I am an Experience @jaciespoonlovesdrwho - Tumblr Blog

baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.

Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.

littleewhitelotus

i just HAD to draw this

rainbow-femme

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

melgillman

Here’s HSTHETE, the 24 hour comic I drew this year! Thanks to everybody who followed along on twitter this weekend as I posted these pages <3

PS: if you liked this, there’s a whole book of these comics available now!

melgillman

I’m reblogging this 7-year-old comic of mine because, not only is it somehow still circulating, it just passed 400,000 notes??? Thank you, several hundred thousand internet strangers, for keepin’ this ol’ goat girl goin’ so long

(Also hi, I’m still making fairy-tale-flavored lesbian romance comics and have a new one coming out very soon…)

melgillman

Here’s HSTHETE, the 24 hour comic I drew this year! Thanks to everybody who followed along on twitter this weekend as I posted these pages <3

PS: if you liked this, there’s a whole book of these comics available now!

melgillman

(Also hi, I’m still making fairy-tale-flavored lesbian romance comics and have a new one coming out very soon…)

swagsmeister

yuna and baby shane. mother's day 1/3

jimmysownworld

ilya post wedding blackout drunk finding a random tweet thats a sneak pic of shane from that 2016 aquarium with shane holding haydens baby. the original tweet is years old, from 2016 around that time frame, and no one is super sure how he found it, not even ilya, but he quote tweets with “will be getting him oregnant tomingr he will habe a real bany once o am done with him” and it goes stupid viral even outside of the hockey sphere. svetlana quote tweets that with a 5 minute long video of him typing out that one tweet typos and all, nodding confidently to himself before hitting post.

hollanovhaunting

I need someone to write a fic where

1) Shane is moving to the Cens and it actually IS very awkward and the Cens are not lovely and wholesome right off the bat because

2) there is a widespread misunderstanding when Shane and Ilya get outed where the Cens, missing ALL of the context, are assuming that Shane must’ve been a shit partner with how rough Ilya was doing this past season and assume that Shane was *forcing* Ilya to stay closeted because he’s *ashamed* of Ilya and their relationship

3) Shane is actually pretty hurt by the Cens being cold and distant with him but doesn’t complain about it because literally everyone else ever has behaved like that towards him in his life except for Ilya, Rose, and the Pikes. He’s very much like “well well look who’s inside again” about it.

4) Ilya doesn’t realize the Cens are thinking Shane is BadTM because he’s wrapped up in how happy he is to have Shane around now. He actually does not realize any of this is happening until their first week of practice as a new team and he sees his team icing his husband out

5) Ilya tries to talk to Shane about it but Shane is very much like “don’t worry Ilya this is normal and I’m fine cause I have you” and it makes Ilya want to kill the Metros three times over

6) Shane also agrees with the Cens about himself being a shitty husband when he hears the reasoning behind their behavior. So he just decides to work hard at being a husband and a teammate and keep his head down.

7) Ilya doesn’t know what to do. Shane is adamant that he doesn’t want Ilya to confront the team and that he can’t control what others think about him and he doesn’t want it to be a big deal. But Ilya is also seeing Shane be as sad and withdrawn as he was last season and is actively getting worse- being more strict than ever about his diet, constantly working out and straining himself, being first on the ice and last to leave

8) some of the Cens slowly start realizing that they have Shane wrong over more time with him- mainly Luca, Troy, Harris, Wyatt, and Bood. But they have put walls up that they don’t know how to tear down without spooking Shane.

9) The rest of the team don’t realize how shitty this must be for Shane until the Cens go up against the Metros and they realize that they’ve been treating Shane the same way his old and terrible teams did- they watch as Shane takes scathing insults with a blank face, gets back up without a word after being smashed against the boards, gives a polite smile (the same smile he’s given them when they’re being passive aggressive) when receiving glares and threats from his ex teammates.

