THROUGH A RAPISTâS EYESâ (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life, It may save your life.)
An Article from Neena Susan Thomas
âThrough a rapistâs eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewâŚed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whoâs clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they donât have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isnât worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys youâre not worth it.
POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: canât believe it is so cold out here, weâre in for a bad winter. Now that youâve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said theyâd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you canât beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh â HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guyâs parts it is extremely painful. You might think that youâll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and heâs out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, donât dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but youâd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL âŚ.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.
2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from youâŚ. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver wonât see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DONâT DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .
b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
c. Look at the car parked on the driverâs side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked âfor helpâ into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and itâs better safe than sorry.
If u have compassion reblog this post.
âHelping hands are better than Praying Lipsâ â give us your helping hand.
REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW
AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD.
So please reblog thisâŚ.Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.
fantasy kavetham AU idea i had: witch haitham and cursed prince kaveh hiring him for his services (despite being broke but haitham stays with him out of personal interest in his curse and in him as a person) to help him break the curse or he will die; he soon learns that haitham is as lazy as he is wise and powerful and they both catch feelings along their journey
ft dehya, tighnari, cyno etc as the rest of the party (they will get their own post)
(i wanted their design to still be kind of their og but with a few fantasy twists; also sorry for the mess i was quite lit drawing like a madman to get this out of my head akjcbk)
Synopsis: you are a fashion youtuber with an immense following and one of many series on your channel is âFashion Policeâ where you help people find their personal style! Heizou is a very popular true crime youtuber, as well as a co host for his podcast âprofessional disastersâ with childe and his children. tired of how horribly heizou dresses (theyâve given up on childe) his friends sign him up to appear on your show. and the fact that heizou has a big crush on you? just makes it better. too bad no one told them you two are already happily dating <3
Synopsis: you are a fashion youtuber with an immense following and one of many series on your channel is âFashion Policeâ where you help people find their personal style! Heizou is a very popular true crime youtuber, as well as a co host for his podcast âprofessional disastersâ with childe and his children. tired of how horribly heizou dresses (theyâve given up on childe) his friends sign him up to appear on your show. and the fact that heizou has a big crush on you? just makes it better. too bad no one told them you two are already happily dating <3
â.･.:* 18. say that we'll just screw it up âď¸
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â.･.:*  cruel summer
â.･.:*  synopsis: you are a small streamer centered on cozy gaming and your ongoing series of ranking every taylor swift song in a tier list. scaramouche is a competitive speed runner in a streamer group called âthe harbingersâ that has an insanely large fan base. your paths only cross once he subtweets about your content and your favorite artist, causing a petty online argument that might lead to something else.
ă ¤ â°ŕ˝ąŕ˝˛ ࣠࣪ âđŹ Â ŕŁ Â ŕž ŕŁ Â Í ď˝Ą ࣪ â yntaylorsversion is interning!  ̣ ࣪ ŕž Â
the next time you saw Scaramouche at your internship, youâre balancing books on your desk to create a makeshift tripod.
âWhat are you doing?â Scaramouche said as he slammed something down on your desk, causing your phone and books to go tumbling down.
It had turned out that Yaeâs publishing house didnât have a TikTok page. No matter your feelings on the app, you were a streamer first before a social media intern. Not having one was like turning away free advertisement.
After a good thirty minutes explaining to your boss why it would be beneficial, you were given the green light to make an account and start making videos on it. You then had to go through the kind of boring process of setting up the account and getting it verified, but once that was done, you were set.
âHey my shâ Is that the tour shirt from the Taylor swift concert??!â You gasp, picking up the shirt from where Scaramouche had placed it.
âObviously?â Scaramouche rolls his eyes. âWhat else would it be?â
âI donât know,â You said with a goofy smile. You honestly didnât think you were going to get a shirt from the concert at all. âAww, I didnât know you would do something so nice for me,â
âThe fuck makes you think I got it for you? Childe made me get it for myself, but obviously I donât want it,â Scaramouche crosses his arms.
âRight, but you still gave it to me soâŚâ
âDo you want the shirt or not?â
âFineee,â You grin. âThank you, though, really!â
âWhatever,â He said, walking away.
You see Scaramouche again that day. heâs following around Yae Miko⌠the ceo of the company. You decided it was your job as an intern to stay out of the way.
âKuni, would you be a dear and reschedule the meeting I have at six to be at seven? And add a spa and nail appointment at five. My nails are getting a bit too long,â Mrs. Miko said as she walks past the various unpaid interns working in the office, who all followed the same rule as many would at a school. Donât make eye contact and you wonât be called on.
âAnd then send a message to your mother asking what date she would like to host our next charity event,â Scaramouche passes by your desk with a deadpanned and tired stare, and you figured you were lucky you didnât have whatever his job was.
âOh, and once youâre done with that, go ahead and fetch me my order from the coffee shop across the street,â She adds, turning to look at him. âGot it?â
Scaramouche replies with gritted teeth. âGot it,â
It turns out people on the internet tend to eat up whatever content you give them if you put trending audios on the videos you post, however eventually people get a little tired of the sixth books as Taylor swift songs tiktoks you post. Itâs not to say that doesnât work, no, you managed to get quite a following on the brand account.
It isnât until you came up with a better idea of interviewing authors that the following grew to be something similar to other brands on the app.
Starting off with Kokomi Sangonomiya, author of a ongoing fantasy novel series, many people found interest in the idea of asking questions to their favorite authors and their books. With the success comes a budget and an actual job offering.
It isnât until youâre sitting with Xingqiu, a young and best selling author, that you realize your relationship with Scaramouche has certainly changed a bit from what it originally was.
Youâre given a small space to record, decorated nicely for the author to sit and discuss. You fidget around with the camera settings as it was different from the one you used at home.
A small knock comes and you turn to see Scaramouche standing in the door way with a take out bag.
âFigured you didnât eat lunch,â He said, placing the bag on an empty table. It was about a month into your internship turned job and you had made a small habit of eating lunch with Scaramouche. It was honestly nice to get to know him outside of streaming.
âOh! Hi, Scara,â You perk up, pulling away from the camera you were adjusting. "Hiding from your step mom?â You jokingly ask, ignoring that he was right and you actually hadnât eaten lunch yet.
âOnly a little,â He replies. âI got something from the Sumeruan place you like,â
Your face lights up. You forgot you had even mentioned that restaurant to him beforehand.
Xingqiu clears his throat a bit awkwardly.
Right, back to filmingâŚ.
authors note: being real w u guys im not interested in writing this story anymore so im kinda rushing the plot a lil so i can finish this story so its not left unfinished. also dream mentioned in the first image is a ref to aris's new smau on this blog <3 also this is the 100th post on this blog teehee
this is the first time i'm going to do a multi-part fic that goes beyond like 2 or 3 parts (rip to the chandelier fic.) bear with me ;;;; but i'm obsessed with everything everywhere and i wanted to do something with the abilities evelyn and joy specifically have. and, of course, the angst that can come from it.
looked over this as much as i could but im exhausted so my apologies for any errors ;;;
pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader [he/him pronouns]
âââââ
where : five is instantly intrigued by the eighth sparrow, a kid just like himself, which makes him try to seek him out specifically; nothing better than a second opinion about time from another person who knew its intricacies, right? well, he... may have gotten more than he bargained for.
âââââ
warnings : future mentions of trauma, fighting and injury (specific mentions of choking), existentialism, reader is just exhausted of life and shit in general, future cheesiness and such because i said so, depression, a whole lot of 'if i can bend reality to my will then how much does it really matter' kind of questioning (later on for the most part.)
the disheartening sight of seven other peopleâahem, sorry, and one very confusing cubeâwas made endlessly puzzling by the appearance of a kid behind them. someone who looked five's age. physically, anyway. they both seemed equally entranced by the other; the kid's eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted, as if seeing someone he had been missing for decades. he furrowed his brow a bit, cocking his head, and klaus found himself peering where five glared.
"well, would you look at that? they've got a little brother, too!"
"zip it, klaus," he hissed, though with a certain degree of gentleness in his voice, even excluding the volume he had to use. looking back at the balcony, he was wearing more casual clothes with a sort of... varsity jacket of the sparrow academy's traditional colors and emblems. he was a sparrow, meaning he was born in 1989, meaning he was around thirty years old. so why did he look thirteen? it clicked then, suddenly; his power could have something to do with time. five felt instantly that he needed to speak with him. and if it needed to be done by force, then...
hands crossed neatly over his lap, barely restraining that very obvious agitation, ben chimed in with, "dad, who the hell are these assholes?"
a chorus of "shit" rang out amongst the umbrellas. five stared at him with the same amount of emotion as usual, mostly overrun by confusion, however his sentimentalities ended there. that balcony, barely a few yards from where five stood, held somethingâsomeone, ratherâthat could be an answer to his predicament. or at least help figure out if he could retire or not. if this world was safe enough to stay in. there was a whole host of colorful characters. if he was the sparrows' number eight, what exactly inspired reginald to adopt him as well? or was it just sort of a convenience thing?
luther stepped forward along with klaus. "is that really you?"
no amusement struck ben. if anything, he somehow managed to look more annoyed.
"and who are the weirdos on the balcony!"
"they are the sparrows. my children." reginald's controlled, vaguely irritated voice was such a contrast to diego's harsh tone.
much to five's chagrin this moment was a bit more important than staring at a boy. he turned on his heel, narrowing his eyes at the old man. "i'm sorry, what do you mean your children? that's not possible, old man."
"of course it is! i think i'd know, wouldn't i?"
well. something was very wrong, wasn't it?
the sound of footsteps and shuffling caught his attention and yet again he looked back forward; all of the sparrows once situated haphazardly on the balcony now stood across the tile threshold. the kid was shorter than he expected, in all honesty, and he seemed to be the least serious out of all his siblingsânot to say that he looked like he was having fun or that he was laughing, but that he didn't want to fight. he looked like he would avoid it at every cost.
"everyone else can see ben, right?"
"cute hat, sundance."
"they call themselves the umbrella academy," reginald interrupted, "a group of scheming, perfidious malcontents who accosted me in the fall of '63 when i was away on business in dallas. be warnedâthey claim to be my spawn." all throughout reginald's little schpiel, five and the other kid maintained eye contact, five puzzled at his existence and him puzzled by five's puzzlement. he seemed to find it weird but, oddly enough, he didn't seem weirded out specifically. occasionally five would glance about the rest of the sparrows, gauge them if he could, and when that happened he would sometimes catch the barest glimpse of the kid looking at two of his sisters with confusion.
should i be worried? he was probably thinking to himself.
with five on his opposition? absolutely.
"claim? look, five, what the hell is going on?" allison sounded like she was moments away from boiling over.
"not sure yet, but it's concerning."
"is he telling the truth?" seeming to sense the steadily-rising tensions, the kid started, very slowly, to back away, retreating to the furthest reaches of the carpet before the battle had even begun.
"not the part about us being perfidious." vanya seemed to kind of placate that cowardice in him. maybe he even smiled at vanya.
"no! no, we're amateur-fidious, at best!"
"but we are his children, this is our house."
"yeah, we grew up here."
"yeah, yeah, we grew up here," alphonso mocked, getting a snicker from jayme, however the kid just shot them both a slightly judgmental look.
"i kind of think we would've noticed you," sloane said, to which luther stated his name and offered out his hand. sloane did not accept, really she didn't do a thing, and some whispers broke out amongst her and her little brother, whispers that five couldn't make out.
"okay. none of you belong here."
"oh! well, then. i guess we'll just pack our bags and move out."
christopher babbled and chittered, milking chuckles from his brothers and sisters. five had to say he looked way better smiling than frowning, though he figured it would probably be the same for anyone.
grace came in to the living room, heels click-click-clicking, holding a plate of cookies in her hand and apologizing that she couldn't do better. five couldn't catch the precise details. it was just kind of nice to see her again, even if she was certainly in need of a... few repairs.
