the flower path grows thorns

charm's han iseul. 23. lead dancer. vocal. the line I drew brings spring

[iseulfmd]

hey! i just wanted to pop in and say pls bear with me if i owe you a reply or a messages. needless to say this year has been wild already with irl stuff and getting sick. but i’m feeling better and ready to jump back in and give famed the attention it deserves, though i will be slow going as i try to get my bearings and figure out where i left off. 

i totally understand if it’s been so long you’re not interested in plotting anymore or maybe switching plots up. those of you i haven’t messaged yet, please feel free to like this post if you’d like to plot and i promise i will message you.

[iseulfmd]

fmddowoon​:

dowoon ducks out of the restaurant, takeaway bag in hand, wearing a wince as he takes in the rain pouring over the street. his car is parked further back down the side street, waiting for him, and then wang is waiting for him back at his apartment. he’ll face the rain for wang’s sake. he’s about to step into the shower when he realises he recognises the slumped body against the wall, and so, dowoon takes a step back in, grateful for the excuse to avoid the rain for even a few minutes more. 

“hey, iseul!” dowoon says, sliding over on the wet concrete beneath them to stand in front of iseul. he’s not at his most intimidating, with the paper bag clutched to his chest behind folded arms, and the beanie-scarf-face mask combination bundling him up beneath his plain, puffy, padded coat. only his eyes are truly visible. he hopes that iseul can still pick up the sharp look in them in the dim, overcast evening light. it’s a look that dowoon usually reserves for running practices, closely analyzing and critical – but it’s also the expression he makes when he’s trying to read a situation like this. dowoon can be coarse and curious to a fault, approaching everything in his life without much tact, and the way he leads charm’s performance unit is no exception. what’s iseul doing out here? “are you picking up food too?”

he steps back again when iseul reacts to his sudden appearance in fear and barks out a series of laughs, before holding his hands up in apology as he catches his breath. dowoon bites back his final giggles and smiles, lips curling in satisfaction. “jeez, sorry.” 

dowoon holds his paper bag a little tighter, in an effort to siphon some of its warmth for his quickly cooling hands. “seriously, though, do you want a ride home? i don’t think this rain is gonna clear any time soon.”

while it’s not exactly iseul’s ideal way of spending his free night, it’s surprisingly easy for him to relax underneath the shelter of the awning. slipping his headphones down to rest against his neck, iseul finds the sound of the rain hitting the sidewalks around him oddly comforting. it reminds him of stormy nights in LA, listening to the thunder rumble in the distance as he laid in bed, lights to enjoy the experience. after a stressful day, this seems to be what iseul needs as he leans back, slumping fully against the brick of the building behind him.

despite the storm, a silence seems to have settled over the city, the sidewalks and streets empty, afraid of the falling rain. the sound of his name cuts through the silence, making it seem louder than it really is, scaring him and making him jump, eyes flittering around trying to find out who managed to see past his effort to blend in. it takes him a moment to realize who it is, face mask doing a good job of masking most of his face, but it’s the eyes that give him away. iseul is used to those eyes, has seen them looking him down in the mirror countless times during practice, it’s these eyes that iseul finds comforting, dowoon.

immediately the tension that had been building up in iseul’s shoulders drops away, until he’s tugging the mask down and smiling widely at him. it only lasts for a moment though before it’s wilting at the edges. it’s not that he didn’t expect the question but the problem he’s facing is, does he tell the truth or does he lie? it’s not like there’s anything wrong with what he’s doing, just being out but at the same time this isn’t the first time he’s done this. but iseul isn’t one to lie over something so simple. “ahh, no, i—uh, honestly i wanted to go for a walk. i just felt too restless.” that is if mindless wandering could be considered a walk.

iseul weighs his options, he could leave with dowoon, should get a ride back to the apartment he shares with jinsol. but he really wants to wait the storm out, to spend some more time meandering through the sidestreets of seoul. but at the same time, he notices the bag dowoon is holding and he doesn’t want to be the one to ruin the other members night. “actually, yeah if you could give me a ride that would be great.” he pushes himself up off from against the wall and tugs the hood of his jacket up over his head. “are you parked close?”

