Guardian of the Unicorns
Today's Document
trying on a metaphor
Xuebing Du
tumblr dot com
Cosimo Galluzzi

tannertan36

shark vs the universe
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Origami Around
Jules of Nature

#extradirty
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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i don't do bad sauce passes

Janaina Medeiros
d e v o n
NASA
styofa doing anything

PR's Tumblrdome
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@iwonderaboutshampoo
Guardian of the Unicorns
Me, trying to impress my date with a display of my boundless humility: I would like to order one single, solitary crumb.
Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!
My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".
The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...
My card: Declines
literally i dont give a fuck about prom unless registeel is going
THE PITT 2.15 | 9:00 P.M.
are we serious
Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.
obsessed with this moment. he's so concerned about marge...
[video description: Jerma985 playing The Simpsons: Hit & Run.
[transcript:
Marge Simpson: I feel bad about myself.
Jerma: *in a concerned voice* What? Marge-
End transcript.]
weve decided not to move forward with you at this position because a meteor has hit our office and destroyed the whole shit big mode. we hope your job search goes well
Diane, I am holding in my hands a labubu, a curious gift given to me by Audrey Horne. While I appreciate the sentiment, there is a sinsiter edge to its smile that unnerves me. I will turn him towards the wall when I sleep tonight.
what if you were having a BAD DAY at WORK and then your LESBIAN SITUATIONSHIP said NO FIREWORKS DATE let’s keep it CASUAL and then you got invited to a FURRY CONVENTION
I Have My Own Way Of Doing Things That Youre Going To Respect
Im Clean
Im Natural
Computers Respond Nicely To My Input
I Am A Reasonable Sort
Many People Say I Look Like Young Elvis
Many People Say I Look Like The Beatles
Even Simple Men Can Understand My Statutes
I Defeated 1000 Enemies And I Dismayed 1000 Liars
I’m In The Nude—Which Is O.K.
it's finally that time of the year again for the clinically depressed newscaster describing february with disco elysium music
A little rusty
dinosaurs are like the coolest thing possible for a child to learn about. it’s like hey i know you were just borned but giant monsters are real and they fought each other in wars for 100000000000 years and then blew up when the sky exploded.