latest fic — come on, come on, don’t leave me like this | gentlebeard
requests are open for ofmd fics, please send some in :)
little things about me :)
i’m iris (or amber if you came from my old account @heytherejulietx ) and i’ve been writing for maybe seven years now? but i’ve only been posting work for a handful of those
i am 18+
i’d like to think that in the time it’s been since i last was posting regularly on tumblr, which is approximately a year ago, my skill in writing has grown massively
i’m basically starting fresh on this account, so whether you come from the old account or just want to say hi please shoot me a message or an ask :) all follows/likes/asks will be from @heytherejulietx as this is just a side account
fics that i’ve loved will be tagged with #iris recs so please check them out! :)
when this account is properly up and running i’ll make the navigation post more pretty and less rambly i promise
help help help i kinda wanna start joining in on monthly writing challenges/prompts etc for ofmd but idk what blogs post the challenges so pls direct me to them i’ll literally love you forever <3
rewatching ofmd s1 with my mother and I accidentally had a visceral reaction to when izzy first is on screen. I sort of kind of maybe yelled at pointed and said MY BBG. with my mother right next to me.
come on, come on, don’t leave me like this | gentlebeard
read it here or read it on ao3 <3
there’s just something about some good angst that really fiils my needs. and i’m not whumping stede for once!!!
this time anyways
anyways *hopefully* you guys were hoping for more from me and you like this!!
title is from “haunted” by taylor swift x
3.7k words — angst, hurt-comfort, conflict, canon typical violence, drowning, cpr, near death experience
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In the time that they had been Co-Captains of The Revenge, they had built up a pleasant little night time routine for themselves.
They would bathe, and dress in their nightgowns, and once Stede had thoroughly combed out Ed’s hair and braided it so it didn’t get all knotty in his sleep, he would apply some oils to his knee so it didn’t hurt so much in the morning. Sometimes they would enjoy a little nightcap, sometimes Ed would enjoy his pipe out on deck, and then they would settle beneath the covers of their bed together, warm and happy enough to doze off in each others arms.
Stede was used to waking first. He was used to waking up just as the sun was peaking through the windows, he was used to taking the time to just admire Ed whilst he slept until he woke up.
On the very rare occasions that Ed had woken up first, Stede would wake with soft kisses pressed to his cheek and his lips, and they’d spend the morning fumbling around beneath the covers together like they were schoolboys.
Stede was used to the soft mornings with Ed.
What he was not used to, was waking up to the door of the quarters slamming open with such force that it seemed to rattle the entire room.
Ed awoke first — still half-asleep, Stede felt as he shifted against his back to sit up, heard his grumbled, “What the fuck?”
“Captains,” it was Lucius, and what made Stede start to blink himself awake was the fear in the boy’s tone. “There’s another ship, they’re trying to-”
The unmistakable boom of cannon fire was enough to force Stede awake completely, and he shot up in bed when he felt the cannon collide with the ship. Everything trembled and shook, the room rocked so violently that a few glasses slid from the coffee table and smashed onto the floor. In the moment of panic, Stede couldn’t find it in himself to care.
His eyes found Lucius still at the door, where he had a white-knuckled grip on the doorframe as the ship trembled. He was still in his pyjamas, and it was then that Stede’s brain caught up with him enough to realise that it was still dark.
His eyes shot back towards Ed, just in time to see him shoving off the covers to climb out of the bed, and he immediately went for his boots by the table. “Make sure everyone’s up,” he was saying- no, ordering Lucius. Edward Teach was not the man going up on deck, it was Blackbeard. “Tell them to all get weapons, get them ready to fight,” he shoved one boot on, was halfway through getting the other on, when he looked back up at Lucius. “And get me Izzy.”
“Yes- yes Captain, right away.” Lucius was quick to scamper from the room.
Stede finally snapped out of his shock and also got out of bed, not caring for the disarray of sheets as he searched the room for his own shoes. They had only had to do this a couple of times when they’d been unprepared, but it had never been in the middle of the night — they were in their bloody nightgowns. He could feel his heart thumping against his ribs as he pulled his shoes on, and reached for the gun he had stashed in the room just as Ed was prepping his own.
“Nasty nasty pirates, in the middle of the night? Honestly, no wonder-”
Stede’s rambling was cut short when Ed seized him by the shoulders, his grip tight, and all he could do was stare wide-eyed back at him.
“Are you sure you should go up there?” Ed asked, and his voice was so serious that it left Stede shocked. This wasn’t the first raid they’d had on the ship, Stede knew how to handle himself — between his training with Izzy and everything that Ed himself had shown him, he really had grown his skills as a pirate. Sure, he still wasn’t great, but he was good enough.
“What?” Stede laughed his disbelief. “Ed that’s our crew I can’t- I can’t just stay here.”