[iseulfmd]

fmdjinsol​:

“i could care less about how many people want to have you in their bed.” jinsol is laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. if this is how it is and day one wasn’t over yet, he can only imagine what the rest of the time living with iseul would be like. hopefully, usually fun. “is this what you guys call cuddling nowadays?” granted their age gap isn’t even that large, iseul is only a year older than him, but exaggerations always made for good argument.

“just giving you a reminder of what it will be like to live with your parents. if you think i’m bad, you should see my mother. i get it from her,” jinsol declares rather proudly, shrugging his shoulders as he did so. he’s often so serious. only when it’s one on one among people that he’s comfortable with does he let loose, though even then there’s still a good sense of resting… resting face. to mean well, but also look so serious all the time was probably a bad contrast, so he hopes that if they do run into misunderstandings, that he’ll apologize for anything upfront. never mind complicating it with further roommate shenanigans, jinsol does not want it to impede on their working relationship in any way. 

“sushi. or. pizza. you can never lose with pizza. how do you feel about toppings wise? are you a pineapple on pizza sort of person? look how deep we’re getting with these grilling questions,” jinsol raises his brows as he glances at iseul. “and you can only steal the bed after you shower,” jinsol swats towards him. oh goodness, he seriously is reminding himself of a cranky grandparent at this rate. 

if there’s one thing that iseul hates about himself, it’s his laughter. it’s something the fans seem to like, the way he can’t control himself when he finds something particularly funny. instead of laughing like a normal person, iseul loses control of his balance and pitches himself into the first person or piece of furniture next to him, all while struggling to catch his breath under an assault of giggles.

iseul tries really hard this time to keep his laughter under control, but jinsol’s words hit something in him and he just finds them hilarious. he’s relaxed and comfortable and has been for a few hours despite the hectic morning of moving, so he can’t help himself when he falls sideways into jinsol, giggles bubbling up out of his chest as he laughs himself so hard he’s crying. happiness filling him to the brim, iseul shakes his head and wipes at his cheeks.

he might have had a few reservations in the beginning of living with jinsol. they’ve shared close quarters for years, shared tiny spaces with all of the other charm members. but it was different just the two of them and maybe iseul worried himself awake a few nights wondering what he was going to say to jinsol. but that was dumb, iseul knows that now as he smiles warmly at the taller member, his tone teasing as he says, “i don’t know what you take me for jinsol, but i am a master cuddler and a gentleman.”

iseul angles the app at jinsol and ruminates over their choices. “pizza. i don’t trust just any sushi place.” if there was one thing iseul was picky about, it was food. “pineapple? how dare you ruin pizza that way. are we going for a world record here? shortest time spent as roommates? how about potato or is that way too normal for you?” 

he moves away from jinsol and swats back at him. “i’ll steal your bed whichever way i want. you should feel lucky if i decide to shower.” that’s a lie, he’s definitely going to shower after a long day of moving. but he likes to rile jinsol up if given the chance. 

[iseulfmd]

fmdminjung​:

late night coffee — it’s a go-to remedy for times where sleep aches come in restlessness and the jitters of her knees come quelled by the hit of caffeine.

anonymity, it’s what’s expected when she’s marching out of a cafe, hair pulled into a messy bun with the croons of some one-sided lover pining through her earphones. late night, and the drum of rain revving up to settle the night — she likes it, the clatter of rain drops and the feeling of droplets hitting her face. no longer cold, she’s numb by the time her makeshift sleeve gloves curl around the cup.

and it’s the rainfall, alluring and all at once. too tantalizing to step away from with no umbrella in sight. so, she slips her body underneath a nearby awning, her eyes glued in straight-faced observations: a couple scuttling through, nothing but the mercy of a jacket to peel the rain away. the sounds of the makkoli ajusshi reeling back in the day’s work with smoke expelling from his lips in a heavy sigh. 

and by the time she flits her gaze over towards her side, the edge of her lip quirks upward. lopsided, uneasiness heeding inside unspoken ‘long time no sees’.

