itβs nearly 10 & iβm just getting around to taking a showerβ¦ and even then i dont know how thats gonna go. i havent ate anything, i have just been scrolling mindlessly on my phone and crying. so many negative thoughts have been swirling through my head, its been difficult even getting out of my bed. Normally my pmdd doesnt affect me while Iβm on my period but it did and itβs brought me to a new low. On top of cramps, I soaked through my white sheets & havent had motivation to do none of the things I love or take care of myself. Its hard. This is an ongoing battle for me that I have to fight and it gets dark and low for me. People think itβs as simple as getting up and moving my body or doing something I love, but itβs just not that easy. Something can be simple, but not easy. When PMDD hits, it hits hard. I lose all control & I feel like all the little lights in my brain are just switched off. You know the movie inside out? I feel like that part in the movie where Riley doesnβt have the happy emotion, sheβs just filled with rage, disgust, etc. My happiness is turned off and the things that once made me happy dont bring me that joy in moments like this. PMDD has never affected my eating or hygiene which concerns me. I sometimes feel like I need to be admitted to a hospital because I am not operating okay and I dont feel okay. I dont know what tomorrow holds but Im drained, its been two days of depression and Im feeling the effects kick in. I sometimes ponder messaging my therapist even though we donβt have another session until next week. I dont know what tomorrow holds for me. I dont know what the rest of the night holds for me. I could try and take a shower but get irritated at something as little as someone getting before & that can cause me to spiral all over. I thought this battle for me was over but itβs not and its harder than before.