“I know,” Ed sighed, jaw clenched, before he let go of Stede’s shoulders to brace him against his chest instead. “I know, I just… fuck, man, I dunno, something just feels different this time, I don’t want you to get hurt.”
He was right, this time felt strange. They had been through the motions of a raid more times than they could count — both ones that they had initiated, and had been victim of — but this time just… it felt like something was going to go wrong.
But they couldn’t afford to think like that.
“I won’t get hurt,” Stede leaned back enough to take Ed’s face into his hands, and held him gently. “I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”
Ed turned his head enough until he pressed a kiss to the inside of Stede’s wrist, but anything he was about to say was cut off by the knock at the door.
“Captains.” Izzy’s voice came from behind them, and when Stede turned he saw that Izzy wasn’t in much better shape than them; clothes that had clearly been just tossed on, one boot lace undone, his hair messy from his sleep.
“Iz, thank fuck,” Ed gave Stede one last squeeze before he backed away to move over towards Izzy. “What the fuck is going on up there?”
Whilst Ed and Izzy discussed the threat — a group of pirates that they had never even heard of, just looking for a ship to loot — Stede finished getting himself ready to go up on deck. He knew that they didn’t really have any time, so all he did was throw on his robe over his nightgown, his shoes, and both his gun and the sword that Izzy had been training him with. If they hadn’t been caught so off guard in the middle of the night then Stede would've felt better about the situation. If they were going to be raided, they usually saw the ships long before they reached firing range. But nobody had seen this one coming.
By the time the three of them were walking down the corridor towards the deck, Stede felt pretty nauseated.
The walk there was the worst part. They were close enough to hear the crew as they shouted, the gunfire, the whole commotion outside. A little way before the steps, another cannon hit the ship, and Stede stumbled into the wall with the force that the ship was rocked, and his hand found Ed’s arm without even thinking about it.
“Stede are you sure,” Ed pushed, whirling to face him once the shaking of the vessel had stopped. “Maybe it’s best if you-”
“He’s the Captain of this ship,” Izzy’s voice was hard as he wedged himself into the conversation, looking between Ed and Stede with cold eyes. “He needs to be up there, Edward, you can’t shield him from this. What was your rule on pets?”
There was a tense silence between the two other men. Ed’s harsh glare was met with an unflinching stubbornness from Izzy, a silence that stretched out so long that Stede worried the fight would continue with them in the corridor.
It was only broken by a loud thud from the deck, before they heard a cry of, “They’re boarding!”
Immediately, the three men rushed out onto the deck, and- god, the sight of it all.
The first thing Stede noticed was the ship directly next to The Revenge; it wasn’t as big, but that didn’t seem to be a problem for them at all, as the second thing that Stede noticed was the masses of pirates boarding the ship over the plank they had extended to bridge the two vessels.
It was quickly becoming just a crowd of people, it was hard to distinguish his own crew from the other pirates for a moment. But as his eyes flickered around the deck and actually made an attempt to focus, he could see his men — Black Pete had Lucius behind him and was warding off a pirate coming at him with a sword, Jim had their knife out and was cutting through more men that Stede had seen them do in the past, Frenchie had a gun in hand as he ran across the deck; they were all fighting for their ship- their home.
In his moment of stillness, Ed and Izzy had both also made it across the deck to ward off the pirates that were still boarding; Izzy was pretty much as skilled as he was before he had lost his leg, and Ed- no, Blackbeard moved through the men like he was parting the sea.
Stede quickly snapped out of his trance and gripped his gun tightly in his hand, moving into the crowd of people to help his crew. His sword training with Izzy was clearly paying off as he duelled with the strangers aboard his ship. The longer they were at the fight, somehow, the easier it became. By no means were the other pirates particularly skilled, but they had the stamina and the stubbornness that his crew sometimes lacked.
But Stede was not about to lose his ship, or any of his men, to these pirates.
One of the men ran at him, and Stede didn’t hesitate to raise his gun and shoot. He watched as the blood blew out of the back of his chest, soaked through the fabric of his shirt, before he fell to the decking in front of him, dead.
After that he went a little numb, and it all kind of passed in a blur.
No matter where he was, he always made sure that he had an eye on Ed. Sometimes they fought side by side, sometimes they were on opposite ends of the ship, but they could always see each other. It calmed Stede… well, as much as one could be calm in the midst of a raid.
By some fucking miracle, by the time the other pirates had either been slain or retreated back to their own ship, none of the crew was too badly harmed. Lucius was sporting a cut arm, Olu a twisted ankle, and Stede could just tell from the way that Ed was walking that his knee was giving him pain, but other than that they were all fine.
Stede released a deep breath, dropped his sword, and tried to calm his racing heart as he started to move from person to person, checking on them all.