she takes a step forward, the grin perching higher. “iseul, is it rainy day fever that dragged you out or was it just mismatched timing getting caught in the clouds?” her voice lilts high, welcoming more for the lapse of radio silence between the last year of thinned out contact. but fate has it, she’s drawn her cards for reconnection in a rainy night — one too many missed phone calls, and a bad rendition of an older figure she’s supposed to be in the place of him. “the universe wants us to play catch up, so lets abide by mother nature’s rules. tell me what you’ve been up, and i’ll sit here and become an abyss of open ears and new hellos.”

head heavy, iseul pulls off his headphones and leans back into the brick of the building behind him. he had planned on spending the night alone with nothing but his thoughts, but it seems like fate had other plans for him.

iseul is just so tired. the last few months have been filled to the brim with nothing but intense feelings of frustration and jealousy, something he’s not used to. and rather than dealing with his feelings like an adult, he thought it best to just keep it inside, shutting it tightly into his chest and turning the key, locking it tightly behind practiced smiles. but it was exhausting keeping it all inside and pretending that he was fine. so nights like this he finds himself unable to sleep, instead lost in the feelings and unsure of how to handle it.

so it’s not surprising he doesn’t notice the other person under the awning with him until her words are bringing him out of his thoughts and doing a great job at scaring him, hand flying to his chest as he struggles to get his heart under control. minjung, one of the people he’s been doing his best to avoid for the last few weeks. had she even noticed that?

either way it appears that his running has come to an end, the flash of lighting followed by the crash of thunder reminding him that he’s trapped here in this tiny place with her, unless he wants to get soaked. taking a deep breath, he smiles at her, the edges a little more strained than he would have liked them to be.

“timing, i guess you could say.” he chuckles a bit, hands sliding in his pockets to fight against the chill of the storm. “felt too pinned in so decided to take a walk, not exactly the right kind of conditions for a midnight stroll.” it’s weird. it’s been a long time since they’ve had a proper conversation between the two of them that iseul had thought it would be awkward or stilted, but it’s anything but. instead it’s coming out easy, like an every day occurence, and he’s not sure whether it’s irritation he feels in his chest or nostalgia.

“the universe wants a lot of things. i’m not sure if a conversation between the two of us is really in the grand scheme of things.” he wants to be snarky, adds just a tinge of sass to his words, knowing she’ll be able to tell he’s not really happy that this is happening. but iseul is a pushover, cares too much about other people and not enough about himself, so he takes a deep breath and meets gazes with minjung with a shrug of his shoulder. “but i’m not one for denying the universe anything. so sure, let’s catch up.” another flash of lightning and crash of thunder rumbling off in the distance. “what would you like to know?”

[iseulfmd]

fmdjinsol​:

“𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐬,” jinsol says matter-of-factly, despite the fact that the statement may come to bite him in the butt later on. he does stop rifling through iseul’s belongings though, since it definitely is an invasion of privacy and they’re close but they’re not that close. they were never roommates before during their time in the dorms, so this is probably the closest they’d ever get: as their time as roommates. but he’s not sure. he’s been in living situations before where basically they’re just two people going through motions separately, which isn’t bad either. somehow, jinsol does not think this would be like that.

“now isn’t that moving things along rather fast?” he questions with a raised brow at iseul, but he’s joking. it might not come across in tone so he looks back at the other boy and laughs. “sure, my room is pretty much set up so if you really don’t have things tidied up by then, which i assume you won’t be,” considering all the stuff that was thrown about.

“this is seriously making me feel like we’re on an episode of marie kondo’s show. you should read that book. might…. help with decluttering. moving out of the dorms should have been when you did that though so it’s a bit out of order. “i read through it but i didn’t really need it, i guess. but it said to throw the book away after i was done….which i didn’t do. so. you can have it,” jinsol declares proudly, though he’s laughing. 

iseul bites back the urge to tease jinsol and instead shakes his head instead, smile blooming widely across his face. he can’t believe the other actually said the words roommate privileges but at the same time iseul doubts it’ll be the last time he hears it. he’s not sure what living in close quarters with jinsol is like. sure they lived in the same dorm for a few years and have shared the same hotel room but it’s different. there’s a big difference when it’s a group of people with differing opinions, it’s easier soemtimes to navigate decisions or problems. but when it’s just two people, things can be come more difficult, more tense.

iseul rolls his eyes at himself, already getting worried over what might happen on their first official day of living together. he pushes himself off of jinsol’s back and moves to push the box of fan gifts into the large pile of things with his foot. “i’ll have you know that i’m the definition of a gentlemen.” he jokes, arms waving around to poke at jinsol’s stomach and shoulders, looking for spots that’ll make the other squirm. “many people would count themselves lucky to have me in their bed, a privilege to even think about cuddling me!”

