I'm not funny

Utter Trash. non-binary, omnisexual individual. a true abomination. Go Me. ᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡ

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

I cant help how obsessed I am with this man. Ill be doing everything that I do from now on as a means to get back the time with him that was stolen from me. That girl who got me fired doesnt even understand the full gravity of how awful what she did to me truly was. I may never be able to go back but I'll keep trying. What makes it the most awful for me is not getting more time to work alongside the man I love anymore. Knowing we both feel the same way and yet are separated. Its infuriating and deeply saddening at the same time. Now I have no choice but to spend even less time with him so I can work a new job that'll get me by in the meantime of me waiting for him. Sometimes I wonder if he means what he says or if he'll keep me waiting in agony like this. I know hes in agony not being with me either but I imagine he can bear it better than me. I have no choice but to only focus on myself and do as much as possible for me during all the time I can't be with him. I'll work on myself and being better. I'll grow and I'll be able to see him more often again someday. I'll use my obsession to fuel my progress. And I know im selfish because im not doing it just for him im doing it for me to be with him. If I dont improve ill never be able to have him and I can't stand that. Ill fix my car and learn to drive so I can get to him. Ill face my worst fear so I can have him.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

I wish the girl who got me fired would admit to HR that she orchestrated everything. She pretended to be my friend so that I'd let my guard down around her until she found something that I did that violated policy so she could report me on it to get me fired and try to take my place. I wish things could go back to the way they were. I wish she would try to undo this. She has no obligation to and I can't talk to her or anyone related to her situation. I just wish she had talked to me. I couldve helped her if she needed a full time job, I could've helped her. She didn't have to try to TAKE mine and RUIN my life and reputation and status with this company. I might never be able to go back and it breaks my heart. Maybe I deserve this somehow.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Why is it so hard to resist being absolutely insane? Im obsessed with this guy and all i wanna do when hes not talking to me is pester him for his attention but thats unrealistic. Even if he gave me all his attention it would be forced and unwanted. Just like how other people have treated him before. I dont want to be like them, I want to show him love can be patience and understanding and unconditional. Yet I love him so much I want to track him down and hold him so he cant do anything but be with me. I cant be doing this.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Im beginning to realize im addicted to attention. The more I enjoy being around and talking to someone the more of their attention I want and I get super sad without it. Its a problem but I dont want to make it others problem like I have in the past by being a bitch about it.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

To the motherfucker who got me fired today I hope your bitches cunt is salty.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Sometimes, I think about how my mom is sad and alone, especially now that it's Christmas. Then my inner angry teenager is like, yeah, but maybe she wouldn't be alone if she ever took accountability for how shitty she treated us. She would guilt us in the past for not spending more time with her, even though spending time with her is like hell for us. Now you're guilting yourself? Don't let her manipulative bullshit win.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

I don't have enough outlets for my trauma that are safe but I feel relatively safe on here.

Just saw a post about how teenagers these days are medically neglected. This triggered me because I realized I was medically neglected as a teenager as well.

My mom used to tell me that I was a miracle child because she had such severe endometriosis when she was a young adult that the doctors didn't think she could get pregnant. She said she was given a choice to either try to conceive or get a hysterectomy. I'm no doctor, but it didn't make sense to me. Doesn't really matter, she's delusional, can't trust anything she says as reality.

Anyways, she happen to conceive me and knew all my life I would end up having endo too. Yet, when I was a teenager and began having periods that were so unbearably painful I couldn't walk, she didn't take me to the doctor. She scolded me for being lazy and told me to go to school. She said I couldn't just stay home for a week every month. When I'd lash out at her due to the pain she'd call me a bitch. She'd call me ungrateful. She'd keep guilting and insulting me. I was in so much pain sometimes I couldn't breathe. Yet, because I "had an attitude" that somehow meant I didn't deserve help.

I lived my life with these painful, dehibilitating cycles for TEN YEARS. TEN YEARS I complained every month how bad it was. TEN YEARS she would hear me groan and see me collapse from the pain. TEN YEARS she could've said something. TEN YEARS she could've helped me. I had no idea what endo was or that it could cause such pain. Every other adult I told about it convinced me it was normal and that that's just how some women's periods are. Doctors just kept giving me ibeprofen. TEN YEARS I was left ignorant that something could've been done about it.

