StayStrong

A therapeutic way for me to deal with the loss of my mom and first few years of college and all the life experiences that follow.

[ironhell19]

College Life is so complicated

Hey so first off if you are reading this then Thanks! That means a lot! Any-who if you are not in college don't be afraid. Very different then high school in the first place! More kids, more activities, more homework, more responsibilities...but like the best way to see into college life if you have not yet experienced it yet is to watch this movie. "Monster's University" (I know it's silly) however when we are first introduced to Mike's first Orientation Day it is SO ON KEY! Now when in college you go through a lot, emotionally and physically, however it is not impossible to manage. Your heart goes through the most (in my opinion) in college. You feel on cloud nine and then feel like you fell off and smacked the ground. But the trick is to get back up and show them you are not going to let that stop you. I have had a couple of cracks in my heart over my first 3 semesters in college. Luckily I have great friends and family to help me through it. I know a "love" life is hard no matter what however don't let that stop you. And if you feel low reach out to a friend, or a lot of schools offer free Counciling for students (I saw a grief councilor off and on for my mom and it helped a lot) OR try joining a New club! You may surprise yourself and make a whole bunch of new friends (I know I did)

[ironhell19]

It's not as easy to fall in love for me anymore, because my mom is not here and I will never know if she would have approved of him.

In high school I could “fall in love” at a drop of a hat. Or at-least what I thought “falling in love” was. I put air quotes around those three words because when you are in high school you think you know it all. When looking back to be honest, you really don’t.

You want to grow up so fast yet once we find ourselves there some of us become very afraid like me. Now when my mom was alive and I was in high school she never told use her cancer had spread all over and she was going to die. So I just figured I could ask her important life questions down the road. Well, I can’t physically ask her, I can pray to her but there is a huge comfort in actually hearing it from her.

I just assumed everyone was like me, had a religion, tried their best to follow it. Didn’t drink until they were 21 and not do drugs. (A lot of college kids I found out are not like me when it comes to drugs) Also I am Catholic (I have all respect for every other type of religion and will not discriminate if you believe in something different, or nothing at all) Any-who, my family was very religious and drilled in our heads not to screw around until we were married. I am 20 years old and proud to say I have never “screwed/fooled around with anyone. So I just assumed most Catholic kids followed this as well…ya I was wrong on that one.

But what I am trying to get to is the fact that I never asked my mom how she would have felt if I ended up marrying a guy who was not pure in that sense. So now when I meet great guys I stop myself from falling because I don’t want to disappoint my mom.

However, this is a battle I have with myself and I usually do not share things that are this personal. I am just hoping maybe finally sharing it will clear up my mind and conscious and give me some room to think.

[ironhell19]

Please please be gentle w/ comments if any.

So I am Catholic and I respect all other religions as well, and am accepting to everyone. With this being said I believe in God, reading this you may not believe the same and it's cool, I respect your beliefs. Anywho I believe everything happens for a reason and God has a plan even if its not how we expect. I do not understand why he had my mom become an Angel so young, she was only 53. And that it had to be because of cancer. I do trust him and so did my mom. She would say that God has a plan and if she had to die to better us off then she was okay with that because that is what a mom's job was, to do whatever she could for her family. Basically I wish at times he told us why he does what he does so I do not have to have days where I feel empty. Where I feel like I was handed the short end of the stick. It would just be nice to know why. She's is gone, and when I can see her again.

[ironhell19]

2nd Semester sophomore

Hey so recently I just started back up at my college and this semester feels so much different then the other three. I think it's because I am realizing that I am 20 and growing up. I need to decide now what I want to do with my life. So this year I am trying many things, many new things because I am almost 21 and I don't know. I just want to enjoy the little bit of youth I have let before I become an adult. I have joined two new clubs, will be a guest on a radio show my friend does, and a few other little projects that I am excited to start! Your never to old to start having some fun <3 And making your parents proud no matter where they are, even up in Heaven like my mom.

[ironhell19]

It's been awhile, I'm sorry

Hey everyone so I am sorry that I have not been very consistent with posting, however I think it's a good thing. I think the fact that I am not on here as much is a good thing because its showing myself that I am healing. That well...I'm not sayings I am moving on because my mom will always be in my heart and with me wherever I go. So lets just say that I am becoming content with the fact that my mom is an Angel and will always look down on me and my family. I believe in the whole "everything happens for a reason" and yes, I am religious so I do think God has a plan and I do trust him. (If you have other beliefs I respect that completely) So I gave up on questioning on why this happened, why my mom was taken from me so young, because I will literally drive myself insane!! I am just accepting the fact and making the best out of the situation. Any-who, I am really sorry about not keeping up with everything, and if you are still reading this I just want to personally thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me that you are taking time out of your day to read this. Btw sorry for misspelling anything, my app/iPod is Acting up.

