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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@isildursbutch
aragorn seeing a scared little boy that knows hes going to die fighting 10,000 roided up monsters and trying to give him a pep talk. swinging THE most shitass busted up sword in all of helms deep and giving it back to the kid and going "this is a good sword." knowing full well that sword was so ass it couldn't cut butter. kingly behavior. he would make a good lesbian.
One Weird Ring That Will Completely Change How Others See You
some cuties for all of us
A message from Elijah Wood on the enduring quality of LOTR.
One pool floatie to rule them all
in case anyone besides me wanted to see it in use :)
everyone talks about how strong and great Aragorn was for refusing the ring when Frodo offered it to him as if this man has not spent his entire life dodging leadership and responsibilities like bullets in the matrix š
Who would make the best Thanksgiving dinner?
Frodo
Sam
Merry
Pippin
Legolas
Aragorn
Gimli
Gandalf
Boromir
merry the fellowship leaves rivendell day to all who celebrate it
I was thinking about Aragornās stupidly long legs again and I think it should be canon that he regularly smacks his forehead into low door frames and stuff. Just somwhere in Minas Tirith thereās a loud thunk followed by a long string of Sindarin swearwords and Arwen is like āah yes, here he comes, the King of Gondor and Arnor, the love of my life.ā
#itās funnier because none of the humans around her are able to hear the thunk and the swearing so they think she has some kind of#Magical Elf Love Sense that anticipates his arrival#but no#she just hears him smacking his head on the weirdly low door by the eastern staricase AGAIN#also the elves are just as tall or taller but they NEVER smack their heads on the doorframes#unless they are very very drunk
WHY would you hide these GOLDEn additions in the tags?
#tolkien#lotr#aragorn#arwen#i see this headcanon and i raise you āminas tirith is the only city where aragorn does not smack his head on the doorsā#because it was built by numenoreans before they were diminished (in spirit but also in height) by their exile#for everyone except aragorn and arwen the doorways are weirdly tall#for aragorn itās just āoh thank the valar i donāt have to duck anymoreā#it still takes him some time to shake the habit of ducking every time he goes through a doorway though#the first time faramir sees him do this he is very confused#the second time he sees arwen stuff her entire hand in her mouth to keep from laughing and is even more confused#the third time he asks whatās going on and almost dies of laughter when aragorn sheepishly explains that heās used to smacking his head#every time he goes through a door
@winterinhimring YES
#So Rivendell ought to likewise have plenty of height in their doorways#Thus he didnāt develop the habit to duck early in life and so we get to keep the bit about Aragorn constantly whacking his head against#Other doorframes#But almost everywhere else WILL have shorter doorframes and he FORGETS#(Specially after that exhausting week around the battle of Helmās Deep. The doorframes of the Riddermark arenāt built for the Dunedain)#So maybe itās a toss up as to when he remembers to duck and when he forgets and when he remembers he doesnāt actually need to#Get this man some stability heās earned it
@lady-merian These are BRILLIANT additions.
more excellent tags from @exercise-of-trust š
Bree being one of the only settlements that is actually designed to accomodate both tall and short people is actually surprisingly easy for Strider, as he is like. Aha. Inclusive architecture. The presence of a choice of doorway heights signals to me that I must pay attention to which one I select!
Unfortunately, his increased awareness of his head directly corresponds to reduced awareness of his legs, and while he can brilliantly navigate his way to a good Lurking Corner in any given Bree pub without hitting his head on a single chandelier, he then stretches out his legs and wipes out two hobbit servers with glasses, a guy selling spectacles, the chandelier itself, and ultimately a percentage point of the local economy
Hence where he got his nickname. The barkeep chewed him out rather a lot and during the rant asked āwhat you need those long legs for anyway? What stridinā about have you t'do?ā The third time he tripped someone, he overheard the servers training each other for the striderās legs.
If youāre not tall, I need you to understand this is absolutely a thing, and thereās a weirdly perfect height for doors to do that, and itās LOWER THAN YOU THINK.
Itās when something is RIGHT above your eyebrows. Safely out of peripheral vision, and you thought you ducked, but didnāt duck far enough, OR you just werenāt paying attention and didnāt get the visual memo because WRONG SIDE FOR GOOD PERIPHERAL, and you go THUNK.
And it is NOT THE FEEL GOODS
The absolute WORST is a short door on STAIRS.
Itās tall enough on the stairs.
But when you step on the DOOR stair - THUNK - ducking miscalculated.
EVERY SINGLE TIME
Progress on my stained glass Narsil.
[ID: the legendary sword AndĆŗril stabbed clean through the screen and keyboard of a MacBook on the floor /End ID]
4000cc breast implants :)
I don't know how to tell you this. But the wizard in the picture is canonically Saruman.
#saruman's big artificials vs. gandalf's big naturals
Itās lording absolute rings
Progress on my stained glass Narsil.
iām just saying aragorn son of arathorn oh im sorry STRIDER (one of them rangers what his right name is i never heard etc etc) didnāt need to be that sexy at the prancing pony. like ostensibly heās trying to lay low but even dipshit little [relatively] eighteen y/o frodo is like hey whatās the deal with that extremely ostentatiously sexy man in the corner
āyou draw far too much attention to yourself āmister underhillāā if i were frodo i wouldve snapped. jesus christ. i canāt help that iām two feet shorter than everyone else in this definitely definitely 100% a gay bar but at least i didnāt lurk in a sexy corner making eyes at everybody from under my cloak at least im TRYING to pretend iām not a protagonist you fine ass idiot. i KNOW iām being pursued by the black riders which is why i didnāt SERVE CUNT from the SHADOWS. the fellowship of the nerve of this bitch
Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING 2001, dir. Peter Jackson
