noir" quite right

[rockergiirl]

damn your pussy fat and long and hard and outside

[jester-operation]

I habe some bad news

[rockergiirl]

BOTH TOWERS?

[catboybiologist]

Angry Gamers (capitol G) will look at a new trailer, invent a way cooler and more epic version of it, and then think that cooler and more epic version is Bad, somehow

[catboybiologist]

New female GTA protagonist is being described as "looking like a tranny and fat"

As in

This character:

She literally is not. Would be way cooler if she was though

[catboybiologist]

Ciri is "too masculine" in the new Witcher trailer.

Ciri.

In this trailer:

This is literally just a cis woman. Would be based as fuck if they fucked with that a bit.

[catboybiologist]

Man imagine a GTA where you play as a trans woman sex worker forced into increasingly dangerous situations, surviving and slowly thriving through crimes and heists of escalating stakes, slowly overcoming and eventually overthrowing those who wronged you in both the justice system and the criminal underworld

[catboybiologist]

Maybe game studios should have one of these Gamers on their team to torture. The angrier this Gamer gets the further the rest of the team pushes. If this Gamer is violent with rage by the end of a brainstorming session it's considered successful.

[catboybiologist]

They could keep him in a little terrarium

[catboybiologist]

Not letting you hide this in the tags

[squeakitties]

still thinking about the apparent 2006-2007 epidemic of rabid swarms of wii remotes descending on helpless televisions like locusts

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

wii sports was invented by nefarious television manufacturers to break people's televisions

[puppygirllaika]

What a very funny joke that definitely did not happen because Nintendo definitely did not buy up almost a third of the shares of the top five TV manufacturers in the time between the announcement and release of the Wii, shares which definitely didn't skyrocket in value over the next two years due to an increase in flatscreen sales, nearly half of which independent analysts attributed to people replacing damaged TVs with newer, more expensive models from electronics stores that relied on high-pressure sales tactics to upsell people and get them to buy more expensive models on credit which they couldn't actually afford.