"mom." diego's sentimental mumble caught some of the sparrows off-guard. the kid included.
"she's a robot, you perv."
"it's not a robot."
"don't call him that!"
"or what?" ben challenged.
"come closer and find out." bickering broke out between the two families, vanya and marcus actively trying to keep everyone's heads on straight, and five may have lost track of the conversation. until ben threw the first punch, anyway. he ducked back, watching as luther next was flung like a ragdoll across the room, landing on and breaking the poor couch. he saw the boy duck out and wanted to chase but first kept his loyalties, attacking ben and getting lost in a flurry of sharp punches and occasionally-failed dodges.
"you're alive. that'sâgreat, or possibly horrible, i haven't decided yet."
"is that some weird kind of smack talk?"
"it's more of an existential problem, really, ben."
"awesome. well, here's your next problem." with his arms extending back and torso leaning forward, a grimy tentacle quickly burst from his chest, though not fast enough to stop five before he blinked away and onto the balcony.
"y'know, even though you're a total asshat now," five began, rudely cut off by another attack which he yet again evaded with ease. it was easier to land a punch and he watched as ben crashed into the ground. "it's nice to see you again. really." after seeing a particularly disturbing scene between diego and the cube, he stepped in to save allison from a few of the other sparrows, yet again finding himself on the second-floor balcony.
"thanks," allison managed through uneven breaths.
"no problem." both standing up, both dusting themselves off, they saw someone rounding the corner. it was him. still, that look of passive pacifism remained, now somewhat stoic in nature; he didn't want to fight, but he may need to. he was resigning himself to that fact and five could see it in his setting expression. and most importantly, there was also endless loyalty. oh, well.
five furrowed his brow, readjusting his jacket. "go help the others. i'll handle this one."
his new opponent almost seemed to space out, eyes narrowing just a bit as if being flooded by tons of new information. with grace and precision, and certainly speed, he set into a defensive stance. five blinked behind him to try for an attack and it was blocked. he continued to block, evade, block, evade, as fast as five tried to attack. the only sounds he made for a while were little grunts.
every failed punch and every successful block was adding to five's aggravation and his exasperation.
"y'know, five," he said, and hearing him speak for the first time startled five terribly, "delores wouldn't like you fighting like this! i'm not doing anything to you!" that shocked him so bad he misfired a punch but it landed for the first time because of how he went to dodge. he was weaker than five first surmised, falling onto the ground, and five continued to strike him back down until he was pinned and unable to move. he looked enraged, face twisted, eyes wide, teeth bared and gritted, glaring daggers at the kid, who looked to be in quite a bit of pain.
"how do you know my name?!" he barked. "how do you know her name?!" five got no answer and that was endlessly more irritating. the kid slammed his hand onto the ground and grabbed the first thing he could, a small piece of rubble, but five watched as, in those few fractions of seconds, that small piece of debris turned into a metal candlestick.
a metal candlestick.
the moment five saw that, he teleported, reappearing just a few feet away. he pushed off his total confusion; no time. the kid kept the candlestick in his hand when he fumbled to stand, not getting even a moment before five tackled him into a headlock. he didn't think twice about the look of pain on the kid's face because that wasn't exactly imperative and he didn't hesitate at the sounds he made.
the kid raised the candlestick again and five watched in subtle horror as it flitted between many different forms, each punctuated by a small sound and a bit of light. he only recognized a few of those hundred forms before he saw it land, like a wheel of fortune, on a knife and he plunged it down. five jerked out of the way of the blade. even though he had once been so hesitant to fight, so afraid of hurting other people, he seemed finally able to push that away and actually defend himself. he may not have been particularly strong, but he was swift and flexible while wrenching himself out of five's grip and adept at landing hits that would still make five flinch and pause. the kid blocked a punch and the moment that they came in contact with each other, the world around them... changed.
from the slightly destroyed upper floor of the academy house, it became an office building, papers flying about while people panicked about the violent fight between the aisles of cubicles. in that moment of confusion, he landed a hit on five, right in the gut. after a pained second, eyes squeezed tight, he grit his teeth and kept fighting.
the office building had become a high-rise skyscraper that they were fighting on the edge of.
another punch and they were on the deck of a cruise ship.
another block and they were in a spanning parking garage. the kid advanced and forced five to back up, closer to the edge of the space, and certainly to a painful fall. he continued to evade every attempted hit, no matter how five had calculated them, before pouncing on him and shoving him right out of the concrete monolith, plummeting down toward the ground along with him.
"how the hell are you doing this?!" five shouted, voice swallowed up by the shouting winds. he grabbed his shirt, bunching up his collar tight enough to cut off his breathing. the panic in his eyes welled up very quick.
and then they were back. instead of hitting the hard pavement ground, five lost all the air in his lungs when he thudded onto the carpeted academy floor, gasping for a second as the kid scrambled away from him, coughing and wheezing.
five hadn't even strangled him for that long, what the hell?
five forced himself to sit, to stand, shooting the glare to end all glares at the boy across from himâhowever he didn't attack yet. after all the disorientation he felt from those few... transitions, he wanted to keel over and vomit. he was in no condition to fight. luckily, however, neither was his opponent.
killing the kid would not get five his answers, no matter how badly he wanted to do it.
the kid was on the ground, propping himself up on one of his hands, his entire body seeming wracked by pained, nauseated tremors. he looked to be heaving, expression conflicted, exhausted beyond exhausted. he held his head the way one would when suffering from a bad headache.
his question went unanswered, which just served to annoy five further. "are you a time traveler or something? no. a multiversal traveler? do you work with the commission? that's the only possibility i can think of." knowing about delores, knowing about his name, certainly knowing his past, instantly transporting both of them to different places, it could all connect to multiversal travel.
but that spacing out part, before he could dodge like some highly trained professional, and that debris-to-candlestick-to-knife part? those still kind of puzzled him.
the kid wrinkled his nose. "that's the only possibility? you've got a narrow range." for someone who sounded so pained and exhausted, he could manage some mouthiness. somehow he sounded more genuine than sarcastic, though. strange. what about him wasn't?
five's eye twitched and his lips pressed hard into a scowl. "a narrow range? a narrow range? my 'range' isn't narrow! i've seen so many possibilities unfold! do you even know what i had to do to get here?" his words hissed with pure venom. that didn't faze his opponent, even whilst he jabbed an accusatory finger at him, as though somehow this was his fault.
"i do, actually," he managed, although still short of breath. "you got trapped in the apocalypse for a few decades, offered a deal from the commission, broke your contract with them and became a fugitive, got back to your family, and have been trying to evade apocalypses ever since. third time's the charm, right, five?" he recounted it all with the cadence and sensitivity of a history teacher summarizing an important, yet complicated, period of time.
"how could you possibly knowâstop calling me that! how are you able to do any of this!"
"i'm not gonna stop calling you by your name." he laughed through his words. he laughed.
"is my exasperation funny to you?"
"i-i mean, kinda! do you know how many ways i've seen this conversation going?" five stilled like a statue. "this was the most common outcome. well, uhm, aside from you just killing me. it's just a little funny how you always react the same way." he shrugged a bit, as though this was simply some high school gossip, and not (one of) the most puzzling thing that five had ever been exposed to.
"look," five began, trying to steady himself. "if you don't tell me how you know about meâhow you know about deloresâthis will become a timeline where i kill you. okay? capiche?"
he raised his hands in surrender. they shook. "capiche, five."
"stop. calling me that."
"to even the playing field, i'm [y/n]. there." he sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, checking his hands. yet again he seemed to space out, just for a moment this time, before going through a grounding technique. he looked determined now, not as tired as before, though it did remain rather clearly in his eyes. [y/n] was just a kid again. he looked like a pathetic, sick kitten. "it's my power. i was born like this. you travel through space and time, i travel through reality. all of reality. alternate universes, as you know them. close by, far away, ones almost exactly the same and some with very distinctive evolutionary branches. the further away the world, the... stranger they get. i can see literally any possibility. so iâi fucking know you, five. i know you. i know your brothers and your sister and your in-laws and your niece and every other niece or nephew you could've had. there are so, so many worlds where i was an umbrella, or your friend, or stuck with you in the apocalypse, or... something like that. that's how i know you, and know delores. i was there."
sister, singular?
fuck, why was that his first take-away?
five narrowed his eyes slightly. "you can see every alternate universe," he said, slowly, as if clarifying something to [y/n] when he really needed the clarification for himself.
he nodded. "use them, too."
"use...?"
[y/n] broke into a little smile. his answer remained unknown because their restrained conversation was interrupted by one of [y/n]'s sisters. just one glance and his smile disappeared, staring at five with now-widened eyes, mouthing something along the lines of 'get the fuck out.'
five didn't need to be told twice. a flit of light and he had disappeared to who-the-hell-knows-where.
"who the hell was that creep," jayme mumbled, watching as [y/n] stumbled to his feet and dusted himself off. she grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket out of instinct to make sure he didn't fall over.
"uh... someone pretty interesting," [y/n] said, staring at where he'd once been, the flash of bright light still burned into his eyes. he wanted to find him. maybe needed to find him. probably because something in the world was very wrong, even if no other timeline had figured it out yet.
if any of the umbrellas knew where to hide out, it would probably be klaus, right? simple solution. kind of. as long as he could sneak out undetected by his siblings.
a good bit of time had passed when you finally had the chance to scope out the hotel obsidian. you had changed into something more casual and lowkey, sunglasses now balanced atop your nose and a nice light scarf about your neck. music played over your headphones and you wandered inside of the place, stricken with the sight of heavy art deco. it was rather nice, actually, when you took the time to appreciate it. then again, your mind was rather preoccupied with what was probably a very big deal. on the other side of the lobby, in the little bar and lounge area, you could spot a few of the hargreeves siblings. most notably five, now wearing a white bathrobe. soon his eyes glanced to you and you could feel his gaze sharpen. he looked back at his brothers and excused himself, stepping off the stool and teleporting to you before his feet hit the ground.
"what are you doing here," he hissed through gritted teeth.
"i mean, our conversation got cut off earlier. seemed right to continue it, y'know?"
five looked back at his brothers and then at you once more. klaus was staring after him but you didn't know if he recognized you; luther and diego were still totally enraptured in their chinese food.
the look on five's face told you a whole lot; it was critical to him to talk with you, figure things out, because he guessedâand guessed rightâthat you weren't just here to politely finish a conversation. something weird was going on, whether he wanted to know or not. "alright. okay. fine. just," he grasped your shoulder after a second and then you were both gone, reappearing instantaneously in a room you assumed to be five's. small cot in the corner, bunk bed opposite, and a couch.
god, you wanted to throw up. you clutched your stomach, squeezing your eyes shut for a minute.
he crossed his arms and looked at you. "so where exactly did we leave off?"
you paused to scrub your mind, trying to recall. a few blinks broke the few seconds of spacing out. usually you weren't this forgetful, but, uh, today was an interesting one. "i said i can use those universes and that confused you. and then jayme came around and i told you to leave."
"right," five muttered. "what exactly did you mean by that?"
"well, obviously i can use them for information." your voice was somewhat soft, actually, which was mighty strange to him.
"hmph. how could i forget." five's flat voice was thick with sarcasm.
you managed a smile. "but i can also use them for skills and stuff. the dodging, earlier; i can't really do that here. there's a world where i star in fighting movies and stuff, where i'm good at dodging and i'm fast and flexible, and i can... link my mind, i guess, and use those skills. and the... the candlestick. knife. thing. i can change things to whatever another me is holding. i can change my clothes. i can change reality."
