#ptsd vent

[ct-lambykins]

’you deserve to eat’

no. No I don’t. You don’t know the horrible things I’ve done.

MDNI BLOG

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

i think my love for the “died and came back wrong” trope in media is that it feels like a very accurate representation of severe trauma where you are alive now, but you died once and you came back and you came back so different that you aren’t anymore. you’re something else.

[lostmf]

[cry-baby6]

[ct-lambykins]

what you learn after a while is after the people in your life are desensitised to your random outbursts and episodes they just stop caring completely, it wont matter how scared you are or how much pain you’re in because it happens so often.

People who only feel shit from time to time are lucky, the more pain were in and the more often were in it the more were ignored for being an inconvenience or depressing to be around

[smolykyikes]

One of the many problems with being traumatized is that it makes you behave like you’re going to be a lame horse.

As soon as I do a single thing wrong, as soon as I can’t perform my function, I’m going to be taken out back and shot like a lame horse that’s broken its ankle.

So I have to become the best racing horse ever while also being hypervigilant to not do anything wrong ever that could lead me to breaking my ankle and thus getting shot. I’m so aware of any possible danger. I’m so alert. I’m the world’s most careful and terrified horse.

But despite all that I’m still taken back and shot anyway because instead of being a lame horse that broke its ankle I’m a horse that became so nervous it won’t stop panicking at its own shadow and throwing off its rider so it’s put down. I was so scared of becoming the lame horse that I nevertheless took on its fate. The analogy kind of got away from me but you get my point

[lostmf]

[bpdmaxxer]

“But he was just a child”

So was I

And I’m suffering and he’s not