“That was some good work there, Captain.” Jim came up beside Stede, and hell, if he was getting their approval, then he was certainly doing something right.
Stede nodded, smiled and thanked them, before he turned on his heels to look across the deck for where Ed was. He spotted him wiping his sword clean as he spoke with Izzy by the railing, and the relief that filled him to see that he was okay was immeasurable.
But it didn’t last long.
From behind the barrels that were stacked up against the railing, one of the other pirates emerged, and at first Stede didn’t worry — they weren’t holding any weapons, they just looked scared. They couldn’t actually do anything.
That thought kept Stede rooted to the floor, which would be something that he looked back on in such self-loathing, because what if he could have done something?
The pirate made a beeline for Ed, and with a last ditch effort to claim some sort of victory, he planted his hands on Ed’s chest and pushed.
He pushed so hardly that Ed thudded backwards against the railing, before he toppled over and fell.
Stede could barely hear the splash of his body as it hit the water over the blood that had rushed into his ears.
Izzy didn’t hesitate to gut the pirate with his sword, his face screwed as he pushed the body to the floor.
But even seeing that didn’t do anything for Stede because Ed was in the fucking water-
“Ed!” He heard himself scream at the same time Izzy yelled, “Man overboard!”
Stede didn’t even think, he just rushed forwards across the deck with the plan of jumping in after him. It wouldn’t have been the first time he had ended up in the water. He could swim. He just needed to get Ed out-
He didn’t actually get to the water before Izzy had his arms around him, shoving backwards until Stede couldn’t actually reach the railing.
“What are you doing?” Stede yelled, shoving at Izzy’s arm, his breaths all short and his hands shaking. “He’s in the- I need to get him out! I need-”
“Hey, hey!” Izzy shoved him backwards further, held onto his arms so tightly that it hurt. “You’ll fucking drown!”
Stede’s eyes had filled with tears at that point, and he had been so set on going to get Ed himself that he hadn’t realised the panic the rest of the crew had over rescuing him until he watched over Izzy’s shoulder as Roach jumped in after him.
The splash made Izzy whirl around, so Stede quickly stepped past him and rushed to the railing, but with Roach overboard too he didn’t jump in, he just looked. His eyes flickered across the surface of the water frantically; he could see Roach bobbing in the black depths, could barely make out the waves in the darkness, but for everything he could see, he couldn’t see Ed.
“Where- where is he?” Stede gasped, his breaths short and sharp as he scanned the water. By that point, basically the entire crew were beside him at the railing, also searching. “Where is he? Ed!”
It was agonisingly too long that they watched Roach search the water unsuccessfully. Every second that passed, Stede grew more and more terrified that Roach would be bringing back Ed’s body.
His heartbeat was hurting him, he couldn’t breathe, he felt dizzy, he felt sick, he-
“I’ve got him!” Roach shouted over the crashing waves, before Stede watched as he pulled Ed’s arm out of the water, until his head surfaced too.
He didn’t look conscious.
With the help of Frenchie and Jim, the ladder was lowered and both Roach and Ed were pulled aboard the ship. Ed’s body crashed down onto the wooden floor hard, but there was no reaction from him. He was dead weight, unconscious.
Stede was almost hyperventilating by the time he crashed down on his knees onto the floor beside Ed, ignored the spikes of pain that flared through his legs at the impact. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered if Ed wasn’t okay.
“Ed- Ed-” Choking on tears he hadn’t even realised were running down his cheeks, Stede swept the wet hair out of Ed’s face and cupped his cold cheeks, hands shaking. He was soaked — his nightgown clung to his body with the water, all of him freezing as a result.
Stede pressed his hand to his chest, held his own breath, and…
And Ed’s chest didn’t move. Not one bit.
“He’s- he’s not breathing!” Stede cried out, looked up at the crew around him as his own breathing neared cutting out. “He’s- someone help me!”
But Roach was the ship’s doctor, and at that moment he was coughing up the mouthfuls of sea water that he had swallowed in his rescue effort.
Stede looked back at Ed, and feeling more terrified than he ever had in his life, he pressed both hands to his chest and pushed until he could force it to move.
“Bonnet,” Izzy’s voice came from behind him, solemn, like Ed was gone for good already. “I don’t know-”
“Shut up Izzy.” Stede choked out in the midst of his tears.
He could do this.
He needed to do this.
Ed needed to live.
Stede pushed down on his chest harshly a few more times, before he leaned over him completely, forced his mouth to open, and slotted their lips together until he could push the breath from his lungs down Ed’s throat.
His lips had never felt so cold and lifeless against his own. It felt wrong.
Pulling back, Stede pushed against his chest again, inhaled as deeply as he could, before he leaned down to force that breath down Ed’s throat too.