"so, in essence, your mind is able to find every other instance of you across time and space and access them? and... communicate with them, i suppose, in some way or another."
you shrugged a bit. "about explains it. but theâ... can i ask you something?" you suddenly sounded sheepish, hesitant, like you were constantly rethinking what you were about to say. five furrowed his brow, a little surprised to see that look on your face, and he really didn't like it.
"depends on what that something is," he responded, speaking cautiously.
you found yourself spacing out again, but this time not to access some alternate plane of existence. every other universe had its own noise, and every other universe was persistently audible; that loud buzz was starting to give you yet another headache. it was probably possible to overdose on tylenol, right? suddenly that constant look of exhaustion on your face was even more obvious to five. for a moment, he seemed almost sympathetic to that. he could certainly understand it, at the very least. "you've got about twenty-eight years of experience on me," you began, forcing your voice to be steady. "do you have any clue how to deal with the, uhm, existential part of it all?" lightheartedness seemed to be a skill of yours. five could respect it.
you doubted, sincerely doubted, that there could be anything in the world to help you from the persistent noise. or from the pain and exhaustion of swatting from world to world to world in the span of thirty seconds during a fight. it was a wonder you were still walking.
"why should i help you with that, exactly? your family tried to kill mine."
"i didn't try to kill anyone. i hid upstairs the entire time. well, uh, almost the entire time. i can be an ally to you guys. i'd... prefer to be allied with you guys." if anyone else in the world knew about the ins and outs of the umbrella academy, five had no doubt in his mind that it would be you and your presumably-torturous ability. it would probably be a smart idea on their side as well, to ally with you.
"before i agree to help you at all, how can i be sure your family isn't using you as some sort of... puppet? some sort of inside man?"
you shrugged a bit after a second. "i wouldn't be a very good choice."
"seriously? do you think i'm stupid or something?"
you crossed your arms, looking at him with narrowed eyes. "no. i know you aren't stupid. and i'm pretty sure that your first choice wouldn't be a 'weak thirteen-year-old kid with a power that cripples him with headaches and exhaustion whenever he uses it,' either. not to mention that said kid can't hear what's going on sometimes because of literally every other sound in the expansive multiverse." the words were sarcastic but the tone was very genuine, almost excruciatingly so.
"i have... so many more questions now."
you shrugged a bit. "i can answer some of them, i guess." considering that you knew almost all the ins and outs of his life, it seemed only fair to share some of yours. you were too tired to steer the conversation back to why you had came. perhaps you'd already forgotten it.
"why exactly are you thirteen? you were born in 1989, you had to be."
"... i chose to stay this age."
"how can you just choose to stay that age?" exasperation met with confusion in a very strange voice of five's. even after all he'd gone through and learned, you were just springing question marks all over the place. god damnit.
"i can manipulate almost every aspect of reality, five," you said, softly, in response. "it's not out of the realm of possibility to stay thirteen. not for me."
five nodded slightly after a second. that nod steadily turned into a shake of his head. "jesusâi should've grabbed some coffee." he pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "just give me a second."
"oh. uh, no need." glancing about the room, there was a small corner table, atop it an ice bucket and some plastic cups for water. he watched, for some reason a bit puzzled, as you placed your hands on it. spaced out. and it flitted to a fresh coffee pot and a mug. they seemed like something from a diner.
well, that would make sense, wouldn't it?
you poured him a cup and handed it, still steaming, over to him.
five scowled a bit, staring down at the filled mug, before his sharp gaze landed on you again.
"it's just coffee, five. it's not poisoned or anything. here." you plucked it back out of his grasp and took a sip, waited a few seconds, and handed it back. "see? you're fine."
after a second, he nodded. "right." he didn't find himself bothered by drinking from the same mug you had. he'd done a lot worse things, hadn't he?
"so... what were those other questions?"
after taking a few healthy swigs, he cleared his throat. "your abilityâit really taxes you? even after all these years?" five would never admit it, but the coffee was pretty goddamn good. whatever diner your alternate-self worked in was worth a visit, if it existed in this world. "is that why you were shaking and panting so much earlier?"
you felt a bit embarrassed. "yeah," you mumbled. "i trained with it a lot, but, i wasn't very strong to begin with." you sat down carefully on the sofa, pulling a bottle of painkillers from your coat pocket.
"when's the last time you had a dose?" five asked, mug to his lips, shooting you a side-eye.
"... maybe three hours ago. why?"
he clicked his tongue and shook his head, plucking the bottle out of your hands. "not now, then."
"dude! what the hell! i-i need those!"
"well, i can't keep asking questions to someone sick from taking too much tylenol. and you can wait three hours."
you groaned but didn't complain, just settling back against the comfortable cushions. "fine. i'll wait." and you mumbled 'you're just like sloane' under your breath.
"good," he mumbled, sitting down beside you after tossing the pills onto his bed. "you said you could hear every sound in the multiverse. something tells me that isn't a hyperbole."
you nodded a bit and slouched down, trying to figure out a decent analogy. "when you remove a door from its threshold, you can always hear what's on the other side, unless you actively tune it out. just, for me, there were never doors. it was always like this. every single feasible universe is out there, fighting for my attention, almost every waking moment." you recounted with a deep sort of mourning. five couldn't blame you, he supposed. you had been robbed of silence, of pure solitude, of privacy. his heart almost ached for you.
had you been born with the doors off their frames? he wanted to ask, he really wanted to ask, but it was probably going to be way too... private of a thing. personal. from what he could tell.
"and i thought wrangling that crowd of toddlers was bad. i can't imagine hearing everything they do, everywhere, constantly," he mused.
you cracked a smile. it had been a while since you were able to joke around with someone, even if that someone had interrogated you like a police investigator. "oh, it's the worst," you giggled, and he laughed along. "i mean, it's bad enough knowing what your brothers do into their socks, it's even worse to walk in on them over, like, over two thousand times."
"i've known you for a very short period of time, but something tells me that's the worst thing you've ever said."
for someone in a very persistent and terrible bout of pain, your laugh, and your smile, were incredibly bright. five couldn't really say that he was expecting this when first appearing in the umbreâahem. in the sparrow academy building, but he wasn't exactly complaining. this could be nice. he really hoped it would be, anyway.
silence fell on you two for a while. the overbearing static was starting to edge back in now that you had nothing more to say. the pain was ebbing.
"... something's wrong." you sounded deadly serious, it was horrifying.
"sâsorry?" five felt like he had whiplash after such an extreme diversion from the topic.
you seemed to be fighting that urge to space out a whole lot more. this was important, you needed to stay on track, and yet your stress was doing exactly the opposite of tunnel vision. shit.
five noticed; and he kind of needed you to talk, as fast as possible, so reached out and pinched your neck, successfully getting you to tense and wake up, in some sense of the words. offense was replaced with gratitude in your eyes. "i don't know exactly what. no other universe has figured it out. but you aren't supposed to be here, this isn't your timeline, that'sâa very big problem. it could potentially 'rip a hole in space and time.'" five muttered along with you, cussing and hanging his head.
"why didn't you say this first?" he hissed.
"i'm sorry!" you sounded very genuine and he felt rather bad. "i-iâthe interrogation and then the pain and then the... getting along with you, i forgot." it was another world, some utterance of 'not normal yet' that brought the thought back to you.
your voice was cracking. you felt far worse than five could ever make you feel.
"... it's fine. it's fine."
"it very much isn't. you know that."
five knew it all too well. he groaned, pinched the bridge of his nose, and downed the rest of his coffee. "fantastic."
"i mean, it may be a problem we can solve." you shot him a smile, a tired and weak little thing, but it did comfort him a bit.
"the universe will really mind if seven dumbasses stick around?" his humor had soured, but it was still there. you felt very guilty, unable to look him in his eyes, shoulders slouched as if defeated in some great thing.
"she's a stickler for rules."
"hmph." he scowled a full-face scowl. "no retirement yet, i guess."
out of all the things you could ever have seen, heard, felt, and known, one thing seemed... important. emotionally, anyway. "if it's, uhm, any consolation... retirement did look good on you, by the way."
he couldn't help but smile a bit. somewhere out there was a world where you and five were friends well into his retirement, be that at his confusing age or his chronological age from 1989, where he was happily retired with no time-threatening anomalous issues to draw him out. even if he was bound to die in this timeline, there was some comfort in knowing many other timelines saw him content. "i'll take your word for it."
i think this is the longest thing i've ever written here, around 6.7k words and i had to revise it a lot because it took up too much space ;;; the title is a reference to candy by robbie williams because that song slaps hard
pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader. [he/him pronouns]
âââââ
where : after surviving the apocalypse together and saving the world, things finally return to normal, in good ways and in bad ways.
âââââ
warnings : mentions of trauma, some light mentions of gore, reader has a congenital insensitivity to pain and find getting injured amusing, so... a lot of that kind of trouble. i totally wanna do another part or so because klaus and diego being father figures gives me life
you walked through the half-dark house, making your way to five's room like you had many times, skateboard in one hand and phone in the other. making sure you hadn't waken anybody up, you opened the door, greeted by the expected sight of a dark bedroom and the sound of gentle snoring. "five, wake up~," you whispered, half singing, shaking his arm, steadily waking him up. he looked annoyed, his brow already furrowed and a frown already tugging at his lips, but he wasn't angry. he was rather used to it by now, in all honesty. "your favorite person ever in the entire world is here!" you hummed. five could basically smell the grin you wore.
"and i wish he would go away," he grumbled in response, trying to turn back over and go back to sleep, only for you to flick on the light and blind him. "jesus christ, a fuckingâa warning next time, please?"
"shove your warnings up your ass, five, you can miss out on your middle schooler sleep schedule for a night."
"many nights, actually," he hissed distastefully, giving a mourning glance to the cozy pillow before he sat up, now disappointingly awake. "what do you want this time?" the grogginess was now leaving his voice, but not really his eyes. five almost looked nice when sleepy, even if he looked pissed as hell at being woken up. at least your face was a little more pleasant to look at now that you were back to your teenage self.
"let's go shopping."
five looked at you like you were utterly insane, then slowly looked over at his clock. he cocked his head at you. "it's almost midnight."
"mm, did i stutter?"
"i wish you did. i'm not going shopping with you at midnight. no place is even open." five tried to put his foot down. he was a steel wall to anyone else. but to youâperhaps for you, he was simply a clay plot, one easy to crack the more water you filled it with. it was nice to spend time with you without the entire world desolate and destroyed around you, at least.
"who said the place had to be open?" you shot back with a cheeky grin. five wished that he could be surprised with your blatant delinquency. at some points it had done you both well and your affinity for breaking rules, laws, and regulations gave you a peculiar resourcefulness, but now that you were both safe and home, well... you'd become a mischievous troublemaker. just how you used to be.
"... how the hell did we ever become friends." his voice was utterly flat and his expression exhausted and peeved and yet he still stood up, shrugging the blankets off of himself, heading to his closet because he would be damned if you were going to get hurt and he wouldn't be there to laugh at you.
well, you didn't really get hurt, did you?
"i dunno, but i'm sure you regret your decision." five didn't respond to that. "i will satiate your worries, though, old man, it's an abandoned mall this time."
"wow. character development. didn't expect that from you." with the newfound information he searched for something decent to wear. something that allowed him to move and remain covered by shadows should any unsavory things come to pass.
