C-Dawg

Your (trans-fem) Lord in Heaven

[cosmicspacemoth]

Making the other miis fear for their life just a little

[okibadesu]

[contemptible-scoundrel]

call me a wish mouse the way she [remembers wish mice are creatures from a particularly gruesome dream my friend had several years ago and are not recognizable figures to anyone else] whatever

[contemptible-scoundrel]

wish mouse lore

[j-christ-official]

holy fuck

[anarqueeen]

Turning the cuck chair around backwards to show I'm not like your other, boring cuckolds

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

*youth pastor voice* you know who else got nailed while all his friends watched? that's right,

[j-christ-official]

...

[normalworldart]

"Robby"

[gubbybug]

Call my penis a genius the way i had a stroke of it

[preyanimal]

you can tell im 30-something because i bought a new brand of toothbrushes and im very pleased with them. toothbrushes generally have the same problem that tennis shoes for instance have in that they're overdesigned and consequently garish and ugly. but this is literally just a single piece of plastic, all one color, with a logo printed on it and white bristles. very tasteful. it's perfect.

[preyanimal]

i sound like fucking patrick bateman

[j-christ-official]

The toothbrush is a false class signifier. The wealthy elite have clean, cold brutalist implements that clean their teeth with exacting precision. These are tasteless corporate mementos that solely exist to make the people who buy them feel like they are spending their money well. "Of course, this two-hundred dollar hygiene product is worth it's price! Just look at how the bristles wobble to and fro!" They scramble to justify their fumbling attempts at proper spending. In their minds the two-hundred-dollar electric toothbrush is not only the correct hygienic decision, but the correct moral one as well. By spending more money on a toothbrush than the weekly groceries for a family of four they are proving to themselves that they care for their body. After all, someone who is willing to spend hundreds of dollars on a toothbrush obviously takes their health very seriously.

Unbeknown to them, they have fallen for a scheme. The electric toothbrush manufacturer knows two-hundred dollars is too much for a toothbrush. So, they wrap the poor investment in pleasing buzzwords and good press. "Relax," their advertisments say, "you will be taken care of." "Nine out ten dentists reccomend this toothbrush." "Relax, you are being responsible by buying this toothbrush."

[electronicmail]

some of you people drive like you lost a bet

[electronicmail]

Have you ever seen a cadillac escalade? i have. in my rear view mirror hunting me like a wildcat

[j-christ-official]

cadillac escalades are driven by two types of people:

1. (the most common) suburban moms hopped up on so much caffein and sugar that their blood boils at the very thought of being late the pta meeting/kids' soccer game/school board meeting/divorce hearing

2. pimps

[my-life-is-a-sidequest]

How do you feel about the phrase "identifies as" as in: [person] identifies as a [gender]?

I wanted to make it a poll but I couldn't figure out what the options should be

[j-christ-official]

I've only heard cis people say it. It feels like they are informing whover you are being introduced to that you are a Psycho-Sexual Deviant (capitalization intended). Like it's some kind of inside joke: "This person thinks they are a woman, isn't that so funny/stupid/crazy?" I've never seen a cis person introduce their cis friend as someone who "identifies as a woman". It's so much easier to just say "Hey, this is my friend [name], she's a writer."

[busket]

I really want to stop talking about this guy but funny shit keeps happening. look at this

[kropotkindersurprise]

well, its better than the average charlie kirk show episode, thats for sure

[sapper-in-the-wire]

[j-christ-official]

i thought someone photoshopeed soke roarin 20s flapper club ass mic into the photo then i scrolped back up anf no charlis kirl actuallyd has some kisa stupis ass rarin 20s jass club flapper mike lol 'm rwally drubk rn fucl trump fucm the mpgervemment fuck amerixa long live lizard pope

[mapsontheweb]

The United States — ALL of it

[bonediggercharleston]

Reminder that Guam, Puerto Rico, the Northern Marianas, American Samoa and the US Virgin Islands and DC don’t have actual representation in congress and only DC can vote for President even though over 5 million people live in these areas

[carolxdanvers]

They drill “no taxation without representation” into our heads like it’s why the country exists… and then omit the fact that allllllll of those people pay taxes and have no say in their government.

[isuggestlandback]

I have a suggestion

[j-christ-official]

is your suggestion measured in millimeters?

[sunday-offical]

The officalverse has an epidemic of not knowing which “your” and which “there” to use in their sentences and as a little guy with an English degree this makes me feel clinically insane.

[j-christ-official]

their, yor'u insane now

[boy-and-girl-crazy123456]

Wyd after smoking this

[j-christ-official]

try to figure out how/why I'd just smoked a perfectly good salami like a joint

[loreleywrites]

So I'm reading N.K. Jemisin's Green Lantern comic, Far Sector, and I have come across the speech bubble of all time:

[j-christ-official]

she also wrote a f/m/m frotting scene (for the plot, wink wink)

[satan-offical]

Tumblr please stop giving me Jesus ads my eyes start to but every time I look at one

[j-christ-official]

I'm insulted

[satan-offical]

Hate that I'm the cool gay cousin but there's also a cool alternative cousin so now we have to fight for dominance

[j-christ-official]

kiss them to assert dominance

[satan-offical]

That's my cousin 😰

[j-christ-official]

j-dog doesnt judge

[satan-offical]

Hate that I'm the cool gay cousin but there's also a cool alternative cousin so now we have to fight for dominance

[j-christ-official]

kiss them to assert dominance