[ironhell19]

Let us all Smile :D

So, there is 35 days until Christmas and Thanksgiving right around the corner with 8 days(but who is counting) I don't know about you but I always feel a different vibe this time of year. I feel more generosity, more thoughtfulness among everyone. It makes me wonder why don't we just act like this all the time. Like I am not saying if you don't think the same your wrong because everyone has there own opinions and I respect all of them. I just mean my mom when she was alive everyday all year would do one nice thing for someone, even if it was just a simple as giving a person a compliment. She made sure she did this because she said not only will their reaction make you feel good but just knowing you could have changed their whole outlook on their day feels good. Even if you just smile to someone you are passing on your way. I read once (I am sure I am missing specifics so I apologize) that there was a person who was going to jump off a bridge and in his note he left for whoever saw, it read something like If just one person smiles at me on my walk to the bridge I won't jump. Unfortunately not one person smiled to him so he did jump. Between living my life in honor of my mom, and after I heard that story, I make sure to always smile. Lets all try and we will be shocked with the results. So if we hear a bell ringing in front of a store, even if we honestly don't have anything to give, at least apologize to the person and just thank them for spending HOURS in the cold to make someone else's Holiday great :)

[ironhell19]

Bring on the Christmas Music!

(First off {early}Happy/Merry (insert holiday if u celebrate one) So I don't get why people complain about hearing Christmas music this time of year, I personally love it! It is the time of year were we are thankful for everything and show kindness to people (should be something we do all year long) but it is a time of happiness and bringing families together! So with that being said "For we need a little Christmas right this very minute" ;) (I couldn't resist that musical pun lol)

[ironhell19]

Anyone else wonder this?

(Btw if you don't believe in this, that's cool, I respect everyone's beliefs,morals,and religion) A random thought of mine but if we dream of Angels and Heaven, does that mean they are dreaming of us?

[the-inspirational-quotes-deacti]

Inspirational Quotes #NewPost [3]

[ironhell19]

Positive Thinking is an incredible thing!

[ironhell19]

Another Birthday without her...

Hi Everyone reading this, So I have not written anything in awhile and I do apologize, however I am doing much better in dealing with the death of my mom. I only recently had a struggle when I turned 20 a few days ago because my mom and myself would always talk about it. How much fun we would have, all the jokes we would have, all the memories we would make. However, turning 20 was a huge reminder she really is gone. Even though it has almost been a year and 5months since my mom died she has missed 2 of my birthdays. My 19th and now my 20th. However, I tried my best to be happy that day and not cry because that is how my mom would have wanted me to spend it. No matter what life throws at us we just have to StayStrong

[ironhell19]

Train like a Beast, look like a beauty!

[ironhell19]

Been away for awhile

Hey, so sorry I have been away for awhile, just school and all that other fun stuff going on has kept me busy. Anyways I deal with privacy very personally just like how I have never given anyone's names in my posts and DO NOT plan on doing so anytime soon. However, for the first time I just told my friends on Facebook about my tumblr and now I am completely freaking out,funny how I was okay with the fact that people I never met before would be reading this and yet I was scared to let the people I know in real life read this. Anyways, the video link I shared is SUCH a GIANT step for me. Yes I love speaking in front of people but I have never shared my mom's story with so many people. I mean the ENTIRE NFL NATION will have a chance to see this and that is A LOT of people! I am seriously in shock though for all the "likes" it has gotten so far and all the nice things people have told me :) And like I say in the video I DO NOT expect to win, however, I am just ready to share a tiny part of my mom's story with the world (did I just say and mean World :O ) And what better way to do it then with football the sport my mom loved and the sport that gave us an extra 4 years with her :)

[ironhell19]

Okay everyone, even though this video I made is in a contest I really don't expect to win, however you all know about how I lost my mom to cancer 1yr and about 3months ago. Well football saved her life and gave us the extra 4 years we had with her. The 2 minute 35 second video explains it better. This is the FIRST time I have ever spoke to this many people about my mom and just a snip of her/our story. Please watch it and maybe even give it a like. FEEL FREE to repost this (never thought I would say that) message me or whatever and just let me know what you think. Thank you all <3

[ironhell19]

Sometimes the person you fall for, isn't the person that's meant to catch you.

Helen K. H.

[ironhell19]

Never let fear rule your life, if anything let it inspire your checklist to life

Helen K. H.

[ironhell19]

Never learning from your mistakes

Ok so long story short recently I hung out with a friend I have known for years and when we first met I liked him and he liked me but then this whole other thing happened and I ended up dating another guy for 2yrs and the whole my mom going thru the fight of her life. (Those two parts connect but I don't want to connect them right now.) Anyways, even tho I was with someone else and he was too, my crush for him never completely disappeared. Well now we are both single and when we got together with friends everything was going well. The night even ended with the best most awkward hug ever! All was going perfect until we got on Facebook and started talking. I by accident confessed my crush was still there but his wasn't. Basically we ended up talking until almost 5 in the morning and things just were not looking good for me. It's amazing how one sentence can lead into hours of discussion that in the end where Completely pointless. It just goes to show me that as much as I want to be ok emotionally with my mom being gone, I'm not. (Especially when it comes to boys) And I don't know how long it will be until I am. My life and myself r so complicated it annoys me and its not that easy to control. But in the end this guy is still sweet and wants to hang out which is a nice change. I just really hope Soon I stop digging holes for myself(by now u would think I know). Hopefully something nice even just a great friendship can come from this.

[ironhell19]

Trying to find yourself before the clock runs out.