"hey, hey, i went from crying when i stepped on an ant to killing people, and even if that's negative character development, it's still character development, okay? stop underselling me." you leaned against the wall next to his door, skateboard lounging beside you, picking at your nails. he finally took a full glance at you now that sleep was totally gone from his mind and his body, narrowing his eyes. you were wearing jean shorts, an old nirvana t-shirt, and a hawaiian button-down completely unbuttoned. at least you were wearing knee-pads this time around, but that was all the praise he could give you. five still found himself stunned that you so brazenly didn't care about how visible your scars were; scars from broken bones, scrapes, cuts, gashes, burns, stabs, bullets, shrapnel. you paraded them about like they were boy scout badges which was almost hilarious because you never learned anything from the incidents which now lined your body. even though five would never do it himself, and in fact found it incredibly weird, he kind of respected it. admired it, even. but just that one thing, nothing else. never.
"what, see something you like, old man?" you mused, going from fidgeting with your fingers to looking him in the eye, your own glinting with a bit of cheekiness. not the worst thing to be woken up to in the middle of the night.
five scoffed. "never in my life." you rolled your eyes at that sarcastic response and your grin did not fade. "you'reâyou're seriously wearing that?"
"hey, i dress my age, mr. retired-man-with-dementia-who-only-remembers-how-to-play-bingo, alright? leave me be." neither of you were bothered by bickering whilst five changed from pajamas to day clothes. he wasn't getting totally naked, so neither of you really gave a shit.
"'dress your age'..." he muttered. "you dress like a blind tween."
"thanks, hot stuff."
"that wasn't a compliment."
"i literally could not care less," you shot back, then winked at him, adding, "lovingly."
five faked a chuckle in some sort of hum sound, shooting you a falsified grin before returning to what he was doing. "i don't want your love. i'm good."
you frowned a bit yourself, which was totally and utterly unnerving and made five, somehow, regret what he said a little bit. "ouch, dude, tell me how you really feel."
"you couldn't comprehend even the most elementary of my emotions, so i'll spare you the headache." he glanced at you a few times, more so at that lingering twinge of unhappiness that so brazenly took over your expression. those words were typically the closest you would ever get to verbal reassurance or comfort from five, not just because he was completely incapable of voicing his own emotions properly, but because physicality did more for you than talking ever did; so, with a comfortable, neutral flannel now hiding his previously exposed torso, he placed a hand on your shoulder. he was always gentle with you, which completely didn't make sense because if anyone in the world needed to be treated gently it would certainly not be you.
a little smile found its way back on your lips. now reassured that not everything was wrong with the world, five pulled on a dark sweater and paperboy cap. you looked him over. "you really look like a retiree now," you mused, but it wasn't an insult. he looked nice like this, out of that hellish uniform, and never could you imagine him in anything else. "do you wanna hit the golf course too, gramps? i'm sure they got some mocktails for you since you wanna keep the drinking to a minimum tonight."
"shut it before i make you." he spoke through gritted teeth, jabbing a finger at you, only succeeding in making you grin.
"is that a threat or a promise?" you clicked your tongue, picking up your skateboard and heading for the door before he could say anything else. "the old tree is, like, a twenty-five-minute walk."
"i'll just blink us, i'm not spending another thirty minutes with you on a skateboard on rough sidewalks, i don't even wanna think about what would happen this time."
"it was so cool, though! i never thought a compound fracture could look like that!"
"[y/n], you only think it's cool because you couldn't feel the pain."
"uh, yeah," you said back, raising a brow at him while he shut off the light to his room and closed the door behind you two. "but it was still cool." you had your bubbly little grin again and five rolled his eyes. despite all that trouble, all that excessive worry he would never admit to feeling, five still looked back somewhat fondly on those times. back when you were ten, still learning how to skateboard, and your parents didn't even give you a helmet or joint pads, when you broke your ankle and didn't even know something had happened until five pointed it out.
after taking one hell of a tumble, hearing the board crack a bit beneath you, you let out a breathless huff, allowing yourself a moment to absorb the sudden shift in, well, everything. five perked up at the sound, surprised you weren't crying or something after falling like that. you stood up and brushed yourself off like nothing was wrong, peering strangely down at the board, which had no damage. you pushed it back and forth once or twice with one foot and it seemed undamaged. that was weird. you'd heard it break, right? five came up to your side, glancing you over once or twice, before his eyes settled down at your feet. "you've got a little something on, uhâ" five cut himself off, eyes wide, and you knew that shit was bad when he looked at you like that. he looked about as shocked as one could be, and that unnerved you to no end.
"what? what, did i..." you looked down at your shirt to make sure you hadn't torn it up or anything or were totally exposed, somehow completely not noticing the broken ankle on which you were unsteadily standing, chalking it up to you still half-standing on your skateboard. "what, i don't see what's wrong this picture. stop being cryptic with me, man, you know i'm dumb as shit."
"wellâi mean, you aren't wrong about that 'dumb as shit' thing, but i think you just fully busted your ankle." his curtness was plain and simple, and you had already known back then that it would be a constant in his attitude. you looked down, then back up, your eyes wide and mouth twisted as you poorly suppressed a grin and a very annoying giggle. "don't look at me like that! howâhow are you not feeling it? that would hurt like hell!" he kept gesturing down at your ankle, at the protrusion of bone and reddening, swelling skin.
"i dunno, i just can't feel it," you mumbled. he pursed his lips, simultaneously in disbelief at what you were saying and knowing that you were too shit at lying to pull this kind of thing off. all of a sudden, his mind was screeching like a fork in a garbage disposal. not being able to feel pain was kind of a bad thing.
he had actually been right, to no one's surprise, when you were diagnosed with congenital analgesia. that incident had marked the day where five silently vowed to be there to protect you, because you were alone except for him. and, to a certain extent, he was alone except for you.
"god really was fucked up when he made you, wasn't he," he muttered.
you both headed downstairs and the clock, by now, was probably around twelve. klaus waited at the bottom of the staircase with the cheekiest of smirks on his face, hands clasped together and his cheek leaning against them. you let out an exhausted groan, thinking you'd missed this tonight.
"something tells me he's super weird-dad tonight."
"why are you surprised, he's klaus, and he's basically your dad."
klaus let out some weird giggle. "i mean, i prefer the thought of being the really cool uncle who teaches you how to smuggle alcohol and how to juke rehab therapists, but i don't mind being a dad." he stepped in front of you two, hands now extended, and that dopey uber-proud dad smile back. "oh, just look at you two!"
"i thought you were sober," five said flatly.
"come on, you two are perfect together! your over-the-top chaos," he gestured to you, "and your sterile literalism!" and he gestured to five. "i'm just waiting for you two to make it official, i mean, two guys don't just survive fifty years in the apocalypse together only from a platonic bond." you and five shared a wide-eyed glance. "don't worry, if my cupid abilities don't get you two together, hormones will. i can't imagine going through puberty twice, let alone the sexual tension between two guys who can't admit their love for one anotherâ"
you put your face in your hands, utterly embarrassed, whilst five was utterly unsurprised. a similar conversation had gone down before, and he just hated reliving it. "okay! that's enough. okay, okay, uh, we're gonna go! if you contact me within the next seven days, i will call child protection services and the police." of course, the threat was empty, but hyperbole was the best way to get your point across. klaus raised his hands in surrender and stepped out of your way. he did enjoy the picture of you two, though; the two extremes on opposite sides of the social attitudes spectrum, one extroverted to the point of it being a flaw and the other antisocial to hell; the opposite sides of the fashion spectrum, one being well-put together mature vintage, and the other being power-clashing at its finest. the multicolored shoelaces were also an appreciated detail.
"i love you too, my little schneke."
"... stop calling me a snail, i'mâi'm not slow."
"maybe not physically," five said quietly to you, and in response you jabbed him in the side with a quiet 'fuck you.' on that cheerful note, you two went about your way. the front door clicked closed behind you, and in a flash of blue-tinted light, you were gone, and the house was mostly silent. klaus was soon joined by allison, quietly making her way downstairs, the only remaining light sleeper of the family.
"you really are just laying on that matchmaker thing, aren't you." she sounded drowsy and awake at the same time. klaus greeted her with a simple smile and a single nod.
"i mean, aren't they just the perfect couple?"
"they certainly were standing next to each other," allison mumbled.
seeing five frustrated was worrying. staring down at his clenched fists, blue light barely rippling out like ice spreading over a metal surface. and so when you passed him, even when he did not notice you, you touched his shoulder, finding yourself in another time. "h-hey, uh, fiveâ" you managed, feeling nauseated as yet again he travelled to some time else.
"get off of me, [y/n], you shouldn't be here!" he looked at you with anger, more like fury, but it was a weird cocktail because it was mixed with a very weird concern. suddenly the world around you two zipped away and was replaced with one of fire, ruined buildings, complete and utter desolation of what was once a world, once compiled with many lives and now every single one was snuffed out because a different roaring fire took everything with it. both of you stood in shock for a few seconds but your cool nature was the first to crack.
"five?! five, where are we?" your voice cracked and your chest tightened, whipping your head around because you thought if you turned fast enough you would be back home.
"like hell if i know, [y/n]! why didn't you let go of me?!"
"i wouldn't have been home anyway, five! i would be just as stranded, iâweâsomeone needs to be alive, right? someone?" both of you seemed to have the same idea click into your minds, stumbling into weak runs to find the umbrella academy. the building had once stood grand and tall and foreboding and now it was down to the foundations. your friends, his siblings, were gone. he fell to his knees and you turned around, horrified at the world but at least free from the stinging pain of heat and dust whipping into your skin. you felt as cold as ice in a world of fire and heat because, buried amongst the broken homes, were the only family you both had. just older, and... dead. in very painful, excruciating ways.
for all those years, you thought it had been you that stranded you in the apocalypse together; you had distracted him, you had ruined it all, and you never forgave yourself. you hid it well. but five never came out with the same thought process because he didn't believe it in the slightest. he'd already been struggling to transport himself to the time he wanted. maybe you'd exasperated things just a little, but it wasn't entirely your fault. never.
you both allowed yourselves time for the mental breakdown you so dearly deserved, but the time was coming to man up and start trying to find ways to survive. joined at the hip didn't really cover how close you were over those decades, how you couldn't sleep unless you were besides each other, how you protected five because you wouldn't feel the pain and how he always patched you up while cursing you out and still kissing the wound better because it always properly calmed you down, at least more than any words could. you took the brunt of the pain, weaponizing your congenital analgesia and using it as a defensive plan. it worked. even when the handler came around, especially when the handler came around, no defense quite matched yours.
"i should've left you back near the academy building," five muttered, wrapping makeshift bandages around your... well, your practically crushed arm. his voice was gruff now, and not just from the unpleasant living situation, but you were both nearing your thirtieth birthdays. you'd both filled out. you kept gazing at him whenever he patched you up, and even though his words were sour, his touch was sweet.
"what're you looking at, dipshit."
"nothing much."
"fuck you."
"you first."
five grinned a bit. some things never changed.
"wow. this place really didn't age well." the old liberty tree spanned out in front of you with basically no windows left intact, and beyond them a black void without any electricity in the circuits. the outdoor walls were crawling with ivy, the grounds fuzzy from overgrown plants on unkempt laws, and the concrete of the structure looked about ready to crumble. you'd come here a few times in your pre-apocalyptic childhood. it had been coming down for a long time after a few bigger malls came into the picture, carrying more stores, more variety, more fast food restaurants in the food court. now its charms drew only you in as 'how sick would it be to die crushed under the ceiling of an abandoned mall?'
"it's super cool, right?" you giggled, giddy as all hell. your attitude toward liminal spaces had stayed remarkably the same over the years. always, when passing by some tired old house, you nagged five to just take a peek.
"i don't think so, no."
"well, you're friends with me, so i don't think you really have good taste, so i'm gonna ignore that comment and think you said yes." try as he might, and he desperately did, five couldn't bring himself to hate that glint in your eyes when you looked at him. pure, raw curiosity with an undertone of excitement and glee that you were exploring some boring, abandoned place with him of all people. you set down your board and took your place standing on top of it and before five could scold you for skating on very uneven ground, you took off, ducking and pulling a small ollie to get through the shattered pane of the glass main door. five sighed through his nose and followed you in, eventually greeted by the sound of your bluetooth speaker blasting something he couldn't make out by its echo.
