eunoia.

(n.) a beautiful thinking; a well mind.⚫ insta: @j.swrites J.Shedid💕

[j-swrites]

is it escapable? I wondered if I could ever escape its grasps, every time I begin to think I did, it returns full force, shattering my soul and thundering my bones, its agony, its pain,  but most prominently, it’s fear, not of the unknown, now i know what’s coming, it shakes my very core

i no longer fear the unknown, i fear what i now know//j.s

[j-swrites]

Loneliness it’s always there, even when you’re surrounded by a million souls, and familiar faces,  it’s always there, with its’ claws around your throat, suffocating you until you  wither and die,  it’s peculiar that as alone as you are, you still have one companion, one that wishes you gone

i’m lonely but not alone//j.s

[j-swrites]

I thought happiness  was smiling,  I thought happiness  was laughter,  but happiness is much more,  it's waking up excited  to face the world,  it's never breaking down, it's loving yourself, it's sunlight  filling you up in your core

happiness is much more// j.s

[j-swrites]

You see beauty in all the places it doesn't belong, and miss to see it when it's right within you.

Self-love//j.s

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[j-swrites]

I love how you embrace me with your warmth without actually touching me,

I love how your scent encompases me even when you're not around,

I love how you shower me with compliments wanting nothing in return,

I love how much you care about the things I like although you don't have to,

I love how you pay attention to everything I say like you're life depends on it,

I love how much I miss you even though I just said goodbye.

—care to guess what else I love? //j.s

[j-swrites]

I want our souls to warm each other at night,

I want your fingertips to etch engravings on my body,

And I want our skin to burn each other right,

I crave your heartbeat to give me life,

I crave your lungs to give me air,

And I crave your eyes to give me sight.

—cravings//j.s

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[j-swrites]

“ Your love was so bitter

My heart couldn't withhold it,

Your passion burned with fury

I feared the scorching fire,

Your eyes were a piercing pain

My body couldn't bear it,

Your voice was a booming thunder

My bones shaked in its presence,

Your scent an invigorating bloom

My senses were drowned in,

Your chest was a mighty fort

I knew I could seek protection in,

Your embrace was a warm arena

I battled myself in,

Your love was a courtyard

I've mastered how to play in,

I know all your flaws,

And all your mirages,

I love your confessions,

but I'm infatuated

by your lies. ”

—toxic, hopeless love.

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[j-swrites]

I can't bear the thought

Of touching your pale,

Freezing fingers,

Of your unbeating heart

Hidden in your chest,

Where blood used to flow,

I can't bear the thought

Of your eyes glaring holes

In my soul,

Of your motionless,

Limp body,

My screams ring through the night,

My soul burns right beside

Where yours left,

I can't bear the pain,

And the agony,

I can't bear thinking I still

Have years to live alone,

I can't bear the thought

Of your mouth hanging open,

A silence replacing the

Captivating voice you had,

Lips that won't smile,

And won't touch,

I can't bear the thought.

—i'd prefer to die first.

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[j-swrites]

What was once love

Is now hate,

What was lust

Is now disgust,

But who am I to complain,

When the city of love

Is filled with hate...

J.s

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[j-swrites]

Love hurts more than it heals. How do I know that? I've seen pain in eyes that used to shine, a frown embedded on their face where there used to be a smile. I saw grief replace happiness in their souls, and I saw their spirits dim down and shut off. I saw tears stain untouched cheeks and I saw consistency, after all the pain and all the hurt, if you asked them if they'd repeat it all again; they definitely would. This is to all those who loved till death, you're the bravest people I know.

—reality of love//j.s

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[j-swrites]

First Heartbreak

The first time your heart breaks,

it doesn't really break,

it would feel like it,

It would feel like your heart

Had been snatched out of your chest,

and crushed in the fists of those you love,

You will feel a gust of wind

through a hole,

perforated in your heart,

You will think your organs

will quit working altogether,

since you're dead anyways,

You will feel your soul

sucked out of your body,

And your blood standing still,

not seeing an effort in racing

for someone who doesn't want to live,

But it doesn't happen,

Your heart is still intact,

Your organs still perform perfectly,

Your soul is buried deep

within your bones,

And your blood is as fast as ever.

–your heart never really breaks, you only think it does//j.s

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[j-swrites]

Valentine's Day

Why do I love you?

I don't know,

But maybe it has something to do,

With the way you walk with pride

And talk like you have nothing to hide,

Or the way you flash a smile,

And deliver it with such style,

Maybe its the way you laugh

Assuring me you're my half,

Or maybe its how your eyes gleam,

And I know they hide a lost dream,

Or how I weep for you,

Knowing all the hardships you've went through

I admire not only your beauty,

But your soul, a priceless ruby,

And I know I've said it a million times,

But this year, will you be my valentine?

—valentine's day card// j.s

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[j-swrites]

Thank you for 200 followers! I haven't been as active lately since I started my Instagram page. If you can, follow @j.swrites on Instagram for even more poems and I add photos and aesthetics on there. Maybe I'll reach 200 there too!

[j-swrites]

“I haven't heard your laugh

in years,

I forgot how that sound

made my skin tingle,

and that radiant smile

that would light up the whole skyline,

I forgot how my stomach

would flip and

my face would flush,

I forgot how that sound

would revive me,

I forgot that it was what

I've been missing all along,

As the life crept its' way back into me,

since a very long time,

my fractured heart shattered

even more,

As my body shook with laughter,

reminding me of what I don't own

anymore.”

–j.s

[j-swrites]

In the darkest abyss

there is,

I find myself chained and bound

to your confines

and your rules,

In the deepest places

In the oceans,

I see myself drowning and suffocating

in your toxicity

and your mercilessness,

In the brightest places,

I see you,

shining and glowing,

basking in the love

you refuse to give me

and save for yourself.

–falling for a narcissist// j.s

[j-swrites]

18 Jan. 2019 3:46 pm

Don't tell me I can't, because I will make it my life mission to prove to you that I can. Yes, I'm that stubborn, but I refuse to let someone tell me I'm not able to do something for being a girl. I can specifically do this, and even better than you because I'm a girl. Being a girl never stopped Valentina Tereshkova from being the first woman in space. Being a girl never stopped Marie Curie from being the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. It never stopped amelia earheart from being the first female pilot, and it never stopped any woman ever from reaching the unreachable. It didn't make Rupi Kaur feel ashamed of her writings and it didn't make my Maya Angelou feel any less phenomenal, so don't tell me I can't. I can be whatever I want. I am fearless and I'm able. "You can't do it," they said. "You're a girl, " they said. So, I humbly reply to them, "Watch me take over the world then."

–underestimating women is old-fashioned// j.s

[j-swrites]

I want to turn the hate and jealousy in me, to a fuel that I would use into becoming someone better, smarter and prettier. But I'm afraid of burning myself altogether in it.

J.S