I Am Never Active Here

Fiona // She/Her//23

[berensreverie]

Guardian of the Unicorns

[syzygynephile]

Me, trying to impress my date with a display of my boundless humility: I would like to order one single, solitary crumb.

Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!

My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".

The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...

My card: Declines

[rnismatch]

literally i dont give a fuck about prom unless registeel is going

[dailycatsblog]

[billy-crudup]

THE PITT 2.15 | 9:00 P.M.

[calebwittebane]

are we serious

[lornasallydane]

Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.

[exai]

obsessed with this moment. he's so concerned about marge...

[glacier--freeze]

[video description: Jerma985 playing The Simpsons: Hit & Run.

[transcript:

Marge Simpson: I feel bad about myself.

Jerma: *in a concerned voice* What? Marge-

End transcript.]

[threedollarsdotcom]

weve decided not to move forward with you at this position because a meteor has hit our office and destroyed the whole shit big mode. we hope your job search goes well

[teletourism]

Diane, I am holding in my hands a labubu, a curious gift given to me by Audrey Horne. While I appreciate the sentiment, there is a sinsiter edge to its smile that unnerves me. I will turn him towards the wall when I sleep tonight.

[silly-geesei]

what if you were having a BAD DAY at WORK and then your LESBIAN SITUATIONSHIP said NO FIREWORKS DATE let’s keep it CASUAL and then you got invited to a FURRY CONVENTION

[mevil]

[jamie-goblin-child]

[sandsvendor100]

I Have My Own Way Of Doing Things That Youre Going To Respect

Im Clean

Im Natural

Computers Respond Nicely To My Input

I Am A Reasonable Sort

Many People Say I Look Like Young Elvis

Many People Say I Look Like The Beatles

Even Simple Men Can Understand My Statutes

I Defeated 1000 Enemies And I Dismayed 1000 Liars

I’m In The Nude—Which Is O.K.

[fallout-lou-begas]

it's finally that time of the year again for the clinically depressed newscaster describing february with disco elysium music

[bedupolker]

A little rusty

[larval-tear]

dinosaurs are like the coolest thing possible for a child to learn about. it’s like hey i know you were just borned but giant monsters are real and they fought each other in wars for 100000000000 years and then blew up when the sky exploded.