“first day and you’re already lecturing me about tidiness. in my own home, in my own room!” iseul yells out, outraged before falling into a fit of giggles. “i promise it won’t be that bad, i just need to figure out how to fit everything in here.” he picks at another box of clothes. “i know i should have gone through everything but, i dunno, they all mean something. i’ll go through them again as i’m putting them away, i promise.”

“in the meantime though, i’ll steal your bed,” pulling his phone out of his pocket he opens up his favorite ordering app and flashes at jinsol. “but i’ll feed you in exchange. anything you’re craving?”

[jaemtens]

relatable jaemin

[iseulfmd]

without you | open.

for as grateful as iseul was for all of the things in his life, there was a small part of him that wanted to be invisible. don’t get him wrong, he wouldn’t trade his life, his dream, his career for anything in the world. but there was a small part of him, just a little sliver that missed what life was like before all of the fame. he missed being able to do small things like walking down the street without being recognized, without someone trying to take his photo. these moments seemed to come and go, never seemed to last long, thoughts only popping up when he was tired or stressed.

and tonight, well it seemed to be one of those nights. one of the rare free nights without a schedule or any responsibilities. honestly iseul should be resting or practicing, but for as tired as he was, he couldn’t shake the antsy feeling to just move.

he had left the dorm a few hours ago, hood pulled up over his head and mask fixed firmly on his face. he stayed away from brightly lit and warm cafes that called out to him like a siren calling to sailors to fall on her sharp rocks, but he wasn’t dumb, avoided the heavily populated areas for side streets and back alleyways.

lost with his thoughts and headphones with his favorite playlist on repeat, iseul fails to hear the distant rumbling of thunder warning the city of the impending rain. head lowered, he misses the flashing of lightning over the warm hues of the street lights. so he’s taken surprise by when the first few drops hit his face, hands reaching out to catch a few stray drops. iseul’s given barely a few minutes before the sky opens up and drenches the city in heavy rain.

he makes a break for it, runs for the nearest shelter and finds himself huddling under the safety of the nearest restaurant awning, the lights off and shop thankfully empty behind him. checking his phone, he finds the battery flashing low and settles in against the wall for a long wait until the storm stops. he fails to notice the company he has until it’s scaring him shitless.

[iseulfmd]

fmdjinsol​:

[...]

“what is in here? what do you have? i don’t understand. it didn’t seem that bad at the dorms, but i’m guessing you had more than a few skeletons in your closet…” jinsol gingerly pokes through the box, not wanting to intrude too much, though it’s safe to say that the pair had gotten acquainted decently well to make the decision to room together. the truth is, while jinsol would have appreciated utter solace, going from this many members to a place by himself might have made him a bit batshit crazy, so this in between stage seems to be an idea. sitting cross-legged on the floor, he stops rifling through iseul’s things ( for now ), before making the decision to utter quietly. “remember that you need to sleep on the bed tonight. priority one.”  the place wasn’t even furnished properly yet other than said bed frames. no couch to pass out on. “then… worry about everything later.” 

when playing games, iseul is known for getting too involved, too sucked into the game to notice his surroundings. it’s gotten him in trouble with the manager and his members on more than one occasion. this time is no different. jinsol’s voice cuts through his concentration and scares the shit out of him so badly that he jumps and clutches at his chest, his phone dropping impressively onto the floor. “i swear you need to walk louder.”

he pushes himself into a standing position and glances at the final box. “sorry, i thought i had gotten them all.” he reaches down to grab his phone off the floor and turns around to see jinsol digging through his box of fan gifts and plushies he’s won at various arcade machines around the world. “hey, just because you carried it up doesn’t mean you can snoop through my stuff.” iseul whines and pouts at his roommate.