And he didn’t stop. He just continued, not caring how long he was at it for, because he was not going to stop until Ed woke up.
Stede had almost lost him once before. He could vividly remember when he found his body beneath The Revenge after the mutiny — that all had sparked from his departure, because it was his fault — and he had sat at his bedside and mourned. Stede pinned it down to pure fucking luck that Ed had woken when he did, because he had been prepared to say goodbye.
But he had done that once before, he was never doing it again.
His own chest was starting to hurt as he continued to force breath into Ed’s lungs, forced his chest to move, but he never stopped. He couldn’t.
“Captain…” Lucius was behind him, but Stede refused to acknowledge the boy. Acknowledge what he was bound to say.
Ed was not gone. Stede wasn’t letting him.
“Please,” he was choking out between breaths as he beat down harshly against his chest. “Please don’t leave me, you’re okay, Ed you’re okay, just wake up-” he inhaled deeply, forced the air into Ed’s mouth, “-you need to wake up, you can’t die, you’re okay-”
Stede was sobbing above him, barely able to see through his tears, and from the sheer silence of the crew around him, he knew they all thought he was gone.
Stede’s arms were aching, but he forced himself through it, and it was on one particularly harsh shove that Ed spluttered beneath him, body jerking, water bubbling up and out of his mouth.
Stede almost wept.
“Ed!” He choked as the rest of the crew erupted around them, but he paid them no mind.
He helped Ed roll onto his side, and there he choked up the rest of the water in his lungs, followed by foam and bile and vomit — all of it came up at once. Ed gasped and coughed and retched, but in between them all he took breaths, he was breathing.
“Ed- oh Ed, darling,” Stede was sobbing, then, as he laid a shaky hand against his back and rubbed the best he could. “You’re okay- you’re okay.”
After what felt like hours, Ed rolled onto his back again and gasped for breath, blinking up at Stede as he leant over him. He grasped Ed’s wet hands in his own, gripped so tightly that he probably hurt both of them.
“Fuck-” Ed coughed roughly, squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Jesus- what the fuck happened-”
“Ed you-” Stede inhaled sharply, unable to help the sobs that bubbled up between his words. “You drowned you- you were pushed and you were in the water for so long I- I couldn’t see you and then you- you were here and you weren’t- fuck, you weren’t breathing and I-”
Ed weakly brought an arm around him, and Stede collapsed into his stomach and cried, the adrenaline leaving him all at once. He grasped onto Ed and cried harshly, cried like a child, cried until he almost drowned on his own tears, and he only let go when Lucius guided him back so the crew could help Ed to his feet so he didn’t catch his death out on the deck in his soaked nightgown.
Stede composed himself as best as he could, and with Lucius and Izzy’s help, they got Ed back to their quarters. Lucius ran to get them some tea, Izzy fetched some rags soaked in hot water, and Stede got him changed into one of his thicker winter nightgowns, and between the three of them, they had Ed tucked up in bed, warming with a cup of steaming tea in his hands within the hour.
Stede didn’t stop shaking. His breathing had evened out, and his tears had — for the most part — stopped, but the shaking hadn’t left his body yet. He had perched on the side of the bed once they had been left alone for the night, and it didn’t take long for Ed to notice his tremor once he had taken his hand.
“Shit- are you cold? Here, let me move up-”
“No no,” Stede shook his head. “No, not cold, just…” he couldn’t help the tears that welled in his eyes as he looked down. “I thought I was going to lose you, Ed.”
Ed squeezed his hand tightly, and looking back up Stede blinked away his tears to focus on his face. “You didn’t, love. I’m right here. Fuckin’ invincible, yeah?”
Stede sniffled, his bottom lip trembled as he swallowed through the lump in his throat. “I thought I wasn’t going to be able to save you, I- I’ve never done that before, I wasn’t even sure I was doing it right, it felt like- it felt like you were dead and I couldn’t get you to start breathing again-”
“Hey, hey hey hey,” Ed’s voice was a little rough from the amount of water he had choked on, but it still held a softness that broke through the ache in Stede’s chest. “Love, you saved me. I’m okay because of you.”
Stede wiped his tears with his free hand, expression crumpling as he met Ed’s eyes. “I don’t want to lose you, Ed.”
Melting a little, Ed put his cup on the bedside table before he brought Stede into his arms. He still felt cold, but he was definitely warming up, which eased Stede a little as he lowered his head to rest against his shoulder as he worked his arms tightly around Ed’s torso.
“You aren’t going to,” Ed murmured above his head, and lifted a hand to stroke through Stede’s hair. “M’not going anywhere, mate, I promise.”
Stede cried for a little longer, but refused to let go of Ed at all. He physically couldn’t, it almost felt like if he let go, then Ed would go again, and he’d be all alone.
He wasn’t going to let go of him for a long long time.