10) idk it can go many ways from here- Shane gets hurt and has to leave the ice and the teams finds him genuinely upset and they all have a confrontation- or the Metros target Ilya and the Cens see Shane lose his shit and how in love and protective he is- or the Cens stop icing him out after this and slowly start to actually get to know him and maybe apologize. Idk. The world is your oyster or whatever. I just want Protective Cens but it Backfires Pretty Badly.

11) Bonus points if Ilya eventually confronts them and then, when he hears their reasoning, is very much like “you??? Hurt my husband??? For me??? He wasn’t a bad partner??? I have depression??? Is chemical imbalance not abuse???????” And is absolutely pissed lmao

ilya-sweetheart

ilya is drunk and mumbling ‘missss jane. m’mybaby’

naturally the whole boston team now thinks he knocked jane up and has been hiding his child in canada

turns out the ‘baby’ in question is a 6’, 200 lbs hockey player who could destroy them with his excellent backhand in the blink of an eye

gaynehollander

I absolutely do not thing Ilya slept at all during their nap in Boston. He did not want to miss a moment that could be spent holding Shane in his arms, being allowed to feel Shane's steady breaths, getting to watch his profile while unobserved himself. He would have been content to stay there for hours. Just getting to have this, for the first time.

$fractally blog's avatar$

fractally

Something about Ilya still managing to be insecure about their relationship while Shane is locked on like a rabid dog, like 5000 PSI bite strength around that Russian boy. Shane is over here calmly rationalizing "This is not only the only person I've ever loved he's also the only person I can even fathom loving. If he dies I die because life will no longer be worth living. Obviously" and Ilya's like "what if he leaves me for this random Ottawan journalist"

quillquiver

I think that Ilya really really really loves getting his back scratched. During sex yes absolutely, but I’m more talking about when they’re cuddling. Shane scritches his back like once and he full body shivers and leans up into his fingers and then has the audacity to get all cute and blushy about it. Shane of course grabs the opportunity presented to him with both hands and hoards it as precious knowledge. Teases him about it: “who’s the kitten now, kotyonok?”

“Mm, still you.”

“Fuck off,” Shane grins, his stupid heart practically filling beyond capacity when Ilya shifts to get him to scratch in a slightly different place.

He does use this power for evil, btw. When he needs Ilya to do something he knows will be a hard sell, he will absolutely wait until they’re cuddling and he’s scratching his back: “…I just really think you should get a second opinion on that mole.”

“Ugh, fine.” Ilya opens an eye, looking up at him and thoroughly unimpressed. “You are not subtle, you know? With the back scratches.”

“Yeah,” Shane agrees. “Doesn’t have to be subtle to work though.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t,” Ilya sighs. “Can you go lower?”

Shane grins. He goes lower.

Ilya gets a second opinion on the mole (he’s fine).

ilyapasta

This is me outing myself as a millenial but I think the troy barrett episode should be a self-contained mockumentary about the centaurs:

Ilya, to the camera: He is a beautiful boy. Beautifully and wonderfully made. We are lucky to have him.

Producer: Um. We’re talking about Troy Barrett being traded to the Cens right?

Ilya, scowling: Who? I am talking about the dog. You talk about whatever you want.

Harris, hunched over at his desk: yeah, I mean, I love hockey, but it’s still a job. It can be tough managing the image of the team.

Producer: do you wish they won more?

Harris: *shrugs* Wouldn’t hurt.

*camera pans over to Troy sitting on the ground next to Harris’s desk where he thought he was out of frame, staring at an Ottawa pride pin*

Long monologue of Bood giving his favorite spice rub recipe in detail while in the locker room but the camera keeps sneaking looks at Lucas Haas while he bravely tries to approach Ilya directly to sign his MLH video game cover. It takes him three tries and when he finally gets there Ilya is already on the phone with someone talking in slowish Russian. The producer translates later and notes two key phrases- “fuck this day” and “get yourself ready I will make two hour drive into one”

The most violent game of sewer ball you’ve ever seen, only for the Cens to lose 5-1 against Boston (Haas’s goal, Rozanov seemed distracted)

Producer: what do you think having an involved social media director like Harris does for the team?