"how could you possibly find this fun?" he almost had to shout to be heard. you were approaching again after going around the empty lobby for a few turns, just going faster and faster, losing more caution every time.
"because it's mindless and mostly not illegal!" you responded brightly. suddenly you got the fantastic idea to jump off your board and let it go flying and you followed the instinct, landing wrong on your foot and immediately heading straight for the ground. you would've landed hard, getting at least a deep bruise, if five hadn't caught you by your waist before you could break yet another bone, scoffing at your terrible decisions.
"there are millions of words in the english but none of them could ever describe just how incredible it is that you aren't dead yet," he said curtly, helping you stand back up. you were giggling.
the music was still playing and so you wrapped your arms around his neck, starting to sway and hum along to the eerily-echoing tune. he looked at you with confused horror, eyes narrowed slightly, not moving with you.
"don't give me that, shortstack!"
"i'm taller than you."
"i'm going to ignore that!" you chirped. "we're alive and out of hell, and we have been for, like, weeks now, it wouldn't kill you to dance a little bit!" your hair, bouncy from its messiness, danced almost more than you did as you moved it back and forth, singing whole-heartedly along to saint motel, keeping it a bit dialed back so that five wouldn't have his ears fully blown out by the volume. "who do you think'll see your shitty dance moves other than me? and we both know that i would be a total hypocrite if i insulted you for them."
"i don't dance."
"yeah, and i don't care. your hip won't give out if you use it for fun, fivey."
"don't... don't say that, actually." the cracks were staring to show, just as they always did with his clay pot attitude. you sputtered at the accidental innuendo.
"aw, c'mon, please? just this once?" it was no wonder that klaus was dead-set on his precious, unofficially-adopted son being in love with five, and also no wonder that diego was dead-set on keeping that same unofficially-adopted son as far away from five as possible. your puppy dog eyes were totally nauseating and deeply troubling and so he gave in, solely for the sake of his own sanity. he shut his eyes for a second, mumbling something along the lines of 'i should've killed you decades ago.' but he hugged your waist a little more purposefully and begrudgingly swayed a bit to the tune. the look of utter happiness on your face was, admittedly, kind of worth the wake-up call and following exhaustion.
"i cannot believe that you guilt-tripped me into dancing."
the happy music saw you getting a bit more creative, making up the moves as you went, whatever felt right. five let go of a little control to do the same, and found himself mildly enjoying it. would he do it again? not on his own accord. would you probably make him do it again? without a doubt. it was, however, nice to watch you enjoy yourself. he kind of wanted to dip you, but he didn't.
"you're a natural, though." clasping his hands and intertwining your fingers, you leaned back, and he found himself doing the same, both of you held upright by your grasps on the others' hands, and you started to move in a circle. for the sake of both your safety, five went about it too. walking turned into sideways jogging and you started giggling. the world around you both blurred. for five, it was just you now, just you, like it had always been. it had been a while since you'd held hands for so long but eventually it ended, much to five's dismay, and you went stumbling backward a few steps, falling hard on your ass whilst he quickly remained his balance. you were breathless for a moment after falling so suddenly, but eventually you just started laughing. five wiped his hands on his shirt, peering at you strangely.
"you didn't hear anything crack or whatever? nothing feels weird?" he spoke with no emotion in his voice and yet the words and underlying tone were careful and concerned. nobody else could hear it, but after so long, you could read his every move.
"no, nothing." you shook your head a bit, finding yourself dizzy. "nice to see you're still concerned."
he offered his hand out to you and you took it, and in a strong move, he pulled you up. "i wouldn't call it concern."
"well, then, what would you call it?"
good question.
you were sniffling and crying while trying not to sound it at all. of course, it wasn't from the pain, but from the total stress. sometimes it all just collapsed on you again and you were a hyperventilating, shaking kid again, too scared to turn off the light because the shadows freaked you out. five sat down beside you, leaning against the least-crumbling wall of the small shack you'd both been calling home.
"you're not really a crier," he began. "did something happen?"
"i-i almost got crushed and i saw my life fuckingâflash before my eyes and i hated all of it. every single second. i wish i'd killed my parents, i wish i'd killed that landlord, i wish i'd killed my uncleâ"
"wish all you want but that's not gonna happen, [y/n]." his voice softened. five was essentially the same as he had been when he was thirteen, just sprouted into someone who would've been one hell of a college freshman. "i wish i killed a lot of people too, but we're here, and we're here together, andâfor what it's worthâi'm glad that you're alive." he settled a bit closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, pulling you, still sniveling, against him. "hating your childhood is pretty common where i'm from," he joked, successfully getting a wheezy chuckle from you, "and it's still possible to lead a decently okay life. i'm trapped in a terrible apocalypse, and it's not just external, but... it's a little better because i have someone else who's more insane to remind me that i'm right."
you chuckled yet again, snuggling against him. his warmth was better than the world's. "i think i only moved because i heard you call."
"seriously?"
"i-i mean, yeah." it was kind of hard to forget the feeling of stumbling away from a ton of hard reinforced concrete that would've left you as a reddish smear on an orange world. five's curt and somewhat annoyed call was the only thing that grounded you, and you both knew just how quick that faded.
"you really would be dead without me." his voice was quiet and deeply peeved but he didn't shy away from you, his hand remaining idly just against your hair.
"no shit, dumbassâtrust me, i am well aware." you snorted to yourself and five sprouted a small amused smile on his own. eventually your smile dimmed a bit, and were reminded of the world in which you lived in, and the world from which you had come from. "why did you stick around?" your disheartened soul was reflected in those words, lined with a pure confusion. five furrowed his brow. apparently it was completely out of the realm of possibility to you for him to just care.
"... there was a lot ofâ"
"answer the question. please. j-just this once." five quieted a bit when he heard that. usually he was quite skilled at deflecting questions but you melted his resolve so easily. you asking a genuine question in a hauntingly low voice left five silent with no idea how to respond, even after all these years of dealing with your rollercoaster mannerisms.
"wrong place at the wrong time, i suppose." right place at the right time was better to describe it, maybe. "after you broke your ankle when we were ten, i guess i took it upon myself to make sure you didn't do any dumb shit that would end up in a gnarly death. whether you can feel it or not." so he'd appointed himself to be your protector?
"why? it wouldn't do you any good. well... it hasn't done you any good."
"do you really think i only do things if they'll give me an advantage?" five paused, not looking down to see the squinted eyes you stared at him with. "don't answer that question, actually. don't answer. it hasn't done me any good but i don't regret anything i did. not terribly, anyway."
your grin would make the cheshire cat blush.
five immediately regretted saying that. "don't let that go to your head, [y/n]."
"already there, bud."
his brow furrowed again, the corners of his lips twitching down in another frown. "alright. maybe it's partially concern. but fracturing your pelvis would be a very stupid way to die, and not worth laughing at, so i didn't want to miss out on a show." maybe there was some form of truth in that desire for a fun death, but you had that desire too, so small potatoes. it was silence between you two for a few seconds as you patted concrete dust off of your clothes and the backs of your thighs. "let me help," he said, and it was a demand and not an ill-cadenced suggestion. he stepped behind you and swiped away the strips you couldn't reach with a heavy hand. while he did so he carefully looked you over, even going to far as lifting your arms to check for any injuries. you were quite used to it by now.
"thanks," you mumbled. "still waiting for that broken leg."
"well, your plan wouldn't work anyway, because i can see your legs."
"yeah... i like my legs. i don't want one to go janky from a broken bone."
"it would be unfortunate."
"mmhm, so you agree."
five narrowed his eyes slightly, not getting what you meant for a second or two, before scoffing. "i don't think that your legs are nice."
"really?" you turned to look at him, and the teasing grin on your face was reassuring in how amused it was. you were just playing with him, but that was always the way you got him to inadvertently expel whatever he was thinking. you tilted your head, crossing your arms.
"don't give me that, [y/n], or i'll blink away and leave you here."
"there's ceiling access."
he pursed his lips. "alright, then leaving you alone here is completely out of the question, but i will find some way to make this miserable for you."
"what, why? why d'you wanna misery me?"
"you're dreadfully annoying, for one. i hate how you're always smiling, it gives you really bad wrinkles. you have the heart of a child because you're so immature and i don't know why the universe thought it would be funny to shove us two together, because god knows it would never happen normally, but here we are, much to my chagrin." five paused. you were accustomed to his rants by now. "your weird uncle-dad keeps trying to rush something which shouldn't be rushed, and i don't even know what level of weird that is but i hate being a part of it."
"rush something which shouldn't be rushedâwhat does that mean?" it was like you had selective hearing for the smallest freudian slips known to man. "what, do you need sixty more years to admit you've had some sort of big emotion or something?" it was mostly a jab, something meant to be funny, which was met with a stolid seriousness. you let out a near-silent 'oh' as the moment continued.
"yeah. turns out the crazy alcoholic was onto something, for the first time in his life." you snorted at the quip, nodding in agreement. both of you knew, dearly knew, that words wouldn't be the vessel of the confession, but both of you knew, dearly knew, that it was coming pretty fast. you'd just never think it would come this fast. klaus was really good at sniffing out a love arc, apparently. five felt like steel when he took your hands back into his, not because his biting sharp edges hurt you, no, and they never would, but he'd never done something in a manner such as this. with a few unspoken words the entire atmosphere of your relationship had been turned upside down and that was the scary part; he had no clue where to go from here.
"the worst part will be telling klaus he was right," you joked, swinging your arms in and out on socially-awkward instinct.
"you're telling me. he's gonna tout it around for the rest of time."
"we'll never live it down."
"i doubt you'll need to worry about that, i'll be surprised if you make it to your 16th birthday."
"you give me three years? seriously? you really think that my 58-year-old-13-year-old self can only survive three more years?"
"absolutely correct." you found yourself laughing and he found himself grinning, just slightly. the sound was pleasant, admittedly. he was more open with that now. well, barely, but it still counted. the silence that did follow this time around was almost pleasant. you were too nervous to maintain eye contact very long, so you glanced away from him and your gaze lingered on the random spot which it landed. plants had somehow found their way into the internal cracks of the floor, green shards glinting out in the pale light from the grimy sunroof.
"i never thought i'd see the day where you couldn't look me in the eyes. it's weird and i don't like it. look at me." your cheeks felt warm but you did as you were told. he smiled a little bit, and it didn't even hint at a snarky grin or smug smirk. you leaned forward and rested your forehead against his.
"i'm totally not telling klaus about this."
"neither am i, are you kidding?"
"never in my life," you giggled to yourself, graduating from holding his hands to wrapping your arms back about his neck, where it felt like they belonged. suddenly it was like he was new to embraces because his arms felt stiff when he hugged back, but he hugged back, tight. never before had you encountered something so gentle and so suffocating at the same time; gentle because he might break you, suffocating because he might lose you. neither of those would happen on his watch, of course. somehow, even with your wild self, your flaws and lack of capability to abide by laws and rules, you'd managed to charm the most level-headed, logic-addicted, cynical douchebag the world had ever seen. maybe there was some truth behind that old 'opposites attract' thing.
"do you wanna stick around this dingy place for a while longer like the psychopath you are or get food before you go to sleep so you don"t whine about being hungry?"
"am i really that prediâ"
"yes."
"wow, you muttered, furrowing your brow. "i really am predictable."
