I was spending 100$ a year on average on your game. I will no longer be spending 100$ per year on your game nor will I be spending 100$ to guarantee Valko's 5 Star Cards nor spend to obtain his outfits. I am no longer going to spend money because you have decided to remove Valko from the game and refused to listen to complaints about the lighting issues for characters with darker skin tones.
Another thing, I'm sick and tired of being told to have boundaries when in fact the "boundaries" actually mean, when people are treating you like they hate you, you leave or find something to say that can call attention to their insulting words and either cause light humiliation or cause them to reflect. I don't have time to think up something perfect to make your asshole self reflect on what the fuck you just said. AND if I go into ANY workplace, I am going to be hated. Absolutely fucking hated. I'm going to have to NOT talk essentially or only talk about the weather somehow when really I wanna talk about a trillion more things and I also want to commiserate and say I'm pissed off by that lazy coworker too but the other coworkers love getting a rise out of me and encouraging me to speak up because THEY know better than to speak up. So I have to not talk. AND it won't even work cuz these assholes clock my tea right away. I am so SICK of it. I don't wanna go get bullied and if my best available option is to leave then I'm jumping jobs every 4-6 months? Ugh. And what do I say about that? I'm sick and tired of my available options. Teach me how to say all the "right" things, help me memorize a script please. Explain to me how and why certain social conventions work and why I don't actually need to get upset that Stacy is Lazy as fuck and is just buddies with the boss so she doesn't have to do shit. How can I be a Stacy? I probably can't be a solitary cuz I look Other as fuck. How am I supposed to be authentically ME and also mask the fuck out of myself in a decent way for these fuckwads? HOW IS IT ALL SUPPOSED TO WORK!!!??? QUIT TELLING ME TO GET A JOB and instead HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT JOB I CAN ACTUALLY DO WITHOUT GETTING FIRED COACH ME ON HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE IN A WAY THAT DOESNT GET ME FIRED. Help me get a certificate or education or experience in something that doesn't fucking suuuuuck.
Honestly, can I just be real with you? (I usually am). I hate everything. If we examine that closely the truth is I in fact do not "hate" everything but everything makes me feel uncomfortable and like crawling out of my own skin wpuld be superior to the other options. Leaving my house. Sweating. Getting soaking wet and enduring a photoshoot for no money while I quite literally FAIL AGAIN. Failure to direct and pose, failure to light how I want, looking at the photos and seeing the failure to create an image I like, failure to light the image. It all fucking sucks and I am exhausted and hate it. I can just NOT fail at that if I never leave my home. And then as a result I can fail future me, instead by not showing up. Future me, needs me right now to eat it. She needs me to fall on my face again again again. I guess I must love you a little Future Me cuz I'm doing it for you.
Ohhhhh to have the boy you have a crush on laying on your bed, smiling, looking up at you with a hand around your leg and resting on your knee reach up to brush your bangs aside and call you handsome
Honestly, if you wanna blame anything for turning me part gay, quit overlooking all the Girls Gone Wild ads that would wake me from my adolescent slumber and ran nightly after a certain time on the tv.
The new Odyssey adaptation has inevitably gotten people talking about a Muppet version of it, and they’re frequently suggesting Kermit as Odysseus, Miss Piggy as Penelope.
I’m sorry but that’s thinking way too small, hear me out:
We need to have Miss Piggy as Odysseus, and Kermit as Penelope.
Think about it… who’s the more fickle, prideful, warlike one in that relationship? Who is absolutely ready to go ham, at a moment’s notice?
Well the model and mua are pleased with the photos
My mom obviously does not like them, perhaps time to really truly not allow her near my photography ever again and maybe it will help aid me in feeling better. Also, honestly, she's right the posing sucks. I felt that way already before showing anyone.
And I still... am frustrated. I was already pre frustrated. Extremely frustrated. It took me a month to edit the photos due to my frustration. And I think I have to begin to let go of that. Because I think anything cooked up from my imagination will really just come out weird as fuck. And I think I might have to accept that. I might have to figure out how to live with and tolerate the discomfort and hatred. Again and again.
I feel bad complaining so much, there are a few photos I genuinely really do like but for the most part I hate them, they look cartoony and ridiculous and the poses and expressions are completely off the mark. My lighting is off. My storytelling via symbolism leaves much to be desired.
Also I hit my head while hating on the images so. I must be being told by the universe to quit it i guess. Maybe it'll knock something right.
Also like my mom will never like my style of images, in fact none of my family would probably. And I am gonna include acquaintances too. So it really doesn't even make any sense at all to try and want their opinions anyways.
My art genuinely is not for anyone but me so.... I gotta suck it the fuck up and figure out what to keep, what to ditch, and how to go harder better MORE ME next time. Who gives a fuck about the rest.
I have another shoot tomorrow and I gotta bring so much crap and hold my own light. It's fine but it's going to be a mess. -_-
But i will make it thru. Just with tons of difficulty. I gotta delete videos off my phone. Fuuuuuhhhhhhhccccc 😔
Also went to a fave Thai place and accidentally laughed at something that really wasn't a joke cuz they had been joking all night. It was embarrassing so I am simmering in that discomfort.
Do I try to go get my art printed somewhere expensive just to put in a local café? There were really good pictures of owls displayed. The trouble is the cost of printing.
How do you tell someone they look awkward on camera tho.
Also there's people who wanna work with me and I want to move on from working with people that dont know how to pose. I can tell some already dont know how to pose and my best skill is not making ppl comfortable? Idk I can put more effort into that. I dont Wana be a damp noodle.
