Okay, this post is for everyone who is on the fence about this stupid post or needs to face the reality of it, okay? Lets get real. Story time.
So when I was freshman in high school, I knew this sweet girl. We’ll call her Hailey. She was a high b-average student, and she wanted to be a veterinarian. She had a rough life but was like a younger sister to her friends, and got along well with about everyone because of her bubbly nature. And as you probably suspect, she was gay. She found herself around sixth grade, so she established to her friends. But her friends only.
But during her freshman year, something horrible happened. One of her friend’s parents told her parents she was gay. Now what you need to know about this woman is that she didn’t do this out of any sense of cruelty. Her own son was gay, and she’d really struggled with that for awhile before accepting him and openly supporting him. And their relationship was great now.
So she wanted to tell Hailey’s parents, as a conservative parent as a gay child herself, because she felt like her reaction had been extreme, and she’d acted cruely and had wronged her child. She wanted to be there for them if they had negative reactions, and talk them through her experience.
Now Hailey, she had begged this woman not to. She had even cried over it, because she knew her parents, but this woman really thought she knew what was best and everything would be better once she no longer had to hide. And went off and told them behind Hailey’s back, without listening to her or giving her *any warning.*
And this woman said Hailey’s parents were quiet when she gave them the news. They listened to her entire story and experiences. They even asked a question or two, and said they’d talk about this with Hailey. And the woman left feeling like she’d done the right thing.
But she the furthest thing from the right thing that you can imagine. Hailey’s parents didn’t pick her up at the bus stop, so she walked home all by herself. She didn’t know she’d been outed, or anything was off. She thought her parents might just be working late.
And as she’s told me of the account afterwards: “I was happy. I’d passed that math test and I was going to ask my Dad if he might help me practice driving when I get home because I was thinking about taking Driver’s Ed. I thought it weird they weren’t returning my texts to tell me they were going to be late because we don’t live in the safest neighborhood, and they don’t like me walking alone, but I wasn’t worried. And then I got home… And then I got home and my parents were waiting for me, and I just. Knew. I just KNEW. Something about their expressions and way they stood up gave it away.”
And what happened next I was forced to believe. She told me, she just ran to the front door, but her Dad grabbed her and held her down. And as he held her down, her Mom proceeded to beat the living shit out of her.
And I’m not talking a slap across the face, or being struck with a belt. It was so bad that her screams - she was lucky enough to have run and got to the front door to be heard by a passing neighbor walking his kids home - who called the police.
But until they arrived, for minutes on minutes she was beaten by Dad and Mom. When she came back to school, she had bruises on her wrists from where she’d thrashed trying to get away from her Dad’s iron grip, and a fractured wrist. She had an ugly bruised and STITCHED forehead from where her mom’s wedding ring had gotten her, and black and bruised skin across her stomach from where she’d been repeatedly stomped on.
And you must be thinking, oh my God what horrible parents. They must have been punished harshly.
No. They spent just a single night in jail, and I still don’t know if they were later charged. Hailey was forced to leave her home. She told me no one would take her in, and never told me where she ended up having to stay.
And did I mention she was made to come to school the next day? Because she did. She tried to hide the injuries, but you really can’t hide those. Especially when you aren’t even wearing your own clothes because you weren’t allowed to go home and get them.
And I could tell you more. I could tell you how her parents wouldn’t let her back in her house to get ANY of her things. I could tell you how aunts and uncles turned her away like she was ridden with an STD.
I could tell you about how she dropped out of high school, or apparently the girl who wanted to be a veterinarian one day because she wanted to take care of sick animals and make them better tried to take her own life months later.
I could tell you that after that day, I didn’t see her again until I ran into her a YEAR later by chance. This girl VANISHED for a year. Her friends clammed up about her, like they were afraid and determined to not tell anyone where she was at any time. Ever.
So the next time you say OUTING someone couldn’t be that bad, or that making it law for a child’s safe place to out them is right or doesn’t concern you - remember Hailey. Remember the little sister-like girl who wanted to be a vet and once only seriously worried about math tests and learning to drive.
And you what? Hailey told me she still sees herself as someone lucky. Because she lives with her Grandpa now who flew down from Florida to take care of her. And she feels lucky because she still has someone, and because she’s still ALIVE.
So you remember that when they try to pass this law. You remember Hailey, and all those like her who were treated worse and aren’t here anymore. You probably know of someone. Remember people like Hailey, and protect them. Because when they say it IT ISN’T SAFE FOR THEM TO BE OUTED, believe them!!!
Because all it took was ONE person feeling obligated to out her, who didn’t believe Hailey, and before she was ready to leave home safely to cause all this.
