issmeyogurl

All kinda shit is happening right now!

[issmeyogurl]

It's been so long since I last wrote something. So today I'm gonna write about a longterm problem of mine: " Comparing myself to others". I asked a boy out today and he said yes, I was happy and started jumping from excitment. Then I started to think I should tell my friend, who is so pretty... what if I let them meet someday and he falls for her. I can't complain she is fucking gorgeous. What if she likes him too? There is no questions asked, I step aside and let my friend have him, after all she is the pretty one. I started to ask myself if I should just introduce them before I get my heart broken... Tears are slowly coming from my eyes as I put myself down and think of canceling with him right away. Why do I do this to myself? Why am I not enough for me? He said yes to me, but he hasn't met my friend yet... What if I'm not enough...

This has always been a fear of mine and I just can't get over it.

[issmeyogurl]

Today in my life happened... part 6.

I broke down crying twice today.

[issmeyogurl]

Slow and steady.

I have started to think more and talk more about my feelings, to friends and family. I have noticed that I have that One moment, when I can share and say everything. After that, I go back to myself. Being the clown, the one who makes everyone laught again. I'm not good at talking about myself, but I'm learning to get better. Slow and steady.

[issmeyogurl]

Today in my life happened... part.5

Today I had fun. I really had fun with my two friends(lets say Annie and chloe). It all went good, until Something small happened... Well, it was small until they left and my brain started to over work again.

We took silly pictures of us, with silly hairstyles and faces. We laughed and shared them with our other friends. Then we wondered how many matches we would get on tinder with those photos, first joking and then actually thinking about it. And so we did, even tho it would be fuvking embarrasing.

I tried to download tinder, but my phone was full. I went to delete some pics, but ofcourse didnt want to delete some (like pictures of my siblings etc.). I said "I dont have space and i dont want to delete those" and my friend Annie told me to delete some pics and said she was sure my mom had those same pics. Still I didnt delete them. She sounded a little angry saying ok, but didnt push me more. I asked our other friend Chloe, if she could download. She said she didnt want to. Ok, fine. So we left it at that and they left (it was already late).

I went to wash my face, when this thought came to me. My friend Annie sounded mad and tried to convince me to delete pics that were important to me, so we could have fun. When Chloe said she didnt want to, Annie said nothing. Annie didnt even say, she could download tinder. It was Suppose to be me that did that work, who downloaded it. She didnt even try to get chloe or herself to do it and made me feel like my pictures werent as important. I could just delete them. No big deal.

I hate my brain for doing this. Trying to tell me something is wrong, when all is good. I'm sure it's not what my brain makes me think it is. No one else thought it like that.

I had fun today, I really did. But my brain is trying to Make that happy memory into a sad one, so I will say this again. I had fun today.

[issmeyogurl]

My happy little bubble

Sometimes I feel like I'm in this bubble, happy bubble. It's beautiful, happy and colorful. It's full of laughter and it protects you from the dark, endless ocean underneath you.

But you are unhappy there. You want to smile, you want to laught, you want to feel that happyness. But you just don't. You want to break that bubble, dive into the darkness and emprase it. You want to show your unhappiness.

Yet you won't do it. You are afraid of losing that never excisting happiness, you are afraid of losing those people close to you, who only see that bubble, not everything around it. You are afraid, once you break it, you won't get it back. All those colors would be gone.

So you stay in that happy little bubble alone, losing your own colors. Getting overhelmed by the colors of your happy little bubble. You won't break it, because it is your happy little bubble.

[issmeyogurl]

Happy mother's day everyone!

Today I pushed down my own bad feeling, the sadness I was feeling, just to go and make someone else happy. This normally would kill me inside, but today it was diffirent. Today I pushed me, myself and I and everything that goes with it aside, to go and make my mama happy.

I know tomorrow, I will be feeling the same sadness, depression. But today, it doesnt matter, because to see my mama smile when she sees me, makes it all better. Even if it's only for today. Happy mothers day!

[issmeyogurl]

I still lock my bathroom door when I go, even tho I live alone...

[issmeyogurl]

Today in my life happened... pt. 4

I told you about Tom... Today once again, I go outside at work and almost straight away I hear his voice, calling my name. Without hesitation he ran and hugged me, started talking and stuff, just like before. After awhile another worker noticed him being only with me and tried to tell him to go with other kids. Tom just said no, and kept talking to me. Then I said: " But Tom, here is other kids that wants to play with me..." Tom looked at me without saying anything, so i continued... "Maybe we could ask them to play with us."

Tom: "No..."

Me: "why not?"