"yes."
with just the will to prove him wrong you stood straighter and gave him a quick, albeit strong, kiss, and then you were right back on your feet. you caught him off-guard, that's for sure, because he looked like an android in the middle of uploading information; eyes slightly wide, brows slightly raised, pure subtlety. "how about that?"
it still took him a few seconds to respond after that, trying to regain his smug and blunt composure while also trying not to dampen the mood in any way. "you're terrible at convincing. give it another shot."
this is the first time i'm going to do a multi-part fic that goes beyond like 2 or 3 parts (rip to the chandelier fic.) bear with me ;;;; but i'm obsessed with everything everywhere and i wanted to do something with the abilities evelyn and joy specifically have. and, of course, the angst that can come from it.
looked over this as much as i could but im exhausted so my apologies for any errors ;;;
pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader [he/him pronouns]
âââââ
where : five is instantly intrigued by the eighth sparrow, a kid just like himself, which makes him try to seek him out specifically; nothing better than a second opinion about time from another person who knew its intricacies, right? well, he... may have gotten more than he bargained for.
âââââ
warnings : future mentions of trauma, fighting and injury (specific mentions of choking), existentialism, reader is just exhausted of life and shit in general, future cheesiness and such because i said so, depression, a whole lot of 'if i can bend reality to my will then how much does it really matter' kind of questioning (later on for the most part.)
the disheartening sight of seven other peopleâahem, sorry, and one very confusing cubeâwas made endlessly puzzling by the appearance of a kid behind them. someone who looked five's age. physically, anyway. they both seemed equally entranced by the other; the kid's eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted, as if seeing someone he had been missing for decades. he furrowed his brow a bit, cocking his head, and klaus found himself peering where five glared.
"well, would you look at that? they've got a little brother, too!"
"zip it, klaus," he hissed, though with a certain degree of gentleness in his voice, even excluding the volume he had to use. looking back at the balcony, he was wearing more casual clothes with a sort of... varsity jacket of the sparrow academy's traditional colors and emblems. he was a sparrow, meaning he was born in 1989, meaning he was around thirty years old. so why did he look thirteen? it clicked then, suddenly; his power could have something to do with time. five felt instantly that he needed to speak with him. and if it needed to be done by force, then...
hands crossed neatly over his lap, barely restraining that very obvious agitation, ben chimed in with, "dad, who the hell are these assholes?"
a chorus of "shit" rang out amongst the umbrellas. five stared at him with the same amount of emotion as usual, mostly overrun by confusion, however his sentimentalities ended there. that balcony, barely a few yards from where five stood, held somethingâsomeone, ratherâthat could be an answer to his predicament. or at least help figure out if he could retire or not. if this world was safe enough to stay in. there was a whole host of colorful characters. if he was the sparrows' number eight, what exactly inspired reginald to adopt him as well? or was it just sort of a convenience thing?
luther stepped forward along with klaus. "is that really you?"
no amusement struck ben. if anything, he somehow managed to look more annoyed.
"and who are the weirdos on the balcony!"
"they are the sparrows. my children." reginald's controlled, vaguely irritated voice was such a contrast to diego's harsh tone.
much to five's chagrin this moment was a bit more important than staring at a boy. he turned on his heel, narrowing his eyes at the old man. "i'm sorry, what do you mean your children? that's not possible, old man."
"of course it is! i think i'd know, wouldn't i?"
well. something was very wrong, wasn't it?
the sound of footsteps and shuffling caught his attention and yet again he looked back forward; all of the sparrows once situated haphazardly on the balcony now stood across the tile threshold. the kid was shorter than he expected, in all honesty, and he seemed to be the least serious out of all his siblingsânot to say that he looked like he was having fun or that he was laughing, but that he didn't want to fight. he looked like he would avoid it at every cost.
"everyone else can see ben, right?"
"cute hat, sundance."
"they call themselves the umbrella academy," reginald interrupted, "a group of scheming, perfidious malcontents who accosted me in the fall of '63 when i was away on business in dallas. be warnedâthey claim to be my spawn." all throughout reginald's little schpiel, five and the other kid maintained eye contact, five puzzled at his existence and him puzzled by five's puzzlement. he seemed to find it weird but, oddly enough, he didn't seem weirded out specifically. occasionally five would glance about the rest of the sparrows, gauge them if he could, and when that happened he would sometimes catch the barest glimpse of the kid looking at two of his sisters with confusion.
should i be worried? he was probably thinking to himself.
with five on his opposition? absolutely.
"claim? look, five, what the hell is going on?" allison sounded like she was moments away from boiling over.
"not sure yet, but it's concerning."
"is he telling the truth?" seeming to sense the steadily-rising tensions, the kid started, very slowly, to back away, retreating to the furthest reaches of the carpet before the battle had even begun.
"not the part about us being perfidious." vanya seemed to kind of placate that cowardice in him. maybe he even smiled at vanya.
"no! no, we're amateur-fidious, at best!"
"but we are his children, this is our house."
"yeah, we grew up here."
"yeah, yeah, we grew up here," alphonso mocked, getting a snicker from jayme, however the kid just shot them both a slightly judgmental look.
"i kind of think we would've noticed you," sloane said, to which luther stated his name and offered out his hand. sloane did not accept, really she didn't do a thing, and some whispers broke out amongst her and her little brother, whispers that five couldn't make out.
"okay. none of you belong here."
"oh! well, then. i guess we'll just pack our bags and move out."
christopher babbled and chittered, milking chuckles from his brothers and sisters. five had to say he looked way better smiling than frowning, though he figured it would probably be the same for anyone.
grace came in to the living room, heels click-click-clicking, holding a plate of cookies in her hand and apologizing that she couldn't do better. five couldn't catch the precise details. it was just kind of nice to see her again, even if she was certainly in need of a... few repairs.
"mom." diego's sentimental mumble caught some of the sparrows off-guard. the kid included.
"she's a robot, you perv."
"it's not a robot."
"don't call him that!"
"or what?" ben challenged.
"come closer and find out." bickering broke out between the two families, vanya and marcus actively trying to keep everyone's heads on straight, and five may have lost track of the conversation. until ben threw the first punch, anyway. he ducked back, watching as luther next was flung like a ragdoll across the room, landing on and breaking the poor couch. he saw the boy duck out and wanted to chase but first kept his loyalties, attacking ben and getting lost in a flurry of sharp punches and occasionally-failed dodges.
"you're alive. that'sâgreat, or possibly horrible, i haven't decided yet."
"is that some weird kind of smack talk?"
"it's more of an existential problem, really, ben."
"awesome. well, here's your next problem." with his arms extending back and torso leaning forward, a grimy tentacle quickly burst from his chest, though not fast enough to stop five before he blinked away and onto the balcony.
"y'know, even though you're a total asshat now," five began, rudely cut off by another attack which he yet again evaded with ease. it was easier to land a punch and he watched as ben crashed into the ground. "it's nice to see you again. really." after seeing a particularly disturbing scene between diego and the cube, he stepped in to save allison from a few of the other sparrows, yet again finding himself on the second-floor balcony.
"thanks," allison managed through uneven breaths.
"no problem." both standing up, both dusting themselves off, they saw someone rounding the corner. it was him. still, that look of passive pacifism remained, now somewhat stoic in nature; he didn't want to fight, but he may need to. he was resigning himself to that fact and five could see it in his setting expression. and most importantly, there was also endless loyalty. oh, well.
five furrowed his brow, readjusting his jacket. "go help the others. i'll handle this one."
his new opponent almost seemed to space out, eyes narrowing just a bit as if being flooded by tons of new information. with grace and precision, and certainly speed, he set into a defensive stance. five blinked behind him to try for an attack and it was blocked. he continued to block, evade, block, evade, as fast as five tried to attack. the only sounds he made for a while were little grunts.
every failed punch and every successful block was adding to five's aggravation and his exasperation.
"y'know, five," he said, and hearing him speak for the first time startled five terribly, "delores wouldn't like you fighting like this! i'm not doing anything to you!" that shocked him so bad he misfired a punch but it landed for the first time because of how he went to dodge. he was weaker than five first surmised, falling onto the ground, and five continued to strike him back down until he was pinned and unable to move. he looked enraged, face twisted, eyes wide, teeth bared and gritted, glaring daggers at the kid, who looked to be in quite a bit of pain.
"how do you know my name?!" he barked. "how do you know her name?!" five got no answer and that was endlessly more irritating. the kid slammed his hand onto the ground and grabbed the first thing he could, a small piece of rubble, but five watched as, in those few fractions of seconds, that small piece of debris turned into a metal candlestick.
a metal candlestick.
the moment five saw that, he teleported, reappearing just a few feet away. he pushed off his total confusion; no time. the kid kept the candlestick in his hand when he fumbled to stand, not getting even a moment before five tackled him into a headlock. he didn't think twice about the look of pain on the kid's face because that wasn't exactly imperative and he didn't hesitate at the sounds he made.
the kid raised the candlestick again and five watched in subtle horror as it flitted between many different forms, each punctuated by a small sound and a bit of light. he only recognized a few of those hundred forms before he saw it land, like a wheel of fortune, on a knife and he plunged it down. five jerked out of the way of the blade. even though he had once been so hesitant to fight, so afraid of hurting other people, he seemed finally able to push that away and actually defend himself. he may not have been particularly strong, but he was swift and flexible while wrenching himself out of five's grip and adept at landing hits that would still make five flinch and pause. the kid blocked a punch and the moment that they came in contact with each other, the world around them... changed.
from the slightly destroyed upper floor of the academy house, it became an office building, papers flying about while people panicked about the violent fight between the aisles of cubicles. in that moment of confusion, he landed a hit on five, right in the gut. after a pained second, eyes squeezed tight, he grit his teeth and kept fighting.
the office building had become a high-rise skyscraper that they were fighting on the edge of.
another punch and they were on the deck of a cruise ship.
another block and they were in a spanning parking garage. the kid advanced and forced five to back up, closer to the edge of the space, and certainly to a painful fall. he continued to evade every attempted hit, no matter how five had calculated them, before pouncing on him and shoving him right out of the concrete monolith, plummeting down toward the ground along with him.
"how the hell are you doing this?!" five shouted, voice swallowed up by the shouting winds. he grabbed his shirt, bunching up his collar tight enough to cut off his breathing. the panic in his eyes welled up very quick.
and then they were back. instead of hitting the hard pavement ground, five lost all the air in his lungs when he thudded onto the carpeted academy floor, gasping for a second as the kid scrambled away from him, coughing and wheezing.
five hadn't even strangled him for that long, what the hell?
five forced himself to sit, to stand, shooting the glare to end all glares at the boy across from himâhowever he didn't attack yet. after all the disorientation he felt from those few... transitions, he wanted to keel over and vomit. he was in no condition to fight. luckily, however, neither was his opponent.
killing the kid would not get five his answers, no matter how badly he wanted to do it.
the kid was on the ground, propping himself up on one of his hands, his entire body seeming wracked by pained, nauseated tremors. he looked to be heaving, expression conflicted, exhausted beyond exhausted. he held his head the way one would when suffering from a bad headache.
his question went unanswered, which just served to annoy five further. "are you a time traveler or something? no. a multiversal traveler? do you work with the commission? that's the only possibility i can think of." knowing about delores, knowing about his name, certainly knowing his past, instantly transporting both of them to different places, it could all connect to multiversal travel.
but that spacing out part, before he could dodge like some highly trained professional, and that debris-to-candlestick-to-knife part? those still kind of puzzled him.
the kid wrinkled his nose. "that's the only possibility? you've got a narrow range." for someone who sounded so pained and exhausted, he could manage some mouthiness. somehow he sounded more genuine than sarcastic, though. strange. what about him wasn't?
five's eye twitched and his lips pressed hard into a scowl. "a narrow range? a narrow range? my 'range' isn't narrow! i've seen so many possibilities unfold! do you even know what i had to do to get here?" his words hissed with pure venom. that didn't faze his opponent, even whilst he jabbed an accusatory finger at him, as though somehow this was his fault.