Troy: Um. Well harris is a good guy. He likes apples, I think. He brings apples in for everyone, so that’s nice. I mean, he works hard. I didn’t even know the PR guy for Toronto. Or girl. Woman.

Producer: PR Woman?

Troy, sweating: Yeah. Might have been one. Like I said, I didn’t know her. Or him. Or.

Producer, after a beat: Or?

Troy, absolutely ashen: I don’t know.

Locker room post-game, Producer: You and Shane Hollander keep the rivalry on the ice these days, and work together in the summer on charity work. How does it feel to play him now?

Ilya, licking the fat lip Shane gave him when he elbowed him against the boards before scoring a goal: Feels great. He loves me.

sosaneitsinsane

where them girls at - megan thee stallion

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penandinkprincess

laughing about the idea of rose giving shane a weighted blanket as a gift and it soon becoming ilya's Number One Enemy in their house

at first it was just because it was a gift from rose, but now??? shane is cuddling up under The Mistress? ("ilya, it is a fucking blanket-") shane does not need to ask ilya to lay on top of him because he would rather be beneath The Mistress? ("ilya, for FUCK'S sake, you weren't even home-") maybe shane doesn't even need him anymore. maybe The Mistress can learn to suck his co- ("i'm going to bed. you can join me or you can keep glaring at a FUCKING BLANKET")

penandinkprincess

i feel like rose probably went for the heaviest option available, so like a 40 pounder, so it does have some good heft to it

and i'm cackling about this arrangement being referred to as a threesome as a joke, which is all well and good until someone is reading over ilya's shoulder one day and sees shane send the message, "today has fucking sucked. can we have a threesome when you get home, please?" and is just ???? hello???? what?? the fuck??? are y'all just out here casually having threesomes on a tuesday??? that hollander asks for wiTH A PLEASE??? WHO IS INVOLVED ONTHIS THREESOME FOR IT TO BE HAPPENING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE????

penandinkprincess

not helping this is that ilya responds with, "yes of course ♥️. do you think your mistress can take care of you in the meantime? just this once she can have you to herself."

and what he's doing is just teasing shane to lighten the mood, but person at the coffee shop behind him in line is just

penandinkprincess

this escalates to the point that shane really has no other option than to post some kind of statement about it being an inside joke, and ilya of course has to be a little shit about it and post a response on twitter or whatever about, "oh, you will not tell them you are snuggling with your mistress right now, hollander? you will break my heart but not admit it to the world?" and so shane posts another picture that's just a pov from his place on the couch with the weighted blanket over his legs and ilya on the other end grinning SO WIDE because he's SO pleased with himself. and the caption is something like "pictured: my "mistress" and my soon-to-be-ex-husband." and ilya thinks it's SO fucking funny because yes! vindication! let the world pity him (even if playfully).

and this then backfires on him SO FAST.

now weighted blanket brands are sending shane pr trying to get him to mention them/show them off in a picture, and ilya is now fucking SURROUNDED by mistresses all competing for his husband's attention. BULLSHIT. HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED.

weighted blanket eleven comes in the mail and ilya goes live on instagram just FURIOUS. the frame is him in front of a PILE of weighted blankets and he is just

"enough! enough of this! are too many in our house. is like being fucking-shane, what is word? people in utah, they have many wives?"

shane in the background, not fully paying attention: "mormons?"

"those! we are not mormons! household is FULL. marriage is FULL. stop this! every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house."

"every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house" goes viral as a sound for people surrounded by clutter/pets/etc.

shane receives five more weighted blankets.

penandinkprincess

laughing about the idea of rose giving shane a weighted blanket as a gift and it soon becoming ilya's Number One Enemy in their house

$fractally blog's avatar$

fractally

I am a fan of the dynamic where there's no leak and Shane moves to the Cens of his own accord and then Shane and Ilya never come out exactly but they just live openly and all these dumbass hockey players are just like