Tom: "Because I like you"

I didnt have time to say anything when someone call his name. He looked at where the voice came from, then turned to me and just apologiced. I was confused until he looked at the ground saying; "my mom came..." I smiled and said goodbye to him, trying to cheer him up. He just started to walk away but then said; "oh i forgot something" I asked what it was and he came to hug me once again. I hug him back telling goodbye and lets meet and play again sometime, he pulled away smiling and said; "Tomorrow" before running to his mom without looking back.

He seems like a nice kid, but I hear/heard all the time that he bullies other kids. And when I asked him about it today, he just looked at the ground, slowly and weakly answering "no" to me...

[issmeyogurl]

Today in my life happened... pt. 3

I work at kindergarden and yesterday this boy (Lets call him Tom) came up to me and told me to watch him play, I watched and he talked (he didnt give me a change to talk or response). And soon we talked about minecraft and other games. When his mother came, i said goodbye to him and waved... He looked like he wanted to hug, but went with a wave too.

SOOO... today I went outside and not even second later, Tom was tapping and pulling my shirt. He smiled at me and told me that "Wait here, I am gonna go tell my friend, I cant play anymore."

I was confused, but he ran already and soon came back, his friend close behind. I heard the friend say:

" But we had fun! It was a good car race!"

And Tom responded: "Yeah, but I cant play anymore..."

I offered the friend to come with us, but Tom just said no. Other kids tried to come with us too, but everytime Tom made an excuse to "whisper something to me" or "lets all run there" so we would get away from others.

Anyways... when his mom came again, he didnt think twice and tried to pull me into a hug. I hugged him back and lifted him a little to make him laugh. He made me promise, we would see again and next time I would talk only to him. I promised to see him, but couldnt promise the other thing. Once again he tried making excuses to keep me from talking to others, but gave up soon.

Once again I waved him goodbye as he slowly walked away, waving back all the time.

[issmeyogurl]

Am I clean person or not? 🤔

Okay, so I got this weird thing that when I go to other people home/to public rooms and I see it's messy... I wanna clean it. And like I am NOT the cleaniest??? Person you can find. Yes I would want and maybe will clean your house, but my space and kingdom (aka my bedroom) is almost always messy. Yes, there is mountain of clothes and other dirty mountains. Yes, I do clean it once a week and yes it will always look like i havent cleaned it in 2 months in two days.

[issmeyogurl]

Today in my life happened... pt. 2

Sooo... I went to subway with a cupon... and when i went there, i tried to give the cupon to the lady worker. She said, it was old and they werent taking them anymore. I look at the date 21.2.2018... so my dumb ass said: "it says 2018".... This lady look at me like a dumb bitch that I am and say: "it is 2018..." Its silent for a while, the costumers behind me stopped talking too! Me being broke ass, shy motherf*ucker, used my last f*cking coins to buy these two EXPENSIVE pieces of BREAD!... Like f*cking hell... It has been year 2018 for three months!!!

[issmeyogurl]

Today in my life happened...

I was babysitting two sister... we went to the park and they found these kinda big icesticks. The younger one broke hers started crying and said she wanted a new one and ofcourse I told her to "go get one". She didnt, so i went when she didnt notice it. I went back to her and said to her: "You know... when you break something, you shouldnt just start crying and complaining, unless its something reeaally important. (At this point she looked at me very very mad) You should look around and try to find something similar... or even better". I pulled this big ass icestick that i found from behind my back and her eyes just went big and sparkly. She asked if she could have it and as I gave it to her, she thanked and hugged me.... A little later the same happened to her big sister. I watched as the smaller one went to get a new icestick, went to her sister and said the same to her, giving a new icestick for her. What can I say, I was pretty proud and happy at that moment.

The lesson of this story, dont stay crying in one spot, take the help that's given to you and help the others that needs it. No one can learn unless someone shows you how to do it and you actually do your best to learn it. 😁💪

[issmeyogurl]

Problems

Me; *thinks something funny and original* All i need is gif and its perfect!

*goes to tumbler but never finds the right gift* Fine I give up! It wasnt funny anyway... *cries silently*

[issmeyogurl]

Positive

"Take positive attitude with you, everywhere you go. It's a passport, which is asked at every gate of succeed."

Me, happily skipping towards gates of hell: oh boy, im excited!

Satan; hehe lets not her in!

[issmeyogurl]

Does anyone else feel weird going to the bathroom while depressed? Like... You just cant pee when you are feeling sad,mad or depressed. It's like, you feel empty on the inside, but you can still feel your body peeing...

[notsomanyfandoms]

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[issmeyogurl]

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