"i do, actually," he managed, although still short of breath. "you got trapped in the apocalypse for a few decades, offered a deal from the commission, broke your contract with them and became a fugitive, got back to your family, and have been trying to evade apocalypses ever since. third time's the charm, right, five?" he recounted it all with the cadence and sensitivity of a history teacher summarizing an important, yet complicated, period of time.
"how could you possibly knowâstop calling me that! how are you able to do any of this!"
"i'm not gonna stop calling you by your name." he laughed through his words. he laughed.
"is my exasperation funny to you?"
"i-i mean, kinda! do you know how many ways i've seen this conversation going?" five stilled like a statue. "this was the most common outcome. well, uhm, aside from you just killing me. it's just a little funny how you always react the same way." he shrugged a bit, as though this was simply some high school gossip, and not (one of) the most puzzling thing that five had ever been exposed to.
"look," five began, trying to steady himself. "if you don't tell me how you know about meâhow you know about deloresâthis will become a timeline where i kill you. okay? capiche?"
he raised his hands in surrender. they shook. "capiche, five."
"stop. calling me that."
"to even the playing field, i'm [y/n]. there." he sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, checking his hands. yet again he seemed to space out, just for a moment this time, before going through a grounding technique. he looked determined now, not as tired as before, though it did remain rather clearly in his eyes. [y/n] was just a kid again. he looked like a pathetic, sick kitten. "it's my power. i was born like this. you travel through space and time, i travel through reality. all of reality. alternate universes, as you know them. close by, far away, ones almost exactly the same and some with very distinctive evolutionary branches. the further away the world, the... stranger they get. i can see literally any possibility. so iâi fucking know you, five. i know you. i know your brothers and your sister and your in-laws and your niece and every other niece or nephew you could've had. there are so, so many worlds where i was an umbrella, or your friend, or stuck with you in the apocalypse, or... something like that. that's how i know you, and know delores. i was there."
sister, singular?
fuck, why was that his first take-away?
five narrowed his eyes slightly. "you can see every alternate universe," he said, slowly, as if clarifying something to [y/n] when he really needed the clarification for himself.
he nodded. "use them, too."
"use...?"
[y/n] broke into a little smile. his answer remained unknown because their restrained conversation was interrupted by one of [y/n]'s sisters. just one glance and his smile disappeared, staring at five with now-widened eyes, mouthing something along the lines of 'get the fuck out.'
five didn't need to be told twice. a flit of light and he had disappeared to who-the-hell-knows-where.
"who the hell was that creep," jayme mumbled, watching as [y/n] stumbled to his feet and dusted himself off. she grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket out of instinct to make sure he didn't fall over.
"uh... someone pretty interesting," [y/n] said, staring at where he'd once been, the flash of bright light still burned into his eyes. he wanted to find him. maybe needed to find him. probably because something in the world was very wrong, even if no other timeline had figured it out yet.
if any of the umbrellas knew where to hide out, it would probably be klaus, right? simple solution. kind of. as long as he could sneak out undetected by his siblings.
a good bit of time had passed when you finally had the chance to scope out the hotel obsidian. you had changed into something more casual and lowkey, sunglasses now balanced atop your nose and a nice light scarf about your neck. music played over your headphones and you wandered inside of the place, stricken with the sight of heavy art deco. it was rather nice, actually, when you took the time to appreciate it. then again, your mind was rather preoccupied with what was probably a very big deal. on the other side of the lobby, in the little bar and lounge area, you could spot a few of the hargreeves siblings. most notably five, now wearing a white bathrobe. soon his eyes glanced to you and you could feel his gaze sharpen. he looked back at his brothers and excused himself, stepping off the stool and teleporting to you before his feet hit the ground.
"what are you doing here," he hissed through gritted teeth.
"i mean, our conversation got cut off earlier. seemed right to continue it, y'know?"
five looked back at his brothers and then at you once more. klaus was staring after him but you didn't know if he recognized you; luther and diego were still totally enraptured in their chinese food.
the look on five's face told you a whole lot; it was critical to him to talk with you, figure things out, because he guessedâand guessed rightâthat you weren't just here to politely finish a conversation. something weird was going on, whether he wanted to know or not. "alright. okay. fine. just," he grasped your shoulder after a second and then you were both gone, reappearing instantaneously in a room you assumed to be five's. small cot in the corner, bunk bed opposite, and a couch.
god, you wanted to throw up. you clutched your stomach, squeezing your eyes shut for a minute.
he crossed his arms and looked at you. "so where exactly did we leave off?"
you paused to scrub your mind, trying to recall. a few blinks broke the few seconds of spacing out. usually you weren't this forgetful, but, uh, today was an interesting one. "i said i can use those universes and that confused you. and then jayme came around and i told you to leave."
"right," five muttered. "what exactly did you mean by that?"
"well, obviously i can use them for information." your voice was somewhat soft, actually, which was mighty strange to him.
"hmph. how could i forget." five's flat voice was thick with sarcasm.
you managed a smile. "but i can also use them for skills and stuff. the dodging, earlier; i can't really do that here. there's a world where i star in fighting movies and stuff, where i'm good at dodging and i'm fast and flexible, and i can... link my mind, i guess, and use those skills. and the... the candlestick. knife. thing. i can change things to whatever another me is holding. i can change my clothes. i can change reality."
"so, in essence, your mind is able to find every other instance of you across time and space and access them? and... communicate with them, i suppose, in some way or another."
you shrugged a bit. "about explains it. but theâ... can i ask you something?" you suddenly sounded sheepish, hesitant, like you were constantly rethinking what you were about to say. five furrowed his brow, a little surprised to see that look on your face, and he really didn't like it.
"depends on what that something is," he responded, speaking cautiously.
you found yourself spacing out again, but this time not to access some alternate plane of existence. every other universe had its own noise, and every other universe was persistently audible; that loud buzz was starting to give you yet another headache. it was probably possible to overdose on tylenol, right? suddenly that constant look of exhaustion on your face was even more obvious to five. for a moment, he seemed almost sympathetic to that. he could certainly understand it, at the very least. "you've got about twenty-eight years of experience on me," you began, forcing your voice to be steady. "do you have any clue how to deal with the, uhm, existential part of it all?" lightheartedness seemed to be a skill of yours. five could respect it.
you doubted, sincerely doubted, that there could be anything in the world to help you from the persistent noise. or from the pain and exhaustion of swatting from world to world to world in the span of thirty seconds during a fight. it was a wonder you were still walking.
"why should i help you with that, exactly? your family tried to kill mine."
"i didn't try to kill anyone. i hid upstairs the entire time. well, uh, almost the entire time. i can be an ally to you guys. i'd... prefer to be allied with you guys." if anyone else in the world knew about the ins and outs of the umbrella academy, five had no doubt in his mind that it would be you and your presumably-torturous ability. it would probably be a smart idea on their side as well, to ally with you.
"before i agree to help you at all, how can i be sure your family isn't using you as some sort of... puppet? some sort of inside man?"
you shrugged a bit after a second. "i wouldn't be a very good choice."
"seriously? do you think i'm stupid or something?"
you crossed your arms, looking at him with narrowed eyes. "no. i know you aren't stupid. and i'm pretty sure that your first choice wouldn't be a 'weak thirteen-year-old kid with a power that cripples him with headaches and exhaustion whenever he uses it,' either. not to mention that said kid can't hear what's going on sometimes because of literally every other sound in the expansive multiverse." the words were sarcastic but the tone was very genuine, almost excruciatingly so.
"i have... so many more questions now."
you shrugged a bit. "i can answer some of them, i guess." considering that you knew almost all the ins and outs of his life, it seemed only fair to share some of yours. you were too tired to steer the conversation back to why you had came. perhaps you'd already forgotten it.
"why exactly are you thirteen? you were born in 1989, you had to be."
"... i chose to stay this age."
"how can you just choose to stay that age?" exasperation met with confusion in a very strange voice of five's. even after all he'd gone through and learned, you were just springing question marks all over the place. god damnit.
"i can manipulate almost every aspect of reality, five," you said, softly, in response. "it's not out of the realm of possibility to stay thirteen. not for me."
five nodded slightly after a second. that nod steadily turned into a shake of his head. "jesusâi should've grabbed some coffee." he pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "just give me a second."
"oh. uh, no need." glancing about the room, there was a small corner table, atop it an ice bucket and some plastic cups for water. he watched, for some reason a bit puzzled, as you placed your hands on it. spaced out. and it flitted to a fresh coffee pot and a mug. they seemed like something from a diner.
well, that would make sense, wouldn't it?
you poured him a cup and handed it, still steaming, over to him.
five scowled a bit, staring down at the filled mug, before his sharp gaze landed on you again.
"it's just coffee, five. it's not poisoned or anything. here." you plucked it back out of his grasp and took a sip, waited a few seconds, and handed it back. "see? you're fine."
after a second, he nodded. "right." he didn't find himself bothered by drinking from the same mug you had. he'd done a lot worse things, hadn't he?
"so... what were those other questions?"
after taking a few healthy swigs, he cleared his throat. "your abilityâit really taxes you? even after all these years?" five would never admit it, but the coffee was pretty goddamn good. whatever diner your alternate-self worked in was worth a visit, if it existed in this world. "is that why you were shaking and panting so much earlier?"
you felt a bit embarrassed. "yeah," you mumbled. "i trained with it a lot, but, i wasn't very strong to begin with." you sat down carefully on the sofa, pulling a bottle of painkillers from your coat pocket.
"when's the last time you had a dose?" five asked, mug to his lips, shooting you a side-eye.
"... maybe three hours ago. why?"
he clicked his tongue and shook his head, plucking the bottle out of your hands. "not now, then."
"dude! what the hell! i-i need those!"
"well, i can't keep asking questions to someone sick from taking too much tylenol. and you can wait three hours."
you groaned but didn't complain, just settling back against the comfortable cushions. "fine. i'll wait." and you mumbled 'you're just like sloane' under your breath.
"good," he mumbled, sitting down beside you after tossing the pills onto his bed. "you said you could hear every sound in the multiverse. something tells me that isn't a hyperbole."
you nodded a bit and slouched down, trying to figure out a decent analogy. "when you remove a door from its threshold, you can always hear what's on the other side, unless you actively tune it out. just, for me, there were never doors. it was always like this. every single feasible universe is out there, fighting for my attention, almost every waking moment." you recounted with a deep sort of mourning. five couldn't blame you, he supposed. you had been robbed of silence, of pure solitude, of privacy. his heart almost ached for you.
had you been born with the doors off their frames? he wanted to ask, he really wanted to ask, but it was probably going to be way too... private of a thing. personal. from what he could tell.
"and i thought wrangling that crowd of toddlers was bad. i can't imagine hearing everything they do, everywhere, constantly," he mused.
you cracked a smile. it had been a while since you were able to joke around with someone, even if that someone had interrogated you like a police investigator. "oh, it's the worst," you giggled, and he laughed along. "i mean, it's bad enough knowing what your brothers do into their socks, it's even worse to walk in on them over, like, over two thousand times."
"i've known you for a very short period of time, but something tells me that's the worst thing you've ever said."
for someone in a very persistent and terrible bout of pain, your laugh, and your smile, were incredibly bright. five couldn't really say that he was expecting this when first appearing in the umbreâahem. in the sparrow academy building, but he wasn't exactly complaining. this could be nice. he really hoped it would be, anyway.
silence fell on you two for a while. the overbearing static was starting to edge back in now that you had nothing more to say. the pain was ebbing.
"... something's wrong." you sounded deadly serious, it was horrifying.
