Faye Alice In Wonderland @itsfayeee - Tumblr Blog

what she says: I'm fine

what she means: What the fuck kind of custody arrangement does The Parent Trap family have? Whose idea was it to take one kid each and never speak to each other again? Never even tell the daughter they're raising that they're a twin? Nobody hates their ex-spouse that much, and if you do you definitely don't want that person raising one of your kids. Why are the extended family and friends going along with this? Were they sworn to secrecy? Why? How did they choose who would take which twin? Did they both just have a clear favorite? How do you not eat yourself alive with guilt over a decision like that? Why did they make it in the first place? Did a judge make the decision? Who the fuck was THAT guy? Either the family in The Parent Trap have some incredibly dark secrets that weren't explored in the movies (original or remake) or they're the worst "good" parents in fictional family history.

sip-the-bitterness

We can’t deny the strong chemistry between these two.

caoten

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

teenagerposts

kid: dad whats a 69

dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

ddrvbiblgigb

garfield-baybee

Reblog to have something good happen at 1:42 tomorrow

catchymemes

eggsaladstain

okay but pimento being a guest judge on a tv baking show that’s actually a front for an elaborate murder plot is 1000% a plotline that belongs on b99

nbc, make it so

ignitesthestxrs

I like that at some point a human looked at a sheep and went ‘oh man that looks warm, I wish I was that warm’ and then stole all its hair

averruncusho

Wig snatched

the-original-cinnamon-roll

Millennias of language interpretation have culminated in this

accidentallyadoptedazoo

Not Everything That Crinkles Is a Snack For You - A novel by me, about my pets

nyxandshion

Sometimes I Open the Fridge For Me - the thrilling sequel

natey-night

yawpyawp

I disturbed his nap

just-shower-thoughts

no-goodbyes-no-regrets

A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”. About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?” He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote: Hey Mom I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Your Son. A couple days later he got a response from his mother: Dear Son, I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow. When are the two of you coming for dinner? Love, Mom

hardestcopy-deactivated20160401

BEST MOM

childrenofosiris-deactivated201

I’m crYING

surprisebitch

this is honestly my most favorite post ever. it pops up in my dash like at least twice a year and i just read it everytime and reblog it to relive this story.

loricameback-deactivated2026031

LOVE HER!!!