This is just one of many reasons I can't stand my mother that I only realized after I went no contact. I can never forgive that.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

I hate the types of people who are like. I'll be there for you. If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me about the tough things in your life and then when you want to talk, they can't be there for you in the ways that make you the most comfortable. I just want to use instant message and texting. I don't wanna call. I don't want to use my voice and get worked up. I just want quiet, but apparently that's too much to ask.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Sometimes I wonder whether or not the people I see as friends see me as a good friend or not. I don't feel like I'm a good friend. I don't check up on people or have casual conversation in calls and messages just because. When I try to it feels wrong somehow. Maybe it's something with me. I wish I had had more people do that for me and it feels like a large expense of energy to do it for others at this point in my life.

[clarificationsw]

rubbing my penis

[athena-cat-wizard-official]

big if true

[clarificationsw]

not really, it's slightly below average

[chaussurre]

The average penis, when soft, is much smaller than the overwhelming majority of erect penises. As a large majority of penises are currently at rest, it follows that any penises in attack position must be of larger size than the overall average penis size.

It must also be noted that rubbed penis quickly grow to their peak size.

Ergo, big if true.

[athena-cat-wizard-official]

🔥✍️

[clarificationsw]

ok but how do we know everyone isnt hard currently? your argument is built off of an assumption that we cannot verify and therefore your argument is unsound.

[keeper-of-the-flames]

[athena-cat-wizard-official]

Schrodinger's penis exists in a superposition of both hard and soft until it is observed

[real-live-human]

i think schrodingers penis has actually decomposed by now he's been dead like 60 years

[athena-cat-wizard-official]

Schrodinger's penis exists in a superposition of both decomposed and fresh and juicy until it is observed

[clarificationsw]

hey im no longer rubbing my penis btw

[greenflamethegf]

Neither is schrodinger

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

What the f*** is with narcissists? Especially my mother where I've been no contact for 1 year and she keeps sending me letters. Insinuating that there's something wrong with me and that I need to do something different for us to talk again when I stopped talking to her because she always treats me like a villain. She doesn't understand why I stopped talking to her even when I explained this.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

The only thing worth existing for is my cats and even those lil wimps scurry away if I drop or nudge something while going to pet them. Pisses me off.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Hey can someone let me know whether or not this is a healthy looking axolotl? I'm wondering if it seems ok or if it needs help. It's not my axolotl, I just see it around where I work sometimes.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

I really wish we could have an adult version of Steven Universe. Where it's liie after he leaves Beach City and the realities of how cruel the world and other people really are smack him in the face. I'd like to know how he handles it without total control of his diamond powers.

Imagine Steven sees a person hitchhiking, so he picks them up, but then they stop at a gas station. Steven runs in to use the bathroom and leaves a stranger in his car, thinking he can trust them because he's never been robbed before. Then the hitchhiker steals his car by hot wiring it. Steven comes out of the bathroom, and realizes what happened. Then he turns pink, slows time to catch up with the guy, and in slow mo (because he's nice) just removes the hitchiker and his stuff from the car and places them back on the side of the road. Steven gets in and keeps driving without missing a beat, time goes back to normal, and the guy realizes he's suddenly stopped sitting on the ground by the road and starts freaking out. Steven is pissed but doesn't hurt him and learns his lesson the hard way.

I'd like to see stuff like this.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Lately I haven't been wanting to put in the work that it's going to take to continue accomplishing my goals and I think I finally figured out why. The last five years I've struggled so much it felt like I was constantly scaling a mountain. Climbing vertically, constantly, slipping sometimes, and other times finding a small ledge to rest on for a moment. Every ledge was never strong enough to hold me for long, so even when I caught a break I still couldn't relax. Everyday I hoped I'd reach the top where the ground would level out. Eventually I pulled myself up to that point, only to look out and see a slightly inclined hill just beyond the edge of the cliff I had ascended. I've made it to where I wanted to be all that time I was climbing, but after all that work I can't even think about walking up that hill. I just want to catch my breath. Just rest here for a while where the ground won't fall out from under me. I can finally be comfortable, yet my work isn't done, and I'm not ready to continue on.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

Every once in a while I think about how I've wronged others and how nothing I could ever do would be redeemable in their eyes because they've already made up their mind about who they think I am.

[itsoktobeadicksometimes]

The QR code pictured is a link to my cat's life saving surgery fundraiser. The vet's are charging us an arm and a leg to save her. More details in the link. Any donations are highly appreciated! 😺😻😽