when the company urged them to get their own apartments and space, they probably had intended for them all to live on their own. but iseul spent a lot of his time alone in the quiet LA apartment and then house, struggling over his own words and thoughts. he had meant it as a joke at first, when he brought up the idea to jinsol expecting the other man to turn him down instantly, tired of living with roommates for the last couple of years. but imagine his surprise when the other had taken him up on his offer and now here they were, sharing the same living space but this time in a different setting.

he stops mid thought at the reminder and turns to glance at the mattress behind him. “you’re right. but it’s a lot of work.” a thought, a devious smile and iseul is moving across the floor and throwing himself onto jinsol’s back, whining. “i’m so tired jinsol, you should let me sleep with you tonight. i’ll only take up a small sliver of space.” this is a lie, iseul is a serial cuddler, has pressed himself into the space of more than one charm member while awake or asleep, didn’t often matter.

[iseulfmd]

feel special.

@fmdjinsol​

iseul felt like he was dying. it was too hot, way hotter than he thought it was going to be. it was still pretty early in the morning and he thought maybe popping the windows open would help to circulate the air a bit, get a breeze in, but he was so wrong.

instead he was left sweating and sitting on the floor of his new room regretting his life choices. he hadn’t really wanted to move out of the dorm, too comfortable in his routine. but at the same time he wanted his own space, his own independence without the members being underfoot. but he had miscalculated how much of a pain in the ass moving was going to be. what he thought would be a quick morning of packing up the ten boxes he had gotten in preparation for moving day had turning into a nightmare. he had definitely underestimated the amount of pure stuff he had accumulated over the years from living in the dorm; the four boxes dedicated to shoes alone can testify to that.

now that everything was finally brought up and in the right room, he didn’t want to unpack it. he wanted nothing more than to push everything into the corner and to take a nap for a few hours. but his mattress was still tucked against the wall and he had no idea which box held his bedding.

“you can do this iseul. the quicker you unpack, the quicker you can take a nap.” taking a deep breath, he pushes himself into a standing position. but instead of tackling the box next to him, iseul instead leans over the tiny tower, cellphone in hand and fingers already opening his favorite game. “maybe after a round or two.”

[iseulfmd]

i just wanted to pop on and say that i'm sorry i've been a bit slow with ims and discord messages. someone in my family passed away suddenly so i'm going to be taking a small hiatus. i'll try to be around as much as i can in the next week but i'm probably still going to be slow.

[iseulfmd]

december schedules: fear stage; mama 2020. (self para, wc: 727)

iseul woke up this morning with a pit of anxiety in the bottom of his stomach. it always happens with large events or performances hanging over their heads and mama is no exception. he’d spent the day trying to distract himself with everything from movies to games on his phone. but nothing seemed to help the anxiety dim, instead as the hours continued to count down towards their performance, it feels like it’s just getting worse.

the red carpet had gone better than he thought. the outfit the stylists had put him in was pretty simple, just a white button down, paired with a black suit. it had made him look good and best of all it hadn’t been too suffocating. the flashing lights from all the cameras and shouts from excited fans had been a good distraction, enough to take his mind off of it, enough for a real smile to reah his face as he waves at the fans before exiting and following the other members of charm through the entrance.

the next hour is enough to lull iseul into a false sense of security, it’s easy to get lost in your thoughts when all you need to do is sit there, look pretty, clap and listen to watch other artists performances. it’s enough to help him forget his earlier and anxiety and worries. instead iseul loses himself in singing along with the songs and dancing for the cameras. in between awards and performances he waves at fans and jokes around with jinsol, teasing him and pinching at him every chance he gets.

but all good things must come to an end it seems and as they exit the seats and head backstage, the pit rises again. it gets worse as they change into their costumes and don the red cloaks for their stage. as he stretches and adjusts his mic, it leaves iseul feeling nauseous and filled to the brim with worries. performing has always been his favorite thing about being an idol, he loves the stage more than anything else. but the perfectionist in iseul, the one that likes to rear it’s ugly heads at important events like this, likes to whisper to him, to leave him with thoughts about all the things that could possibly go wrong, all of the ways that iseul could possibly ruin. he runs through all of his worries one by one, tripping, falling off the blocks, dropping his mic, tearing his pants, forgetting the lyrics, voice cracking.