"Oh yeah they're just like that. They live together and room together and vacation together and get mad if they're separated on the bench. And they kiss in the locker room sometimes but it's you know. They're joking around. Good guys. Gay? Well---no I don't think so. I mean that's weird. Roz is a pussy hound. I mean I've never seen him with a woman but you know he is. Anyway Hollander had that whole thing with Rose Landry and he still talks about her, I think he's still hung up on her. Poor guy. I did walk in on Hollander sleeping on Roz's lap the other day but they were just getting in sync for power play you know? You reporters always want to make everything gay it's so weird. What do you mean 'why do they kiss so much' they're the top goal scoring duo in the league"

$fractally blog's avatar$

fractally

Some chatter about realism in the tags of this and tbc this was mostly a bit but I actually do think this is the MOST realistic option for Shane and Ilya. Hockey teams are constantly shifting workplaces, and if they didn't want to go public-public (which they would have good reasons for) this sort of thing would be really easy to pull off.

The core roster that sticks around year after year would know, probably, and the coaching staff and admin, because they're each other's medical contacts and all that. But the roster fillers who spend a year on the team before being traded? The guys getting called up and down a lot? Maybe they get the idea maybe they don't (depending on how concussed they are) but it wouldn't at all be hard for Shane and Ilya to just keep living their lives and not have to say anything explicitly.

The most dedicated fans might notice that Hollander and Roz seem to spend all their off-time together, and neither are ever seen with women, and hmm. But the average hockey bro is not going to assume they're married to each other.

There's this kind of double think that happens with highly heteronormative spaces where a queer dynamic is so unthinkable that space for it can be carved out as an eccentricity, and ambiguous queerness can exist in more relative safety than in a space where unambiguous queerness is understood as a possibility. Shane and Ilya being acknowledged not as a literal gay couple (because these hockey guys can't wrap their heads around that) but as a special case of just two guys who love each other and do everything together could go on pretty much indefinitely. And I genuinely think a lot of those guys could get the idea that they live together, they are a bonded pair, maybe even that they fuck, and still not relate that to the concept of gay rights and LGBTQ whatever because that's you know. That's something else, that's guys with lisps who wear skinny jeans and drink vegan lattes, that's a whole different thing out there in the world that has nothing to do with us.

bugslibraryy

Half asleep Shane realising he’s read the same word four times and his head is nodding so he slips off his glasses and places them with his book on the bedside table. He gets the lights and turns back to Ilya. Ilya who is asleep on his back, lips slightly patted, arms loose and comfortable at his sides his breathing is deep and loud,slow sleepy breaths. He’d fallen asleep over half an hour ago, his foot linked with Shane’s, toes rubbing against his ankles until he went slack and heavy. Shane had wanted to finish the next chapter of his book, and Ilya had seemed content to just lay close to him and be cosy.

Shane looks at Ilya in the soft moonlight pushing into the room, the soft plane of his strong chest and his arms and he wants to fall asleep on his husband, feel the weight of him, the thud of his heart under his cheek. So Shane moves the covers and curls up into Ilya’s side, being gentle as he lays his head down onto Ilya’s chest, tugging the covers up back over him. Ilya’s arm comes around him after a moment, and he shifts with an extra deep breath, head turns and now knocks into Shane’s hair.

“Shane” he mumbles voice dazed and rough and so happy, half awake. Shane hums back and lays his hand flat on Ilya’s stomach, scratches his nails through his treasure trail. “Just me” Shane confirms, tilts his head down to kiss at Ilya’s peck.

“Just me, just wanted a cuddle” Shane explains and rubs his face against Ilya like a kitten settling in its nest. He feels like home.

He feels Ilya nod and then his arms come around him tight, Ilya keeping Shane pressed to his chest. “Sleep?” Ilya asks and Shane nods again, a slow heavy exhale and confirms “sleep” because there here is, making sure Shane can follow where he’s going.

“Okie” Ilya rumbles and his hand shoves itself down the back of Shane’s pants, a loose half handful of his ass. Shane just pushed his hips back into the grip and nuzzles his nose into Ilya’s neck.

They drift like that, Ilya’s hand tightening on Shane’s hip and Shane’s lips skimming at Ilya’s throat.

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