"sâsorry?" five felt like he had whiplash after such an extreme diversion from the topic.
you seemed to be fighting that urge to space out a whole lot more. this was important, you needed to stay on track, and yet your stress was doing exactly the opposite of tunnel vision. shit.
five noticed; and he kind of needed you to talk, as fast as possible, so reached out and pinched your neck, successfully getting you to tense and wake up, in some sense of the words. offense was replaced with gratitude in your eyes. "i don't know exactly what. no other universe has figured it out. but you aren't supposed to be here, this isn't your timeline, that'sâa very big problem. it could potentially 'rip a hole in space and time.'" five muttered along with you, cussing and hanging his head.
"why didn't you say this first?" he hissed.
"i'm sorry!" you sounded very genuine and he felt rather bad. "i-iâthe interrogation and then the pain and then the... getting along with you, i forgot." it was another world, some utterance of 'not normal yet' that brought the thought back to you.
your voice was cracking. you felt far worse than five could ever make you feel.
"... it's fine. it's fine."
"it very much isn't. you know that."
five knew it all too well. he groaned, pinched the bridge of his nose, and downed the rest of his coffee. "fantastic."
"i mean, it may be a problem we can solve." you shot him a smile, a tired and weak little thing, but it did comfort him a bit.
"the universe will really mind if seven dumbasses stick around?" his humor had soured, but it was still there. you felt very guilty, unable to look him in his eyes, shoulders slouched as if defeated in some great thing.
"she's a stickler for rules."
"hmph." he scowled a full-face scowl. "no retirement yet, i guess."
out of all the things you could ever have seen, heard, felt, and known, one thing seemed... important. emotionally, anyway. "if it's, uhm, any consolation... retirement did look good on you, by the way."
he couldn't help but smile a bit. somewhere out there was a world where you and five were friends well into his retirement, be that at his confusing age or his chronological age from 1989, where he was happily retired with no time-threatening anomalous issues to draw him out. even if he was bound to die in this timeline, there was some comfort in knowing many other timelines saw him content. "i'll take your word for it."
hi! as some of you may know, iâm alyssa (aly, lyss) and i write genshin impact fanfiction!
unfortunately i have been struggling financially as i spend my current time with an unpaid internship (only receiving help from an agency to fund living and general expenses such as groceries) and will start earning a bit better (not a lot) money in august when i start my apprenticeship.
i aspire to become an optician and unfortunately, it is and will be really hard to get by the bit i will earn throughout three years (without going into too much detail, i will earn less than half of the minimum wage in germany every month despite working full time and going to school).
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commission a writing of your choice with whatever you desire. only limitation is a word count of 2.000 (this varies if you can tip additionally!)
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in which: isagi doesn't like it when you give him the silent treatment.
warnings: 1.9k wc, gn!reader, fluff with a little angst, ooc!isagi (i tried), mentions of manhandling, sleepy isagi, mentions to arguments. food.
a/n: I FEEL ILL REREADING THIS why is this so bad hELP. for being the main character, it's hard asf to get good manga panels of isagi lol. anyways. enjoy this shit piece xx i can't believe this is my first isagi fic and i did him so wrong, i'm so sorry cri
ây/n?â echoes a voice from down the hallway, one laced with grogginess and fatigue, paired with the gentle padding of footsteps trudging their way to where you resided in the living room. in your periphery, isagi rounds the corner shirtless and messy bedhair, and not sparing him a glance proved itself a challenge.Â
usually, you wouldâve sprung up from your seat and greeted him good morning, but the soreness of your throat is a harsh reminder of the argument you had last night, and thinking too hard about it would press into the bruises of your ego, resurfacing awkward and sour feelings. yet, you still had to fight to contain the butterflies in your stomach upon seeing him and it becomes harder to fight when you realise that the first thing isagi did since waking up was find you, not even brushing his teeth or putting on a shirt.Â
as adorable as he was, you donât know what to say to him, unsure of where you stood since you both just went to bed last night, the problem never resolving itself.Â
isagiâs face however, upon seeing you, lit up with a smile as bright as a thousand suns and endearing enough to crumble your resolve but you persevere with your tough facade. the true stake to the heart is the way his face drops when noticing your reluctance to acknowledge him.Â
"y/n?" he asks again as greeting, waddling over to stand before you. you still don't look up at him from your phone. "why are you awake so early?"
silence.
"y/n?" prods the soccer star who now seats himself beside you, hand shaking yours a little in hopes of getting your attention. "you're mad at me, aren't you?"
you donât know how to respond, remaining silent despite the countless words brewing in your mind that were unable to spill over to form a sentence. should you be nice? mean? petty? you could never have the heart to do the latter two, but-
"-i'm sorry," he mutters, placing his chin on your shoulder so he could give you his best puppy-dog eyes. you donât react, no matter how hard you had to fight to not look at him because you knew that if you did, youâd crumble right into his arms.Â
you miss the way his frown deepens with every shake of your shoulder that you ignore.
âyou know i donât like it when people ignore me.â
despite your cold shoulder, he still lingers around you, just now fast asleep after prying a spot on your lap for his head to fit, disturbing your peace with his hesitant invasion. naturally, you run your hands through his raven hair, lounging in the morning sun with your phone in one hand and your soccer sensation of a boyfriend in your lap.
eventually, the tranquillity is ruined alongside the urge to use the bathroom, but the difficult part of said task however, was getting isagi off your lap which turned out to be a carefully organised operation. gently lifting his head, you manage to shuffle away before laying him back down. somehow you manage to keep him from rousing, leaving you to tiptoe away without making much noise.
you went as far as you could because when you opened the bathroom door againĂ, isagi was lingering outside, slumber still evident in his face as he blinks sleepily at you. so much for leaving without waking him.
âoh. hi,â he greets, voice still ridden with sleep. he rubs his eye innocently, streaks of his nap engrained on his skin.Â
he grumbles a sleepy murmur of your name as you slip away around him, giving isagi the chance to latch on to your waist. this wasnât the silent treatment you were imagining, but you have half a mind and even less of a desire to shrug your boyfriend off, no matter how difficult your predicament is.Â
âi need to brush my teeth,â the athlete mutters, dragging you into the bathroom with him. âwe can do skincare together.â
you donât have it in you to tell isagi that youâve already done your morning routine so you settle for doing it a second time. not like itâll hurt anyone, especially not your skin.
wordlessly, you do your morning routine alongside him and itâs oddly peaceful without the usual talking and music in the background. you get more of a chance to admire isagi and his boyish features, shyly looking away from his gaze every time his eyes meet yours in the bathroom mirror. after putting away all the products, you donât move very far before the dark-haired latches himself to you again.
he remains like that even as you continue with chores and tasks you assigned yourself, deciding that thereâs no place heâd rather be than half-asleep behind you whilst you sort through laundry, organise your drawers, and fix organise the kitchen cabinets. heâs gracious enough to help a little, holding spices and cans here and there.
if you tried to shake him off, isagi would grumble and come right back, never straying too far away for too long.
his insistence to stay like this was endearing, but very irritating, especially it was hindering your productive. however, your will to scold him for it is at an all-time low so youâll have to continue living with another being wrapped around you until isagi gives up or you tell him off.
you didnât have to wait long for the latter. after you were done with organising- or rather when isagi was fed up of standing, he drags you right back to your shared bedroom, silently arranging the two of you on your shared bed with his strength, moving you into a comfortable position under the duvet.Â
âplease stop,â you demand quietly as if you were silent enough, you wouldnât technically break the silent treatment.
he immediately perks up at the sound of your voice and his name on your lips, a wide smile breaking out on his face. âbabe!â isagi flops on you, the âoofâ that escapes you not going unnoticed, âyou talked.â
âisagi, please give me some space.â
the smile on the soccer playerâs face completely melts away and he furrows his eyebrows, causing guilt to strike you in the heart as he reluctantly moves away from you. the use of his last name in comparison to his usual, affectionate-filled nicknames didnât soften the blow directed at him either.Â
âis this because of last night?â he asks, resting his chin on your sternum. âiâm sorry about everything that i said.â
âisagi,â he stops rambling. âplease, i just need some space right now.âÂ
âokay, iâm sorry. iâll go now.â
he shuffles out from under the covers rather quickly, picking up a shirt from his closet before walking out with it half-on. you call out his name only to hear the front door slam close and you wince slightly at the sound, guilt weighing heavily on your heart.
when you said you needed space you didnât mean for isagi to leave the apartment completely.
if you had set your boundaries clearer this morning maybe you could have avoided this scenario. now isagiâs out of the house and you donât know where heâs even going or when heâs returning and the thought is enough to scare you, riddling you with enough anxiety for your heart to sink to your feet. itâs getting hard to breathe too and your mind is racing with countless thoughts that all pile on top of each other.
texting isagi was a flunk too, he left his phone at home and only took his wallet.Â
what did you do? what time would he be back?Â
could he have gone to bachiraâs? nagiâs? without his phone though? isagi wouldnât usually go very far without a device at the very least. maybe heâs just out for a walk to clear his mind. yeah, that sounds right, isagi loves walks after all so who knows when heâll be back. speaking of walking, you might benefit from one right now too-
â-iâm home!â a voice shouts out, breaking you out of your funk like hammer shattering a glass.
practically running out of the bedroom, you disregard the shards of hurt, running over them to see isagi staring at you with wide eyes. he holds a bakery bag and a bouquet of flowers- your favourites, in one hand and the apartment keys in the other.
âoh, y/n, are you okay?â he asks fondly, setting the bag down on the kitchen counter before wandering over to you. without thinking, you reel him in to a hug when heâs close enough, half jumping onto him as the soccer player catches you effortlessly, surprised by your sudden show of affection. âi thought you were mad at me?â
âyou scared me, you doofus,â you say into his shoulder with a watery laugh, relief flooding your body like no other at the feeling of his warmth against yours again. âdonât just leave like that ever again.â
âiâm sorry! i wanted to say sorry because of how big of a dick i was to you last night and this morning.â
âyou left so abruptly! i thought i angered you even more or something,â you laugh, all watery and emotional.Â
isagi snakes a hand up to your face, cradling it. âthat wasnât my intention, i didnât mean to scare you.â
âapology accepted and iâm sorry too. i was mean to you last night as well and i should have communicated properly with you this morning. wasnât fair on my end.â
âapology accepted,â he says with a charmingly boyish grin. you have an urge to kiss it off. âi love you.â
âyou make it so hard to stay mad at you. i love you too,â you mutter before isagiâs pressing his lips to yours, pouring all his love for you to breathe in, filling you with reassurance. you smile against him, unable to contain it, which then causes him to mimic you, and the kiss breaks away because the two of you are laughing too much.Â
isagi will be the death of you.Â
your eyes glance behind him and the striker follows your line of sight. âi got your favourite cake too by the way, last one the bakery had. guess iâm one lucky guy, huh?â
âthe stars aligned perfectly just for you.âÂ
âi agree,â mutters isagi before leaning in to leave a kiss on your forehead.Â
âshould we have some cake now?â you question, loosening your arms around him to back away and faltering when he doesnât let you. his grip around your waist is tight and unforgiving as mischief shines in the dark-hairedâs eyes.
then, he pulls you right back, peppering your face in endless kisses whilst you giggle in response to each one. the more he plants the more you want to pull away out of reflex but his hold forbid for you to travel too far, leaving you vulnerable to all of his advances.
âi love you,â he repeats with each press against your skin.
âyoichi, stop!â you giggle. the sound is a remedy to his pain.
âcanât stop, i have a whole day of affection to make up for.â
you shove his shoulder teasingly, âlater.â
âlater. iâll never make you mad again, i swear. that was the worst day of my life. next time you do this, iâd rather you end me.â