but as the lights dim and the red stage lights come on, iseul sqaures his shoulders and swallows his fears. he puts the thoughts out of his head and takes a deep breath as he steps onto the stage and the stairs they have set up for the performance. all of his worrying if for nothing though, as the music comes on and everything falls out of his mind.  

fear has always been one of his favorties among their songs and title tracks, so it’s easy for iseul to lose himself into the song. muscle memory practically kicking in after all of the hours he put into the practice room with this track alone. they move effortlessly through the song until it’s time for the moment that iseul’s been the most anxious for, his joint dance break. but as he follows his members down the stage, he feels the opposite of what he anticipated, for once he feels confident. this is what he loves to do, why must he doubt himself so much?

thoughts drip away as he slides across the stage, bending and pushing his body in every direction and moving in perfect tandem with his other member. satisfied with their piece, he walks off the stage he smiles to himself and the fans as he waves to them before heading backstage to change out of his outfit. feeling satisifed and foolish with himself, han iseul, worrier extraordinaire gets changed before joining his members back in the seating area.

the rest of the night goes by smoothly until iseul forgets why he even felt the way he did in the first place. he promises himself this will be the last time he’ll feel like this, but he knows that’s a lie. but all he can do is take it one step at a time, one try at a time.

[iseulfmd]

hey!! i’m nat and i’ve been wanting to join famed for a while now! i bring you my soft kid iseul, please help me in wrecking him. thank you for all of the messages, i’m excited to plot and write with all of you! and here are links to his bio, profile, and plots pages. the plots page is still very much under construction, i promise i will have it up and running by tomorrow! 

below you’ll find the tl;dr info for iseul. 

Keep reading

[iseulfmd]

reblogging this to say that iseul’s plot page is now up (pls forgive me for the plots, i tried really hard!) i’m still working my way through messages again but if you’d like to plot please just like this message. and please don’t be surprised if you get a message from me if you don’t, i really would like to plot with all of you!

[iseulfmd]

hey!! i’m nat and i’ve been wanting to join famed for a while now! i bring you my soft kid iseul, please help me in wrecking him. thank you for all of the messages, i’m excited to plot and write with all of you! and here are links to his bio, profile, and plots pages. the plots page is still very much under construction, i promise i will have it up and running by tomorrow! 

below you’ll find the tl;dr info for iseul. 

iseul was born in seoul to two loving parents, childhood sweethearts who got married as soon as they graduated high school

in the public eye things were great but it was awful behind closed doors

when iseul was 8, his parents divorced and he moved to the US with his mom

iseul had a really tough time in the US. he struggled a lot with the language and it led to him being bullied by a few of his classmates during his elementary/early middle school years

his mom remarried shortly after and iseul gained a stepdad and two step siblings

his step-dad is a rather serious guy who prefers academics over arts and pressured iseul into studying

his mom is the complete opposite and the biggest supporter in iseul’s life and the main reason why he applied for the audition in the first place

moving back to seoul was harder than he thought it was going to be and he struggled a lot in the beginning with homesickness for a place he never felt apart of in the first place

he doesn’t think he’s the best singer but he’s very much in love with dancing

iseul has a hard time learning to trust people at first, unsure of whether they’re genuine or looking to harm him. but once he trusts you, he’s a very loyal and caring friend, often putting others before himself. 

he’s also not the most confident in himself but it’s something he’s working on

he doesn’t really like confrontation but he’s resolved to stand up for himself and others if he feels like they’re being taken advantage of. because of this and his fears, he can be quick to frustrate and anger. but he’s also the first to apologize if he’s in the wrong

i’m really looking for plots that will allow iseul to grow both as a character in both confidence and experience. i like messy and angsty plots along with softer friendship plots. please wreck my boy and put him back together please.

[leejenos-archive]

[glumshoe]

friendships that fluctuate between really stupid weird flippant jokes and earnest vulnerability and deep affection make life so much richer

[iseulfmd]

tag dump